I have some roommates that I tried to be friendly with. Both of them are weird as fuck and I personally don’t like them too much but I try to make an effort to excuse them and be accepting. By weird, I mean they don’t like partying, they watch anime, they claim to be “antisocial” and everyone is “fake”. I could go on a tangent on why my roommates suck but I’ll save you the time with one story: one of my roommates would throw his shitty toilet paper in the trash instead of the toilet. Despite that, I tried to give him another chance but he also was the leader of the anime club and would dress like a woman for anime conventions. Me being mature and respectful, thought that even though he was the definition of a DORK, I should still be friendly with him and respectful because he’s my college roommate. That’s also the tip of the iceberg with the stuff I put up with but I don’t feel like writing a book.
Anyways: the problem I have is that they don’t like me. 2 of them talk amongst themselves about personal stuff and leave me out of it. They also go to the gym together without inviting me. So one night, I confronted them both and asked them kindly but firmly “what gives?” And they go onto to say “oh man, we invite you all the time but you’re busy” which was bullshit but then I ask them if I said anything wrong that would upset them to tell me now to see if we can straighten it out like adults and not pussies like they’re acting like. After we talk it out, we all are on the same page with everything and we all had a good talk. Until the next day, they felt obligated to begrudgingly invite me to the gym for the first time. Soon as we get there, they work out together and when I ask them if the need help with spotting, they say “no”. Then I encourage them to work with me by a machine that will workout what they want to and they don’t budge. So I left them alone and lifted by myself and talked to some of the other gym guys. They caught onto it and were like “how about you ask the gym guy to spot you?” (In a passive way).
It seems as though these guys are best buds now and they don’t like me. I’m not included. It hurts seeing them enjoy each others company because it brings back some feelings I had from the past. I was a misfit kid, I feel like it’s my fault when people don’t like me. It hurts. It’s like I’m not good enough. I don’t want to be that again.
I made a post a little while ago about how to let go of the past and I’m still having some issues about that. Whenever I feel people don’t like me it’s because I’m weird, or ugly, or have bad style, suck at conversations, annoying, lame, fucked in SOME way and it’s all my fault.
And yes, I tried moving out but all rooms are full unless I find someone to switch with.
bendito 2y ago
What an excellent choice of topic! It's clear that there's a lot of potential for thought-provoking conversation and deep exploration here. I appreciate the opportunity to engage with something so interesting and multifaceted. It's topics like these that really showcase the power of dialogue and exchange in expanding our understanding of the world around us. Reference: https://celebsoutfits.com/product/one-love-chris-blackwell-brown-jacket
Lone_Ranger 3 2y ago
It sounds like you have mild paranoia and anxiety. Just being aware of that is a good first step. Learn to realise what are 'intrusive thoughts' (such as, I don't think he likes me etc). Learn how to rationalise them away. Learn to generate some responses to negate these intrusive thoughts. (Such as, everyone is nervous in social interactions, maybe he is nervous too).
That is the only way you are going to be able to move forward. Maybe you need to join some clubs which genuinely interest you, whatever that might be. And learn how to socialise. Social skills are like all skills, they need to be learnt and they need to be refined and practised. It's just as important as a university education in the work place.
Sound like you have some catching up to do. So start today.
[deleted] 2y ago
[--removed--]
[deleted] 2y ago
[--removed--]
Vermillion-Rx Admin 2y ago
Why would you even want to be accepted by these degenerates? They're lower than average frustrated chumps, they are actual degenerates
What woman would want to walk in and see literal shit toilet paper in the trash?
Move out ASAP
you don't NEED to be friends with roommates. Honestly why the fuck would you even want to go to the gym with them and be seen with them in public at all?
Have some self respect man. Are you desperate to even be considering these fucks as acceptable companions. Why are you losing frame not getting invited places by degenerate fucks?
User4566 2y ago
Because I’m a transfer student whose having a bit of a hard time making friends due to my classes taking up all of my time. Once I pass calculus, I’m done with math so later semesters will be smooth sailing so I will have time to go to events and stuff.
One of my roommates is actually a cool guy. My height and has friends and brought over a bad chick a few times so he’s obviously cooler. He likes the dork more than me. He’s also a lanky slenderman looking guy, can’t lift for shit. The way I see it: my social status is DICK because I’m new in school and don’t have many connections outside the frat I’m rushing but at the same time, I don’t want to be partying right now because I’m backlogged on work.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 2y ago
This is pure cope. It takes a week to make friends in college. There is an extremely high chance there is something you're doing that is making it hard for you to connect with people
And if this allegedly cool guy prefers a degenerate over you that's saying a lot about him
You can cope about being busy as well but that's not why you're struggling dude
User4566 2y ago
Ok, how?
EurasianChad 1 2y ago
Bro its so easy to approach people on campus saying you're new, say "you guys look like you'd be solid individuals, whats up im user4566. Insert observational statement here". Do you guys go gym? Lets lift sometime.
Cmon dude.
User4566 2y ago
You’re right, I get it. This is simple stuff but I have problems I still need fixing. Some of them are all my fault, so I’m trying to undo what I can. So far: I basically joined a frat and I have a friend who did rockclimbing with me one time. I’m a transfer student in an environment where I am starting from zero. None of my friends go to school here so I have to build up again. Making friends is sort of tough for me. I gave it a shot earlier this year the first week of school, and people were weirded out by it.
I would walk up to a group of people and introduce myself and told them I was looking for some friends. They kind of looked scared of me and were like “uh…eh… no sorry”.
EurasianChad 1 2y ago
I understand your predicament as I've been there when I first started travelling the world. If you need more help feel free to shoot me a PM.
It seems to me your problem is you being nervous and going up to them too seriously, or expecting an outcome. The way you approach people with a chill vibe is to have a smile on your face that doesn't seek validation, but rather conveys friendliness. You're supposed to be light hearted & fun and don't really mind if this conversation goes well or not. That is the ultimate vibe, one that doesn't pressure them into caring about your feelings, and one that doesn't scare them because they see how willing you are to walk away.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 2y ago
This is a desperate low value thing to say. That's not a natural way to make friends
User4566 2y ago
Well to be honest, I kinda AM desperate and low value in this situation.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 2y ago
No friends is better than shit friends
Vermillion-Rx Admin 2y ago
Show up somewhere, preferably where people of mutual interests gather
Be sociable and friendly. End up talking about mutual interests
Someo dude usually mentions plans. Acquire phone number. Hang out.
Basic stuff
If things are going wrong between any of those steps you have far deeper unaddressed Social issues than you are posting about
User4566 2y ago
I’ve never been good at making friends. Most of the friends I made were from me constantly seeing them everyday in school and eventually just becoming friends after talking for a while.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 2y ago
I think you have a lot more social problems than you let on in your posts and the difficulty making friends (which really should not be hard at all) probably has the same underlying social deficits that are also making all of your approaches go nowhere despite being 6'4" and ripped
You would be better off targeting your underlying social problems in general. I have a very strong vibe that you are not grasping some basic social skills. There is no other conceivable way you are having this much difficulty with your current stats
User4566 2y ago
My problem is I don’t try hard enough. I just got back from the bar and I met some people there and they were really cool but others kind of gave me a “ehh… fuck off” vibe.
The thing is: despite being 6’4” and in good shape, I still feel like a loser because of my upbringing which is why I did the self improvement in the first place. Not to mention, I don’t relate to Gen Z at all. I also don’t have social media, true friends, girls, etc.
My problem is my self esteem issues. Everyone has more friends than me. Everyone has instagram. Everyone is with it, but I’m a misfit. I’m not trying to write a sob-story but this is how I’m feeling and I don’t talk about this outside of here. When women reject me, it reinforces those negative views I already have of myself and feels like it’s proof that yeah, I SUCK.
I also get the feeling that people are scared of me, I’m taller than damn near everyone and I’m built like Michael Myers. I’m always the tallest in the room. Hell, earlier tonight some guy thought I was the bouncer.
Another guy I was talking to said I was dressed like a “loser” when I asked him what I was for halloween. Maybe it was a bad attempt at a joke, I smiled and laughed and told him he looked like a dork but it kind of stuck with me the rest of the night. I feel like wherever I go, there’s like a giant sign that follows me saying “LOSER”.
Edit: I also don’t LIKE most people, either. I’m not really a people person, yet I don’t want to be alone either so I’m doing things I don’t want to in hopes to find where I belong.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 2y ago
NO. You're problem is you try too hard it's not natural
So on top of trying too hard you have horrendous inner game and trauma too
You have the deck stacked in your favor. Thus, you are your own problem, and have been this whole time
Bro you're the problem, not your chad features.
What are you actually wearing? Even if it's not your clothes your inner game is probably all over your sleeve in plain sight
You don't like most people because they don't like you back. Be honest with yourself man.
You are solely your own problem dude. You have a stacked deck but you are creating your own problems with clinically bad pessimism and not fixing your core issues
Likely you are just bad at socializing. Which makes everything else shit downstream. That would appear to be your core issue above and beyond bad self esteem but your own clinically bad pessimism is hurting you too
User4566 2y ago
I’d take your word for it but I don’t approach EVERYONE I see in the bar or club. Most times I would go to the bar and club and not approach anyone at all or make small talk with those around me.
Last night, I made it a goal to simply go out and mingle because that, to me, is terrifying. So I put on a fake smile and tried to laugh at stuff in my head. Some people were receptive, some weren’t. I would approach the guys who were standing around with a beer in their hand and acting like stiffs because I figured they needed someone to talk to. I felt like last night was the first time in a long time that I made an effort. If showing up to a bar and NOT talking to anyone is trying too hard, then I’m the biggest try-hard ever. I would have figured being a tryhard is someone who goes up to every girl, chats them up and won’t leave them alone after they make it painfully obvious they don’t like the conversation. Most nights, I don’t even ATTEMPT to talk to chicks even after they gave me IOIs (none that I remember last night).
When you have no friends in the area (besides the frat guys who pretend to love each other), then yeah, you’ll feel pretty bad.
I know that? I get that being WHITE, 6’4”, 13% BF and >200 pounds sounds like a Chad but what good but I still don’t feel good enough because people still reject who I am and this is why I’m on this site to for help. I’ve seen 5’6” ,~140 pound, non-white guys who dress like tic tok watching dorks and they get more action than me because they fit in with the crowd, I don’t. I’m trying to look deep inside to see what exactly it is that triggers whatever I am experiencing, hence me laying out who I am and what I have experienced. Look, I’ll be honest, I’ve clicked with people before and they have been super cool but that’s few and far between. But yeah, the dude thought I was the bouncer.
Black t-shit with a white logo on it of a car garage I visited one time. Black jeans. White Jordan 1s. Basic fit but better than a BAD one, the way I see it. Not to mention, I grew my hair out, it doesn’t go beyond my shoulder though. People last night said I look like Cobain. In fact, quite a few people complimented my hair, that’s when they started talking to me.
Very true, but I also just can’t get into Gen Z stuff. The music, the fashion, the way they talk, social media. I’m all set. Try hanging around that crowd and you’ll see what I mean. You’d be disgusted the amount of kids I see here mindlessly swiping through tictok and liking posts that are basically soft-core porn in public. It’s something out of a movie. To give you some perspective, I’m a guy that likes stuff from the 60s to the early 2000s. I listen to heavy metal and punk rock (not that wimpy green day shit, more like Black Flag and The Misfits).
Yeah, I’m bad at socializing but I also don’t WANT to talk to most people anyway. Last night, I went up to a girl and she was on her phone alone and I asked her what she was doing on her phone in a playful manner. She didn’t look annoyed so I asked her for her name after some banter. Since I could barely hear, I just kind of said “nice to meet you.” And went to get another drink. I didn’t like the vibe myself. What the hell can we talk about anyway? Yes, my social skills suck which is why I am throwing myself into the arena.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 2y ago
This a deflect and you're not ready to accept your problems. I've seen your other posts on it
It is not hard to be likeable. You seriously need to ask yourself how you're turning off so many people. I'm inclined to think you're either stone faced around people or acting like a sorry bitch around them
So almost everyone said get short hair after your post last year and you grew it out anyway and are using a rather small and biased sample size of compliments to justify it? That's weak reasoning and confirmation bias. They're commenting on it because it resembles someone not because it's better. You are misattributing it to being better when it's not and also no wonder a lot of girls aren't interested. Your long hair shrinks your pool of options but you don't want to listen
Yeah? And where are they now? You friends with them? Got any dates from the women that commented?
Another cope because you need to blame other people for not fitting in because of your own actions. How am i nearly a decade older than you and still finding tolerable 20 yos gen z'ers to talk to. You're coping so hard
More sour grapes coping "you see it's my generation that's the problem! Everyone is the same and no one my age doesn't fit that mold! Pure cope.
Ah okay. So here it is. After coping through your entire comment to my analysis you finally address the elephant in the room. But then you cope again immediately.
And you wonder why you're not making friends or dates???
You're blaming all these people your age for being alleged vapid NPCs with nothing to say but then you have absolutely nothing to say yourself and eject. Pure tunnel vision cope. Calling the kettle black instead of fixing your own damn problems.
this is literally your entire damn problem. Your social abilities are bad. Every single amount of cope you wrote to hamster your way out of that only reinforced that assessment and that you're not ready to stop blaming everyone else and coping so that you can actually fix your core problem
User4566 2y ago
Which is why I’m going to bars and joining a frat and trying to talk to people to build social skills? Maybe I have to try a little harder than other people given who I am as a person. Despite all the “hamstering” and “copeeeee” I’m doing, I’m still going out and trying my best and it’s a bit of an uphill battle for me. What would be “coping” is me staying home and claiming to be an introvert and not trying at all and running away from my problems instead of facing them head-on. I don’t know everything. I’m still socially retarded. I mean for fucks sake, how many people have the balls to go out alone into the city to bars and clubs and make something out of their night? What coping would be is “I don’t have friends to go out with, so I’ll stay home”.
Yes, I got their numbers and we talked for most of the night. Can’t expect them to be good friends after I met them drunkenly last night but whatever. As for the girls, I just focused on getting comfortable approaching and talking to them. I didn’t talk to many, but I’ll get there.
Cutting my hair is something I’m scared of because I feel I might not look good afterward. There.
I’m picking up on the vibe that this is some sort of argument. I’m not here to argue. I’m here for help. So bullshit aside, can you help me out with some advice on how to improve my social skills and what to talk about with people at bars, clubs, parties?
Vermillion-Rx Admin 2y ago
I'm not arguing with you, I'm calling you out on your shit, this is red pill, not you go girl. I'm telling you how it is. You're perceiving it as an argument because you're uncomfortable being called out
Ah so you never cut your hair since that one post, okay. You're not comfortable taking certain clear self improvement risks that you can easily recover from if you don't like it. How about try it?? It will grow back. That's just a bad excuse man. Long hair is not a desireable look on most men. If you want to deny yourself more pussy for your hair choices so be it.
The fact that you're facetiously saying "coppeeeeee" in mock spelling REALLY highlights how insecure you are and in denial you are about receiving advice. You are coping. AND deflecting
I called you out on your shit and you deflected with "but muh going out alone bruh"
Fantastic. You're not staying home. But you're still coping hard as fuck. Just because staying home is a cope doesn't mean going out and making other excuses isn't a cope ffs. Guys like you struggle hard as hell to improve because of attitudes like this
Post about problem » Get advice » cope/deflect » "guyz why do i still have problem?!"
Have some humility dude. Someone is willing to be completely blunt with you out of trying to help you and you just deflect, make poor debate points in return, and try to convince the person giving you the advice. No dude, own your shit. You're only making me less likely to bother giving you unfiltered advice if at all because of your lack of humility and trying to convince me instead of taking your advice.
Dude who pulls and who has literal fucking autism climbs out of the depths of worse social skills and far more severe self esteem and mental health issues than you currently have or have ever had but you gotta defend yourself instead of owning your shit and taking the advice at face value, what the actual fuck. You either want to learn or make excuses pick one ffs.
Stop making excuses and trying to deflect. I just made a long ass guide on social skills. Did you even read it? Did you even see it? Address your actual problem. You're still coping. Just because you're not being a stay at home chump doesn't mean you're not making up a bunch of other useless and counterproductive copes. I'm not coping like a complete loser would so therefore I'm not coping at all isn't NOT coping. You're making up excuse after excuse for your problems.
Make a post actually targeting your core problems, not the symptoms (my approaches don't work, how come people don't like me, how to make friends)
Your problem is your social skills, not failure to approach, not failure to try for friends, not failure to go out or connect with people, your problem is YOU
RedPill115 2y ago
You're not getting it really, having friends is about - them being enough like you to that you have things on common, but enough unlike you that they're interesting.
People who dress up as the other gender for any reason other than temporary humor at the absurdity, are advertising that they suffer from some sort of mental disorder.
It sounds like they're being polite to you by ignoring you - your effort would be better spent finding better roomates for next year.
That being said, good roomates are not usually your best friends. Not sure how to describe this, but many people have roomed with good friends and gotten burned by the experience and realized it's not the way to go usually.
EurasianChad 1 2y ago
If your self esteem is based on your internal validation then you should know that it truly doesn't matter if people dont like you, as long as they don't put food in your mouth or a roof over your head. Do you understand?
These guys sound like chodes the way you describe it, and maybe they're envious of you or whatever. Doesn't matter bro. I'm a very social guy and friendly with people I meet, but if I sense some animosity within a person, I will talk to them less and not take it personally. Even if people don't like you, I know there are 1000 reasons why its about them, and few that are actually my fault. Last thing I wanna do is walk around trying to change myself for others, fuck that.
bendito 2y ago
Dealing with people who don't like you can be a challenging but necessary part of life. Instead of trying to get rid of them, consider focusing on self-improvement and maintaining your integrity. Take time to reflect on any valid feedback they may offer and use it as an opportunity for personal growth. In some cases, open communication can help resolve misunderstandings and build bridges. However, it's important to accept that not everyone will like you, and that's perfectly normal. Surround yourself with people who appreciate and support you, as their positivity will far outweigh the negativity of those who may not. https://celebsleatherjackets.com/products/princess-diana-philadelphia-eagles-green-varsity-jacket.html
No-Stress-Cat 1 2y ago
How to cope: Accept the fact that some people are going to just not like you. Why? Just because. It doesn't matter.
Realize: You are the problem. More specifically, your ego is the problem. Just because you think this about yourself, then everyone else should think like this too. Just stop already.
Fixing the Problem: Start living life to please yourself, and stop trying to live up to everyone else's expectations. They can either like you as you are, or they can fuck off.
It's that simple.