This is a blend of vent/rant-field study and red pill case.
I'm 26 y.o. and i met this 24 y. o. hottie in september. I was decisive and proactive in the beginning, I was stunned by her beauty but I was quick to build some rapport and ask her out leveraging her strong attraction for me.
In the first date I was totally amazed; I knew not to be needy or pursue, I knew I had to treat her like any other girl. But every moment I spent knowing her I realized she was closer and closer to perfection. Prettiest face, wide cat eyes, sweet pink lips, stylized nose, sharp jaw, shiny hair. Her body absolutely amazing, boobs and ass round and perfect shape and size, her skin silky and tan. I can't imagine a hotter girl than her, every other girl seems mediocre and ordinary in comparison. She kissed me in the first date, and then we dated for three months. Had good fun, sex was good, we always met at the evenings and spent the night together, 1-2 times a week. In subtle ways it was clear that I liked her more than she liked me. I was falling deep for her and she could surely detect that. Nevertheless she seemed to have a good time with me and had some initiative to set dates. I was trying to not show too much interest, wearing myself out with ruthless emotional self-control. I tried to date other girls but it was like eating rice leftovers knowing that you have caviar in the fridge: they completely turned me off as they were nothing compared to her.
As I discovered more of her, I felt more and more insufficient, insecure, worthless. She sings in two music bands, not famous but they perform around town and she is a good singer. She's had a threesome one year ago. Two of her male friends are in love with her, and she receives crazy amounts of male attention. Her social life is vibrant, intense and she has strong, old frienships. It's like her life is also perfect. Me, on the other hand, I've always struggled meeting new friends, been battling with depression for years, and my life is all projects, I haven't achieved anything yet. I've had couple girlfriends and I have a reasonable bodycount but none was nearly as hot or interesting as her. So at all times I felt like i wasn't enough for her, like I was mediocre and couldn't keep up, like my life was grey and boring compared to hers.
After 3 months of dating she was still giving no signs of wanting a relationship or anything close with me (although she said she really liked me and i was special to her), we only met once a week and she didn't show signs of being in love, she kept some emotional distance, and I was scared shitless that I was just some fun amusement to her (I know, I was getting laid and the emotional bond was progressing as it is inevitable, but in my fear I couldn't see this! What was the problem really? I wanted to see her more and get reassurance of her feelings towards me, and I know this is a mindset flaw). I was very impatient really. So I planned to become cold and play some intermittent reinforcement games on her to increase my value in her eyes and force her to want to spend more time with me and fall in love, trying to stimulate hypergamy through dread. I got some success, she became more needy and put more effort, but she confronted me about my hot and cold behaviour and my distant demeanor. At this point all my brain reward pathways were fried, my nervous system was dealing with tremendous anxiety which was there since our first date, and the rest of my life was stagnant due to different circumstances. So I was clumsy, sort of lost in the "fog of love", fumbled the ball, I blundered, failed to make her feel heard and understood, acted like a stupid immature douchebag and she was done. I promptly apologised, pursued a bit keeping my cool, and confessed that i acted this way out of fear, tried to get a second chance. It didn't work, as you can expect I only dug myself deeper. Now she wants nothing to do with me.
I'm dissociated. I feel like I'll never find any girl at her level, I don't quite understand how lucky I was to meet her at my master's degree class, she's like a celebrity-stripper-main character blend, great chef, singer, honest.... Just the whole package. So yeah, I feel so guilty about the whole thing that I want to kill myself for losing her. It's been 3 months since she broke up and I don't know what to do. Been thinking about going MGTOW, going Monkmode and working on my social life, my finances, my appearance and my status to become the kind of preselected high value alpha that will have access to girls as hot as her. It's either achieving this or acknowledging that I will forever be dissatisfied with women, always trying to find her again.
So, the thing is: if she actually was the whole package, if she actually was one of the hottest girls in the world, if she had all the qualities you might want in a woman but are very rarely found in the same woman, is it oneitis? or did I actually met a very rare specimen that has marked me and set the bar so high that I can never actually replace her? I feel alpha-widowed. Also, any similar stories on your side? Any advice on how to get out of this hole? I have a 10 year plan to become the man I want to be with the life I want to live, and be able to choose from an abundance of high quality woman, to kind of redeem this loss and this mistake, but it sometimes feels like a lost cause, I get self destructive and life feels completely empty and absurd.
Thank you for reading.
mattyanon Admin 3w ago
She isn't.
She's a girl you are very attracted to, that's all.
AWALT. Seriously man....... eventually you'll see that she's not that different. Don't fall for the hype.
There are no unicorns.
Awesome.
Stick to this plan. That is all there is to it.
First-light 3w ago
This is just a case of falling in love. Don't worry, it will pass and you will see her for what she is in a year or so, maybe less. She is a girl you fell in love with. That is all.
If she was not talking about forever with you after 3 months, its very very likely she was never thinking about it at all and would not have. they usually hit you up with marriage within a few weeks if they are serious.
I am not belittling your feelings. These feelings are very powerful and can be life changing but they are just a biological response and need to be seen as that. In a better world you would have been able to ask her father for her, get refused or not and get on with life. As it is, she will probably seek herself till the wall looms and settle for a lower value guy but that's the world today. YOu have many oher chances and may yet do better.
Maturin_nj 3w ago
Very attractive girls can be beguiling where we fall under their spell. This is usually a younger guys mis step. Also naive BP older men. the Bible speaks of this and its covered well in a book the predatory female Rev Shannon. I recommend it.
But there's something else I'm seeing here. I don't think you grasp the red pill. What I mean is you don't seem to fully believe it. Youre coming across as blue pill in some underlying beliefs. You mention she's successful. Does that matter. She a big feminist. Your views about relationships. Her flexing a 3some. And you seem to think that's a positive. Do you buy into this strong independent woman shit. And their never ending claim of misogyny and patriarcy. Most of it is made up man. It's a big fucking lie. Women are the prize. Notions of romantic love.
You better crush the remainimg blue pill beliefs in order to move forward. I think youre still in fairy tale land to some degree.
This girl will continue like this till she hits the wall at 30 when reality hits her. Her first big epiphany when partying won't be so much fun anymore. All of a sudden she'll be looking for something serious. Don't be some BP chump always there to support her.
coolsocks00 1 3w ago
Duh oneitis. Back to the sidebar
hotsht 3w ago
I've scrolled through the sidebar and didn't help a lot. Do you recommend any section in particular? Also, if you saw a picture of this girl you might think differently. She's like one of those UFC models but just living a normal life in a european town. Maybe I'm just playing the "I'm special, I found the exception" card but it feels too real, I don't know how to challenge these feelings/thoughts
Typo-MAGAshiv 1 3w ago
From HumanSockPuppet’s Guide to Managing Your Bitches (which is on the sidebar):
Years and years of men sharing their stories at both TRP and MRP have borne this out.
You are going about this all wrong, and should just enjoy her while it lasts. After all, she isn't yours; it's just your turn.
Also, from your post:
Does not compute.
A unicorn is a debt-free virgin with no tattoos who behaves well and treats you well.
This is no unicorn...
hotsht 3w ago
Thanks for the clarity. I need to reprogram my personality and my emotions. And I just don't have access to this high caliber kind of women so there was no competition for her to fill that position, I guess I need to fix scarcity and all that. Long way to go.
coolsocks00 1 3w ago
Yea yea, those feelings dont equate to her being special. She’s just hotter than what you’re used to. It’s a sign of your improvement.
Lone_Ranger 1 3w ago
Sorry to hear this buddy. Nobody gets through life without heartache - nobody. You are young, so you will feel heartache very acutely - it will feel like actual physical pain. Nothing you can do about that except keep going and get through to the other side.
That being said...........
I did detect a different and more serious problem in your story.
You want to shape your life for the approval of women. You plan to become a performing monkey to satisfy womens' capricious demands. This will never end well. You can never satisfy women, and they destroy your self respect in the process.
You have much to learn from Red Pill and the manosphere in general. Only when you stop behaving as a servant to woman kind will you have any chance of happiness.
The most common mistake I see in young men on TRP is them explaining all the different ways that they plan to remake themselves into a 'high value man' - and their idea of a high value man is the sort of man that a slut would approve of. That means becoming a gym buddy, taking steroids, dressing like a faggot, posting on insta, getting a fancy car, etc etc etc.
A life well lived is not performing for sluts with a mental age of 12.
Go and read more about the manosphere. concentrate on the following;
As soon as you man a woman (or women) the centre of your goal, then you have sealed your fate.
Typo-MAGAshiv 1 3w ago
Shorter version of this, @hotsht:
You are not your own mental point of origin. Fix that.
hotsht 3w ago
Thanks man, this definitely shed some light, and now I'm turning all the confusion, pain from the loss and fear of the future on educating myself and fully embracing the redpill. Nevertheless, this whole "concentrate on your career and network" idea feels like a deadend to me, and a way of avoidance: does this mean renouncing to high quality hot women until they arrive by themselves? How will I get them if I'm not actively working on my dating life? Or maybe it's just about sublimation - accepting a years-long dryspell until things in the dating department start working out by themselves, and using all the spare sexual energy to drive you in your personal projects (sublimation)?
Lone_Ranger 1 2w ago
You still haven't understood - focus on yourself, your career, your continuing education, social networks and contacts (not digital, IRL).
The higher up the food chain you go, the more hot chicks you will meet (if that is your thing). Forget all about 'dating' . Don't ever make women your goal, it will end in disaster.
Women flock to interesting or successful men, and I don't just mean rich men. Sure, they want rich men, but most of all they want interesting men. Albert Einstein is an example - he was not rich or good looking, but he fucked more hot women than you and I have had hot dinners.
He didn't waste any time on chasing hot women. You need to understand that paradox of women - devoting your life to the pursuit of how women will result in misery and not many hot women.
Anyway - why do you want hot women? I've know plenty of women, and hot women are easily the worst kind of women available. Easily. The worst in bed, the worst companions, and just the most childish and annoying people on earth.
financehardo420 3w ago
based on the following I’m diagnosing oneitis:
To answer your ending questions:
Simply being hot brings nothing to the table in terms of an LTR, marriage, or having a family. Once you fuck a couple hot chicks you’ll realize they aren’t that special; they all shit n fart like the rest of us. In fact you should be very wary of thinking a bitch is special just because of her looks.
No you didn’t meet a rare specimen you Shakespearean fag. prob just the first hot chick that ever touched your lil peepee more than once. You absolutely can easily replace her once you get over it.
Yeah; I’ve experienced a somewhat similar situation. It sucks but it’s life get over it and move on as fast as you can.
hotsht 3w ago
Much appreciated.
whytehorse2021 3w ago
A unicorn is a ride-or-die chick. If she was ride-or-die she'd still be with you, despite losing frame due to oneitis. Best just to move on and work on your frame.
Maturin_nj 3w ago
That was a painful read. So far The worst case oneitis I've seen here. Basically she's so terrific and your a shlub who is in heaven being around her lol. Read and act on the above advice.
A few insights. I've been right where you are 30 years ago.1. In 20 years, the roles will be reversed. She ain't shit. It's in your head. Her time is rightnow. Yours will improve as your status, money, social skills, mature into your prime that's ahead of you. 2. She views you as young and probably somewhat immature. She finds you attractive so all the needy kiss ass shit really lowers that. 3. Shes met a dozen guys since meeting you and has dated some of them that you are completely unaware of. This is how these chick's operate. Your just 1 of many. Be different and don't pander to her. 4. Your best bet is to go ice cold onher. Re-adjust your head into being much more confident to the point of commanding her respect. 5.Disappear for a while. Trust me nothing is going to happen. No guy is going to swoop in and marry her. She'll just fuck a few guys and may start wondering what happened to you. Why you stopped kissing her ass like every other clown. She may even compare you favorably ag the other guys when you're out of sight. 6. Her bragging about a three-some is a huge negative. She's probably into group sex and bdsm. Treat her more like a whole than putting her up on a pedestal like a nice guy would.
30 years ago, the same type of girl about 6 years later wanted me to marry her. I made it seem like I was interested without saying much. The next day I ghosted her ass. Now I was on top. The prettier they are the less nice you can play.
Jesus. You admitted acting a certain way out of fear. WTF. Who taught you this shit, your clergyman? This chick doesn't respect you bec you don't command respect. Ohh she's does all these great things. She's a great singer. She loves getting plowed in threesomes. And I'm just a nice guy who offers her my love. Is it any wonder she dumped your ass?
Two male friends are in love with her. So. Those are beta orbitors. Those guys hate you. She has zero respect for these friends. Even less than she had for you rightnow. Please don't end up like them. Have some pride. Go out with new girls.
hotsht 3w ago
Feedback taken.
adam-l Moderator 3w ago
We use "unicorn" for a hot girl who's effortlessly monogamous to you. That doesn't seem to be the case.
You have to go through the grieving period, but be assured that you will arrive at a better place. You still lack experience. Maybe it's a pity you had to flop on such a great girl (as you describe her), but 20 years later you'll be looking back at the whole thing with a pleasant nostalgia, not with dread.
Persevere, and you'll find your footing eventually.
No-Stress-Cat 3w ago
TLDR. There's no such thing as a unicorn. If you ever find a woman that's really cool and you think she might be a unicorn, it's either a dude or a tranny.
spartanblood1 3w ago
This whole story about her is just oneitis.
I personally don't believe in unicorns, they are all capable of burning you do the ground.
A Unicorn would only be your own mother
hotsht 3w ago
Thanks for your reply. I'm starting to think I used the term "unicorn" incorrectly. By this word I meant a super hot, beautiful chick, submissive, docile, feminine and successful. At the same time I want to punch myself because this girl was openly bisexual, feminist, had red-dyed bop hair, she makes out with her friends when partying (they're totally beta pathetic but she even had a sexual thing with one of them), she has emotional issues... The fact that I'm still so attached to her and feel such strong devotion is even funny. But the feelings are there and they feel true.
In other words: yeah, I can see now. This is totally oneitis. I just need to date other hot chicks and I'll be fine.
spartanblood1 3w ago
this girl was openly bisexual, feminist, had red-dyed bop hair, she makes out with her friends when partying (they're totally beta pathetic but she even had a sexual thing with one of them), she has emotional issues...
Bro. Run Now. Dont EVER look back
ogrilla99 3w ago
Oneitis, but let me give you a few pieces of advice on dating hot chicks.
The first, and biggest, is that hot chicks have absolutely insane levels of male attention on them at all times. All those stories about hot women complaining that no one asks them out is bullshit. Maybe the guy they want doesn't ask them out, but plenty of other guys do.
Why is this important to realize? Because you absolutely cannot be a jealous-type of person when dating a hot chick. Your girl will be hit on all the time. (So much so, that in my case, I actually found it annoying to take them to bars or clubs or other public places because the number of guys spitting game is relentless). A lot of those guys will be losers but some of them will be hot, well-put-together dudes, and --even if she doesn't date them-- it will destroy your self confidence thinking about what-if's.
In my case, I feel that I naturally have an anti-jealous personality: if some guy is hitting on my girl, I think to myself "if she really wants to leave this bar with that douchebag, I won't stop her. Heck, I'll wish her a good night, and by the next morning, I'll forget her name. If she really thinks that guy is better for her than I am, then who am I to stop her? Furthermore, knowing that she thinks that guy is better for her doesn't make me jealous, it makes me lose all attraction to her, that she could make such a poor decision.
You have to have this attitude if you want to date hot chicks, otherwise the enormous amount of male attention they get -- even if they themselves don't respond to it -- will destroy your self-confidence, like it's doing here. Ironically, having this attitude usually raises your value in her eyes. She sees that you're not intimidated by other men, refuse to play jealousy games, making it clear that she's welcome to walk away any time she feels this relationship doesn't work for her. And that is very attractive, rather than showing her that she'll have to deal with assuaging your male insecurities for the rest of her life.
Second. You're assuming you'll never get another girl as hot as this. Maybe that's true. But if you're only 26, and you do indeed build a good life (use @Lone_Ranger 's advice and don't do it for women; do it for yourself and the women will follow) then you will have plenty of girls as hot or hotter than this. So don't sell yourself so short already. Sure, you'll feel bad about it for a while, that's natural. But there's only one path forward here, seeing as how she's already broken up from you. Which is to move on.
hotsht 3w ago
Spot on. I'm already getting down to work.