I met this girl 3 weeks ago while working at Tomorrowland. I went out with her for drinks, but logistics were pretty bad. She found out about another girl I fucked while I met her in that week, and blew up my phone after that. She came over straight to my house on the second date, and we were naked, doing foreplay, but I couldn't burst through her LMR.
She came up with some bullshit excuse. How she's afraid I'll dump her after I had sex with her, because she knows I'm seeing other girls. Saw this as a basic shit test, ignored it, and tried again 30 minutes later. Again, she wanted to wait. She's 19 years old and when I asked her if she was a virgin, she told me how she had sex once while being drunk. It could be true, because I could tell she's really inexperienced in the bedroom.
Fast-forward, one week. We cook something together at my place, turn on a movie, and again we are naked. She's wet as fuck and when I try to put it inside it's too tight. She looks uncomfortable. I ask her what's wrong, and she says she's not ready yet. This is the second time she has rejected my advances. It pisses me off, because some random dude fucked her during a drunken night (probs some random chad).
But, it's not like she's not attracted to me. She's all over me. Keeps kissing me in public, holding my hand, blows up my phone, is very clingy. Like, I can tell she's genuinely attracted to me. I think she's just witholding sex as a weapon to lock me into a relationship with her. I told her sex is important to me, and I'm not gonna force it. But if she's not gonna change her mind, that we should put an end to whatever we have. Then I sent her home, and she was almost crying.
What should I do now? Just ditch her? Or focus on other plates, and soft next this one.Withdraw attention, make her miss me, and then fuck her when she blows up my phone?
[deleted] 2y ago
[--removed--]
Vermillion-Rx Admin 2y ago
Well, she let you TRY to put it in. Get some fingers in there first. I get girls ready with two fingers during foreplay. One first slowly and then the second.
She did let you try? Correct? If so, she did let you get to that point, it just didn't go in.
I think you were too harsh. Did you at least make her cum once with your hand? A lot of girls need dick after they have a clitoral orgasm
I can comment more once I have some more context
BabyUareSoSexy 2y ago
Yeah, she let me try. I fingered her with 1 finger, then two fingers, and she was really wet. I didn't make her cum with my hand first. We had long foreplay, lots of kissing, fingering, etc.. She didn't even give me a handjob or blowjob. Then it didn't go in and I just stopped and did something else.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 2y ago
I gotcha. Are you going in slow? Like sometimes the vaginal opening takes a second to expand.
That's stupid. If you're not getting sex she should be putting something out. How does she expect you to enjoy it?
Maybe give her one more shot. Make her actual come with your hand. And after a bit more making out and foreplay, try to get it in. Slowly. Like just let it go in gently. It can take a second if she really hasn't done it much before.
If after that it still doesn't work out, can say you are just not sexually compatible and that the vibe is just not there for you
BabyUareSoSexy 2y ago
Going in slow with my dick or fingers? Both slow yes. And yeah. This is the second time she gave me blue balls. And one more shot... Probably. But this was our third date and second date at my place. I guess I have some kind of one-itis for her. Normally I'd dump any girl after pulling this shit on me, but this one really has potential. Maybe it's just my blue pill mind talking to me
Vermillion-Rx Admin 2y ago
Slow with dick. And yeah, give it one more shot if you haven't tried going slow with dick
After that she really needs to get over herself. Don't tolerate getting naked 3 times for nothing
Intrepid_Place53900 1 2y ago
If she had potential, I'd give her some time and encouragement.
If you haven't been giving encouragement to her, that's why she's not ready to go to the next step.
Hanscheezburger 2y ago
If she wants to wait for sex, let her wait.
Nothing's stopping you from spending your time with other women.
BabyUareSoSexy 2y ago
You"re right. I have other plates. Best to just soft next her? She just texted me a whole paragraph, but I don't know what to do now.
Hanscheezburger 2y ago
I would just text back something like: "that's alright. I had fun with you. Wish you the best. Let me know if you wanna meet up later"
NeoSpartan 2y ago
You also sound bad at sex.
How were you naked with a girl multiple times but didn't have sex? If a girl gets naked alone with you that means she's ready for sex. The "excuses" are something girls do as a comfort test. Sounds like you were an idiot and failed to adequately reassure her.
She isn't too tight, a baby can fit through that shit. She might be a bit nervous, that can cause the muscles to clench up a bit so just go slow and do it gently, you know, tender and stuff, make her feel comfy, just the tip at first. You might have to do a ton of foreplay at the beginning, do you know her most responsive erogenous zones? If a girl is nervous, she won't be wet or dilated.
Don't do stupid psychological games, that will only make your problems worse. Reassure her next time she does that and do enough foreplay to get her warmed up then start slow with just the tip. Listen to the sounds she makes during and proceed based on your instinct.
coolsocks00 1 2y ago
This.
Op you are hamstering and being too overt with how you're gaming this chick. You're taking her too seriously.
If a girl is "too tight" she is simply not immersed enough yet. Asking her fucking insecure questions like something's wrong is a rookie mistake.
It's not all bad though, the girl still adores you so make the most of it.
mattyanon Admin 2y ago
Understand that this is a powerplay. "I am scared you'll dump me after sex" is just an excuse for "make him wait".
Women primarily lie by omission....... the above is true, but likely it wasn't the only time she's had sex.
This is reasonable from the male point of view, but women hate to hear this truth.
What's happening is this: she's secure in the fact that you'll keep seeing her without sex. You have to remove that security and thus increase sexual motivation.
Create distance, reply less, take longer and longer to reply.... act like you're distant and don't care.... meet with strict time limits....... don't agree another meeting right after you meet up........ stuff like that. Emotional distance, less security for her, and thus more motivation.
Decrease how often you see her. Start to fade her out. Occasionally drop hints like "I wish we could be closer", then ignore her some more.
Basically you are flipping the script in her head from "he'll dump me if we have sex" to "I might get to keep him if we have sex". But she has to come to this conclusion herself.
BabyUareSoSexy 2y ago
Your last paragraph is the answer I was looking for. I was way too available, too much security from her point of view. At the end of the date, I told her this isn't working out. She cried and went home. Just blew up my phone with a long ass paragraph of how she really likes me, and that it hurt what I said to her. That she'll do anything to keep me, including sex, because she really doesn't want to lose me.
To me, these are just empty words. If she really wanted me, she would have put out. I really like your strategy. Changing her mindset to "I might get to keep him if we have sex". So, I'll ignore her for now. Create emotional distance and decrease the amount of times when I see her.
Thanks for the answer. How long should I ignore her messages though? She's blowing up my phone as we speak.
mattyanon Admin 2y ago
Yeah, this isn't what you want........ you want "you're hot I gotta have you" rather than this emotional bullshit.
2 days
Then hit her up for a date...... tell her "And this date will not have sex..... I am not trying to blackmail you into sleeping with me, so it's off the table for now". Then see her. Refuse to fuck her even if you can. Then go back to the distance thing. If that doesn't make her want to fuck you, nothing will.
Intrepid_Place53900 1 2y ago
she wants to be a GF dude, doesn't want to be pumped and dumped.
That's why she hasn't had sex with you yet. What she said to you (she'll do anything to keep me), is what I've heard many times. So, you have to decide if you want a GF or not. Because what she is saying is, I"ll do anything for you, (if you commit) to me. If i'm your "only" GF.
balls in your court.
NeoSpartan 2y ago
Have you ever been nude with a girl twice or even once and not had sex? Girl wants to bang, op just doesn't know to how to lead her to the finish line properly, apparently is a sub (she didn't even start blowing me unprompted WAAAA what do I doooo? Better sulk and ignore her until she learns how to be a pornstar XD If you want that, go find a more dominant and slutty type girl, this girl is the opposite). Go ahead and do mind games where they are unnecessary and counterproductive though, hope it works out for ya.
Intrepid_Place53900 1 2y ago
they are young though, she's 19, so I"m giving a lot of leeway there.
she wants him, but doesn't want to get dumped. seems clear to me. How they come to an agreement on what's next, is up to them
NeoSpartan 2y ago
That's kinda my point dude. Sounds like she doesn't know what she's doing(only had sex once and while drunk so probably barely remembers and also might have some mild trauma from that experience) while op claims to have multiple plates so should at least have a rudimentary understanding of what to do, I tried to give advice on warming her up but he downvoted me so he's probably not gonna listen.. If he wants sex with her he's gotta be a man and guide her. Causing her more stress is just gonna make it harder for them both.
coolsocks00 1 2y ago
This is simply not true and a limiting belief. That is what she wants. But with good game she will do what he wants out of fear of losing the chance of getting what she wants down the line.
He doesnt have to ask himself any question of that sort
Intrepid_Place53900 1 2y ago
(not true and a limiting belief)
Nah, some girls will do it for a time, vast majority will walk away if you don't commit, if that's what they are looking for. Hell, they may realize over time they don't want to commit to you. You think you can game a girl forever to be a plate who is interested in a relationship?
Sure, he could lead her on, lie to her and get her (have sex with her). Not my thing. Best path, figure out if she's worth it, try it out if she is. Doesn't mean it's gonna last, it very typically won't last.
(he doesn't have to ask himself any question of that sort)
Yes he does, with this girl. That's what she's after and telegraphed. If he ignores that, it's just gonna setup issues down the road.
[deleted]
coolsocks00 1 2y ago
Sounds a hell of a lot like blue pilled dating strategy.
Which is not the best dating strategy for men.
Only if they either 1. Dont like you that much, or 2. Dont see any progress at all towards her goal.
Obviously a shared goal is good to have. But you want it on your terms.
Forever is not in question. Long enough to vet and set boundaries, and upgrade as she proves to be worth it? Yes.
Wasn't advocating that. Good game =/= lying.
Lol. You dont seem to understand TRP
Intrepid_Place53900 1 2y ago
(you don't seem to understand TRP)
I do just fine coolsock, thanks
Intrepid_Place53900 1 2y ago
Blue pill, funny. No, not blue, not totally red either. I'm mostly red with a mix of practicality.
Your view is more a PUA strategy which is more what you are proposing. Game her, get in her pants, yea I win. Me, I didn't care about that. I don't lead them on or lie to them. Again, that's just IMO, the red pill is amoral.
So, your strategy is fine, if you are ok with that, again, the Red pill is amoral. Me, I don't really agree with that view, it's the same as a woman who branch swings or similar. Which is why I explained what this girl is likely doing so that the OP can decide what he wants. He was asking what's this girl up to. On the point of is she disrespecting him and making him wait while others didn't? With this girls age and situation she explained, I think neither, I think she's being honest with her intentions. That changes things for me, if she's being honest, he should be again, IMO.
(obviously there should be progress towards a shared goal, but on his terms)
So, you are trying to walk the line here cool socks. On one side you said (with good game she will do what he wants out of fear of losing the chance of getting what she wants down the line). This is from a view of (HIS) interests only and doesn't care what she wants.
Then you say (they should work towards a shared goal, but on his terms). Ok, so this can be argued on both sided to a point. He wants sex, she doesn't want to get pumped and dumped. He hasn't really made any type of commitment to her and you are saying, she has to pump him or he should dump her, now.
What I'm saying is, she wants him as BF and he needs to decide if that's what he wants (before) the pump. The girls being honest, he should be too, IMO of course.
I'm trying to put some reasoning behind it.
Should he wait long? No, but more than 2-3 dates for sure , if he see's potential in her, again, this is something he needs to decide. Should he be getting some head , now? Yes, why not, all my girls did this for me while I was waiting a bit, even when young, think a 19yo hasn't given head before? geez
She's young, OP probably is too, they are learning and trying to figure it out. No reason not to try to be respectful along the way.
coolsocks00 1 2y ago
You're making a straw man argument.
Bottom line is: deciding to commit to a girl before sex is as blue pilled as it gets.
Intrepid_Place53900 1 2y ago
yup, I didn't say he should commit, did I
Intrepid_Place53900 1 2y ago
From an Old guy, let me try to summarize this.
She's 19, she may have had sex with that guy , or not. You won't know unless her hymen is still in tact.
Why is she doing this to you? She's telling you basically. She didn't like that experience. She is afraid you just want to pump and dump and she doesn't want that.
she's smart enough to do the following. She knows you aren't going to wait long. She is trying to see if you will get attached to her, if you are going to stick around.
she's smart enough to show you she's (attracted to you), and is showing it in public and private. She's not using sex as a weapon.
Dude, she's being honest with you and is trying to protect herself a bit. She wants you, but she doesn't want to be pumped and dumped. She wants to be your GF, probably committed off the bat.
Is that what you want?
Is she worth it?
Me, with these girls ages ago, If I thought she had potential, I'd stick around a bit. If I didn't think she had potential I moved on "real" fast. And Blowies were required to keep me in the loop.
Sounds like she'll go for it very soon, if she gets some encouragement from you that you see GF material. Now, sending her home like that, it will set you back, but the encouragement can resolve that. Don't apologize or anything, don't explain to her, just tell her you see potential in her, she's fun, you like her,etc.
BabyUareSoSexy 2y ago
Yes, she has potential. And I'm having fun with her outside the bedroom. But I met her 3 weeks ago, so I can't tell if she's GF material or not. If anything, her being clingy is both a red and green flag. I need time to vet her, and her being this clingy already after 3 weeks of knowing each other, is a red flag. But also a green flag, because it shows she's indeed not looking for a pump and dump, and has a low body count.
And to be honest. I don't really know if I want a girlfriend or not. But I know one thing, that it's too soon to commit to her.
Intrepid_Place53900 1 2y ago
agree on the commit part.
clingy can be good and bad, it means they are really into you, but it can be annoying , especially if they get all nervous.
If she's fun to be around, have fun with her, "while seeing other girls".
But damn, next time deep throat her, no excuse to wait on that one. Good luck man
MrSupreme 2y ago
Easy, get her drunk and hump her, only the first time the rest can be sober