Will try to summarize. But it is a long story. Ex gf (3-4 years older) is a long term friend. 2 years ago we decided to get together and start seeing each other. Growing up, she was and still is very attractive and very very popular in our small community. We had a lot of fun in the beginning and she was super into me until I started to grow tired of the party lifestyle. I also stonewalled and was bitter towards her history. She was my only adult relationship that I loved and she had hooked up with 10+ people in our town. Many of whom I know and see on a regular basis. I loved her but I hated this part. Seeing them around would make me act negatively towards her. I wanted to be captain save-a-hoe. I wanted to be the dad, brother and boyfriend that she never had. I was called insecure because I felt this way about her history and that there is nothing she can do about it.

Last year my life went to shit. Death of 2 loved ones, bad case of the coronavirus and sever depression. I was taking it out on the relationship (never physical abuse) but was just not a good time. She ended up dumping me. I begged and pleaded and explained how and what I learned moving forward. She did not accept and ended up dating someone else 2 months after the breakup.

I have been hooking up with other girls but I still miss her and I am still extremely upset. While she is out partying and having a good time with her new boyfriend.

If she was anyone else I wouldnt have cared, but what we gone through together and our long friendship makes me confused and unable to understand how she would go about things this way. Questoning why she didnt give us another chance. How she jumped into another relationship like this. How do I move from here?

I hate that my heart still loves her and wants her back.

She knows I wouldve gave her my world. It was real genuine love.

EDIT: title shouldve read "Heartbroken By Ex GF and Needing Guidance"