As title, my LTR got pregnant. I know it's was my mistake to believe her calculation of the period start date. We were having sex without any protection. My big mistake.
Please give me an advice what to do next. I have a great interest in her but making her as my wife is not never my thought. Being in a relationship and being in a marriage is totally different. In the LTR with her, I have also spin many plates. This is a reason why I can still keep that great interest for the LTR. But, when committing to a marriage, I will loose that freedom and eventually the marriage will a hatred. I am 24 and I want to experience lots of thing except engaging in marriage.
That's for the girl. Now for the kid. When she first announced me that she got pregnant. I did not want to tell her to abort the child because it's a soul already. Aborting is murder. Also, I dont want to leave the child for her alone. You may all know, kids raised by single mom have many problems. But, when the marriage becomes a hatred, its not good for the kid too.
Please brothers, if you have any experience in how to it responsibly for the child, he has my DNA. Please tell me what to do.
Thank you.
Adeptintact1 1y ago
Get a paternity test and really confirm that's your child before signing the birth certificate that you are the father. Coparent with her but don't marry her if you don't feel it. Marriage would be a mistake.
dirtymikeandtheboyz 1y ago
Ahm abort the kid fast. You are by far too young for such a responsibility. Im assuming neither one of you is settled in a career at such a young age. I had friends who had this happen in first year of uni. They got the abortion, then split up a year later as she wanted to party. They are now both married with kids on the way like 10 years later. That kid wouldve destroyed their lives almost certainly and it would have been miserable for everyone including the kid. Its not a life yet. So i wouldnt wait. With that being said if your circumstances and financials are good and you believe you would both be responsible and good parents then it could work and it wouldnt be a terrible thing being a young parent. You would be really young grand parents and that seems like a great feeling.
Ok_Measurement_8250 1y ago
Thank you for the plan. But in my code of moral act, I cannot do the abortion. I live in eastern country, so here the system of belief believes that the fetus already has a soul. So abortion is basically a murder. Abortion does not violate any criminal code in my country but I cannot do that man. I cannot fix a mistake by making another mistake. Things may never get back to normal before but I will the way no matters how hard it is.
coolsocks00 1 1y ago
Time to grow a ballsack and make sure that kid has a future. Stop with the mental gymnastics and take some responsibility.
Ok_Measurement_8250 1y ago
Tks for the advice. But actually I dont know how to do it in best way.
coolsocks00 1 1y ago
You will find out as you go. Just like men and women have for all time.
I have been there.
Ok_Measurement_8250 1y ago
Tks. I will try
KeyInterest 1y ago
You don't have to marry her, but you have to pay the bills, there is no way around that.
Ok_Measurement_8250 1y ago
Yes, I think so. I have to pay the bill but it's not just about financing. It's also about for the kid future. I know the kid growing without father's care and education is awful but If I stay in the commitment of marriage, living in a same house with the wrong wife the marriage then becomes a hatred. It's not good for the kid seeing their parent become hateful to each other.
Ok_Measurement_8250 1y ago
This make me think a lot dont know what to do next. Tks for your help
KeyInterest 1y ago
Tell the girl you want to raise this kid with her but you also want to date other women.
If she's up for it, problem solved. If not, just pay the bills.
Ok_Measurement_8250 1y ago
Yeah I will try. Tks a lot
Scorpion69_ 1y ago
This should be a big wake up call to pay fucking attention and not do dumb shit such as fucking without a condom or trusting a woman.
Shes ur ltr therefore she probably knows a lot of ur personal info such as address, full name etc. Therefore i dont really know if u can leave and ghost her. Still, might be doable.
If u dont wanna have the kid, then abort. Forget morals, its ur life ur throwing away here. Game the chick and convince her overtime that abort is the best thing to do here.
KeyInterest 1y ago
Impossible to do in any developed country.
This can backfire. She may see this as beta ( because you're acting desperate ) and lose any respect for you.
Overall I think it's better to just pay the bills ( even from an amoral standpoint ).
Ok_Measurement_8250 1y ago
Agree! I also want to raise the awareness for this. Never trust women's logic. I have heard and experienced many cases (experience in women as business leader, many emotional, lack of logic decisions). Now I make the same mistake in trusting "her body her calculation"
For the abortion. I thought about it first when she said she was pregnant but my moral didnt allow me to do that. Beacause I made a mistake it doesnt mean I have to kill my child.
Thank you, really appreciate your support man.
Durek_The_Bald 1y ago
Made the exact same mistake as you, and ended up marrying her, now divorcing. I applaud you for understanding the importance of being an actual present figure in the child's life, and not just a distant ATM for the mother. I took a chance on marriage because divorce laws aren't bad here, so I'm not trapped legally or financially. But socially and emotionally, of course it sucks, and I did want to provide the child with a two-parent household.
I don't know the divorce laws in your area, or what kind of person this girl is. My soon-to-be ex is a good woman in the sense that she wants what's best for the child, and understands that me being heavily involved is important for the child's development. Therefore, I have no doubt we'll do fine as co-parents and friends, even though being married to eachother sucked (all women are women, all men are men, and it's just not in a man's best interest to be married).
My advice to you is to get your agreements with her in order while she's still pregnant. Actually, the pregnancy was one of the best periods in our relationship, because that's a time when they're very dependent on you, and very willing to submit to you. They really, really need you during that time, and they know it and feel it with their entire being. I've never felt more appreciated, or had my balls as properly drained, than I did during that time. Just don't fall for it, thinking that's going to last, or that there's such a thing as relationship equity.
So get all your custody agreements in order during that time, when your bargaining power is on top. Make a plan for how and when you'll gradually increase custody. Tell her you're not going to marry her if that's not what you want to do, but that you'll be involved in the child's life, and will offer support and be an involved father. Get everything in writing, schedule an appointment with a lawyer, and make sure everything you agree on now is legally binding.
Congrats on becoming a father, you'll come to enjoy that part eventually, so long as both you and her want what's best for the child. Invest your time and attention in the child from the moment it enters this world, because in this relationship, between parent and child, there definitely IS such a thing as relationship equity. And you can have that part without being bound to her if you play your cards right, so don't panic just yet. As long as your girlfriend isn't a total bitch (which I hope for your sake she isn't), this can all work out just fine.
Ok_Measurement_8250 1y ago
A great great respect for you. Thank you very much. I think I know what to do now.
Just a personal question relating to marriage, you can reply me or not. How was it going in the marriage with such a nice girl? Marriage is kind of sth that scares the hell out of me. My girl is nice as well, very feminine and understanding. Sometimes I think I would marry her but as I mentioned above, marriage is totally different. The problem maybe is not her but me. Commitment and lack of freedom make me become hateful.
Durek_The_Bald 1y ago
In my opinion, marriage and cohabitation is a total sham from the male perspective, regardless of how nice she is, how much of a good person she is, or how fair/unfair the legal system is. And the reason for that is the complete mismatch of men and women's respective sexual strategies and motivations.
Her being nice and all goes a long way in not making it a complete cluster fuck, but if sex is at all important to you, it's going to be a frustrating experience for you anyways. I don't know a single married guy who isn't sexually frustrated, and doesn't think his wife is mostly a pain in the ass to live with. And I know several married men I have close relationships - and honest conversations - with.
It's really nobody's fault, it's just the nature of the deal. We're all products of human evolution, and none of us chose to be what we are. As a man, you want sexual variety with loads of women. But then you think you can trade that in for sex with one woman who's going to be readily available to you, and up for any filthy thing you want to do.
And in the beginning of a relationship, that is often the case. But that's because a woman's sexuality is opportunistic in nature. So long as there's commitment yet to extract from you, they genuinely enjoy those things. But once the commitment is attained, their attraction level drops, and suddenly they aren't comfortable with this and that any longer, and/or frequency becomes an issue for you.
In my case, it was never really a problem of frequency. Right up to the moment where I made the decision to exit the marriage, we'd have sex three times a week, which is fine by me. But the quality took a very noticeable dive for every step of commitment I made along the way. No more dirty, filthy, fun stuff, only boring vanilla stuff pretty much all the way. Once the commitment was there, she was no longer keen on being my whore - which is an issue of attraction.
That's on me for being an idiot, not listening to my gut feeling, willfully ignoring what I already knew to be true, and actively deluding myself into the next step, and the next step, and the next step. Obviously, knocking her up played a big part in that. I would've bailed sooner if it wasn't for that. Looking back, I should've hard nexted her the moment she started leaving stuff around my place (marking territory).
Generally, my lack of game definitely played a big part. I've done loads of serious mistakes in all this, from a red pill perspective. Everything from not starting out by having her as a part of a rotation of women, to getting sucked into the girlfriend + friend + partner + teammate delusion. In that, I've played my part in speeding up the betaization process, and killing attraction.
And even though I think game can only get you so far in a marriage/cohabitation situation, as in slowing the betaization curve, I'm sure there are conceivable ways that could possibly maintain both the female need for security, and the male need for sexual variety, if you just think outside the box, and have the game to back it up.
But like I said, these are just my personal thoughts and opinions, so take them with a healthy dose of scepticism. I'm biased through my own experiences, what options are conceivably available to me, my own preferences, my own delusions and my place in the hierarchy of men and in the sexual market place.
Going forward, I'm optimistic about my situation. Like i said, there are no worries here so far as co-parenting and remaining on friendly terms. This is a very amicable split, I can't envision myself ever allowing a woman to move in with me again, I trust her completely not to bring anyone into my child's life who isn't going to be a positive influence, so in general, there is very little potential for unnecessary drama and hostility here. And that's where I really get to reap the benefits of her by no stretch of the imagination being a piece of shit, or a dumb cunt.
Like you said:
"The problem maybe is not her but me. Commitment and lack of freedom make me become hateful."
I'm 100% onboard with this line of thinking. Vetting women is all well and good, but first and foremost you have to vett yourself.
Ok_Measurement_8250 1y ago
I can see your situation is very similar to mine. Now I have a chance to think before put down the next card. Many thanks to your very detailed, logical but still humble advice. This help me so much in the way of thinking. If I have any opportunity to see you in real life, its would be my privilege to shake your hand for my appreciation.
financehardo420 1y ago
abort abort abort.
when you eventually do meet someone you wanna settle down w and have a family, we’ll surprise you also have a bastard child that needs to get child support. any idea how stressful it’s gonna be when you wanna provide for your actual family but percentages of your income get siphoned off every month to support some kid you didn’t even want?
mattyanon Admin 1y ago
Don't marry her, obviously.
Children has nothing to do with marriage. Marriage is there to provide a woman with an easy retirement plan, it does nothing for the children. In fact it works against children by motivating the mother to divorce and separate and get paid for it.
So stick with her...... live together if you like...... but don't get married.
whytehorse2021 1y ago
Congrats. Kids are awesome. Welcome to red pill on hard mode. Don't lose frame or your whole life is fucked.
Ok_Measurement_8250 1y ago
Thank you Sir. A bit panic at first but thinking for the right side, having a son is a wonderful experience.