Before this whole dating & cold approach thing, I never really cared about shit tests.

If someone said something rude or disrespectful, I'd just discard them all at once.

But now, since I start to actively deal with shit tests and rejections, I start to get weird about it.

Many times, shit tests thrown by a woman can make me completely disoriented.

Sometimes I even start to question my own capabilities and abilities as a person.

I'm quite a confident person, I believe in my own abilities and capabilities—I own a company and I have had some success with my business in the past.

Shit tests sometimes feel like gaslighting to me... At least, that's how I felt when I got some insidious shit tests or simply insults.

I grew up in an abusive family, my parents are certified narcissists. So I know very well when someone is trying to emotionally control me (I get that knee-jerk reaction whenever someone is insinuating something or gaslighting). What I did most of the times, was to simply disregard their comments and just move on with whatever I need to do.

It's a bit like frame-control. That person is giving you a very very bad frame. He believes you are stupid, or he believes you are unqualified, despite all the evidence available to prove that I'm qualified.

It's very strange. If I allow that frame, then I even start to question my own frame—my own capabilities/confidence as a person.

Let's say for example, I went for a job interview.

I apparently speak native English. I ask for a English translation job. This job requires you to be able to speak English fluently. But I'm ethnically Chinese in China.

So a random boss would reject me, looking at my resume, that I look like a Chinese thus I must not speak English fluently. (American born Chinese apparently speak native English. So the boss is a racist, or he is just simply too stupid.)

Now, this leaves me with 2 choices:

a) This boss is an idiot and I should just walk away. Apparently, he can't read and doesn't use a brain. b) I really need this job, but I need to convince him... somehow? But he has publicly disrespected me. So this leads to 2 problems: A. Our interests conflict with each other. He apparently disrespects me, and I apparently don't like him. But I want to get something (money/job) out of him. B. I want the job but I'm not allowed to have it. Being disqualified by the boss and still wanting that job makes me really needy.

Stupid shit tests like these do sometimes get under my skin. The problem is I assume the people I get into contact with are reasonable, decent and genuine people. But that's completely not the case and not the reality. I am the reasonable and decent one, they are not.

So I would subconsciously think that... wait, is there something wrong with my presentation? Is there something wrong with my resume? Is it because I'm not doing good enough? Do I speak native English? (I would even question my own ability, since I'm being wrong-framed.) Can I fix something to make this work? etc. etc.

However, that's just not the reality. Because he's either a racist or an idiot.

But I would still get into the problem-solving mindset to try to fix things... that's just what men do, that's just what entrepreneurs do, that's just what I do.

So guys, how do you deal with shit tests like this? Or that someone is giving you the wrong frame? Simply assuming you that you are unqualified without any evidence?

Laugh at me all you want though, but this is the problem that I run into when I'm trying to be nice with people.

P.S. This relates to dating as well. Women can give you frame that doesn't fit you at all. They can assume a lot of wrong frames about you.