I have a problem of seeking validation and not being able to ignore people. Like when people threaten to walk away I just want to curl up and chase them back. If someone is talking to me or coming back after disrespecting me in the past to get my help I just can’t help myself but I have to reply and have to help them. I stick noses in other peoples problem and end up taking more and more responsibility. Saying no is just a big hurdle for me and all of this is because I can’t ignore. Ignoring people just feels inhumane to me. Even to the assholes that needs to be ignored. I feel like I’m gonna cause a big hurt and I fold and I let them hurt me instead.

The problem is bad enough that if I know someone in the gym I have to say hi to them. Whether they are talking to someone or not trying to talk to me because they are busy. I feel like I owe them a hi even if that puts me in bad spot. I just feel like owe a lot of things to a lot of people and am just very fearful of hurting people.

But then I suppress so much that at some point I become passive agressive then aggressive with people and end up losing people any ways. Leading to a lot of people around me that could endure that type of stuff.

I want to be a little more clear in my expression by being the way I want to be, by being assertive but it’s hard with my in ability to letting go, and ignoring. It’s complex situation on which I have been contemplating for a long time but being the way I want to be feels like I’ll lose a lot of people. Ignoring feels like I am treating people like shit. I know it’s the one thing I need to be close to what I want to be but don’t know how.

I am not sure how to help myself