So, I've been trying to improve myself daily for over 6 months now. It's going decent but there are a lot of lows. I never had many problems with girls but I am way too awkward in social conversations. I am trying to get out of my comfort zone and trying to talk with strangers on daily basis. I've been hitting the gym daily for 1 year now although not much progression but I love it at the gym.

However, I just feel like I am unable to believe that I am going to be successful. I am from a not-so-rich country and from a not-so-rich family. And I know that my making it up the ladder of finance is low but I don't know why I am just unable to do productive things for a prolonged period.

I use YouTube for more than 3 hours and it's fucked up. I have tried so many apps and stuff but I just can't get over it.

I have a toxic family and don't have any friends in the area I live and the school freinds I had, I fought with all of them and now they just see me as someone who they have to despise. I don't really care about having friends though, I have changed like 4 schools. Friends never stay, so why tf should I worry about them.

I just want to better myself but I am unable to reach my full potential. I know if I can just get on the rhythm I will be able to do everything but don't know how.

I'll appreciate your input on this post, anything works as it will give me a much wider perspective.

p.s: the post is long because it's outta my chest. I never have a deep conversation about myself with anyone as I like to keep my problems and stuff to myself but I guess I can share it anonymously on the internet.