Some users may recognize me,I have been on trp(not constantly) since 20. I am one of the biggest losers that ever walked on this earth. I have never been good with women,on contrary since I was child in kindergarten I remember them hurting my feelings. In kindergarden I remember a girl I liked ran away from me and started dancing with other guy. In primary school at age 7/8/9 I was still fat and nerd but very confident.I would openly express my feeling to a girl,recitate poems in front of teacher and class and she would get emberessed. I remember when I was 12 I wanted to dance with that girl,which was one of the girls a lot of guys had crush on,on my birthday.I had to wrestle with the guy who was shorter and weaker than me and the ones who wins would dance with her.She was openly cheering for him and she clearly didnt want to dance with me.I remember her telling that guy that he must win,that she wont dance with me,she pulled my leg during wrestling and he won,he could never beat me. Later on that girl at 14 was convincing other girl I wanted to go with on primary shool prom to not go with me.She was put trough pressure by other girls in my shcool to reject me and she was running away from me,while other girls were filmming it and laughing. I was bullied verbally by short tiny guy with napoleon complex(probbably) for not having friends.I only had one female friend after 12,I was studying majority of time,attending martial art,or private foreign language classes,spending my free time on the intherent that then became a mainstream into households.I was big,nice and quiet.But there were frustrated small guys at the bottom of the pack that wanted to raise themselves socially by bringing me down,calling me names and bullying me(one of them admitted that he was fed up of being disrescpected and at the bottom,so he wanted to raise trough destroying me).I was socially inexperienced and didnt want to bother with social status or verbal conflict,altough I would beat that guy from time to time and he would continue to psichologically abuse me).I was nerd,one of the best in school.fat ,didnt spend time with guys from school or tried to win their approval,so a lot of them hated me and when there is several of them being against you,all turns against you trying to fit it. Imagine not having anyone to go to prom with and other guys with hot girls fucking with you,women as well.Things like those fuck you forever. My female best friend 5 months before that during summer school break rejected me when I said that I have crush on her.I was so fucked up by that. I have lost weight than,got abs and did little excersises.When I returned to shcool I have seen her with a 6'3 guy holding her hands.I felt so hummiliated. Later when those girls recorded me getting rejected by that girl,they have showed it to my crush and they laughed.I went to my home crying,I wanted to kill myself,i have took copper and tried to stick it into power plug but minute after my mom accidently returned earlier from home,so I didnt die that day.

I have said that so you can get my psychological profile and mindset when I have went to highchool.The only good thing about me was that I had excellent grades. In highcool I became mean and sociopathic towards girls,I knew that they are evil,I became popular and something like alpha in the first 6 months,guys liked me and I paid no attention to girls and was treating them like crap.They wanted to gain my approval,attention,girls have never been so nice towards me,for those guys it looked like they were having crush on me,but it was pure status that made them chase me(I was fat and didnt wash my hair and teeth,yet they were treating me like I am Brad PITT) I realized then the worse you are towards them,the more status you have,they will like you and respect you more. Eventually I lost my status,other guys wanted the crown,I returned to my old habbits because It was hard for me to pretend that I like people due to my past,I returened to avoiding people,getting into myself and on the top of that when they found out about my past,girl started rejecting me and threating me like crap again. I remember girl saying that I am disquasting when I have touched her,girls asking me to take a walk with them and than running away from me.Ignoring me.Even when I lost weight and got six pack,broad shoulders,biceps from serious workout,girl didnt like me. Guys were jealous of me because I looked lika a fitness model and were always commenting my body when I take off shirt. Still when a girl walked in I like,there were bunch of guys I was half naked and ripped she didnt even took a look at me,and had hate in her eyes.I certainly couldnt do that to hot girl without bra.

I look trough posts of my highschool classmates when they were young,I see pictures of them in hug and smile with girls,comments with hearts.Of course he can be that confident,cocky and nice.We are from diffetent worlds,I have never expirenced love,only hate and suffering.

Guys I hated who bullied me in primary school and highscool fucked my crushed,have other girls while I am virgin at 24. Its not that I didnt tried anything,I tried to speak to several maybe 5 girls at uni,they werent very responsive.I have got two "semi friends" girls there but they were never intrested in me.I tried my best,I was social there made several friends but still nothing altough I wasnt fat in uni.i am 5'9 and half in country where guys are from 6'1 to 6'6 tall altough women are shorter than me,average is around 5'6.I remember girls calling with laughter my friend that was 6'3 and not paying any attention to me or even looking at me while we were together. I expected that women will chase after me when I lose weight got six pack abs,muscles.They didnt.I only noticed catching girls sizing me up several times. On tinder I had maybe 20 matches the most in year and the half,majority didnt want to reply,those who did ghosted me after several messages or a day.When I put a picture of skinny instagram model I get 10 matches a day and they all like me and bond with me trough talk. I tried to attend running.There I tried to talk to several women but they are somewhat rude to me,cold,distant,unitrested. Right now I am in even worse situation.I used to not have any friends at all,then one,and it looks like I am breaking the ice and started slowly to extend my social circle.I have went several other guys trough my friends,we are not still "friends" but we have hang out several times when going out and I have their numbers. When going to parties women still cold when i talk to them(altough I got fat again due to depression,but its not different when I am lean,only girls in bus from time to time check me out,when fat nothing). In clubs I never catch a girl looking at me or glance.

My confidence is at the lowest low,fat no friends,no love,no car,still didnt finished university,no money(altough my job will bring a lot). I looked at pictures of my oneitis on facebook,I lived into ilussion that she is inoccent and I play with a lot girls because I flirted with 3 at the same time.What a retard I was,she has bunch of guy friend of facebook,liking or giving hearts to those pictures.Girl that hated me and humilliated me and broke my heart,which I loved is fucking with other guys while I still rot alone,and cant change it no matter what. It brokes me when I see smile on her face.

I am pathetic piece of shit.I read a post here of guy that is 25 and had only 8-9 women.He says that he is very inexpierenced and that makes him more likely to catch oneities.What am I then.

Sorry for long post,if there is good advice I will save it in my phone inside notes which I will read during hard times or when I have an desire to kill myself while trying to improve myself.