Recently I’ve noticed my gf is becoming more comfortable in our relationship. For the first time a couple weeks ago she actually complained about something I did even though I hadn’t really done anything, I still believe I passed the shit test though because she was very regretful once I let her know it wasn’t ok. After about 4 months of dating (I was fucking her casually for like 5 months before that) it’s to be expected, the honeymoon phase is wearing off. she admitted she feels less excited about things and even though she said that she “loves me very much and wouldn’t trade me for anything”, I know this is dangerous since women basically just operate on feelings. I’m thinking my plan is to start giving her less or more sporadic affirmation, start being very cold in texts, but at the same time ramp up the sex and go full 50 shades of grey on her essentially and see where it goes. What else would you guys recommend I do? If she still feels this way after all of this, I will break up with her because 90% chance it’ll end badly if I don’t.
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Typo-MAGAshiv Endorsed Contributor 3y ago
Comfort (beta traits and behaviors) is essential to an LTR, but it must a) be earned by the woman, and b) be balanced with attraction/arousal (alpha traits and behaviors).
LTRs are measured in years, not months. You have a relationship, but you still do not have an LTR yet. Only provide comfort when she has earned it. More on this in the readings I recommend.
Honeymoon phase is supposed to last between 5 and 10 years, average 7 (hence the expression "7 year ache" or "7 year itch"). If your honeymoon phase is ending before the first year is over, that's not a good sign. She's losing attraction to you.
There's a shit ton of stuff to cover.
Go to the Married Red Pill subreddit and read the sidebar, especially Athol Kay's Married Man Sex Life Primer and anything on dread.
Check out Rian Stone's YouTube channel. He's one of the mods at MRP and senior endorsed at TRP.
Start here, because this is a) short, and b) easily the most important Red Pill writing I ever read, and was instrumental in me turning my marriage around: Roissy/Heartiste's 16 Commandments of Poon. (That site frequently gets 503 errors. If that's happening, give it a few hours and try again.)
coolsocks00 1 3y ago
Sounds like you need to read up on dread.
https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/the-12-step-plan-of-dread-book-excerpt-from-my.202883
Check out the 12 steps outlined there. This is mainly aimed at longer relationships/marriage but it's relevant.
Take the steps with a grain of salt, and start slow.
The idea is to become more attractive in general, not to do X so that she will do Y. Rather, she may start to do Y as a result of you improving. But this distinction is important in order to avoid creating covert contracts. Do it for yourself, not for her.
And obviously this hail mary 180° would probably end up with you crashing and burning.
mattyanon Admin 3y ago
But she is expecting your "commitment phase" not to wear off?
yeah, she's getting ready to leave or withdraw sex.
keep it random and unpredictable
see above
good idea
Right..
Hit the gym, be unavailable sometimes, read up about dread game
esandman01 3y ago
Good thing is I am already pretty jacked and unavailable as i am a full time engineering student and run a band and run a student organization. Only issue I have is I don’t get invited out to a lot of parties anymore and being in college that’s kind of a requirement, so a lot of the time I go to whatever one she’s invited to. It’s about 70% going to parties with her and 30% going on my own.
Intrepid_Place53900 1 3y ago
you're young. why are you in a LTR honestly.
college age, go have fun. If you want to get experience in a LTR. You got to focus on you, do your thing, attain /focus on your goals.
Does that mean treat her like shit, ignore her? no, it means don't make her the focus of your life, don't put her on a pedestal.
the shit tests and such. Have you set boundaries with her? If not, start. If she's breaking them, you have your objective at that point, a quick, easy ejection of the relationship.
esandman01 3y ago
Honestly the biggest reason why LTR was beneficial was because I don’t really want to waste time on trying to hook up with random girls over and over. I have a busy enough life where It’s too much work to run through a rotation when I have one person that I can rely on. But I’m starting to reconsider it now that she’s changing her mind and trying to make it more difficult for me to get what I want from her. I think I will give her an ultimatum sometime soon if my strat doesn’t work
Intrepid_Place53900 1 3y ago
(I dont' want to waste my time trying to hook up with random girls)
I totally get this, I was the same way in my college days, I was too busy with school and working out and hated the hookup scene in those days. I got some FWB type relations, they didn't work out in the end because the girls all wanted more and more of my time. But it was enjoyable and I learned alot about women during those realtionships.
Ultimatums, like what kind? this is usually not a good idea.
Those girls in my situation, I gave them clear outline of what our relationship was, how much time I could give them,etc. When they started pushing it, I'd remind them and when they weren't happy about it, I let them go.
don't be afraid to let them go . There's always more.
If they aren't providing some benefit, they aren't worth it.
Diabs 3y ago
Bro stop hampstering you're in an ltr now she's not gonna be as into you every day. Take control of your own emotions your happiness isn't dependant on her you are the leader you gotta be rock solid.
Be prepared for bad days allot of the time it's just best to do nothing if you change your behaviour she will see she is getting to you. You don't want that. Just chill bro ittle sort itself out.
Honestly if I do something that annoys my girlfriend I just laugh at her pretty much. So what she annoys me too. She will get over what's anoying her. gotta take the good with the bad and if the bads not worth it then rethink the relationship.
esandman01 3y ago
If this just happened once i wouldn’t care but because I’m noticing a trend that will likely end somewhere bad I am deciding to change my approach. I don’t mind the occasional relationship bullshit, I am just noticing things slowly changing over time and this was something that SHE brought to my attention.