I am currently suffering the side effects of bad habits during the development of a young brain. My curses are porn, masturbation and video games. These things together with the way the modern world has shaped me and many of my peers, leads us to inceldom and a host of other problems. Its such a fucked up combination. You get addicted to video games, social media and porn and in general instant gratification at such a young age, couple that with bad parents who never sat down their kids and talked about sexuality and you have young bucks like me who just get stuck inside, infront of their computers for basically 90% of their time growing up. When you spend over a decate of almost nil interaction with the opposite sex WHILE your brain gets continuously bombarded by video games, porn and masturbation, it becomes SUCH a strong wiring to only those things that EVERYTHING else doesn't even register at all. Also the porn had become more and more extreme/fetishized where at the end it was predominantly tranny porn and also being too used to my own hand.
Heres how bad i have it rn - i haven't watched porn in 2 weeks and i haven't masturbated or played video games for a week (and this is coming off after a period where i had already reduced usage a lot) and today i decided to visit an escort. I get it up but my brain and dick DONT FEEL A DAMN THING. I don't get any tingles in my dick or in my brain and i cant even come close to cummimg or get fully hard. We tried condom or no condom (blowjob/handjob), kissing and later penetration, and apart from some small glimpses here and there i couldn't feel a damn thing. Its so awful. I think and hope that over time as i stick to full nofap and reduce computer usage as much as possible, i can start unwiring and rewiring to the real deal.
Anyways, i am working on this and becoming more social in real life but being such a hard case, even though i think i have the right mindset now, i have to slowly build up, i still strongly feel the bad programmimg around girls.
Apart from that i am seemingly having some success on a dating app. I have 2 "propect to be dates" matches. I got one of em to say "marry me" and wanting to meet and the other to verbally agree on meeting, both in just 5-6 messages (and i do find them attractive), keeping it short, and now pushing for logistics, but with my dick problem i am feeling less enthusiastic about it, i fear i will not be able to perform :/ Penetration with the whore felt really dull and zero pleasure and even a bit painful as i wasn't fully hard. Maybe fluctuating between 70%-90% strenght? Can't quite perform like that, especially with no pleasure or tingles. Also i think lubrication makes it worse because its even less friction, compared to just my hand (when i used to masturbate i didn't grip too hard but still its more stimulating) and its just different. I know that if i am with a girl i should first and foremost focus on foreplay and try to get her off even before we get to penetration. And i know that i still might get ghosted/flaked on this app but ill try to meet them still in the following days and if not i am still going out.
Anyone went through hard desensitization like me and managed to fix it? Give me hope, lol. I am sticking to nofap/no porn thought.
mattyanon Admin 1y ago
Stop avoiding responsibility.
Your life, your choice.
It's not a disease it's a choice. Take responsibility.
Who cares, it's an escort. This is not the path. You want girls to want you, not to be paid.
Good!
2 matches is absolutely nothing unless they meet you and wanna suck your dick.
Can you meet girls in real life?
Lift. Fix your diet. Develop. Stop looking for excuses, blame and stop paying whores.
Find women and seduce them.
Don't worry about your dick..... it's fine if you're floppy and don't fuck them....... I know that sounds retarded...... but you want 12 girls, not 1....... the next 5 don't matter. But you need a path to getting lots of girls to fix this.
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aweawea_ 1y ago
Now that i know what i know, yes its my choice and its not a disease and thats why i have been able to effortlessly stay away from video games, porn and masturbation for 9 days now, but it would be impossible before learning all of this, it had completely hijacked my brain. And yes getting escorts is retarded and its not even fun, i know i want them to desire me, not pay for it, which is also really bad allocation of resources, and its beyond clearly an act.
But i don't regret it, i've only done it twice over a year and i was expecting to meet a girl off app but she ghosted after agreeing lol, and i just wanted to experiment with some stuff before i meet her to be more confident.
I know ultimately its all about real life but it still doesn't hurt to try to meet some girls off of apps because if i get at least a few meet ups, i can make sure its sexual before we meet and then some of the work is done for me for possibly the toughest phase and with the increased experience (cuz lets face it, ill still fuck it up) but still that will help me generate some momentum, confidence and build that abundance mindset. I don't feel like i can manifest abundance mindset with 0 experience but i also realize this is a potential trap and i won't linger too long and ill have to just man up and try to fake it till i make it if this doesn't work. Its just that my dick is still too fried up so i don't feel SUPER enthusiastic about it in this state.
As far as lifting and diet. I think i have it pretty good - https://ibb.co/HhZ9jWy
175cm - 80kg , 125kg bench
But i got some pointers, thanks, i need to be more aggressive. MORE TESTOSTERONE (not literally, i am natty, lol).
mattyanon Admin 1y ago
looking great!
aweawea_ 1y ago
Okay forget about that , you are right and online dating is a waste of time unless you have a bunch of professional photos and strong social media presence but ultimately that is also kinda a waste of time , unless you are building a brand or it comes effortless but i cant deal with that shit. Social media is kinda autistic tbh. Deleted the app. Real life it is, but i just realized that i need to actually properly familiarize myself with my surroundings first. So now my goal will be to visit as many of the venues and places in my nearby cities as possible.
whytehorse2021 1y ago
I agree that nofap will increase sensitivity. I did about 8 weeks of nofap in boot camp and then could cum in like 30sec. I think I cut out porn some 18 years ago when I got married. I had a long transition to becoming renormalized so I could be aroused by actual women. It's a very Pavlovian process. I'd just go get a prostitute and stimulate my penis with her vagina until I decided to make a cost/benefit analysis like "well I'm paying for this so I might as well get what I paid for and cum in her".
What you want to be doing is relying on your instinct to reproduce and let that square into your male reproductive strategy: impregnate as many females as possible. That's the mindset that got me back to normal. Like "I'm not here because I'm aroused by this woman, I'm here because I'm spreading my seed". Then when you get one that is actually arousing you'll have enjoyable sex and your brain will begin rewiring itself. Your brain will associate arousing females with intercourse.
One more thing that helped me was working out. Being in shape makes you muscular, which arouses women, which in turn arouses you. You just have to learn about ovulatory shift and know that at a certain time of the month, women are ready to get pregnant and that's when both of your bodies will be trying to reproduce to maximum extent. So timing is everything. Look for the red dress and hoop earrings, ;).
financehardo420 1y ago
i fucking relapsed every morning for like a week straight after going damn near 3 or 4 months no fap :/
coolsocks00 1 1y ago
Sell your pc/console. Get a replacement pc that cant run games. No porn. Read NMMNG.
Not really. Read Sex God Method by Dan Rose.
Be honest without shame if something's not working for you in the act. And just do what you want with the girl; think of her as your plaything (within reason). Girls like a man that does what he wants.
Durek_The_Bald 1y ago
There's a chapter in "No More Mr. Nice Guy" about healthy masturbation. That is, no porn, no fantasizing or picturing things in your head, only being present and conscious about what you're actually doing, and letting the physical stimulus itself do the work. Basically, having sex with your self, and learning to enjoying it just for what it is, without all of the "fluff" to draw you into dependency on women.
The idea is to gear your sexual satisfaction towards tactile sensation, rather than fantasy and simulation, and as such become more competent in meeting your own needs independently of others. Because porn and imagery in your mind is just you simulating someone else meeting your needs, so you're still training yourself for the wrong line of thinking. Plus, gearing towards the tactile response is good for your erectile function.
"No fap" isn't really healthy for you. Physically, you need the release, or else you're going to end up with all sorts of bad stuff, like prostate or testicular cancer etc. Your body is made to produce, release and produce again, and so you don't want the cells that produces sperm/semen to go idle. But I agree with you so far as "no porn" being a good thing.
aweawea_ 1y ago
yeah i can really feel it, i need to gear to tacticle sensation, couldn't put it better than that :thumbsup:
and i know about the increase in cancer so its not a long term solution/something to just adhere to forever. Atm my biggest goal is to try and spend as much time as possible with women and just get more and more relaxed around them, as for sure that also plays a part. Being inexperienced, its normal to feel the pressure which makes you not able to relax as much as when you do it by yourself, which makes it harder. Have to get out of my head but its not just mindset but also just real time spent doing the thing you should be doing