Hi guys,
I am red pill since 2014 when I was in a short relationship with a hot blond polish girl that turned out to be batshit crazy. In the time following that I rediscovered the red pill (read shortly the game when I did my first degree in 2011) and the red pill gave me an amazing experience during my 2. degree at the university. Speaking about partying, but also just solid stuff on how you can make more of yourself and increase your personal frame of influence. The improvements were definitly there. I’d say what also led me back to the red pill is, that I felt a little bit left out during school, when it came to girls and other social shit. I struggled massively with self confidence since I can think. Turns out, as I have always guessed, the reason for that has been that my father has a narcisstic personality disorder. Just learned that 8 months ago. That to the pre story.
During my time learning about the red pill from 2014 onwards I came upon the concept of the dark triad and of course, I applied it. To be honest I had great success with basically every concept of the red pill apllied correctly and with common sense. I never questioned the morality of it as for 1) I knew that from how I grew up, I needed to grow bigger balls and stand up for myself more (reason for that see the first paragraph) and 2) it is a rp rule, that we don't question morality or amorality of our action. You could add 3) that most of the startegies are applied by women themselves. In that regard, I dated or choose girls and "handled" them as I've seen girls do that with men.
Finding out about the narcissism of the one I grew up with and the implications it had on my life, like low self esteem as in being unsure of myself, being in a constant state of confusion (because of his squewed views and thinking) not exactly knowing what I want as a person, this revelation (that was brought to me by a close friend, otherwise I would probably not have noticed it) brought a lot of questions with it. Since then I watched numerous 20-30 min videos over the last 9 months from Dr. Ramani especially on youtube on the topic. I can only watch some of them a day, otherwise it just gets to much.
I’ve build myself up to be a good and strong person with the help of the realities that I saw first in the red pill and than, applied in reality, in my own life. Under the microscope of narcistic paterns, a lot of these things would fall under the theme narcisim. Especially my steadfast premise to gain control over any aspect of my life, including women. Another mantra was „As you do to me, i do to you“, and it worked perfect. E.g. using womens tactics in dating on them. Unoreverse card so to say.
And to be honest, I dont want to give that up. I know that psychology is scewed to females premises and that they of course don’t want to see a man manipulating them as they try to do to us. And a lot what you could read on the net about narcisism steems from the female dominated field of psychology. A fact that is for example always repeated is that narcicism is more prevelant in men. I have seen it the other way around. With women it is just a more covert form of narcisism and probably even more damaging.
To be honest, I didn’t expected that massive curveball that life threw me there, but I am really happy now with the facts layed out on the table. I suffered long enough under his shit. It seriously first dawned on me that it is unhealthy shit, when that friend told me I should look into that crap. Since then it feels I can be more myself. I don't have to "fake" it so much anymore. I am more at ease, but I also lack passion I'd say for stuff I do workwise e.g. or school wise (finishing my degree I had to pause because of an accident).
So basically, I went from a nice guy/AFC to an alpha to just having to discover that I grew up in a toxic enviroment that made me that nice guy initially. I am very torn. I never thought about going back being a nice guy. I was proud of myself, being seen as an asshole that sticks up for himself and had a lot of luck with that with the ladies.
Basically I try to find some good middle ground right now if that is even possible. I am ghosting my dad for the last months after I discovered it and would feel devestated to come crawling back to him. Of course I also know of the implications of having a good connection with a father is fundamental for a lot of things, given the father is a healthy father! We live close together. I see him every day. I know about that father "wound" since I had a talk about it in 2008.
I can honestly say that, that one is easily one of the top 2 life revelations I’ve gotten in my 36 years here on planet earth.
I also cut contact with my covert narcicistic grand mother and spend my time with the other healthier part of the family. Additional to that, when I saw that my Dad treats my Mom like a house slave basically, I minimized contact with her as well, to signal that something isn't going right here.
Basically I try to find some good middle ground right now if that is even possible. I am at a loss of my wisdom here.
Escapethecity 1y ago
This is some of the hardest shit to navigate in life. I have gone through what youre going through with both my parents, i have cut both of them off, and while difficult at first, it gets easier and life gets better. My boundaries are much thicker now and i spot manipulation and bullshit must faster now. And tolerate no abuse or bullshit now. Its hard but you can do it, best of luck.
ReedPill20_15 1y ago
I hope it gets easier. Cutting them off, meaning moving away and cutting contact completely will be the next step this year. But I tell you, I am afraid as fuck ending up completely alone. Knowing what they can do with flying monkeys and the rest of the family as in invalidating me, telling them I_ve gone off the deep end… shit like that.
As the red pill was a huge part of my underlying „life script“ it is additionally hard to counter balance now. I have no idea how, if I am being honest. And yes, I smell bullshit from 2 miles away now. But I have to admit, that I might have acted like that, meaning as the alpha/leader/nofucksgiven one before as well. That makes it so ultimately hard!
mattyanon Admin 1y ago
What's your question/problem ?
ReedPill20_15 1y ago
„Basically I try to find some good middle ground right now if that is even possible.“
tenfour 1y ago
Can you post some more channels hat you have watched over the years, focusing on as you have progressed not only what you might think is the best looking in retrospect?##
Thanks
ReedPill20_15 1y ago
Of course! My friend first send me the video „How to think about your narcissism parent“ by Dr. Ramani. It totally opened my eyes and since then, nothing has been the same (I know that sounds theatrical, but it is the god honest truth!). I am gonna give you the channels I have saved in my youtube playlist I either have watched which were very good or ones I will watch in the future. The channels are:
I would say, I have put the channels in order of importance and relevance for me. I would really like to have some open discussions about our red pill philosophy and having to deal with these toxic people in, in my case, family, friends or work environment. I would really again apply „our“ principles without feeling I am becoming that narcissistic, that hurt me, myself. I am really open for that, if you are interested!
tenfour 1y ago
Hi, thanks a lot.
It will take me couple of month to go trough that and get deeper conclusions.
ReedPill20_15 1y ago
Yes, for me, I can't take in more than 2 videos per day, as they fuck me up to much otherwise. Shit runs deep. My deepest cut I have unfortunately...
Focuse on the content from Dr. Ramani first!
tenfour 1y ago
yeah, it is good. I had [have] toxic [not sure yet which PD] mother but started to cut her off like coupons very early. Now I didn't talk to her for 18 months.
whytehorse2021 1y ago
I have a narcissistic mom, BPD sister and another bipolar sister. These are toxic people. Get them out of your life ASAP and go to therapy. After about a year their influence on your brain will fade and you'll be on the way to a happy, healthy life.
ReedPill20_15 1y ago
Yes, definitly! I'll do that at the end of the year when I change jobs. Until then I am preparing. I can't wait to fully throw them out of my mind!
But I'd also like to continue my path on gaining influence and power, yes, bringing people to do things I want them to do, get what I want, being dominant and my own mental point of origin, make my own rules in life, be an asshole as I don't want people threat me like I am nothing and that all would go against that narcissism preamble. On the other side, isn't it true, that you are just a narcissist when you are basically not an empath and I was raised as an empath (scapegoat probably even, without knowing it and being able to do something against it).
whytehorse2021 1y ago
You are a source of praise to the narcissist. Once you realize that you can manipulate them with false platitudes. The last thing you want to do is uncover their insecurity as that will release their narcissistic rage.
What makes one a narcissist is an insecurity that causes them to create a delusional world in their head. This is why they constantly need praise and have a grandiose sense of self-worth. This is why they think they're perfect and everyone else is a loser.
ReedPill20_15 1y ago
Yes, they are really destructive, illogical and askew things. In my experience, a smart narcissistic finds out what you try to di. They are literate in these manipulations and see right through it. I find the best way to deal with them is to limite the amount of time spend and interactions with them as much as possible.
whytehorse2021 1y ago
Yeah the whole goal is to get them to move on to someone else.
r3z01v 1y ago
Listen here very well... people that complain about narcisists, are narcisists.
Do not let yourself create a victim narrative. Sounds like you have a lot of detachment, but there's a cult of "raised by narcisists" narcisists on the internet, stay away from the narrative.
Otherwise. Gain power. Live in abundance. Be kind. Let the arseholes fall through
ReedPill20_15 1y ago
Wow, never heard bullshit like that. Tell that Johnny Depp after he won the trial.
Edit: I definitely have to say that that first sentence is bullshit. I still need to live in abundance, gain power and so on but that would mean gambling in things people would deem narcicistic. I am just not sure if you could call it that, if your baseline is emphatic as it is for me. I have been called an asshole before multiple times, before I found out about that narcissism runs in the family pathologically.
I guess you have to be some sort of an asshole, if you take the red pill and or Rollos "teachings" as guidelines. And as I said, I drove very good with them over the years. Basically transformed myself.
r3z01v 1y ago
Johny Depp is a narcisist mate. Stop thinking a good victim can't also be an arsehole. Stop actually taking glossy mag news as life lessons in general.
Narcissism isn't arrogance. It's not a moral failing. It's a distorted personality that views life as a series of self involved narratives. i.e. My parents are narcissists' AMA.
The reason gaining power wouldn't make you narcisistic - again - not a moral label- is that narcissists are characterized by lack of action, especially proactive action. That's sociopaths. Sociopaths would go to Navy seal training just to one up their ex or their highschool bully. A narcissist would just say that the navy seals said he is to smart, to strong, to pretty for them.
Furthermore - when I say gain power, I don't mean in a insecure bitch Tate mode - I mean actual power. Influence, skill, responsibility. The things that make men pillars of their family, community or society. Nobody gives two shits if Andrew Tate would croke tomorrow, sure, it would be a nice subject for content creators to comment for a few days, but ultimately whores and man-simps will just move on to the next loudmouth with money. But out there are millions of good men, mostly blue pill, that matter more to the people around them than any of these internet red pill "men".
ReedPill20_15 1y ago
Since knowing it about my own family, I looked deeper when the topic is on the media and Depp clearly said he was abused as a child. Physically and emotionally by his abusive mother. And in the end he still took her to his movie premiers etc. There won't be a narcissist, who would endure that and on top keep a relationship with their abuser. Only empaths do that. So no, he is actually the opposite of a narcissist. Narcisstic supply.
I don't read glossy mags, I actually watched the trial as it relates to what I have experienced a lot. Again, no, narcissim is arrogance. The whole world turns around them. There is them in the center, then there is nothing for a long time and then maybe some family or friends or work associates that the narcissist can use to gain more power or influence.
How do you come up with that narcissists lack action? Quiet the opposite is true, again. Most leaders are narcissists, because narcissists lack the feeling of being enough, so they have to constantly fill that hole with new conquers/wins/wealth/friendships/...
Why are you routing for blue pill men on a red pill forum in the last sentence I ask myself.
r3z01v 1y ago
Empaths are not real. Narcissist is not a moral value judgement. It's personality disorder. It's characterized by grandiose self narratives... positive or negative. Most leaders are sociopaths. Actual narcissism is a pretty fucked up hand, as all the grandiosity is paper thin, just narrative and first impressions. There's no follow through, only excuses. But hell, you're still using the pop culture concept so... believe what you will. You clearly enjoy it.