Some users may recognize me,I have been on trp(not constantly) since 20. I am one of the biggest losers that ever walked on this earth. I have never been good with women,on contrary since I was child in kindergarten I remember them hurting my feelings. In kindergarden I remember a girl I liked ran away from me and started dancing with other guy. In primary school at age 7/8/9 I was still fat and nerd but very confident.I would openly express my feeling to a girl,recitate poems in front of teacher and class and she would get emberessed. I remember when I was 12 I wanted to dance with that girl,which was one of the girls a lot of guys had crush on,on my birthday.I had to wrestle with the guy who was shorter and weaker than me and the ones who wins would dance with her.She was openly cheering for him and she clearly didnt want to dance with me.I remember her telling that guy that he must win,that she wont dance with me,she pulled my leg during wrestling and he won,he could never beat me. Later on that girl at 14 was convincing other girl I wanted to go with on primary shool prom to not go with me.She was put trough pressure by other girls in my shcool to reject me and she was running away from me,while other girls were filmming it and laughing. I was bullied verbally by short tiny guy with napoleon complex(probbably) for not having friends.I only had one female friend after 12,I was studying majority of time,attending martial art,or private foreign language classes,spending my free time on the intherent that then became a mainstream into households.I was big,nice and quiet.But there were frustrated small guys at the bottom of the pack that wanted to raise themselves socially by bringing me down,calling me names and bullying me(one of them admitted that he was fed up of being disrescpected and at the bottom,so he wanted to raise trough destroying me).I was socially inexperienced and didnt want to bother with social status or verbal conflict,altough I would beat that guy from time to time and he would continue to psichologically abuse me).I was nerd,one of the best in school.fat ,didnt spend time with guys from school or tried to win their approval,so a lot of them hated me and when there is several of them being against you,all turns against you trying to fit it. Imagine not having anyone to go to prom with and other guys with hot girls fucking with you,women as well.Things like those fuck you forever. My female best friend 5 months before that during summer school break rejected me when I said that I have crush on her.I was so fucked up by that. I have lost weight than,got abs and did little excersises.When I returned to shcool I have seen her with a 6'3 guy holding her hands.I felt so hummiliated. Later when those girls recorded me getting rejected by that girl,they have showed it to my crush and they laughed.I went to my home crying,I wanted to kill myself,i have took copper and tried to stick it into power plug but minute after my mom accidently returned earlier from home,so I didnt die that day.
I have said that so you can get my psychological profile and mindset when I have went to highchool.The only good thing about me was that I had excellent grades. In highcool I became mean and sociopathic towards girls,I knew that they are evil,I became popular and something like alpha in the first 6 months,guys liked me and I paid no attention to girls and was treating them like crap.They wanted to gain my approval,attention,girls have never been so nice towards me,for those guys it looked like they were having crush on me,but it was pure status that made them chase me(I was fat and didnt wash my hair and teeth,yet they were treating me like I am Brad PITT) I realized then the worse you are towards them,the more status you have,they will like you and respect you more. Eventually I lost my status,other guys wanted the crown,I returned to my old habbits because It was hard for me to pretend that I like people due to my past,I returened to avoiding people,getting into myself and on the top of that when they found out about my past,girl started rejecting me and threating me like crap again. I remember girl saying that I am disquasting when I have touched her,girls asking me to take a walk with them and than running away from me.Ignoring me.Even when I lost weight and got six pack,broad shoulders,biceps from serious workout,girl didnt like me. Guys were jealous of me because I looked lika a fitness model and were always commenting my body when I take off shirt. Still when a girl walked in I like,there were bunch of guys I was half naked and ripped she didnt even took a look at me,and had hate in her eyes.I certainly couldnt do that to hot girl without bra.
I look trough posts of my highschool classmates when they were young,I see pictures of them in hug and smile with girls,comments with hearts.Of course he can be that confident,cocky and nice.We are from diffetent worlds,I have never expirenced love,only hate and suffering.
Guys I hated who bullied me in primary school and highscool fucked my crushed,have other girls while I am virgin at 24. Its not that I didnt tried anything,I tried to speak to several maybe 5 girls at uni,they werent very responsive.I have got two "semi friends" girls there but they were never intrested in me.I tried my best,I was social there made several friends but still nothing altough I wasnt fat in uni.i am 5'9 and half in country where guys are from 6'1 to 6'6 tall altough women are shorter than me,average is around 5'6.I remember girls calling with laughter my friend that was 6'3 and not paying any attention to me or even looking at me while we were together. I expected that women will chase after me when I lose weight got six pack abs,muscles.They didnt.I only noticed catching girls sizing me up several times. On tinder I had maybe 20 matches the most in year and the half,majority didnt want to reply,those who did ghosted me after several messages or a day.When I put a picture of skinny instagram model I get 10 matches a day and they all like me and bond with me trough talk. I tried to attend running.There I tried to talk to several women but they are somewhat rude to me,cold,distant,unitrested. Right now I am in even worse situation.I used to not have any friends at all,then one,and it looks like I am breaking the ice and started slowly to extend my social circle.I have went several other guys trough my friends,we are not still "friends" but we have hang out several times when going out and I have their numbers. When going to parties women still cold when i talk to them(altough I got fat again due to depression,but its not different when I am lean,only girls in bus from time to time check me out,when fat nothing). In clubs I never catch a girl looking at me or glance.
My confidence is at the lowest low,fat no friends,no love,no car,still didnt finished university,no money(altough my job will bring a lot). I looked at pictures of my oneitis on facebook,I lived into ilussion that she is inoccent and I play with a lot girls because I flirted with 3 at the same time.What a retard I was,she has bunch of guy friend of facebook,liking or giving hearts to those pictures.Girl that hated me and humilliated me and broke my heart,which I loved is fucking with other guys while I still rot alone,and cant change it no matter what. It brokes me when I see smile on her face.
I am pathetic piece of shit.I read a post here of guy that is 25 and had only 8-9 women.He says that he is very inexpierenced and that makes him more likely to catch oneities.What am I then.
Sorry for long post,if there is good advice I will save it in my phone inside notes which I will read during hard times or when I have an desire to kill myself while trying to improve myself.
Lionsmane8 2y ago
Dude. Start working out. Seriously. Get your physical and mental foundation right first.
AllBlack087 2y ago
I want,I am on diet and started working out.However a week ago I caught a cold and have very bad sore throat ,went to doctor but it isnt passing still.So dissapointed that after week of working out I got flu ,I am trying to recover as fast as possible,while being still on the diet to at least not gain and possibly lose some weight altough I am sick.
Durek_The_Bald 2y ago
Here's a tip for you:
Stop framing things like "I want to..." or "I'm trying to...". Don't tell others that, don't tell yourself that, and don't think that. Because when you do, you enforce it as such in your psyche. All that is is you preemptively clearing the way for failure and excuses. It's a way of speaking and thinking which is counterproductive to fostering discipline in yourself.
You are either doing something, or you're not doing something. "Trying" doesn't count. "Wanting" doesn't count. Those are both "not doing". Additionally to being bad for your own mindset, it's a weak signal to send out to the people around you.
So every time you feel compelled to say "trying" or "wanting", take it is a clue - a feedback mechanism - for you to shut up immediately, and get your act together. Less talk, less mental masturbation, more doing. 'Task completion' is the road to contentment, not talking or thinking about stuff. Talking and thinking are luxuries you can afford yourself when you're already coming from a place of contentment.
Bulba 2y ago
You told us you’re 5’9 tall, but what is your current weight?
AllBlack087 2y ago
I am 176-177cm tall and weight 98kg(I had 100kg before one week diet) thats around 5'9 and half in height and 216.05lbs new weight.
mattyanon Admin 2y ago
That's fucking fat dude, unless it's all muscle.
Fix that shit.
Bulba 2y ago
You need to lose 20kg, that’s a lot.
You need professional help. Get a personal trainer, a dietician and a therapist who specializes in eating disorders.
It will be a long journey but you’ll be surprised by how much progress you can make in two years if you follow expert advice.
I was almost getting to your situation when I woke up, I have about your height and my weight was 90kg.
Just forget about women now, fix your body first. You got 99 problems but a bitch ain’t one.
AllBlack087 2y ago
Losing weight and getting ripped/jacked is not a problem for me.I have done it so many times and kept it for years.I can get to 10% in 6-8 months. But the thing is when I am fit I was isolated,I didnt go out had no friends and everything stayed the same.Maybe it will be even if I get to 10% and then lean bulk for a year and then cut to 10% and if I go out.Maybe girls will still be cold towards me as they used to be when I was training running but there were only several in my group and most of them were older than me.
Bulba 2y ago
That’s the wrong mindset. Don’t work out to get the girls, do it because you want to be the best version of yourself. Chase excellence, not women.
And by the way, you probably need professional help more than you think.
User4566 2y ago
I'd recommend reading the sidebar.
I got bullied to, but you're only as bad as you allow yourself to be. Focus on the future and take action to make your life better for yourself.
AllBlack087 2y ago
I have read sidebar two times
whytehorse2021 2y ago
Wall of text = autism/aspergers. Try this test https://xpasd.github.io/ASD/raads.html
craftsmanmindset 2y ago
This is such an insignificant indicator.
whytehorse2021 2y ago
It's reproducible and evidence-based. Hardly insignificant.
mattyanon Admin 2y ago
It sounds like you had terrible parenting, most likely from a single mother or a domineering mother without a strong father figure, leading you to be socially adapted to "be nice" to girls.
It's good that you got some status and found that this works, you've seen both sides of that coin.
But here's a problem you have, and I want you to seriously think and absorb this:
Status is like a girl being good looking: it's simply attractive. It's one of the things girls want in a guy. That's just how they are wired: they respond to status. It's neither good nor bad, it's just how they are and it's something you have to deal with.
You need to do a few things:
That's a lot to do. It takes months to see results. It's REALLY fucking hard. But it's what you have to do to have a great life. Take risks, work hard, do the grind.
AllBlack087 2y ago
Its true my father worked all day and when he comes home I would be sleeping.I would spend all day with my mother. For me the hardest part is building social circle.I used to spend time in my room,studying,reading,playing games instead of socialising. My mother had a big influence of the way I come to be. She would always demand perfect grades and O would be pusinshed or treated like shit,blamed by whole family if I am not best in the school. I just want to give you a little glanse of psychology of my mother in this example,I remember one time I was 13 I spoke with my female best friend after school near mine and her home,laugh and talk.It has passed one hour and when my mom saw us after returning from work she would yell at me why I am waisting time talking with her,dont I have a lot to study(altough I had all A's). I was obsessed and ambitious with career and academics(which my parents covertly planted into me trough their expectations) that I have neglected all other aspects of life like socialization. Because I was obssesed about only one thing,and I was spending most of the time inside,so I didnt pay attention to the fact that I am fat or that I needed more than one friend. Before inthernet came to households till my 12 age I was even doing ok,but after inthernet even free time I would spend on computer watching anime,porn or playing games. But such behaviour was also reinforced by my mother,I have rememebred several times in highschool,uni people would call me on birthdays or their home,my mom would dissaprove that I shouldnt go to birthday "It would be smarter to stay home and study,why would you go" for a colleague at uni which was very high value chad calling me home and wanting to build a friendship she would say "Are you crazy to go home to someone you know so little". She and my fatger didnt allow me to go the nighclubs at 24 with friends,they would get scared when I tell them that I am going to the nighclub ,they would yell that dangerous things will happen,that there only problems happen and its flow of danegourus people,that someone would put me drug into drink,that no normal and decent girl goes to nighclubs at night and drinks alchocol. They would scare the shit out of me of going out after 11 p.m at 24 as a man,thanks God I didnt listen to them and opposed them. I just want to give you idea that they influenced who would I come to be as adult. They would hide me inside my room,isolate from the world so I can spend time only with them and then blame me that I am a loser for never having a girlfriend.
mattyanon Admin 2y ago
Stop introspecting and reiterating your life story so far. At some point this is just an excuse to be lazy.
You asked what to do to turn things around, and I told you.