Normally I will say something like "your ass" or whatever to make her laugh. But I think this is a comfort test and not a shit-test. Recently we got in a huge fight, moreso her, she got very emotional. We've been making up, but she asked "Why do you want to be with me?" over text.
Need some good answers.
Einsamer 1y ago
I don't want to claim that I can offer really good responses. I believe it's tricky and depends very much on the situation and as you said, it can be a comfort test and maybe you have to give her some comfort (so I'm going to assume that here).
I would probably hint in the direction of 1) giving an actual answer (unless she is very demanding and you feel like your are losing frame) and 2) not actually being completely honest, but pointing her into the direction of things that you want her to be not why you are already with her.
So for instance, if she's a great cook, I would say "I really enjoy when you cook something delicious for me, like remember that one time ... that made me really happy" or "It's always lovely to go to X / do X with you and have a fun time, there aren't many people I can enjoy that with as much as I do with you". I.e. show her what you like about her individually, but at the same time also give the implication that if this were to stop, it wouldn't be great.
This can go as far as "You are not one to usually ask me stupid questions about our relationship, you just get it and I like that" ;)
It's a good question and I'm looking forward to other people's thought here.
Bulba 1y ago
What she is actually asking is "Where are you taking me". She wants to hear about your plans for this relationship. She still doesn't quite know what she is getting herself into. It's the girl's version of "Why do you want to work at this company".
crimsonchin03 1y ago
Yes, I know. I know it needs a serious and romantic answer. I want to give a safe secure / committed answer, without bringing up or hinting at marriage.
I can see her being my wife one day, but I do not want to say this now, because I am a man of my word and dont throw that around loosely, and dont want to be held to wife-standards so soon.
whytehorse2021 1y ago
There comes a point in an LTR where you need to set the direction. You should just be honest and tell her you think she'd make a good wife and mother of your children but you need 2 years to vet for that and blah blah. You should be getting things out of the way during the vetting process like how many kids? where to live? when to have kids? all that stuff.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1y ago
What do YOU want with her. Let's start there.
Also, you're asking on a forum not best known for relationship answers. So take them with a grain of salt
Also how long have you been in the LTR
crimsonchin03 1y ago
"Why do you want to be with me?" = "What do you want with me?"
The thing is we are already boyfriend / girlfriend. I dont know how to answer this without "upping" the ante. The truth is I see her being my potential wife. But I dont want to say this outright... Its way too intense/premature and I dont think shes asking for a deep answer like that.
Weve been official for 8 months its our first big fight. I think she just wants some comfort here. I want to demonstrate that Im serious about her and committed.
To get deeper, I want her to continue being my girlfriend as I vet her for marriage. But its way too soon to mention that.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1y ago
I know she means what do you want with her, I was asking you what YOU wanted
That being said, say something genuine but NOT beta
"You're a part of my life that has been important and worthwhile"
If you want to chuck in some beta you can say "and I want to keep that going" but I don't think the extra beta is gonna help
I think the first quote I typed is sufficient, what is she going to do, say that's not enough? Think about that and maybe tailor it without giving away the game that she's completely yours forever
Typo-MAGAshiv 1 1y ago
Less than a year or two is not an LTR.
FFS, the honeymoon period of most marriages is the first 5-7 years.
There's a good lad.
As for your original question, there really are no canned answers to that. Why DO you want to be with her? What value does she add to your life that other women can't/won't/don't (and not sex-related)?
Intrepid_Place53900 1y ago
If she's already a LTR, she's possibly looking for more. Like is this going to be a real long LTR, or marriage (cough).
Is she looking for marriage and/or kids? You discussed it? If you were open to marriage, this may be her following up on that.
I usually say, I enjoy spending time/being with you. I think we are good together. If specifics needed, good cook, we enjoy some activities together,etc.
So, yes, comfort, but is she looking for more commitment?
sometimes girls will do this if you have removed some interest/attention from them.
Sometimes they are just emotional and need more comfort,etc.
Sometimes they are looking for "more".
My girl knows she's not getting a diamond. But she still brings it up once in awhile. Never waiver on it.
mattyanon Admin 1y ago
Massive deflection......... "fuck knows".
It's a comfort play, but you are not a "press button get comfort" machine.
Deflect and laugh at her, then explain why she is special LATER.
Never get into a fight. Don't do it. It's either a rational discussion or "you need time to calm down". Fights benefit her and are a cost to you. Never care so much you fight. Walk first.
Durek_The_Bald 1y ago
Just say something that's honest and positive, and simultaneously enforces what you expect going forward.
"Because you're pleasant to be around, we have great sexual chemistry, and you're smart and grounded in the sense that you know what to bring to the table. I appreciate that."
Something like that. She's your LTR, so I assume you have some specific reasons why you've given her that status. Use those reasons, the things she needs to keep up.
Don't get involved in stuff like this over text though. Do it face to face.
moorekom 1y ago
You should know.
User4566 1y ago
Dont text her, call her and let her talk to you about this because it seems something is bothering her. It will save you soo much time instead of playing text ping-pong for days on end over BULLSHIT.
Whenever one of my girls is sending me those kinds of texts, I take time to talk with them or meet them in person to talk. You think she'll appreciate a text message? A quick 15 to half an hour conversation will answer soo many more questions rather than text for days.
Sack the fuck up and do it, she's your LTR ffs.