I have been dating this girl for a few months and considered her for LTR.
However, she has a guy friend that she said helped her a lot when she got depressed. Nothing special, skinny fat beta guy, most likely orbiter.
I told her I was uncomfortable with them meeting alone. She did not have to block him, she can still meet him with a group. Just not alone.
She refuses and said that since I was not committing. I cannot ask her to stop seeing somebody. I felt like this is her version of power play and got fed up. So I said: "True that I can't force you but the decision to keep seeing you is still mine to make. If he's that important then you keep him. I'm not committing to a girl that doesn't respect my boundaries."
She hasn't replied yet. Do you think I overreacted? Even if I decide not to see her again?
RedPill115 1y ago
I don't follow?
You're...telling this to a plate?
benzino 1y ago
where did I say this was a plate? is the title not clear enough?
RedPill115 1y ago
I see what you mean. But what does line about not committing mean, then?
This post contradictory things.
benzino 1y ago
and reading this again, it seems this is a case of oneitis. after all, I did considered her for LTR. Otherwise I would not have made this post.
Do you think this is acceptable behavior from her? I dont think I would demote her to plate status. Too much history, too much drama that way. If it happens I would just block and move on most likely
[deleted] 1y ago
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benzino 1y ago
so I did the right thing by ending it then. thanks for answering
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EurasianChad 1 1y ago
You're recommending he acts like a woman?
For you to lie like this just makes you weak. Its like a guy who fakes his IG cars/lifestyle just to get laid, or acquire social validation. Stems from a need for validation/ is approval seeking behavior. OP handled this right. No apex dude is gonna feel the need to BS like this for pussy. That's seriously weak, dude.
benzino 1y ago
yes I can keep her as a LTR, but that would mean conceding to her demand, and admitting that her shit testing me (breaking boundaries) worked.
Id rather tell it straight that I dont like that shit and deal with the sting for now. but it will get better
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1y ago
Lying is terrible advice
[deleted] 1y ago
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Vermillion-Rx Admin 1y ago
Having to remember all of your lies, getting caught tripping up.
Lying is a low value behavior
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benzino 1y ago
You are right. The problem is I would not commit to somebody who doesn't respect my boundaries. And the way I see it: I did not ask for anything unreasonable. She did not have to cut her friend off, just don't meet him alone. But she chose having that friend over me. I would have committed if she agreed to respect my boundaries, but she didn't. Hence I think this is like a power play and I'm willing to walk away if she can't handle a small request such as not meeting guy friends alone
lonewolf1 1y ago
Total overreaction. Weak frame
Let her drain your balls. Who the f cares what she does, she has disqualified herself.
You fuck around too. Trying to control her with your insecurity is weak
benzino 1y ago
yes I have other options. thats why Im willing to walk away - I dont need her to drain my balls in exchange for dealing with dramas and shit test.
can you imagine? she would go meet him and post stories or photos of them hanging out so I can see it. or complain about her love life (me not committing) on her social media and the guy would comment in it agreeing with her.
now I dont get mad about that, but it is disrespectful to me and however much I like her tits, I would rather not deal with it. but appreciate your answering though
EurasianChad 1 1y ago
You should be willing to walk away from a girl regardless of whether you have 100 girls in rotation or 0.
Self respect always comes first g. Be willing to have 0 girls, especially if having 1 girl means your well-being is compromised.
EurasianChad 1 1y ago
She's right that you can't control her, and really you can't control any person. However, you are right to set boundaries & if those are violated, you leave.
So the way its framed is:
You're free to do what you want, however the women I take seriously do not do x. - said calmly.
benzino 1y ago
Yes, we had that conversation before. She said I was being manipulative and she would do what I want if I committed to her.
The problem is I would not commit to somebody who doesn't respect my boundaries. And the way I see it: I did not ask for anything unreasonable. She did not have to cut her friend off, just don't meet him alone. But she chose having that friend over me, so I respect that decision.
It's a bit of a dilemma I guess. People said it: Freelancers can't ask for fulltime benefits and I agree. But I also think she's being unreasonable. I would have committed if she agreed to respect my boundaries.
EurasianChad 1 1y ago
She's projecting by actually being manipulative and giving you that gaslighting statement. This is something women do to make you doubt yourself.
However, as a TRP man, you obviously will not doubt yourself. And you probably did, hence why you made this thread.
Doesn't matter what she thinks. Tell her that you won't explain any further, and that these are your standards for committed relationship. She's free to do as she wishes, just like you are free to have your own standards for what you will or will not accept.
Take it or leave it. My way or the highway.
benzino 1y ago
Exactly. Thanks Chad.
FIY: she's texting me now trying to guilt trip me, saying she needed a man, not a boy. and I was being childish for telling her to just throw my stuff away.
Im just gonna be silent and watch her go crazy. I might have dodged a bullet
EurasianChad 1 1y ago
You're handling this exactly right. If she brings it up in real life, call it out. But since its text, just ignore like you're doing.
Feel free to hit me up on PM's if you need any more help, or if you start to doubt yourself.
She may be showing her true colors as we speak. Ooof, thats nasty.
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EurasianChad 1 1y ago
She will probably keep fucking him in hopes he forgives her lol. Calling it right now, give it a few days.
But I sense some red flags. OP might not even want to keep her as a plate. I've dealt with many similarly manipulative women and they're usually more hassle than good.
benzino 1y ago
update. she removed me on facebook and instagram but not blocked.
I would not be surprised if she comes back but frankly I'm disappointed at how she behaved.
we've dated for 9 months and she had been largely tolerable, besides the guy-friend problem.
I guess she's really upset about me not committing to her for 9 months and is using the guy friend to put pressure on me. but it's a circle - I do not want to commit to girls who do that.
I'm setting up some dates for the weekend and try not to think about it. thanks everyone for supporting me
EurasianChad 1 1y ago
She won't block you, and will probably keep stalking you to see if she made the right decision down the line. It could also be a mind game she's playing to get you to retract your boundary, or maybe she's done with you for real. Her loss. You've also avoided many red flags/brought them to light.
Either way you can't go back now as she will just lose respect. She might not like how you made her feel right now, but she is forced to respect you. I'd rather be respected than liked if both can't be met. I know girls that hate some of the shit I do, but are still dtf.
Good on you dude. Always retain the power to walk away. Might sting now but soon you'll be glad for what you did, and your self trust will just increase. & No worries.
benzino 1y ago
update: after like a week of no contact, she sent me some long messages.
no apology. basically saying she wanted to officially end it, that she loved me a lot and I only returned by hurting and not respecting her.
I replied: "alright. I wish you the best and thanks for everything"
honestly speaking, I was doing well until she sent me this and now I'm feeling pretty shit.
still, huge red flag of gaslighting and stubborness. It's probably better that I move on. I have some dates lined up this weekend and we'll see how it goes. Just wanted to write and let it out because reading those messages put me in a bad mood and I started doubting myself
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nicknack 1y ago
Ive found the most success when i just dont care about a girls actions and just make my long term decisions bases on these actions. In the short term i have no real problem with continuing to smash. In this case I would just keep smashing / hanging out with her but not progress the relationship. It sounds like you caught feelings
benzino 1y ago
I think we are talking about different things. Yes I have feelings for her (LTR prospect). She's not a plate.
Being aloof works well if you're spinning plates. I have done that before. But if you're working towards an LTR, then clear communication about your wants and needs is important.
You can't "not give a shit" if you want a good companion. You have to keep them in check and set boundaries.