My girlfriend suddenly wants me to stop being so dominant during sex. She wants more soft sex. Saying things like "You're mine" in a harsh tone supposedly turns her off. But she would like to hear it in a gentle tone.
So far so good, but something else is disturbing. She doesn't want me to call it "my pussy" but hers. She doesn't mind if I ask her "whose pussy it is", although I should tell her "I'm fucking your pussy". This makes her feel like a whole woman and desirable. I'm also supposed to ask her "Can I fuck your pussy". Apparently it turns her on more and the other turns her off more.
Apart from that, we've been having sex almost every day for the last few days instead of the usual 2-3 times a week. Sounds like she wants to pull me into her frame or is it simply her sexual preferences?
mattyanon Admin 1w ago
You say "suddenly" this has happened? how long before this changed?
Honestly it sounds like she's transitioning you towards a beta relationship. You've shown commitment and this has devalued your alpha-ness in her eyes, and now shs's closing the beta trap around you.
How long you been seeing each other.... 2-3 years?
ABC29 1w ago
Together for about 3 years. We also have a 1 year old daughter together. After pregnancy we didn't have sex for a long time and it seems that the motherhood changed her preferences too.
First-light 1w ago
This is her being honest about her preferences.
If the beta trap was ever closing on you, it was when she was screaming "its your pussy Daddy!" She was probably saying it to please you, to make you like her more. Now the trap is long shut, she can be honest.
Sex is a show not tell business. Whose pussy is it? She showed you that if she made you wait more than the 3-6 weeks it normally takes to heal up after giving birth. She has shown you that if have ever been refused sex because she "just doesn't feel like it"
Sex in a LTR is going to be something that involves give and take and that changes as you two age together. Motherhood does change women's brains and their attitude to sex. After pregnancy and giving birth she is genuinely never going to be quite the same woman again mentally. Women really do want you to care for them more than anything when they are in the mother of babies and small children phase. She will be less into feeling your strength and power and more into feeling your care. It may change back later as children grow (if you are lucky and she remains "into you").
What matters is that the give and take is fair. You still need enough willing pussy to have your needs respected and to make you feel appreciated and bonded with her. She needs to show you that or she is riding you as a beta, that is true but you need to be understanding (within reasonable limits) during the hormone odyssey of pregnancy, birth and breastfeeding and accept that what she may have either enjoyed or gone along with happily enough before when she was in mate seeking and mate bonding mode, may just seems silly and childish to her when she is in nesting mother mode.
Perhaps examine yourself a little in this. How much is your love of acting dominant actually making up for insecurity? Only you can answer this one. Its show not tell. If you are dominant, and respected you will get pussy when you ask for it, and get to enjoy it how you like (and one would hope you help her enjoy things how she likes in return because that is just kind and caring). Looking at nature I can't see why a dominant male who gets pussy when he wants would need to push a female about in the act. He just gets on with enjoying her.
ABC29 1w ago
Then I probably fell into the beta trap. Unfortunately, I only discovered RP during the relationship and not before.
What exactly do you mean by she rides me like a beta? In terms of relationships or sex?
I wouldn't say I'm unsure. At least not directly. Maybe deep inside me.
First-light 1w ago
"Riding you like a beta" wasn't meant to be about sex. I could probably have done better to say "driving".
I am thinking of the beast of burden analogy where the girl has found a nice big horse that she likes to ride about or hitch up to pull her wagon. The horse might get sugar or an apple when he is good or when she wants to lure him somewhere but she is the one riding/ driving him. He is not the wild horse that mares follow.
I realise its not that simple but I was just saying there needs to be enough give and take sexually that you are not the big handsome horse who gets taken for a ride where she wants when she wants and then put back in the stable. She needs to respect you more than that but so long as you are getting the sex, that is a sign of her being submissive enough, one doesn't need to be actually saying or doing particularly dominant things during sex. To take the horse analogy further, its like if you ride the mare and she goes where you point her and responds when you press your heels, you don't need the crop or the spiked bit and they may actually be getting in the way of a good ride.
mattyanon Admin 1w ago
Just make sure you never marry her.
mattyanon Admin 1w ago
Yeah.
Moving you towards the beta provider.
Good luck.
Durek_The_Bald 1w ago
You already are deep within her frame.
Notice how many times you used the words "she" and "her" here. Not a single sentence spent on what your own sexual preferences are. Even asking yourself: "shit test or preference?" is a symptom of you being inside her frame.
Why do you say she's yours in a "harsh tone"? Why do you say her pussy is yours? Is it because that gets you off, or is it because you're a dancing monkey wanting to come off as "alpha" in her eyes? Are you afraid she'll lose desire for you if you don't? Are you picturing red pill guys shitting all over you? Point is: Are you operating from your own frame, her frame, or perhaps the frame of random dudes online?
Let's say these are preferences, or something she'd like some of the time: Are these requests in opposition to whatever gets you off?
Let's say she's looking for a bit more comfort and security (beta): Do you have a problem with that? Do you perhaps think you should have a problem with that? Or would perhaps a bit more lubby-dubbyness even be desirable to you too? I mean, she's the mother of your child, you're the father of hers. Is it weird if that sometimes demands something a bit different in the whole whore-madonna / alpha-beta dynamics?
Are you sexually frustrated at all?
Try to think about everything in the context of you - not her, and not what red pill guys would say.
ABC29 1w ago
During the sexless time I was a bit frustrated. But now she initiates it almost every day. She also used to give blowjobs and today she says my cock was dry back then and now it's wet (precum) and that bothers her. She never swallowed, but that sounds contradictory now.
What I want? I want to “call it my pussy.” Saying that I fuck her the way I want and that she is a dirty little whore in bed. Maybe I actually copy some things from other men too much. But there are certain things I can clearly say that I do it because I want to and because I like it and it turns me on. Saying I fuck my pussy, it's mine and I'm in charge of it definitely turns me on more than the other way around.
Of course I can be a little gentler and slower during sex. But things like talking dirty or calling them mine, I keep that.
Thanks for the advice to see it in my context and not hers or other Red Pill men's.
adam-l Moderator 1w ago
This is gonna be a rough landing...
Have quality time with your daughter, make sure that, at least, property that was yours before will remain yours forever - because you seem to be one pussy short, post-birth.
ABC29 1w ago
I'm not married with her. We live together and raise our daughter together. I cannot lose money or property. Apart from maybe the money from supporting the daughter.
Musicgoon78 1 1w ago
I would just call these preferences. They sound really fucking annoying, but that is how it is with some women.
My main girl requires torturously slow moves with 72 hours of foreplay. It's not a shit test just what she needs to get off as long as you two are consistently fucking, there isn't a problem, just annoying preferences.
Tell this girl what gets you off and see if you can develop something that works for both of you. If she's unwilling to budge, then you officially have a problem.
ABC29 1w ago
When it comes to sexual things, she comes to me and says that she can do certain things. Not everything, but certain things that I like. That's not the problem.
She is also involved in sex and doesn't just do starfish. She kisses me, caresses me and seduces me.
[deleted] 1w ago
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derdeutscher 1w ago
After certain number of fucks evey plate will try to turn you to beta relationship. I think nobody can maintain alpha-fucks status forever with a girl. IMO this is normal even for the biggest alpha-fuckers out there. I say give women some of the beta comfort. Just do it from your frame, not hers.
Still, asking her can you fuck her pussy is maybe a step too far. And I would not do it. When I say words beta comfort, I mean spend some more time with her, stay overnight sometimes, so she does not feel like some fuck doll. After sex tell her she should make some dinner and eat it with her. For example.
But what I do not mean is: "submit to her". And if you have to ask her can I fuck your pussy, you will be submitting to her big time. Everybody is different, and for me either she is in my frame or we have no business seeing each other. I literally even do not want to spend time with any women who is not in my frame.
Of course, it is different when you are in LTR and you have daughter with her.
So I guess nuclear option is out of the way..have you considered withholding sex from her? When she starts questioning about it, tell her you will have sex when she gets her shit together. She should figure it out.
ABC29 1w ago
Asking or begging her to fuck her pussy is a nogo.
The thing about giving comfort and eating together is a very good idea!
The question arises as to whether she knows what her shit is or not. I've never heard of a woman abstaining from sex having any results. But I could try. If she calls her pussy my pussy again and also gives blowjobs, the sex would be pleasant for me. Of course I want hot and hard sex, but step by step.
derdeutscher 1w ago
Good progression of a relationship is when you start off as alpha fucks, and she tries to lock you down and turn you to beta because she is emotionally attached to you. Thats when you should offer some beta comfort to a girl, from your frame. Because as I said on a timeline long enough, nobody maintains alpha fucks status forever.
But I do not think it is applicable for you, you can not be giving beta comfort to some girl who maybe already considers you beta.
If you want to own her in bed, which you obviously do want, eating dinner together will not bring you there. As I said maybe stop fucking her and when she asks whats wrong say "I am ready to have real sex when you are ready as well" or something and see how she reacts.
Of course I handle only plates and girlfriends, and usually I truly dont care if they walk away, but if you have a LTR and daughter your stakes are much higher so maybe it will also be late to turn this one around..
Kreaton01 1w ago
She's manipulating you big time. Shit tests are good-natured, this isn't
NeoSpartan 1w ago
Gay.
Why are you listening to a female?
They have no idea what they want
She probably saw a feminist propaganda tiktok or small hat freudian hollywood film and got her brain scrambled temporarily. Most women(and an increasing number of men) are retarded children with goldfish brains.
Change nothing. She is with you because she likes how you were when she got with you. She will forget whatever made her temporarily like this in less than a week.
Lose frame, lose respect, lose pussy wetness, lose attraction, lose the girl.
Never simp. We can be kind and understanding but we must never simp. If their man is not their leader a female will start looking for a new and stronger man. If your girl starts leading you.... bad times ahead friend.
"Every day sex"
If you are asking her for sex you already lost, women always lie about how much they like sex. They probably like it more than we do, ask yourself, who makes more sounds during?
it's a tactic they have always used. Old as time, but fake.
Especially in 2024 every man should be aware that that females are thirsty sluts. It's not 1950 anymore. Prime female political concern is abortion and fucking freely, what do you think the last election was about?
Play the uno reverse card. Dread game and all that, talk about the "weird convo" you had with the girl at the place you went to yesterday and how strange it was that she asked you what you were doing later after you mentioned your hobby or w/e.
Women project power through psychological manipulation. That is the essence of the red pill. Always do the uno reverse card. Never fails.
ABC29 1w ago
She even said that if I miss sex, I should tell her. We are a team and she should know.
The suggestion of Uno Reverse card is good. I will implement it.
lambOfGod 1w ago
I'm so happy that I am not married or don't have an LTR.
Can you imagine spending 3 years with someone just for a dumb bitch to see some tiktok reel shit or hear one of her friends manipulate her and try to transform you into a cuckold?
You had enough time in 3 years to build your frame and drag her into your frame. The fact that she tries to make you her cuck tells me that you found out about red pill a few months ago or you cherry-picked throughout the years things that you liked hearing.
Being married/in an LTR today is mostly for losers, as women settle down into these relationships. So you should be really, really experienced with women before diving into an LTR, if that is what you want, not what she wants.
God damn, there are fates worse than homelessness and that is being tied down with a masculine woman.
mattyanon Admin 1w ago
It's worse: they have a kid together.
ABC29 1w ago
I'm not married to her.
Unfortunately, I only recently discovered the red pill. If I had known something from the beginning, everything would have turned out differently.
You're not entirely wrong that I picked out the things I liked from time to time.
You mean she is a masculine woman? How do you know that?
Reno0vacio 1d ago
What the fuck are all these stupid comments? "trying to make you beta" and all that? That's why Redpill has a bad reputation because normal people see such stupid stuff..
If she say that you should do x to get her horny then do it. What the f.ck is there to overthink? If in the end he breaks up and the reason was that you did what she said then she was a stupid cunt and that's that..
Comments like "women don't know what they want".. you are no better than Bluepilles people who just repeat what they have heard before..
In a relationship or not? What people say when two people are in a relationship? "Communication" is the key... if the woman says (especially in sex) do this or that because it turns her on more then do that..
How on earth would you (other commenters) know what the woman wants? Yeah, you know the nature of women... that doesn't mean you know what turns that particular woman on or what her favorite color is..