Hello, 25M here, she's 25F. I've never been in that situation before, so, I'm having mixed feelings about it despite still wanting to continue the relationship. It's all somewhat unusual, so let me give you the context and story:
Alright, so basically I live away from my hometown because I'm graduating in another state in a college that is a great one in the country for my field, It's a 2:30h trip by plane. Feb 2023 I was on vacation in my hometown and met 2 girls during my last month there. I was more attracted by the second one, I will call her Jane, and her SMV was considerably higher than the other, Lucy. , Me and Jane had 2 dates together in a 15 days time-frame, we had sex and she gave me some excuse to go the airport to see me just before I left, in MARCH. (at the time, she told me her cousing was arriving from other country and she would take the that opportunity to see me, some months ago she confessed me there was no cousing that day lol).
Well, from the start I had it clear in my mind that it would be better to forget it there because a long distance relationship would be inconceivable. But... she kept reaching me from text and somehow we managed to keep the conversation going. It was quite balanced who would initiate the conversation between us 2, just talking sporadically about routine, random stuff, news, a bit of sexting, nude pics, and so on, so I knew that she had some interest. I told her I would be on vacations again 4 months later, at July, so there were expectations from me and her to see each other in my hometown again and see how things would go between us from that point.
During that 4 months time frame, we would talk to each other only by text and not very often, usually once a week or every 8, 10 days, just for the sake of keeping the conversation alive. After month 1, I made out with a girl from college, we had one date, kissed, but things did not go further than that and I cut off all contact with her. One of the reasons I did that was because I wasn't certain how things would go with Jane, or if I was her only option. I couldn't know precisely how much interest she had on me and if she was seeing other men. I was simultaneously talking long distance to Jane (my gf now) and to Lucy, the other girl I met in my city and who I also had 2 dates at the time. I started developing more feelings for Jane and my interest in her was growing. Still, I did not want to rush things before I could get a better idea of how she was like in person and how we would get along, afterall, we saw each other for only 3 days. She is very attractive, calm, with a restrained personality, much more on submissive side, raised in a good family, finishing college and apparently fitted my criterias for a ltr.
To be honest, things on college got much harder for everyone in my class because of a change made by the direction on the grading system and I had basically no free time for anything man, so I was not going to parties, hanging up or meeting anyone. It doesn't help i'm at my last semesters at med school so we were doing tests after tests almost every week along with heavy hospital routine and I was at peak stress.
Finally, after 4 months, the semester was over and after studying my ass off I did very well, passed everything and on my vacation I spent a whole month in my hometown. Me and Jane were hanging out a lot, knowing each other better, I could figure more things about her and I decided to make things official with her one week before I left and see how it would work out. She agreed, we talked about the distance and decided to make it work. She asked me to meet her parents and friends, she met mine and from that time on - end of JULY we became official.
So since august, we began talking almost everyday, she wanted to see me more, we started making more calls, being more emotionally open to each other and started building a greater connection. One month and a half later, at SEPTEMBER, I had a week break from college and I traveled to back my city and we spent those days together. At november, she did the same thing and she traveled to the city I live and we spent another week. At DECEMBER another college semester was gone, we were both on vacation and we spent another month together in my hometown. We were closer than ever, lot of chemistry going on and we planned a 5 day-trip. In the last day, when I was driving back home, things kinda went south on my head. During the 7 hours we spent on the road, at some point we started talking about our romantic past. She had a big disappointment in her life with a guy she was friend with since they were kids, but only happened to made out once at a party, after they finished school. She expected something serious to come after but it never happened. She wanted him to comfort her about a traumatic experience she had about being robbed at gun point a certain day, he didn't care, she got upset, they stopped talked and she got depressed for months. I'm her first boyfriend and she told me she has never found the right guy before and did not want do have any idiot with her just for the sake of having a boyfriend.
Everything was fine for me until she asked me how many girls I made out with during the 4 months we were talking -> before JULY. I wanted to avoid getting into that topic, but I did not think much and told her the truth about 2, and I asked her back. Before answering me, she said I would not believe it, then said she only kissed one guy at a party, because everytime she would compare me to the other guys so she couldn't date anyone. She spoke so naturally and I kept it cool, we talked about other things, I was already so exhausted from driving that I could not really rationalize it too much or react, I just wanted to get home and rest. Later that day, at night, what she said finally got to me, I got very upset, she realized I was distant and cold and I brought up that subject again. She said she was afraid, she couldn't know if I was seeing anyone else, it was only one kiss at a party, she later thought the guy was a pos and she never saw him again, and she realized that I was the one she wanted. I trust her on that, she is probably not lying and for some reason, she did not realize entering that topic would not be a good idea.
This talking was a month ago and we didn't talk about it since, but this stays on my mind, even tho I know I probably have no reason to given the context. I get the uncertainty factor, I was on the same boat. She could not be sure whether things would go right or wrong between us, especially because of the distance and it was 4 months. But still, I feel kinda bad about it, it's like an ego thing and it's annoying. It is not a lack of trust I tell you guys, I trust her a lot, it's not about insecurity, I'm simply upset because she considered other option before we were official, as if she did not want me enough. Besides this situation, things are going great between us and I think she is a woman worth staying with. She displays a lot of signs of investment, she planned and is about to come here and stay for two weeks. Also, it's really easy for me to tell she was proud being with me, because of the way she validates me, how she wanted to showcase me to everybody in her family and to her friends. They would often compliment me in front of her, she even showed me situations where women in her family were talking to her about me, how handsome I am, that she found the one and so on. It's a mix of feelings, it messed me up and made me confused for a while and I honestly want more perspectives on this.