I would like to know how I can come across as more dominating/assertive while interacting with people. I did not ever think this would be a problem for me but it seems like my voice/tone of my voice coupled with my body language is giving people the wrong impression about me. It makes them think I am soft and weak. How do I work on this? I need to improve on this to improve my game with women and social interactions in general?
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[deleted] 3y ago
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RedPirate751 3y ago
Speak more slowly. I still have issues with this when I'm very excited, or when talking about topics that I'm passionate about. Catch it and remind yourself to slow down your words. At first you might think you sound like a sloth, but you don't - you're just used to talking crazy fast.
Also, don't end your sentences like questions. This bad habit is called up-talk. Here is a (very biased but still informative) Wikipedia page that explains the phenomena: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/High_rising_terminal. It's much more common in women and has the effect of making speech sound uncertain, questioning, ect. There's a place for it, such as genuinely asking a question, but if your goal is to sound commanding and authoritative up-talk is directly counter to that.
MentORPHEUS Senior Endorsed 3y ago
Was going to mention uptalk, good call. You know? How some people? Make every statement? Sound like 5? Different questions? You want to speak in a slow voice that deepens at the end, suggesting a period rather than a question mark. Calibrate this carefully; don't overcorrect and make it sound like an exclamation point when a period suffices.
Also study body language and rules of eye contact. Maintaining it, and leaning slightly forward, send an assertiveness signal. Darting your eyes away, and leaning slightly away, send the opposite: fear and uncertainty.
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mattyanon Admin 3y ago
Speak louder and slower. Work out harder so you feel more confident. Practice.
coolsocks00 1 3y ago
Good catch, this is self improvement 101. First impressions are much more persistent than you'd think, so it's extremely important to work on details such as these.
The book Captivate by V. Van Edwards comes to mind as a good read.
whytehorse2021 3y ago
It's called command presence. It's right there in The Player's Handbook by Rollo Tomassi.
[deleted] 3y ago
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