Some of you might remember my previous post. This entire year I've been hit with a wave of severe depression. I've been doing my best to get out of it.
I've been keeping myself busy, working on my future, exercising more. I read a book on finding meaning in life. I'm not entirely sure what keeps me so unsatisfied.
I'm not sure what to do next. This isn't my first depression but I'm in such a better place than when I had my first wave, which was much worse. I'm just worried because it's been over five months and what helped before now doesn't.
Edit: https://www.forums.red/p/asktrp/322354/what_keeps_you_going
Vermillion-Rx Admin 3w ago
Incredibly vague. Link post, give us more details. None of us could give you any targeted advice off of this post
Kreaton01 3w ago
My notifications won't load past the last three and on my profile when I click Forums.red posts it just takes me to the regular forum page. I'll add more details. Maybe as admin you can see it?
Vermillion-Rx Admin 3w ago
That feature is broken, i just searched your name in search bar
Edit your post with link
https://www.forums.red/p/asktrp/320001/feeling_lost_in_life
Kreaton01 3w ago
The one from one year ago, I forgot I even posted that. It must be close to 2 years ago and God I was such a mess. I don't think I'd have the courage to retype any of that today so thank you for reminding me
Vermillion-Rx Admin 3w ago
Do you have other present day shit dragging you down? Toxic family/friends, unemployment, trauma, substance abuse, no friends, low self esteem, not meeting your goals, procrastination?
Kreaton01 3w ago
I can't find a job, I've tried. Even with a year experience and portfolio projects the market's just too shitty right now appearently. So I'll probably be getting my bachelor's degree instead. I had an associate's.
What usually eats at me is loneliness though. I'm just not good at finding or keeping friends.
It's very hard to explain but with OCD fears get very deep rooted and for me that's any sort of socialization. I got bullied in school for a year and since then I've felt like a sociopath. After literally over a decade of therapy and self-therapy I can reasonably socialize, if I find myself in a social environment. I'm still working on being the instigator.
As I said it's hard to explain because sometimes the best option with traditional anxiety would be to push through it. But my OCD is severe to the point where that can simply not be an option. I used to force myself, literally amp myself up for hours and approach strangers. Does it work? Yes. I only got politely declined a few times or whatever but I made some friends.
But it's not sustainable whatsoever. I would get so sick from the stress that it could take weeks for me to recover from massive brain fog and upset stomach. It would take the edge off my anxiety maybe for a week only to return with full force.
After listening to many podcasts and reading books, mostly on OCD but many other self improvement topics, I understood it enough to get to where I am now. My symptoms are reduced a ton and my depression used to be low and not major until this new spell.
I've never cared for anything like I want to cure this horrid anxiety that haunts me. So, even though as a result I have symptoms like procrastination and not meeting my goals, all I truly want is to meet, pretty much dream at this point, of curing my OCD and being able to form healthy relationships with ease.
I've become very hardened, to the point where nothing can really break my frame. From years of being targeted due to my anxiety, in school, at home and sometimes even on the street. I can essentially manipulate people at this point. I'm not proud of it, but to help my anxiety I had to feel in control so I had to learn how to. I only use it to appear tough and avoid abuse at home anyways.
So yeah, despite the massively stacked odds against me I feel incapable of giving up and hanging up the towel. I feel so desperately sad these days that, I know why but I can't fix why essentially.
I sometimes get sick of just focusing on OCD and improve everything else but I am a bit worried it will end up biting me. Usually I manage to always fix it somehow. I'm essentially surviving as well as I can. If I focus on other aspects of life too long my attention goes back to the fact of how lonely I am. I know there's plenty of reasons for me to be depressed, but I literally do everything I can not to be all the time.
I go out almost every day, even though I have no company. I watch shows, listen to music, write. So I'm not just sitting and frantically looking for solutions or anything. And as I've said I've improved a lot over the years as a result of my efforts.
I just wanted the depression to be over, I feel so ungrateful feeling like this despite all I've done. I know I deserve to be happy but I can't be. It's not fun to wait and hope it goes away on its own.
I'm just so tired of it not giving me a break.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 3w ago
I just read all of this. You just described why you are depressed and what to work on.
Maturin_nj 3w ago
The economy is bad right now. Job market is terrible. My nephew is being put through the ringer. Asked to give multiple presentations and other bs that was never asked ofme. So it's not you. You can only control you. Everything else is out of your control.
Don't think about loneliness. Its really a younger man's thing. Us older guysdont get lonely. We like it because we're being left alone from the rigors of the bs and annoyances. Id rather be alone for 100 years than have a client show up at my door. Your the lucky one because your young. Must of us don't get what we want. Its a fight every day. Thats the real world. Accept it. When I was young and alone, I'd go play golf.
If you have to, switch careers. Even a trade because that's where the guaranteed jobs are that pay well. Do what's necessary. Leave the past behind.. Your experience isn't unique. We all struggled and think everyone else has it better. You could have been born in some shit hole like India.
oowiw 3w ago
You didn’t mention anything about medication in there - if you’re medication averse I get it, but you wouldn’t avoid medication to treat other physical ailments so maybe it’s worth considering that your symptoms rise to a degree that medication would make sense?
Medication doesn’t imply dependence, because you list lots of situational factors that, once improved, could leave you feeling good enough without it. But for getting through the roughest patch and helping you to change those situational factors it might make sense.
Depression and anxiety (along with all feelings) are literally chemical states of your brain, sometimes you’ve got to fight chemicals with chemistry…
mattyanon Admin 3w ago
what helped before?
Kreaton01 3w ago
Last time I read a few books on depression, applied every I could. Doing what makes you happy anyways, putting things into perspective, not setting unreasonable goals. Working on myself.
I'm doing a hell lot more of all that than I did last time it was this bad
mattyanon Admin 3w ago
This is good, but it looks like you're not tackling the underlying problem?
Are you exercising? Resistance training? Not that these are a cure, but they help.
Are you meditating? Without getting too woo-woo, this can really help to relax you and get you into the habit of being relaxed and centred, which can help.
Is anything actually wrong that you're dealing with?
financehardo420 3w ago
I don’t really talk about it but Im pretty sure ive been through a phase of severe depression for about 2 years straight. I lost motivation and pretty much all ability to focus on my work… went from being absolutely ace in my classes to 2 years of straight dropping classes and making no progress on my degree.
What helped me; in no particular order:
Lifting heavy in the gym. Unfortunately for my case, I had a surgery on my shoulder last year; and spent the entire year prior to surgery dislocating about 20 times. So for the past two years, outside of legs, I haven’t been able to go like 60% effort let alone 100% in the gym or even swimming (my favorite sport and form of cardio).
Sunshine. Spend 1-2 hours a day in the sun this summer. Get tanned.
Friends and social interaction. Without this who knows what could have happened or how much worse off I’d be.
A lot of alcohol and sex. Although I believe I used this as more of a crutch/distraction.
This last note of advice is completely anecdotal and in no means medical advice. I am doing it pretty irresponsibly but I’m accepting the risks associated with it.
Depression, lack of motivation, etc is a symptom of low testosterone. Not working out heavy to failure lowers your testosterone. Increase your testosterone would in theory increase your mood, drive, etc. I tried to do so w healthier diet, natural supplements etc but didn’t do much benefit for me. Instead I’ve been on testosterone for a little over a month now and maybe it’s placebo but I am feeling better mentally today now than I have in a very long time. I would recommend getting your levels checked and getting on a plan with a doctor for treatment if low t turns out to be the case.
Lone_Ranger 1 3w ago
Exercise. This should be a mix - do some running (30 min sessions). I think running is actually the best RoI in terms of time.
Lifting - Lifting is not complex - you can do a great workout in only 45 minutes if you go with compound exercises (squat, deadlift, pull ups, bench press, barbell row, overhead press - pick three per 45 minute session and really go for it. You should be sweating and panting by the end of it, otherwise you were just dicking around).
Socialising - force yourself to do it. be friendly with everyone, and you will have plenty of people being friendly with you.
Organisation and planning - get some sort of diary system and make sure you plan social interactions. Isolation is the big issue of our day, and its making people depressed.
Green bathing - being outdoors - short session of sun bathing. Walk in the forest, or next to the sea, or in the mountain.
So find out the list of things that you can classify as executive dysfuntion, and then cut those things out of your life entirely Smoking is another good example, or drinking booze. If it's not helping, its hurting. Be savage with your list.
The truth is both terrifying and simple:
You are going to have to do more of the things that make you happy, and less of the things that make you depressed
That is it. We have become very passive consumers of solutions - we want pharma and doctors and therapists to work it all out and hand it to us on a plate. We want to pop a pill for every ill.
Once you take all of those items I listed above, and put it into a personal plan, you will be pleasantly surprised at how much you are able to help yourself. It's a shock to see that positive actions that you undertake, by your own design, are the solution.
its very empowering to realise that YOU were able to create the conditions that made you miserable, but that YOU were also able to create the solution.
I wish you well brother. Now go and write out your own personal action plan, and stick with it for 90 days and then come back and tell us all about it.
Musicgoon78 3w ago
Everyone talk about depression from one angle: solving it. For me at least there's always a small bit of bummer sprinkled in with day. This has s just life and I've leaned that this type of thing is natural. Know that noone is happy 100% of the time. That would actually be boring...
So my question to you is what have you done lately that is really fun and makes you smile? Something that feeds your soul? What are your hobbies?
I'm curious to hear your answers.
Kreaton01 3w ago
I like reading, and writing. I love watching shows too. Ones that are creative and clever.
Musicgoon78 3w ago
What have you done lately for your own enjoyment? What have you done to make yourself happy?
whytehorse2021 3w ago
So you can't find a job while the rich are gaslighting everyone that there's record low unemployment and a labor shortage? Welcome to the club. For most of my life I thought it was something wrong with me and it made me depressed. One day I left the country for 4 years and had no trouble finding work and was never unemployed. The longest I spent looking for a new job was 3 days. All my employers loved me and were sad to see me go. I had plenty of friends and women throwing themselves at me.
I even did what you're considering: went back to school, finished my degree, worked a student job, took out loans. Who would've known that a Physics degree is totally worthless? At least it allowed me to get a work visa in other countries. I could've joined the Peace Corps as well. It also grants you officer status in the military.
Anyway, think long and hard about your options. I've been searching jobs for over a year now and the ones I could easily do and pay well, I'm too old for or it doesn't work for someone with a family. Border patrol is desperately hiring. IRS too. Fishing boats in Alaska are paying $10k/mo. Oil industry needs people to go to the middle of nowhere and read pressure gauges. Germany offers free college. Stuff like that.
Whatsnext 3w ago
What are your hobbies? Ive noticed a correlation between high anxiety and exercise for myself. When you have dogs and they have too much energy they start acting out and misbehaving (anxiety.) When you burn that off with exercise usually they can focus better and you can train them. You might have so many racing thoughts (anxiety) that it burns you out and causes you to be depressed. Having a hobby that requires physical exertion might be really good for you (skateboarding, surfing, rock climbing, long distance backpacking, martial arts (boxing, bjj.) Also this sounds dumb but sometimes what helps me is realizing I always have God. Maybe finding your spiritual sound might give you peace as well because you realize none of the secular stuff matters that much so you can chill
Whatsnext 3w ago
Try to find things that force to you be in the moment. You are stuck in your head. When you are surfing you have to focus where your feet are, when the wave is coming, when to popup, etc. No time to have anxiety
First-light 3w ago
Depression is a bummer. Its always so personal that its quite hard to offer more than general advice on the solution. What i have noticed though is that it is very rare to see someone depressed for long if he has all the elements of healthy living right -it just makes it easier to get your head above water again.
Check that you are at least doing the following; Eating whole foods -minimal processed stuff, quality meat, plenty of fresh green vegetables, seeds, berries, that sort of thing Getting plenty of exercise -minimum 3 days a week of exercise both aerobic and anaerobic 80:20 easy to hard Setting aside enough time to get 8 hours sleep, stopping screen time well before bed -doesn't matter if you can't sleep you can at least rest Minimising or avoiding alcohol. tobacco and drugs Learning something new so you brain is forced to create new connections Doing something positive with other people (what you do matters little -if you can't find a club or hobby just volunteer for something positive in the local community)
It can feel like forcing yourself to do things that are really not what you want to do when you are depressed and OCD can make it hard to break into and out of habits but if you can sort out these things, something good tends to come along and pick you up sooner or later.