Sorry, that should read ´How to lose that last piece of negativity/pessemism´.
Done lots of heavy lifting regarding how I want to progress in life. Making so many great improvements, connections, and my trajectory as of this minute is night and day from a year ago.
I am coming from years of beta, low self esteem conditioning and previously if something was too difficult, hard or required effort - I would half ass it or quit. My mindset has completely switched to me trying to understand, get better or work harder to at least figure out what I am doing wrong. This alone, has probably lifted a huge chunk of chronic depression from my life.
How would you advise someone who is 95% of the time heading in the right direction ; yet occasionally I'll be hit with negative and pessimistic thoughts of regret (I found TRP at 40) and lost opportunity. These thoughts don't stay long, and my mindset in general has gone from flight to fight ; yet I want to lose this final part of beta conditioning and would love to hear if anyone else has similar issues, or been through this?
All the best to you all in 2024. Every single day guys, there is something to achieve, be thankful, or grind for. Just keep nailing it!
slowlylearning1 1y ago
Thank you for the replies, and some great replies!
I've always been reasonably popular with women (to an extent)yet I would be less cavalier once I got to know them, slowly turning into a beta date by date. So never had any issues attracting in the first place ; but was incredibly meak beforehand. A total puss to be honest.
I would also fold like an accordion under any form of pressure, just to please people. And I would play down my personality at times (if I was around someone I didn't click). So I'm naturally a little embarrassed I behaved like this, but I'm certainly making up for lost time.
I am often told I look 30 or early 30s, I was even ID'D buying beer in the summer, haha I was so stunned I told the cashier he made my day! I see myself looking older, yet I have never had as many IOIs since I was 21!
If anyone is such a beta, low self esteem. Honestly, try a martial art even just box fit class - you'll come out of the session buzzing and it'll translate in to your social life.
My friends my age do nothing! Most are married, and tbh, miserable (reading between the lines). They think I'm some sort of mad eccentric bastard because I go to boxing training once a week and run, hike, keep fit and try to travel when I can.
Up to a year ago, I felt so bad about myself that I thought I was 'finished' with women. Some severe depression and physical illness, so I am still coming out of that (I had a serious health issue which is hopefully better now ; but at one point I thought I was done) and all I could think was how I regret not trying to talk to women more ; finish projects I had started and basically enjoy life more - I kept overthinking what will people think of me.
I have basically gone from hating life to loving it. There are some bumps on the way, but its so good. Eating well and fitness has seen my mental health skyrocket too ; who´d think that.
[deleted] 1y ago
[--removed--]
Lone_Ranger 3 1y ago
I would say this:
You are the average of of the 5 people that you spend the most time with. Everyone gets this wrong - they think they are 'an island', immune to outside influence. Poppycock. You are very influenced by the group of people that you hang out with.
Try and find friends that are positive, uplifting, fun.
EurasianChad 1 1y ago
Or friends who share similar beliefs & work ethic to you. You can go so far alone, but it's a lot more motivating to do it with others as a tribe.
Also creates a sense of healthy competition. Just have principles and a code such as: no dealing with each other's exes no matter what. No fighting over women. True abundance won't have to deal with either anyway. Doesn't have to be full on mafia code but have some sort of code.
Women will try to mess up your friendship in the many manipulative mind games they play. Never allow it.
EurasianChad 1 1y ago
I'm way younger than you but if I were you, I would accept reality and be glad you found the truth. There is always hope for as long as you are living. Never lose that fighting spirit inside of you. The will to fight, survive and thrive.
Sure you may be 40 but that doesn't mean you cant achieve massive success still. Many others have done it, but it will require you tell yourself the truth about your work ethic & determination to make yourself the best possible man your ancestry has ever seen.
Lone_Ranger 3 1y ago
I was washed up at 41 and found success at 46.
Men don't need youth to be successful. Men aren't even washed up at 70. That's one of the things that is so great about being a man.
40? Just starting out in life!
coolsocks00 1 1y ago
Good work
One year is not enough
And you'll never lose 100%
No-Stress-Cat 1y ago
Confidence, young brother. I found the Red Pill at 45, 5 years ago. Don't give a fuck what other people think. You do what you want to, when you want to do it. You're in it for you.
For example: When you were a kid, you liked Cocoa Pebbles. You wanted Cocoa Pebbles all the time. You weren't allowed to have Cocoa Pebbles all the time. Because you were not the one in control.
Now, you're an adult. You still like Cocoa Pebbles. While you may not want Cocoa Pebbles all the time now, there are occasions in which, yeah, you want some Cocoa Pebbles.
You're the one in control now. Now, you can have Cocoa Pebbles ANY FUCKING TIME YOU WANT.
That is the abundance mindset, and the confidence to say, "When I want Cocoa Pebbles, I'm going to have Cocoa Pebbles, and there isn't fuck all anyone can do about it." Now, go out there, young brother, and get yourself some Cocoa Pebbles!
ogrilla99 1y ago
There's no such thing as never having regrets or periods of negative thoughts. It's totally normal. The question is what do you do with it?
I get where you're coming from. I became successful with women earlier than you but still later than natural Chads who were banging their way through high school and college. And every once in a while, I think about girls in high school or college that I could have had, or periods of time that could have been so much more fun, if I had just learned this stuff sooner. It's normal. At some point you realize no one ever goes through life without any regrets, and just be happy that you changed your life when you did and not later. Even natural Chads have regrets about girls they never got.
That said, one thing that helped me was dating young girls. My regret about "missing out" in college was less about that time per se and more about those young hotties walking around campus that I never got to bang. Dating them when I was in my 30s/40s allowed me to feel like I recovered some of the experiences I missed out on before.
FWIW, if you're in your 40s, you're actually at your peak attractiveness. Assuming you're in shape, you're still physically attractive to women across the age range, and you now have your career and maturity going for you too. Find a group of guys who are in the same phase of life, and do all the things you felt you didn't get to do before. Didn't travel to exotic places and have sex with the locals? Well, you can still do it, and now you have the money to do so in style. Go alone or get a group of guys to travel with.
Yes, a lot of men in their 40s will be married and settled down, and others will have let themselves go (physically, mentally beaten down, etc). But there are guys in those age ranges leading exactly the type of life you'd like to lead. Find them and hang out with them. Pretty soon, you'll have replaced every "lost opportunity" with a new, even better opportunity that you took advantage of.