Hey all,
Been seeing this girl for the last 6-7 months. She's from work, it's been great and we get on like house on fire. A few weeks ago we had a little chat and she said she's not seeing anyone else and that if I were to see anyone else she'd like me to use a condom (we don't use one together. My mates seem to think this is a sort of trap to see if I do go see anyone else).
Basically she gives good girl vibes but has a history of quite a bit of drinking and what I can interpret as a hoe phase with partying and travelling. She actually freely gives that information and doesnt really hide it. I asked her n count and she said she doesn't know (I think she just doesn't want to divulge). Couple other red flags tbh I've been with a decent amount of girls so it's not like I'm a Christian angel trying to housewife a ho BUT I have a bit of an insecure mentality and feel like she's "more sexually experienced than me" like it's a competition...
Also she's great otherwise we have similar interests like outdoorsy stuff, gigs etc
Anyway, I'll be the first to admit I have a bit of emotional oneitis (but on a conscious level I know there will be others, and better) but the way I see it I have two options: A) I can listen to my gut about this and bail. We work together and have mutual friends so it won't be easy but it's doable B) I don't see her as a future wife or anything so I can just get over it and enjoy her for who she is cos we do have a great connection, and most girls in their late 20s have quite a past anyway.
TLDR - my insecurity/gut feeling not allowing me to relax and enjoy a girl for who she is?
redhawkes 2 1y ago
When there's a doubt there is no doubt.
No shit.
The hamstering stars here.
Whenever you find yourself making excuses for a hoe, just to fit her in some shape and paint red flags green, cut it out before you go full retard.
And the condom thing, your mates are right. Perfect for a baby trap.
Keep plating until it breaks.
FantasticMrFox 1y ago
I like your first line, I'll keep it in mind. Like 'if it's not a fuck yes, it's a fuck no'.
She's on the rod (another sign hah), so baby trap unlikely.
Question for plating though - even in this situation where she's said I can sleep with other girls, I still feel horribly guilty about it because I like her and (I believe) she likes me. It feels like because of that there's an implied exclusivity in my own head. Have you ever had to navigate this?
redhawkes 2 1y ago
That's the bluepill in you aka oneitis. You don't owe her commitment just because she spreads her legs for you, she has to earn that. Read No More Mr Nice Guy if you haven't, the "covert contract" section especially. Even if you don't, act like you have 3 other hotter bitches on the click.
She just wants to see if you have other options and if she holds 100% of your pussy supply. When that happens, you're done. Relationship is female prerogative.
Yea, but that's usually when you don't have other options and oxytocin. Never do things out of guilt and shame, it's the oldest manipulation in the book. I think you're at some level aware of this, that' why you posted.
Intrepid_Place53900 1 1y ago
Ok, let me unpack this.
She's in her late 20's, assume you are too. (WALL)
(I asked her N count and she doesn't know). She knows it, or it's so high she can't put a number on it. You never ask directly, you won't get the truth. Everyone should know this.
(Sexual experience, it's like a competition). Trust me, she has more.
(couple other red flags tbh) . What are these red flags?
Look, this girl is telling you that you can play the field, just wear a condom with them.
That tells me there's 2 options.
1) she's playing it cool with you, hoping that over time you'll get feelz for her and become LTR
2) She's playing the field also and if you don't LTR her , she's ok with that.
My advice
Normally I'd say
She's a FWB, have fun with her, she's your experimental fuck toy, treat her like one. Enjoy it.
But, you work with her. Like you want to stay at this place? If so, you need to be careful. Definitely don't commit, don't lead her on, be very honest with her.
Damn it, don't shit where you eat man.
FantasticMrFox 1y ago
Yea I asked her a while ago if she'd ever have kids and she said "if you asked me that before now I would've said definitely not, but now maybe yea" classic 'wall's scenario.
Other red flags are nipple piercing, couple small tats, drugs and alcohol (although to not be too hypocritical I also do those, drugs far less frequently but on special occasions), and vaped which she has quit now.
Jeez the more I write it out the worse it gets
Probably option 1 but can't rule out option 2.
Yep I will want to work there at least the next 1.5 years I reckon so I can't go nuclear ghost.
Cheers mate
Intrepid_Place53900 1 1y ago
if she was into drugs and alcohol, along with the tats and piercings. You can count on her having been with LOTS of guys, no doubt. It just goes with all of that. She may not actually know her N count, in terms of, gee, less than 100 but more than 50?
Have fun with her, treat her like a fuck toy in the bedroom.
In terms of breaking with her, since she works with you.
Over time, pay less and less attention to her. Spend more time apart. My guess is she'll move on quickly and quietly.
good luck
Typo-MAGAshiv Endorsed Contributor 1y ago
Don't cave and use feminists' shaming language like that. You aren't "feeling insecure" about her past; your instincts are telling you to GTFO and for good reason.
Whore!
Not commitment-worthy! I advise having some fun until one or the other of you is done.
FantasticMrFox 1y ago
Thanks for the response mate, I think you're right I should be listening to my instincts
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1y ago
Oof.
Green-Tinted Glasses™
If I were you I'd keep her as recreational use. You're unicorn hunting a sloot
FantasticMrFox 1y ago
Hah mate I see myself on step 6&7 of that clear as day...
Thanks for the response
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1y ago
No problem
Typo-MAGAshiv Endorsed Contributor 1y ago
That's no unicorn...
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1y ago
That's about as accurate as I was imagining
Sloots can act like good girls too. (Emphasis on "good")