I used to not have standards for the quality of people I kept around in my life. Now I want a high quality of male friends to form a tribe/brotherhood.
Basically I can't stand to be around guys who are losers anymore. I want to be around physically fit, highly motivated guys who have a grand vision of life. I can't enjoy being around guys who live hedonistic lifestyles because it's not something I enjoy anymore and it stalls my progress. I don't even want to be around guys who aren't physically fit. They should at least workout or play some sport.
But this is making me feel very lonely. I only have 2-3 guy friends I'm close with. I'm about to finish University and I made no close friends in University other than a few acquaintances. I spent 2 years of Uni in lockdown (it's a 3 year course here).
How do I find more guys like me and make more friends? I'm feeling very lonely and I don't know how to deal with it. Somebody please help
Problematic_Browser 1 1y ago
“The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation” -Henry David Thoreau
Being red pilled will make you bitter. You'll resent women because you see them as they are. You'll resent society for trying to pretend that women are something different. You'll resent yourself for putting so much of your energy towards them.
You're gonna be mad, then lonely. Then one day, you'll wake up, maybe be cooking some breakfast or cleaning and you'll pause... And you'll realize "my life is not bad at all!"
Your anger will fuel productivity. Your loneliness, serve as a springboard to fill your life with meaning.
You'll be okay. In fact, you'll be better than you ever were when you were blue-pilled.
[deleted] 1y ago
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coolsocks00 1 1y ago
Can relate. Building solid friendships takes time and effort. And most guys who seemingly fit the bill, turn out to be quite shallow and uninteresting.
Ultimately we are responsible for creating a worthwhile life for ourselves irrespective of other participants like friends or girlfriends. By doing that, enjoying ourselves, and creating value in some form, friendships are more likely to come along. And perhaps we have to learn to lower the bar sometimes in order to be pleasantly surprised..
ethier88 1y ago
The thing I engage in activities I enjoy like boxing and wrestling but I haven't been able to make friends out of it. They are only acquaintances. I've always lowered the bar for people and a result ended up making toxic friends as a result
coolsocks00 1 1y ago
There are two obvious options when it comes to building friendships.
I think most people underestimate what's necessary in order to start building a real bond. You have to actively try, and actually facilitate and provide something of value; an experience, something to connect over.
Take guys' numbers and actually text/talk to them later. Then, when you have X amount of cool people available, invite them to your party. Or get 1-2 guys together and go to a shooting range.
Just being available to chat or some shit doesnt mean anything at all.
ethier88 1y ago
Solid advice man. Thanks. I'll definitely try to add more value to these friendships
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xaxixh 1y ago
Go out and talk with new people.
ethier88 1y ago
I do that. I'm always the one who introduceds myself and initiates the conversation. But these people only end up becoming acquaintances, not friends
mattyanon Admin 1y ago
Yeah, it's a challenge. Try to learn to accept people who are not as far along the journey as you are.
ethier88 1y ago
True. I do accept people who are behind me, I don't mind people being behind but I want to match their frequency and have some shared values with them if that makes sense
HopelessRomantic 1y ago
I get where you're coming from but those type of friends can also be the worst. The world we live in is very competitive - you should want people in your life that push you, not those who look down on you for your lack of accomplishments for lack of a better phrase. People who are driven will not stop for you, they likely won't befriend you as well. Friendship in most Alpha circles is a thing of weakness. It's better to view them as acquaintances and focus on yourself. The goal is to slay as much pussy as you can, not have a lot of friends. Now I also understand where having a good group of friends can come in when it comes to social conventions and going out - but in my opinion, it's better to focus on yourself primarily and then friendships secondarily.
ethier88 1y ago
You're absolutely right man. These alpha type of guys usually won't give a shit about me unless I can give them something. There are some good guys I've met who I actually vibe with. I wanted a group of male friends because I thought that was more important than slaying pussy. I want to have people in my life who will have my back when things get bad.
Do you have any suggestions on how I can show some kind of social proof to women when I'm alone? I don't want them to think I'm some kind of creep
HopelessRomantic 1y ago
"These alpha type of guys usually won't give a shit about me unless I can give them something." Well what I was referencing is not necessarily Alpha behavior. It's healthy to have competition in friends group but in this case if they want something from you, either mentally or tangible - that's narcissistic behavior aka, just shitty friends or people in general.
Kinda of hard to get social proof when alone in a social convention, imo - I wouldn't necessarily know, unless your small talk and social queues are on point. Convey that you're driven, career oriented, established etc. Stay up to date and talk about what 'things' you have - women think of material possessions. The more assets you have, the more of you they want.
whytehorse2021 1y ago
Yup. Most guys my age have to get permission from their wife to have a friend and they're not allowed to do anything unsupervised. This removes male spaces from the equation, which is where men form social bonds. My own son's MMA gym was taken over by girls and turned into some gay ass aerobics type class where everybody fights like girls. I was talking to the military recruiters and it's pretty much female supervised now and they have to do sexual harassment training every month. Just give up now and save yourself the trouble.
ethier88 1y ago
Damn that sounds terrible! Sorry to hear that. Are you from the US? The boxing gym I go to in my country has a few women but the training hasn't changed a lot. They still train very hard and fight for championships.
BTW I'm also thinking of joining the military in my country. It has not been infiltrated with woke feminist ideology to the extent it has been in the Western world. It's there to some extent but it's one of the few institutes here that still follow traditional masculine values and I usually get along very well with military candidates/aspirants. I think that's the only place where I'll be able to form a proper brotherhood
whytehorse2021 1y ago
Yeah, I'm in the US. There are very few male spaces now so I bring a fart sound maker with me everywhere and make a few fart sounds around all the big fat Karens so they get out of my space. Surprisingly it also works to make dogs stop barking. I don't know if it's because the owners don't like hearing the fart sounds so they yell at the dog or if the dog doesn't like hearing the fart. Either way, my problem is solved :)