Gents - I’m really new to this community. I’m very much in the early stages of learning about TRP. I’ve been dealing with an issue in my LTR that is burning a hole in my brain and I don’t know where to go.
This story begins about 4.5 years ago when I first met my now girlfriend. We were 22 at the time and still in college. She was a girl I met at a bar and took home. We hooked up a few times after that always on a late night booty call. I was 2 months away from graduating and moving to another state so I really didn’t think much of this “relationship”. I actually kind of thought she was a little crazy. But man was she crazy in bed so I didn’t mind. She was a party girl. I definitely got the sense she was a little bit of a slut. I even knew that she had been seeing one of my good friends for a few months prior to me. But again, she was just a plate at the time, so it didn’t matter.
Fast forward 3 years later, after no communication with her up until this point, we reconnected. She was back in my area after finishing up her degrees and beginning her career. We got drinks, spent the weekend together, it was great. This went on for a while. She was different, much more mature. I truly enjoyed spending time with her.
Fast forward a few months of seeing each other and figuring out what we wanted in a relationship we made things official. We’ve been dating about a year. Getting over the fact that she slept with one of my college buddies was a tough pill to swallow but I accepted it.
All things considered, our relationship is amazing. She’s beautiful, has a great job, makes me happy, and a better man. I really see a future with this woman. I’m getting to that point of my life where I am thinking of marriage and kids.
So what’s the problem? I knew when this relationship started that she was little slutty when I met her and I knew she had that relationship with a friend, but I’ve come to learn as this relationship goes on, that was just the tip of the iceberg.
She has an n-count of 60+. She’s slept with not 1 but 4 members of my fraternity, that I know of. Nobody thought to mention that to me. In my old college group chat lives photos of her laying nude in the bathtub with one of them. She’s had multiple (curable) STDs. Shit, she gave me one when we first met. She had an abortion with her last boyfriend.
I don’t know if these are things I wish I never knew or just knew sooner. Maybe if I was more aware of TRP life sooner I would have sniffed this out.
Everything I’ve read and learned from this community tells me I need to run as fast as I can and never look back. But it is so hard to do. I love her. She claims she’s changed and that those things aren’t who she is anymore. That she wants a life with me and kids with me.
For context we’re both 26. I’m in the best shape of my life. She is easily a HB-8. Maybe higher when I met her. But that wall is probably coming soon and she knows it.
I need guidance. Half of me says get over it and the other half says run and embrace TRP. I think I know what the comments will say, and maybe I just need to hear it, idk. If I should stick it out how do I get this out of my head, if I should leave, how do I do that delicately?
whytehorse2021 1mo ago
Fast forward 10 years. You're married and have kids. A video surfaces of her fucking a whole fraternity. Every time you go out with the guys a couple of them have fucked her before or after you went monogamous. The school calls and tells you that your daughter is being bullied and sexually harassed because of some videos of her whore mother.
On top of that you find out she was indoctrinated at college by feminists and woke professors so she expects YOU to cook and clean, raise the kids, etc. She starts with-holding sex and you have a dead bedroom. When the kids get older she divorces you because she's bored. You lose all your stuff, your kids, and end up homeless.
Just sayin...
Testme 1mo ago
Red flags left and right, man. Are you crazy?
You are just cock #107 to her and that's all you will ever be, no matter what bullshit lies she tells you about how much she "loves" you. It is a 100% chance that she will zero compunction about cheating on you whenever she feels like it and replacing you with cock #165 when that guy comes along.
First-light 1mo ago
On paper she sounds like a red flag factory, while you are coming into your best years. If it were not for the fact that you say "our relationship is amazing", I would be saying "run". Can you take a dispassionate enough look at her to assess her properly? A year old relationship is not really long enough to see clearly through the fog of infatuation but its worth trying.
Has she been on a journey of character evolution or is she just moving with circumstances? Was college just carousel time and now its time to settle, get wifed up and have kids before its time for divorce rape and chads from the gym? I think that is the question you have to answer. Women are not generally good at growing their characters, their world tends to be their character but before you throw away something you call "amazing" you should satisfy yourself over this.
Examine her character not how she makes you feel as that can be surprisingly transitory.
Lone_Ranger 1 1mo ago
Nobody can answer this for you. We can only offer our perspective.
To be honest, I really feel your pain. I'll tell you why -
You are in the same position as many, maybe most, young men. Your GF is not a bad person. She is just a product of our era. She is modern, she was told that to be powerful and independent, you have got to be 'modern'. She is just following instructions. That is important to hold onto - don't hate her.
Next up I would offer this nugget: its going to hard to find a woman that you really want and respect, a woman that hasn't handed out her most precious asset to everyone.
Next: I have learned slowly, and the hard way, WHY it is not a good idea to have an LTR with women with a high n count. It is not necessarily that they will cheat, it is that they will almost certainly not want to have sex with you if and when you get married.
The problem is this - women with high n counts find variety, danger, strangeness exciting. They live for the thrill, the tingle of ill advised and inappropriate sexual encounters. They love the drama of 'bad' relationships and partners. The corollary to this is that they find stable monogamous loving relationships 'boring' from a sexual point of view. Even if she is not Alpha widowed (likely she is with an n count of 60), it is not the past guys that you will be competing with, it is her past itself that you will be competing with.
You will be competing with a life of impulsive promiscuity. The reason why women are so promiscuous is not because they are 'looking for the one'. They are looking for promiscuity. Women love being sluts. once you remove the consequences of being a slut (birth control, social stigma) they dive right in. And because there are so many s1mps out there, that last little bit of a brake (that they will end up alone) has also been removed.
It's a struggle.
My own personal experience is that women with high body counts are the worst in bed. They go off sex very quickly when they get into co-habitation LTRs. When the relationship gets stable, that's when they lose sexual interest in you. Its so hard to imagine, because they very thing that they say they want (stable marriage) is the death of their libido.
One more thing - the very fact that you know that she has a body count of 60, that you are aware of all the guys that she slept with, that to me is evidence of toxicity. It shows that she doesn't respect or even value you. She (and other women) know that its hurtful to a male partner to make them aware of previous partners or ONSs, and yet she is doing it anyway. The reason she is doing it? To give her power in the relationship. When you are hurt and jealous, you are weak and she is strong. All women do this (from my experience). I now consider it emotional abuse.
You know how you find out that your partner was a slut? They tell you. They can't not tell you. They simply cannot resist the urge to tell you what a slut they used to be. Because they delight in the pain that it causes. They see your pain and they think ahhh, thats so sweet, he really cares. And they see you pain as evidence that they are in charge.
That's my experience.
Intrepid_Place53900 1mo ago
60+ that she states , you realize it's probably even more than that, women always leave out things or undercount , etc.
Look, she probably has changed. It's normal. The party college days are over, time to go to work in the real world. Time to (settle) down.
get it?
You are 26, your life is just starting. Are you telling me you can't find a great girl who was not a total slut, with people that you know especially?
Who makes more $$? What are your careers, do you have more $$ potential than her?
Yup, I'm asking about, are you a provider? Sure, you were one of the guys she hooked up with for fun, but no reason she can't try to choose one that makes $$ and will maybe stick around with her.
I had a few girls try that with me in college, but I never actually considered committing to them.
One girl that was a total F toy, I did everything with and she'd say I was the best looking guy she was ever with, blah bah. I know she got married and had a few kids, with a boyfriend she had before she hooked up with me as a FB. Seem happy with their social media , but wonder if they really are. I actually hope they are.
You got to ask yourself. Am I ready to settle down? Why? Can I do better, do I want to see what is out there more, I'm just starting my actual life.
Is this girl going to be a weight on me? Is her history going to affect our life, my life?
Is she going to get fat and the sex is going to dry up or you don't want to have sex with a land whale? You never know about this, it comes down I think to , does she want you, she thinks you are her best option.
Does she add value to my life?
does she make anything hard for me?
Does she "want" to satisfy my sexual needs, not just go along with it, actually takes pleasure in meeting my needs/wants?
Is she going to be faithful?
Is she faking it or does she genuinely think I'm the best she can do?
Lone_Ranger 1 1mo ago
If she said 60 it's well over 100. I bet she has no real clue, because most of it will have been while drunk.
Intrepid_Place53900 1mo ago
Didn't see the below, ya, that could follow you around dude. Social media is forever
(In my old college group chat lives photos of her laying nude in the bathtub with one of them. She’s had multiple (curable) STDs. Shit, she gave me one when we first met. She had an abortion with her last boyfriend).
liftheavystuff 1mo ago
Jeez. Lots to unpack here.
High count, STD, abortion, fucked your friends. I'm gonna assume there was substance abuse as well.
Despite her being a walking red flag, the relationship seems stable (?), for now.
In the short term, it comes down to how comfortable you are being involved with a reformed slut that's fucked half your friend group.
In the long term, if you're even considering marrying and procreating w this person, protections need to be in place. That means a strong pre-nup. You need to consult with an attorney to see what your state specific rules are regarding this. Don't listen to the morons on the internet that say pre-nups are useless, it's all state specific. And don't be an idiot an cheap out on it and do some BS rocket lawyer thing. A good pre-nup will cost you between 2 and 3k. If you buy a house in the near term, do not put her on the title or mortgage, keep everything in your name.
Essentially, in both the short and long term scenarios, you need to be on the lookout for behaviors that can be explained by her dirty past, and be ready to duck out quick.
Lone_Ranger 1 1mo ago
There is no such thing as a 'reformed slut'. That is one thing that the medical profession learned when they studied Alcoholism. There is no such thing as a reformed alcoholic, no such thing as a 'former alcoholic'. It really helps patients when you tell them that. It keeps them on the right path.
With sluts, the only way they can be live a normal life is when they loose all interest in sex, which will be very quickly after you marry her. So then you're just married to a slut who doesn't want to have sex with you. Good job - you are now an incel living in the prison of sexless marriage.
liftheavystuff 1mo ago
Yeah I was using "reformed" kinda loosely...thanks for the correction though
redhawkes 2 1mo ago
I've said this many times, if there's doubt there is no doubt.
Right now, your gut instinct is screaming at you and you're hamstering harder than legbeard feminist.
This is classic slut game, but all the facade comes off sooner or later. She's just playing the Im not like that anymore, which is bs and you know it. No matter what cucks say, past behavior always predicts future behavior.
To cut it short, she's public property, recreational use aka cum dumpster.
Why you care? Tell her to become FWB or demote to plate, you're not ready for a LTR at the moment bullshit. Or just rip off the band-aid. Start reading everything on the sidebar and the recommended books.
Your life just started, don't become some slut's safety net. The dildo of consequences rarely arrives lubed.
coolsocks00 1 1mo ago
This so many times over.. OP, your life is just beginning, and once you're good with women, good relationship opportunities grow on trees. Do not operate out of scarcity.
mattyanon Admin 1mo ago
People don't change.
When you hit thirty you can have your slutty time. You'll hit peak attractiveness. You can have the amazing experiences with lots of people that she had when she was 20.
But she won't let you have that, because SHE has changed.
Yeah.... this is sliding into marriage, disrespect and dead bedrooms.
Enjoy it while it lasts and most of all:
Do Not Marry
Beauxhammer 1mo ago
I thank everyone dearly for your thoughts and perspective
Wyrm 1mo ago
Well, thank you for the post. I would agree with most of the above. Unless she becomes something of a stable religious type with monogamous marriage as a goal, I don't see her giving up her past lay count and stopping, forever. Have you talked to her about it? I know, not very TRP and any woman not worth her salt would easily lie.
So, is she worth it? Meaning that she is now completely changed and not going back to that life? How can she prove it? If she has girls night out or girls weekends, not likely. Are you monogamous now? It used to be that the marriage ceremony would seal the deal, but now, you have to discuss this with her IN THE OPEN and let her know what you expect from now, until you both die (or divorce, but I wouldn't include that in the discussion as marriage should be with the intent of fighting for eachother, every day. No backing out)
Also, listen to her and what she wants. What are her relationship goals. And expect her to speak the truth. If there is doubt, there is mo doubt is a good frame to have. If you have any thoughts that she could be or would be lying, then just take what she says as she is lying or doesn't understand that she isn't telling you the truth. (This is too freaking comon)
So, discuss it with her and with a marriage counselor.
"Saving your marriage before it starts" is a good place to start. It is a good book.
Either way, repost your journey periodically.