I think that anyone would kill himself way before maybe years ago if he was in my position.I dont want to go into details because my life would be a complete tragedy book and would make me even more depressed. I am 23 ,nearly 24 never even kissed a girl,holded hands. Through primary school I was bullied by some girls and some guys.I mean I was always the biggest one so noone could physically attack me but I was bullied mentaly. I was nerd and introvert,my perents were some kind of weirdos introverts as well.Father worked all day and just cared about money,to make as much as possible to be rich,to buy as many houses as possible.He didnt have any social life,friends in his 30s and 40s,and me and mother would only see him in the evening when he gets home from work.Then he would sleep for 4-5 hours an go to work immediatly early in the morning.He always talked how it is needed to work and that we dont work enough.He only cared about his business and nothing else. Mother Mother was also never social,when she would return from job she would spend time doing house jobs in home. In that type of envorment where my parebts lived that type of life and didnt encourage me to get out of the house and spend time with people but to study and have the best grades isnt weird that I grew up into someone that gets bullied for having no friends. Being also fat made some impact on being rejected by my best female friend at 13,watching a girl that I had such a big crush on kmake out infron of me with her 6'3 boyfriend.

In highschool I tried being complete oppsoite of what I was,I was super angry and bitter ,didnt want to be friend with any girl but if she would come to talk to me frist,look at me ans smile,touching me ,I would become sexually agressive i initing sex and calling them home.I was rejected and they would reject me and bully me mentally for 4 years there and have sex with other guys. They were brutal,smelled my weak points and tortured me mentally the only way a female can play with someones feelings.They would act intrested and than turn me down and run from me. It fucked me up mentally. In uni there is small amount of girls and they are not intrested in me,there are so many tall well build guys that they cant even notice me,I finisged growth at 5'10 two inches velow average height almost. On tinder I swipe for months without likes and matches,although I lost weight,have abs and muscles,expensive fashinable clothes.

My fneale cousin is fucking manipulative bitch. She told me that she would bring her female friend and that I can hang out with them. Now I realized that she doesnt give a fuck about me,she bringed her on just so her mother and father wouldnt bother me because my house is empty currently.She closed with her in my room while I was in living room and told me that they have to talk and that we will toghether watch movies. I eavesdropped them and herd that they are flirting with omegle guys.I learned that they are fucking a new guy every day. I was schocked because her friend seemed like a such nice girl infront of me.If i didnt spyied to them I would never find out what kind of sluts they are. I was jealous when I realized how kany parties and friend she has and how many choices of guys she has.They were grossed by dicks btw and talked only to normal guys. She lied,she never called me for the movies or to hang with them,when it was late they got from the house to their home. I felt like a such shit sitting there alone in the other room like a loser,while they are having fun. This is not the first case she is laying and manipulating with me whole life.I am an idiot,she can tell you something,promise you something just for the sake of her own interest. I was such an idiot for opening myself to my cousin,my fears ,doubts ,and all of what I have told you.I suspect that she is even telling that to her parents and that she doesnt keep my secrets safe. All that insecurity camed from constant rejection and failures.I used to be more social,talkative,charismatic and funny.Now I look so insecure and I cant fake it anymore,its impossible I need sucess,many sucesses. Everything would be easier if I could make friends and start going out with them every day and stopped spending all day in the house at least then I would have some chance as riny as it is. But how do you make social circle at this point,when my social skills suck. Also that negative expiriences made me get into myself even more and avoid people and bonding as a result of constant rejection,bullying and failed trust and promises.