She's still a woman who carried you for 9 months

@Hanscheezburger we even discuss it here - some women do it because it is time, they fish condom from toilet, from trash, not because they feel love to new life. I suppose it is good we have abandoned naming people after circumstances, otherwise some ppl would be called Unflushed Water.

The level of behaviour is so utterly disgusting

It will eventually go if you remove yourself from it. We instinctively feel revulsion when someone tries to manipulate us, lie etc. I 'let my mother go' step by step and mine doesn't even sound as bad as yours although I moved out pretty quick and later on I wasn't dealing with her that much. My bro was telling me pretty bad stories though, that he has seen once she was hitting my disabled dad [by my nature I apply pinch of salt to anything I didn't see myself].

I don't want to walk away and I don't want to not walk away.

The longer you wait, the more disgust you will experience, that not only will bring you down, but you will be able to do less for her if that time comes. Same thing with things we loath. We're first casualty and then surroundings.

"a significant amount of money"

you will likely be tempted on convinced to do more of it. Just treat like homeless. No cash but services. But then services where you can stay away.

"how can I even fix this?"

reminds me of something that I deal with now. Most likely it is a lie and your guts told you already.

but the problem with family members falling off is that you’ll feel like shit when they die.

@IBelieveInTheFallen when my father died I didn't cry of felt too much. I was disappointed that he fell under spell of my mother and was extension of her mind later on. Again I have dis-attached myself pretty quick and remained observer. I was able to take care of him again when he couldn't speak anymore. No much bad feels toward him, probably because i have avoided them earlier.

@Vermillion-Rx mentions something about treating someone as dead. I actually read it in some book. You write an a letter to them where you forgive them stuff and read it on their 'fake' funeral and you can make it as real as you want, flowers, candles... This is actually on my bucket list.

BTW cutting off your mother might be the beginning as you should cut off enablers as well for it to work well.

I am in the sam situation my sister and mother are feminists and my father was most of the time(like years) away and also they are divorced. So I got shed this bullshit of be this, be that from my family, making me bend over backwards for others and especially girls.

The dude deleted my comment. What a chode.

I called this dude out for his bullshit...and he is a weak mofo (though I doubt Oedipus would agree in this case).

Listen here people: red pill fact. No one in this world wants to you to be a man. The only human beings on this planet that wants it is you, and your mother. Its called the sexy son hypothesis. One of the cool evolutionary theories. If you dont get along with your mother, either youre the runt of the litter...or should have been.

Delete my comment; see if I care if there is more weak ass dogs around. I comment because the feminization of society, and the spareth of the rod, has given us males with mommy issues and tiny balls. But I guess lets just enjoy the decline...at least we get sloots with daddy issues.

How do you define "hatred"? There's a difference between not caring and hating. With hate, I would expect to treat them with obvious disgust and animosity. I wouldn't say you "hate" your mother, you just consider her a toxic and negative influence in your life.

If I know somebody like that, I wouldn't hate them either, I would just pity them and carry on with my life. Hatred doesn't help you in any way, if you nurture hatred, it affects your mind and your other relationships too (in subtle ways) and before you know it, you become a negative influence too.

I don't want to not walk away.

You are right at this part. She's still a woman who carried you for 9 months, gave birth to you (a pretty tough job) and in the first years of your life, she and your dad raised you instead of throwing you in a toilet or leaving you in an orphanage. I don't think you need to make an effort to "like" your mother, but you don't have to "hate" her either. Just soft next and prove you are a better person than she ever was. Think of it as a way to repay the debt of giving you life.

In stoicism, they say "amor fati" - love fate and whatever happened. Because whether good or bad, it allows you to overcome the challenges and become the person you are now.

look, she's your mother. Is anything she doing here really bad, like abuse, etc? No, although ya, listening to a feminist talk is kinda abuse, you know what I mean. The money, not sure if that was your money or not, if yours, ya, a reason to maybe remove yourself. Parents taking money from kids, is not cool. If not from you, continue below.

so, she's messed you up and is really annoying to be with.

Limit your time with her, channel the anger and convert it, to observation and motivation. The small amount of time you spend interacting with your mother can help to remind you, to refocus you on how most women are. How not to drift off from RP view with women.

The more she annoys you, the more you limit your time with her. But you don''t have to write her off, again, unless she really did betray you, take money,etc. From you specifically.

You aren't friends with your family, you are family. You can't change them. You can limit your interaction with them. I have family that are whacko communists. I limit myself with them, they have no sense of humor and not fun to be around anyway. they get all upset when I dispute their crap and give them facts, they can't argue beyond CNN dribble. I don't write them off, just the minimal interaction. I'm sure they feel the same toward me, that's ok.

cut her off from ur life. in life, u and ur well being always come first no matter what. if u hate her and shes a source of negativity, then remove her from ur life asap.

u dont owe her anything.

family (specially mothers) can often be the most toxic and shitty because usually they know a lot about you and "they gave birth to u therefore u owe em ur life" (a complete lie)

Sounds like you had it pretty bad. I can't relate to your experience as far as feminist mom goes, but I can relate to a lot of what you mentioned.

Some backstory for me, and then my advice below the underscore. My mother had a Catholic mom (my grandmother) who sheltered her to a ridiculous degree. When my mom and dad got MARRIED and LIVED TOGETHER she would not let them sleep in the same room when they visited her.

My mom passed that on by trying and thoroughly succeeding in sheltering the fuck out of me and it ruined me for about 15 years as well dating wise after I was old enough to like girls. In elementary school I was pretty damn popular with girls and a natural little alpha who didn't give a fuck. I got my first "girlfriend" by accident and my mom did everything she could to discourage me

This particularly destroyed me as someone on the autism spectrum because it destroyed countless natural opportunities to grow and socialize properly. I ended up having a couple of experiences in high school that scarred me severely because I was so socially delayed two girls accused me of things and I dropped out of school.

My mother took me straight from being a fun-loving young boy who was very naturally popular with girls to being a socially degenerate retard. It took till age 29 for me to be great with girls.

Beyond that she's mostly insufferable. She helicopter parents, won't take no for an answer, will try to convince people to change their mind of the most mundane shit that has no impact on her (like choice of dinner) etc. I can't fucking stand her 50% of the time. She also gives my dad a largely sexless marriage and drives him insane too.

So yeah, I have lot of resentment for her if I'm being honest. There's no amount of money that will buy back that time she wasted and my potential she ruined that I'm getting a firm grip of again.

The way I handle it honestly is perhaps not the answer you want, but I only go for her to things I need. Yes it's fucking selfish but that's a boundary I have. I'm not going to lie, I'm not sure it will ever go away. She robbed me of half my life.

But there's a level of detachment that reduces the anger. I don't care that she brought me into this world, I don't owe her for it. She did comfort me and treat me well some of the time, so I have some positive emotions to remember.

When you detach from what you wish your mother had been, keep solid boundaries, only limit your response and interactions with her ti what benefits you specifically, it helps. It might never reduce what she cost you, but that's how I've dealt with it

You may never be fully at peace with it, but that's my take

I went through very similar things and finally decided to cut her off. I told her to never contact me again, blocked her number from calling or texting, cut all attachments and have only ever run into her again once, at a wedding of a family member. She said hello and i turned my back to her to keep conversing with other family. My mental health comes first now because it never did growing up with my parents. I also cut my dad off about 10 years ago over similar shit, and my life has only ever gotten better, and all the toxic family that know the situation either ghosted me, or weren't ever bad to me so we stayed tight and have never had issues.

Its a filter for life quality at this point. It might even make you stronger and better, and other people may hear that her own son cut her off and begin to hold her accountable for poor behavior in their relationships. Or maybe not, but do what you have to, to stay healthy and sane. Best of luck in a difficult situation.

Hard next. The first relationship you have with a woman is with your mom. Eventually you have to metaphorically break up with her. This used to be handled amongst men by taking young boys from the mother and making them a part of the warriors. It was even a big ritual and the mother would pretend to cry as the boy was taken but all the adults knew it was necessary and were in on it.

My mom wears combat boots(literally), has short dyed red hair, and is a card carrying member of the militant feminists. Fucked me over mentally. So glad she's out of my life.

It all boils down to what's best for you at the end of the day. Personally, I'm a believer in the power of forgiveness, for one's own sake more than anything. Nothing good comes out of harbouring resentment and hatred in your heart. To forgive is to heal and move on. It's not the same as having no boundaries or no frame. You can even cut people out of your life, and forgive them all the same.