Good day gentlemen,
I will try keep this short. I am in need of advice from experienced guys on this forum, since this is the first time I find myself in this situation.
My coworker, a 26-year-old HB 8 has been giving me undeniable IOIs for months. I was giving 0 attention simply because I don't shit where I eat.
However, I will be changing my job soon and so I decided to ask her out. Which I did. She agreed, but a few days before the date she told me that she wont be in the city. I expected her to reschedule or give any kind of indication that she wants to go another time, but I got nothing. Therefore I nexted her and from then on gave her 0 attention.
A couple of weeks go by and she is still giving me IOIs. Even more then before! She even randomly bought me a chocolate which I like and she randomly sends me hearts in messages(to initiate a conversation I suppose). She did see that I don't give her any attention, and asked me two times If I am mad at her. I dodged the question. Nevertheless, she is still trying to flirt with me.
Now, I must admit that I am very nervous around her. She is a league above me in looks. I failed a ton of shit tests when interacting with her. (which is why I thought she dodged our date)
Did anybody here have a similar situation? You fail shit tests, you give a girl 0 attention, she even dodged the date which you scheduled, BUT she is still going out of her way to talk to you and she gives you constant IOIs!?
I am 90% sure that she is just messing with me for some weird reason. Girls usually get cold and dry very quickly if you fail shit tests.
So why is she still giving me this much attention? Is she messing with me, or is it possible that she is indeed attracted to me?
[deleted] 1y ago
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Incognito 1y ago
This makes a lot of sense. Thank you.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1y ago
I would agree OP. When women are "this high interested" in you, but won't put out for you or go out with you, it's usually because
1) they are getting plowed by someone else and they don't want multiple partners, or just not the partners at work for example
2) validation. They know showing IOIs will have a man chasing her
If she's serious she'll show it. She doesn't appear to be.
Never forget that attention is one of women's most sought after currencies, some women will just keep sapping you of attention until you go mad from lack of progress. Don't let that be you
Incognito 1y ago
Now when I think about it, It is hard to ignore someone who is actively trying to initiate a conversation. Should I be blunt and tell her to stop being friendly to me? If not, then I'm not sure how to interact with her, honestly. What would you do?
[deleted] 1y ago
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Vermillion-Rx Admin 1y ago
Just accept the validation like she's basically doing to you and then when you're not in front of her any more go live your life without a care in the world. Don't put any energy to it though.
I wouldn't initiate these interactions. Sounds like a waste of time but it doesn't have to be a conversation about what she's doing
AurelianWay 1y ago
You're changing jobs soon so I don't think you should ignore her but you don't have to go out of your way to give her attention either. Just be cordial and say your "good mornings". If she texts you or any sort of after work communication then that needs to stop. Just do the slow fade. Either outright ignore her texts or reply to them days after they sent. Keep texts short with her just say you are busy and have to go.
Female validation and attention is nice especially if you don't get to experience it very often so I don't blame you for taking your shot and the confusion you are experiencing now from her behaviour. She is an attention whore so when you end up leaving she will easily find another orbitor and give him the same IOI's and attention and milk him for validation the way she did with you.
Lionsmane8 1y ago
No. Withdrawal of energy/attention is how you punish women.
It works because women live in a perpetual energy/attention deficit (imagine a big minus sign stuck on their foreheads).
Talking to her, screaming at her, getting mad at her is giving her energy/attention, it's what she wants and needs.
mattyanon Admin 1y ago
Oh hell yes.
Girls flirt and give IOI's to get attention, validation, money, resources, social status, and of course.... attention. I said it twice for a reason.
God I hate that shit. You escalate, it doesn't work, you ignore them and the try to get you back and demand to know why you're mad at them....... because you're a crazy duplicitous lieing bitch, that's why.
Honestly, I don't fully get it either. She might like you and expect you to reschedule after SHE cancels (women are stupid like this).
Point is this: she isn't playing by your rules so NEXT.
OR..... another plan........ flirt back really hard but don't escalate to ever asking her out again.
Here's what I've learned: girls who behave like this....... flirting and then cancel on you or whatever..... it never works out well even if you do date them for a short time.
PS It sounds like control. If you don't fall into being a good little orbiter like the others then she flirts until you do. With other guys she probably doesn't need to. With you she needs to put a bit of work in to get you into her orbit. When you ignore her she tries harder. Doesn't mean she wants to fuck you though.
Lionsmane8 1y ago
The key word is control.
That insatiable demon is always there, knawing at the back of their minds and ruining everything.
Fear of abandonment?
TRPDuryodhana 1y ago
This is actually pretty confusing for guys. These hoes flirt really hard to get that attention, sometimes even after weeks of no-contact. And yet, when it comes to real action, it's all cricket. Although I'm not exactly good at game (yet), so I maybe missing a lot of shots as well.
mattyanon Admin 1y ago
Yep, a lot of them do this.
When all you have to offer is between your legs you need to leverage it as much as possible.
Escalate to find out, move on fast.
Problematic_Browser 1 1y ago
Women trickle attention to men in order to keep them in orbit.
If you're not getting what you want, leave her life.
whytehorse2021 1y ago
I had a chick at work fuck me and then shortly after use me as a reference for a promotion.
Bozza 1y ago
You have to admire the strategy.
whytehorse2021 1y ago
It backfired. I gave her a bad reference. She got the promotion anyway. Shortly after I got framed for hacking the network and manipulating HR records. A few years later they found the guy who actually did it.
Lionsmane8 1y ago
You gave her her shot.
Either you move on or if she's worth the extra effort give her a second one (explicit invitation).
After that move on for good.
Lone_Ranger 2 1y ago
This happens all the time. She wants you to chase her, for her own selfish reasons (validation at best, at worst, she might try to twist it into some sort of drama, where she can claim that you were being inappropriate).
This happens a lot in the work place. I can recall one single milf that used to come by my desk all the time, and sit on my desk while talking to me, fling her hair around, play with her necklace. And then everyone would say, wow - you're really into her aren't you? It always gets twisted into the guy is chasing the woman.
It used to be that married couples either met each other at university or at teh work place. But men are getting more and more wary of meeting women at the workplace, which means that women are stepping up their provoke game. They keep trying to provoke men into chasing them, regardless of whether they want to actually have any kind of a relationship. What they really want is your attention.
PetieT 1y ago
Actually maybe I believe the best, but I want to believe that she likes you. She just shows it strangely
User4566 1y ago
I remember one of my managers at my old job had a FAT ass and flirted with everyone. Sent me iois aswell, but I know it's because women love to feel wanted and attractive. This is sidebar info, I remember reading to avoid those kinds of women in the workplace.