Actually, she kicked me but that title would implicate other things. We live together (yup). Actually she is a great gf all along, sometimes she just get's somewhat very agressive (not talking about punching stuffs, but 2 years ago she destroyed her iphone on the kitchen worktop). She is 21, I'm 24. Today, when she was preparing food for dinner, she got somewhat upset with me because I didn't wan't to go to shop for a new kitchen paper, which she soaked accidentaly. I told her I'm busy, and that the paper would eventually get dry. She started talking in this fucking annoying high piched angry karen's voice when I was standing near her, and because she does that often I just did parrot her behaviour by having somewhat loud high piched noise saying ,,blablabla''. Apparently, I've been too close to her and too loud, so after she heard that she looked at me, stood motionless and just kicked me in my thigh. I was very shocked, because this actually did hurt, so I assume she put much strenght in this kick. I started talking about how what she did was unacceptable, to which she replayed that it was my fault that she kicked me, because it was her defensive reflex (which took about 2 sec after I shouted) and that her ear hurts (so she is the victim I presume). Anyway, I don't want to make a wall of text of this. so two questions -
- I didn't read sidebar in a while so I think I lost some concepts - should I not parrot her in the first place?
- I don't really want to move out and break up with her, because at the moment I'm in the point of my life where in two weeks I would be getting my first job related to career (I end college now), and I'm afraid of financial risk (no family, don't want to end up hobo lol), so what to do next? I will say it again - she is great where you look at the big picture, but sometimes I just feel like I manipulated myself in this position (by being broke lol). Maybe your first response would be to next her, but I want you to know that implications of this would mean I'm potentialy risking very much, and I think that maybe there is some way to avoid all this mess. I'm open to all comments, also gonna hit the gym after I get the work.
Sorry for english, not my first language but tried my best.
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AnteriorEmotiff 2y ago
If you are looking for permission to dump her, you have it. If you are looking for permission to do squats and push-ups at home I'm granting those as well.
You can also tell her that you thought about it and this is what you have come up with: she behaved badly and you're taking time off interacting with her, and you give her minimum 1 week , to use silent time so she thinks about it. And then actually you will not talk to her except emergency things. If you can't hold on to that then you know you have problem with upholding your boundaries.
She can talk to you apologising, don't engage in answering questions she just tries to reel you in, she can suck you off, but you only should give her basics back - like kiss on a forehead and small smile - then move on without word.
By the end of the 1st week she should provide you some sort of apologies, if she didn't, you can suggest them saying you expect more out of her and you know she can do better. From then on you can gradually let her in again, not like thirsty whimp.
BTW she is not great, you are entering coping with bitchy, disrespectful behaviour. This is last moment to stop it.
sacred_juice 2y ago
That's why I posted here, you guys are always ready to spill some cold water bucket on a mf.
But I don't necessarily think what you posted is good - silent treatment seems beta to me, at least thats how I see it after reading sidebar some long time ago, might be wrong. What if she asks ,,so what, you are gonna stay silent like a little kid/bitch?". I get the part about not giving her any attention, but the whole staying silent part seems childlish to me. Or maybe I misunderstood - you perhaps meant me not starting/engaging in corvensation with her? I'm about to do that, but her parents are coming tomorrow for visit (they don't know about situoation), so the whole thing just got more complicated.
Also, I have now option to sleep in another room due to moving in to new apartment - should I do it or stay in bed with her?
JFC, the problems I have right now are so fucking retarded as well as me not knowing how to handle this shit, hope to fix this soon.
AnteriorEmotiff 2y ago
issue is not using it, but how you go about it. You are not butt hurt, you say what you do, what is time limit and why you do it. All should be done in one swift move like cutting butter with hot knife, no arguments or discussions - if she interrupts then you let her say what she wants and then continue like nothing happened.
What you talk about silence treatment is just not saying anything AND expecting her to know why are yo behaving like a child. yes this is what women do. Sometimes you can do it but ONLY to get some distance and take a time to think about it. But then you wouldn't say 'nothing happened' but rather 'I will think about it and will come back to you' and then you actually want to come back to it. You could also say 'I will think about it and will come back to you, unless there is something you want tell me right now'.
if your expectation is to hear something like that from this woman, she is for streets already, you both are likely broken beyond repair or she was always like that which I don't know which is worse
you can do whatever you want, stay with your mate, wait till they are gone [if day visit - waiting too long from occurrence will remove association and learning curve], you do not owe her anything at this point, she technically should be banned from your company but well you have undesirable circumstances.
you always stay in your bed, if someone is moving it is her
you don't fix it, if you'll try you "loose"
Mind that this is very general advice and is based on very general picture of your relationship and situation. You absolutely have to use your brain. BUt don't be afraid of confrontation, this is your chance to learn how to be a man. Sure you might fail.
altho I don't know WHY why you moved, this shit sounds stupid, also you probably shared your financial situation or she otherwise knows you're out of money and are RELIANT on her, she should'nt know about that. She should pay her % - end of topic.
sacred_juice 2y ago
Thank you for your reply, great insight.
About the no money while moving in, I very much simplified it, I will have money but currently I paid double rent and have to wait basically 30 days to stabilize, financially it was not stupid I just can't be bothered to explain it to you and I think you don't care as well.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 2y ago
Genuine physical abuse is a no for me.
Hard next
Also have frame next time and don't deliberately go out of your way to mock an LTR. Contempt is the bedrock of a bad relationship. Lead your relationship next time if you have problems with your girls behavior.
I'm not excusing her abuse. That didn't even warrant physical abuse in return. I'm just saying this seems like a poorly managed LTR as far as conflict resolution goes
sacred_juice 2y ago
Thank you for that.
Yeah, I figured it wasn't exactly the rp way, but you get very stale after having an LTR and not reading RP material.
You see, that is the very problem of this situation. If I would be in circumstances when I could stay at my parents house or whatever, I would propably do this, but currently I have no money left, only for food, because we moved in recently to bigger apartment, and If I would choose to next her, I would be in VERY bad financial/security position, so that option is out of the window until I save some money.
bluerock_sailor66 2y ago
I was in a LTR in the past, and my ex hit me multiple times. It was always in the heat of the moment during an argument, and afterwards she'd cry and ask me to hit her back because of how terrible she felt. I never did though, I'd never hit anybody unless I had to for self defense.
When women do stuff like this, in my experience, it's because they have a bunch of pent up feelings they don't know how to process. If you think this is a one off, you're kidding yourself. Women aren't socialized to use violence like this, and it's a huge red if she does. I wouldn't be surprised if her mother hit her father, which is where she learned the behaviour. Ask yourself, is her mother a controlling woman? Who her mother is will be a pretty good representation of your girl in 20 years.
Unless this girl wants to get into therapy to learn how to process her emotions like an adult, you'll either have to dump her, or accept you're dating someone with the emotional control of a child. I told myself for years the girl I was with was great in the big picture, but the truth was she only hit me because she had A LOT of underlying issues that would likely always be there. I see you write excuses on why you can't break up right now - that's a trap. There is always a reason not to break up. If you want to do, fucking break up. If you fall on hard times for a few months, that's fine. It'll help you build character.
mattyanon Admin 2y ago
No.
Don't justify it.
They do this because THEY DO NOT RESPECT YOU.
It's that simple.
Violence ends with the man in prison. Don't soften it.
redpillschool Admin 2y ago
This right here. It's a dark path that doesn't lead anywhere good.
sacred_juice 2y ago
Thanks for reply. As for excuses, I think many people make emotional one's like sunk cost fallacy or ,,but I love her'', I think mine is somewhat different, because if things go wrong I can end up on the streets.
If you would ask me how I would describe her, it's exactly this.
Problematic_Browser 1 2y ago
Nope. Your ex-girlfriend hit you.
haventcopedinseconds 2y ago
You sound immature and she sounds down right psychotic. If you really believe she is great, have a serious talk with her about this. And try to fix your own faults too.
If she's just brushing it off, she'll probably do it again, maybe worse. Doesn't sound like a "great" gf.
MidgetSpinner 2y ago
Toxic as fuck. Getting angry over kitchen paper, raising her voice, and then kicking you and blaming you for that. Maybe she should get therapy? And you leave her ass in the dust.
unknown39 2y ago
Man you guys are sensitive af. Bitches disrespect and you have to check them. This is pimping 101.
Girls get irrational and push, shove, slap. Are you a bitch? Did she scareeee you?
My ex girl slapped me once because I was “being mean.” I slapped her back harder. She started crying. I said you better not act up like that again. Then we fucked an hour later.
unknown39 2y ago
I’ll give you another example. I was at the club with one of my hoes. Put my arm around her at one point and she shrugged it off: “I’m too hot.” She offered me her hand and I slapped it away.
Then I ignored that bitch for a good hour and danced with other girls. She was stuck to me rest of the night. Let me finger her in the club.
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F1F2F3 2y ago
there are 2 endings to this:
Location dependent.
unknown39 2y ago
Lol well I’m still here and she still talks to me
Think it’s fine if it’s in retaliation and you don’t do something obviously incriminating like a hard hit which leaves bruises.
The second girl whose hand I slapped away (twice not once) looked up at me and smiled with lust. Maybe I’m just seducing the worlds most toxic bitches.
mattyanon Admin 2y ago
Not relevant.
Ok, here's what you do::
You sit her down and you explain, in a very serious tone..... "listen..... you need to hear this..... you do not hit or kick or slap me, under any circumstances.".
If she says it's your fault, you say again "you do not hit me under any circumstances, are we clear?"
Any more bullshit, simple repeat.
If she agrees, then you stay. If she won't listen and accept this, you have to leave.
If she agrees and subsequently hits you, you leave.
Girl hitting you will end with you in prison. You have been warned.
whytehorse2021 2y ago
You became emotional. That means you lost frame. She was nagging you. Women nag men when something's wrong. My wife nags me when she doesn't get an anti-depressant dose of semen, when shit's all fucked up and retarded, stuff like that. Think of a relationship like like a ship at sea and you're the captain and she's the first mate. Your first mate is telling you that the ship is heading into the rocks and you need to correct course. You'll have to figure out what the problem is and fix it. It might be the paper or it might be something else.
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whytehorse2021 2y ago
No, there's a reason. A mature woman can communicate it. A man who understands ovulatory shift can figure it out with an immature woman. There's no magic to this stuff. No mystery. Unless they're crazy... crazy people just do crazy stuff because they're crazy and you'd have to go crazy to figure out why.
unknown39 2y ago
I’ve found sometimes there is no actual problem. Just how she’s “feeling” in the moment.
You ignore if she’s annoying / check if she’s being really aggressive and she returns to normal like nothing ever happened.
whytehorse2021 2y ago
Women don't have feelings for random reasons. When I've got everything on point my wife will be humming happily in the kitchen baking gourmet meals and sexually harassing me. When I'm fucking up it's like being one of those dead bedroom nice guys where nothing seems to fix it. By ignoring it you are basically self-sabotaging.