I am terrified when I'm about to do (or doing) something that might result in real sex. Examples from different years
-
I'm about to ask a girl out on a date.. or about to talk to a girl with intention to fuck her later... so I talk to her but I ask directions and leave. or I avoid talking to her
-
Accepting invite to a girl's house. I make up an excuse not to go.
-
Inviting a girl to my house. We're 50m from my house and I feel she'd be down to check out my "pencil collection", so I don't invite her. I touch her a lot less than she touches me and we say goodbye. I feel her arms and torso and I respond with one hand hug.
- Escalating with a girl who appears ready to fuck when we are alone in a room after talking to her for hours while she's half naked. I make up excuses in my mind to not escalate, because I feel she might be down.
I had the exact same problem a decade ago. I had the same problem when I was fitter.
So problem is not my lack of fitness, 6 pack, social skills etc or other things. Say I'm lucky and one girl does everything for me and we fuck or LTR. After this ends, I am back to square one. I gotta fix this fear.
I fucked escorts. Since I didn't need to escalate, I was nervous but fine, but this was like fake sex. They just made me want to find a gf, someone who wants me and I want.
I can talk to any girl comfortably if I feel there's not going to be sex at the end. In a formal setting, I have no issues.
I don't remember seeing any positive relationship related interaction between my parents. Dad is one of the dumbest people on earth about people (I was worse, then I studied psychology and TRP like material). My mom is a crazy cunt. She'd be an ultra whore if she wasn't religious.
I am approaching a breaking point.
whytehorse2021 1w ago
The condition you might be experiencing is called coitophobia or genophobia. These terms describe an intense fear or anxiety surrounding sexual intercourse.
Here's why your experiences align with these phobias:
There could also be underlying factors contributing to your fear, such as:
Here are some resources that can help you overcome this:
Important Note:
The information about your parents is concerning. While their relationship might be a contributing factor, it's important to avoid using derogatory language. A therapist can help you process these experiences in a healthy way.
Here are some additional points to consider:
Remember, you're not alone. Many people experience sexual anxieties and phobias. There is help available, and with the right support, you can overcome this fear and have healthy, fulfilling relationships.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1w ago
You need therapy in general dude
mattyanon Admin 1w ago
so..... you want sex, but you're scared?
or you don't want it?
imstartingtolikehoes 1w ago
I think I want sex. I am always aware of every attractive ass in like 200m radius lol.
But I never had real sex. So if sex is something I don't want, I don't know that because I never had real sex.
I guess at this point I want intimacy more than sex
mattyanon Admin 1w ago
You want sex and intimacy.
You're scared because you've not really properly done it.
The only way is to try...... push yourself a bit (but not too much).
oowiw 1w ago
What kinds of thoughts come with the fear?
imstartingtolikehoes 1w ago
Thoughts don't pop up in my mind. It just works really fast. I have to slow down what's going on in my brain to try to turn what's happening into identifiable "thoughts". So I don't know.
I guess I am afraid of complexity, lack of control, extreme happiness, failing to be enough to satisfy or keep a woman, unknown, if things feel easy then I'll realize I wasted my life for no reason, decisions, betrayal, rejection. I don't know, I am just guessing.
Musicgoon78 1w ago
You might be gay or you might just fear success. The thing about success is you have to face the knowledge that before that you were an idiot or you were doing things wrong.
My take is this: you work hard to build a sense of identity. Part of that is the guys that doesn't have sex with women. If you start doing that, you aren't the person you thought you were. Now that requires introspection and action to change. Or you can stay a lazy asshole. At the end of the day, either choice doesn't really bother anyone else.
imstartingtolikehoes 1w ago
When I had social/public achievements, e.g I'm invited to a stage, I was extremely terrified, every single time.
I don't get the second part. I am pretty successful already.
No-Stress-Cat 1w ago
Hire a call girl. Sex is like jumping out of an airplane. The whole time going up, you're thinking, SPLAT, and then after you land safely on the ground, you wonder why you were getting all worked up over something you actually enjoyed.
Then you can take a look at yourself realistically and see if you still have issues, or if you were just blaming your lack of confidence on your virginity.
imstartingtolikehoes 1w ago
You mean again? Like regularly?
No-Stress-Cat 1w ago
A few times should do the trick. Hire different girls, so it'll be slightly different each time. Maybe do the blonde, brunette, red-head smorgasbord. Will be fun and will be worth it. That should be enough to jack up your confidence.