On paper, it seems like I have the perfect life. I have many 'friends/acquaintances', plates, goals in my life, good bond with my brother/cousin, about to graduate, ... But most of the time I feel so lonely.

The truth is that I hate spinning plates. Even when I have a good rotation, it makes me feel empty inside, because deep down I don't care about any of these girls. It seems like I have lost the ability to bond with most people. Even when I'm out for drinks with plates or girls in general, all the stuff they talk about is so damn boring, and doesn't interest me at all. The only reason why I'm spinning plates is that I'm really picky when it comes to relationships.

Even when it comes to male friends, most of them are so boring. They used to be so fun to hang around with, but now all they want to do is sit at home with their girlfriends. Making plans with them feels like a chore, and it seems like they've lost their personality that once was so fun. Even my closest friends have all become boring. All they talk about is their girlfriends, and barely do fun stuff anymore.

This is not the first time I'm experiencing this kind of loneliness. This happens like every 6 months. I'm doing fine, reaching my goals, have multiple plates, ... And out of nowhere, I get this feeling of loneliness. The process is always the same. I have this destructive habit of ditching all of my plates, until I have 0 plates anymore.

I've been going out by myself occasionally. Been doing this for 1–2 years now, and at first it's fun, but it's so exhausting. I've met some fun people, and had great times, but at the end of the day, it makes me feel even more lonely, if that makes sense. I'm walking around in the city, surrounded by groups of people having fun.

I'm not depressed by any means. I use this loneliness to work on myself. I'm in the best shape of my life, about to graduate, have long/short term goals, read books, eat healthy, ... Even got my test levels checked and they're above average. I don't know what to do anymore. I miss having a close group of friends you can do fun stuff with. And I still have that blue pill dream of having that one perfect girl by my side.

How to deal with these feelings? Things will get better, I know that, but like I've said before, this happens every 6 months. It feels like I'm not passionate about anything, except for my degree.