So here I am again after letting two relationships implode simultaneously in spectacular fashion. As a recently single guy ive been on the dating apps again. I have recently had two dates that I have thought went splendidly and ended up in nothing. So please analyze my fuck up.
Date 1 - Chick 5 years younger than me (I am early 30s). Went to eat some food cause I hadn't had dinner yet. Chit chatted the usual bullshit, switched venue to get drinks. At the bar I thought she was enjoying herself quite a bit, she was laughing uncontrollably to some idiotic jokes I made and kept touching my arm fairly persistently. I drop her off at her place and she waits in the car before she gets out at which point I hesitate to go in for a kiss and just give her a hug (didnt kino at all during the date). Didnt get a text back .....
Date 2 - Chick about 6 years younger than me. We went to get food (I have a busy schedule so I usually do a date for dinner cause I dont have time to eat before my date). I ate my food while she got a salad, chit chatted the usual bullshit and made her laugh pretty hard at my stupid jokes then went for a walk. During the walk she couldnt stop ranting on about how much better I look in person and how I should update my dating profile. During the walk she was also quite persistently grabing my arm/ play nudging me a lot, she also stopped me during the walk to tell me something at which point I felt I should go in for a kiss but pussied out. I drop her off and same thing as the first girl she waits in the car and I end up giving her a hug and thats it. No follow up date...
Is my lack of kino/hesitation killing my dates? Or is it something else ? Usually in the past few months when a girl flirts with me/man handles me this bad its usually a slay that night even if I dont kino at all. These girls were a bit below my level of attractiveness too IMO and status... so it kind of leaves me thinking why could I get with hotter girls like 2 months ago but these ones rejected me.
mattyanon Admin 3y ago
No sexual escalation. Idiotic jokes can be funny, but without sex appeal you're just a dancing monkey. You may be using humour to deflect nervousness, or you might keep on doing it to keep her laughing. Humour is good, but don't rely on it. ESCALATE DURING THE DATE. Kiss at the end is awful. She's on dating apps to GET FUCKED..... you didn't deliver.
Stupid jokes again.
Good
Right
YES YES YES.
But it's also the reason behind why you don't touch and why you don't escalate. You're scared which is weak. Girls do not like weak. You are also getting led into making jokes by the girl laughing. You like the laughter, so you do it more, but you're not getting closer to panties off ankles in the air.
Sometimes girls will make it happen, sometimes they want you to.
hence less confident.
Because you are thinking "less attractive = more confident and more willing to make a move", this is not how women work. Women are less confident and care a lot more about rejection than you do.
In general: avoid dinner dates, but if you have to do it, keep it super casual and quick.
Always escalate if you're interest in a girl. It's that simple.
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EvoRationalist 3y ago
This^
In my experience, girls are more attuned to men's emotions than we are ourselves (and we know how they think better than they do); in the sense, that if you don't smash, she can "feel" that you didn't really like her, and will respond in kind as a defense mech (they have a ravishing fantasy as a signal). Which is kinda weird sometimes, where I told myself I did want to smash...but upon reflection, I didn't REALLY want to smash. [Wine & No fap help in that regard, makes it easier to hide true feelings & helps fake the emotions they want; irony being if you are outcome dependent & too tilted because of intoxication, than it won't work either.]
Its a very nebulous concept I haven't really fleshed out. In sum, its on the man to lead with gusto; ALWAYS.
At the end of the day, its hard to fake emotions & testO levels. You didnt want to smash, and thats ok. Move on; get your pump on & find someone who you want to slobber over like a dog (figuratively).
dirtymikeandtheboyz 3y ago
:)), I am a complete and utter moron. But seriously if she is so DTF on the first date why wouldnt she want to go out again? Was me being that dense that much of a turn off?
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coolsocks00 1 3y ago
Yes. Tinder is mainly used for hookups. And when you dont even escalate towards a kiss, women see you as beta.
They might also view it as you rejecting them, so they reject you back.
dirtymikeandtheboyz 3y ago
these were dates of hinge ... but I see your point ..... any good tips on how to kino properly without it being weird ? I hate people staring at me while I kiss in public.
coolsocks00 1 3y ago
I should have just said OLD in general. Hinge is slightly more oriented towards relationships in theory but in practice it's the same dynamic.
For kino there's a lot you should do before kissing. You want to quickly dismantle the touch barrier so that you touching her is normal and expected.
There's so much you can do e.g. taking her hand to lead, touching the small of her back as you look at something, touching her arm as you laugh together, etc. Then you escalate towards kissing and touching more sexually, preferrably after you isolated her somewhat.
Durek_The_Bald 3y ago
...so kinda like this:
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=dBo5-6WotEM
Intrepid_Place53900 1 3y ago
Date 1) she wanted more, you didn't give it to her. She then figures (you either don't get it), or you aren't interested in her. In either situation, her protection mechansim comes up and you aren't good enough for her.
Date 2) she wanted more, same thing.
Look, these girls gave you a green light to make a move, doesn't mean you have to F them. Go in for the kiss at least, feel them up.
Girls expect you to get it. If you don't, they move on.
dirtymikeandtheboyz 3y ago
what do you mean her protection mechanism came up ? Like she was scared to get rejected?
Im okay with fucking them on the first date, i have done it before but usually the girl would be even more aggressive physically than the dates I wrote above. The way it goes usually for me either they super aggressive and dtf on the first date or they are okay with taking it a bit more slow. The above was kind of an in between which im not really used to, but obviously i misread the situation.
Intrepid_Place53900 1 3y ago
Sure some girls are DTF, easy to figure out
some girls are definitely not, easy to figure out
Most girls will be in between. They will give you signs of interest and they (assume) you get it, you know what she's hinting at. If you ignore it, don't try to kiss her,etc. They assume you aren't interested in her, or you are stupid because I was so obvious (in their mind).