I'm getting close to 30 years old, still an incel, clueless about how to change it.
I had a girlfriend in my early twenties for a year but then I never had any experience with women again.
I have several theories to explain my inceldom, but I'm still clueless about the true reason.
I'll try to give a detailed description of my situation below.
Looks:
I'm a light-skinned black guy. Some people have said my face looks like Barack Obama. I have an average face, I get compliments if I take pictures in a good angle, but nothing out of the ordinary.
I'm six feet tall and I weight 165lbs. I'm a skinny fat ectomorph, so my natural frame is not attractive to women. I've been working out five times a week for three months and my frame is already improving.
I think I will start to attract women if I get strong enough but part of me still thinks that gymcelling is just a cope, especially because I don't plan to get on steroids.
As you can imagine my Tinder profiles are not very successful, they just get 3 or 4 matches that rarely reply before dying out.
Money:
I'm Brazilian and I'm living in Europe as an immigrant student. There's a chance that I will get a six-figure job after I graduate next year but for now I'm basically unemployed.
Status:
I have immigrant status, and I don't have much time and money to socialize. I don't have a group of friends that hang out regularly with me, I spend my weekends alone. For some reason I don't get along very well with the people at my university or at universities in general. Maybe because I don't enjoy small talk, I rarely discuss anything meaningful to me when I try to hang out with them.
My Instagram profile is dead. So I have no social proof whatsoever.
Game:
I feel like I'm slightly autistic, I'm a total disaster at flirting. I don't know how to approach a girl or how to gradually escalate things until I take her to bed.
Durek_The_Bald 1y ago
I think you have the right ideas as to why.
Working out isn't "cope", come on. It has a very real effect on the way you look, the way you feel and who you can attract. That's like saying "having good mental health is cope".
Just because something is dark, depressive and pessimistic doesn't make it more true.
KeyInterest 1y ago
I have some online friends who say working out to attract women is a cope but they're not shredded so I can't really trust their opinion.
I think I'll have to get shredded first, then I will know it from experience.
Durek_The_Bald 1y ago
To some people, everything good/fun/healthy/productive in life is "cope". And in a sense, they're right. Life has never been smooth sailing, and so people throughout history have always coped with it one way or another. But unless we're talking self-delusion to the point of being harmful to you, or preventing you from spotting truths that could be beneficial to you, being able to "cope" with life is an actual skill, a valuable, genuine, life quality improving skill. To be able to productively cope with what life throws at you is something to be admired, not berated.
SheLarror1234 1y ago
All of those blackpill forums do one thing in common and that's push their agendas well. They have WAY too many categorizations. And they teach everything except for what they should actually be teaching which is the actual truth. Your problem is simple. You don't have money, game, or status. But most importantly, do you even desire to change?
I'm not asking if you want to, but will you. Because you can be as self perceptive as you want, but its pointless to complain about who you are, if your not going to use the knowledge of your self perception to change who you dislike being when you can. And if you really hate the world, then go MGTOW. Go celibate, forget modern women and dating and forget a family. Do it with honor and precision. Coping simply means dealing effectively with something difficult, whether you choose abstaining, or doing everything possible. And if your trying to compare yourself to a textbook "chad", or someone with success socially, then of course you are lesser, until you find a way to solve that which you consider an issue. Either way you have to grow. Either way you have to cope. Everyone is coping.
About your 3 points money, status, and game;
The real question is if you even want to! Is the juice worth the squeeze for you? And can you actually do those things you desire to do in real time.
KeyInterest 1y ago
I think the basic problem is that I can't really change my financial and social status while I'm still living at college towns as a college student. The guys getting pussy in this particular social context are the stereotypical frat bro.
I mean, if I were not committed to a college I could just jump between cities until I find a place where I can have decent social status and earn a reasonable amount of money.
I guess I'll just have to stick to monk mode for a year and then see what can be done after I graduate.
SheLarror1234 1y ago
Man this is not cope, but is instead a self defeatist mentality. College is easy mode, and after college is actually when it gets hard. The secret behind human attraction that you need to understand, is that its all about social groups/fraternity order etc. And by default your in one by being in college, hence why after graduation is where most men decline due to them not being in any order, having to rely on tinder and other stuff unless MGTOW. College is a boost, not a regression socially, because thats where everyone is centralized at. Thinking it gets better after college is not intelligent and a delusion, because it does not- but actually gets worst.
The worst way to go is to put a pause on your growth. Your going monk mode, but for what? Your college career? Isnt it already shit like how you explained? Unless your seriously planning on going MGTOW, or if your following the moral precision of hating the fact that the world is out of its course, then your simply wasting your time. Its better you stick yourself out of the strong delusion early if that's the case. Its better you actually find a reason, instead of wasting life meaninglessly, even though you urgently need answers.
And the only ones getting pussy are not the stero frat guys smh. Tbh it seems like you really don't even care about being part of such activities, so its probably better to just go MGTOW and do monk mode like you said.
But just be honest with yourself. If I were going monk mode it would not be for some delusion that I couldn't pull girls when in reality I just wasn't personally feeling it. It would be because I'm not really feeling it. The only thing the delusion will lead to is regretting it later in life, and in turn just makes you even more desirous to do what you inevitably delayed doing. Its a waste of time if your reasoning is not on point.
KeyInterest 1y ago
I don't mean to offend you but you seem to be talking from the perspective of the average white American.
College is easy mode if you are the average college student, which is clearly not my case. I'm a late college student ( most are in their early twenties ), and also an immigrant student from a low-income country. There are many other ways in which I don't fit in, which are mostly consequence of not being part of the same culture and age bracket.
If you are not part of the target demographics for college, you'll have an easier time outside.
I'll stick around because there is just one year left, otherwise I would just drop out.
coolsocks00 1 1y ago
Any talents or skills that are attractive that you can lean into?
KeyInterest 1y ago
I have above average intelligence and I'm able to have interesting conversations with women, so some girls used to be attracted by this trait. In fact, in my home country I would get signals from girls who put a high value on intelligence, but I was too socially inept to actually fuck them.
However my SMV dropped so much after I moved out of my home country that I don't even know what kind of girl I would be able to attract here in Europe.
coolsocks00 1 1y ago
So. You're working on education/career already. Maybe not much else to do than finish that, if you dont have any ambitions of starting a company or similar.
Looks wise, you're now working on getting fit, good. Get serious about nutrition to complement the workouts, or else they're a waste of time.
Looking good also requires you work on your style. Haircuts and grooming, nicely fitting clothes (keep in mind your changing body comp) that look stylish, some good shoes/boots, accessories like a watch or two, maybe you would do well with some chains or rings, just figure it out.
After this it comes down to Game, and further, Status.
Last part of the equation is simply volume. To bang chicks you actually need to meet them somehow; the more, the merrier.
Are you reading the sidebar and recommended books? Have you tried implementing anything, and how is that going?
KeyInterest 1y ago
I'm quite schooled in the redpill, to be honest. I think lack of redpill awareness is certainly not the problem. I'm familiar with Rollo Tomassi, Alan Roger Currie, and many other authors in the manosphere.
I think the main problem is that I don't meet the minimum looks threshold for the average girl to consider dating someone in my particular situation ( unemployed, low status immigrant and not an expert on game ). So I have to either get more money and status, or get shredded, or both.
I wear nice clothes but that doesn't help much when you're skinny fat. After all the point of wearing fit clothing is that it will show off your muscles.
However I think it is just a matter of time before I get shredded, I'm being very consistent both in training and diet.
coolsocks00 1 1y ago
It definitely is mostly about persistance once you know what to work on. You will see improvements and results if you keep going.
But i think you are underestimating the power of game. You have the red pill knowledge so i doubt you are a pushover, but thats all inwards. Try to improve in other areas as well; like how to use push-pull in conversation, how to tease girls and reframe conversations, read about powertalk, how to kino escalate, etc.
HopelessRomantic 1y ago
A lot of what everyone is saying is good - I'm pressed for time so I'll make this quick. You're going to College to better yourself and get a degree. Once you graduate it will still take a few years after you acquire a job to truly be financially stable and relevant. Focus on school first, mess around with girls as much as you can, don't worry about what you're doing right and what you're doing wrong. Playing the Game and spinning plates is new to most young guys so it's all about reflecting on the experience and fine tuning your schemas. Once you're financially stable and able to 'offer' stability to women, you'll be able to spin plates and play the Game effectively. A lot of women won't even pursue a guy unless he has a financial foundation for them to tap into. So once they know you have that, that's when you can use strategy to gain the sexual intimacy you crave and that they can give you.
KeyInterest 1y ago
Well, it's true that if you max out your SMV on any aspect, any discussion is thrown out of the window.
I've been playing this "just get rich" game for almost 30 years and I regret not having focused on getting shredded as well.
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mattyanon Admin 1y ago
Good work.
Get slim, get some definition. It really helps.
This is normal unless you're a top 5% guy, which you're not yet.
Ok..... you've got some work to do here.
You need to meet PEOPLE, make friends (some girls). You need to learn to talk to people.... talk about yourself, talk about them. Be friendly, learn to be more popular.
And learn to cold approach strangers (especially women).... strike up a conversation.
The "escalate to bed" shit ... that's a question of flirting and chatting and touching, but you need to be able to be social first. Stick at the gym meanwhile.
thedonuts352 1y ago
Incel is a state of mind. You have to be more positive, do everything you can to be the best version of yourself you can be, and make you life as successful as possible. Maybe you will never let achieve a high SMV. So what. That isn’t a reason not to work out. You will be happier as a “6” than a “2.”
whytehorse2021 1y ago
You could run "all black men have big dicks" game on white chicks. Maybe run "all foreign black guys have big dicks and want a visa" game. You automatically get some X-factor by being foreign. Maybe you can pretend to be the son of a Columbian drug lord, lol. I actually had some hot Russian after me in Bali because she thought I was some modern day Pablo Escobar she saw in some movie.
KeyInterest 1y ago
I feel there is a certain kind of European girl that chases black men and immigrants, so this niche definitely exists.
r3z01v 1y ago
I don't think you want to change. I think you love the fact that black pills justify your life and remove responsibility from your end.
Get fit - absolutely no discussion. Just like you wouldn't fuck a whale, you have no right to expect women to fuck you,
Being social with university students at 30 - is just fucking wierd. Go out and mingle with people and women your own age. They are also more lenient into flirting than teenagers that can be savage. Do it to learn to flirt. Not to get laid. You don't need money, just hang out ouside of bars in the smoking areas and bar hop from group to group.
Forget about IG, Tinder or any other low effort lead collection mechanism. If you can't handle face to face, none of those leads from apps will be converted.
KeyInterest 1y ago
Most guys would fuck a whale. Whales have sex, while fat or average-looking guys don't ( unless they can make up for it through status, money or game ).
You're basically telling me to go out and chase tail. I think you need to meet a minimum looks threshold before you can succeed at approaching women in this way. Some guys don't understand this because they already meet this threshold by being white and having an attractive face. The rest of us need to make up for a lack of facial attractiveness and white privilege by getting shredded.
r3z01v 1y ago
No they wouldn't mate - like I said - too much black pill content. Whales are desperate. Because unlike men - just jilling it is very unsatisfactory compared to having a man in your life.
I am telling you: you can get tail, you know what it takes but you won't because being a loser is more comfortable. At the end of your self delusion you will have a hard pill to swallow - it was always you. Nobody else. You ruined your life for the comfort of inceldom. To maintain a childish ego.
You need a minimum looks threshold to not get your ego hurt. That's what incels actually hate. Why have them damn sluts the right to reject me!! Because you're a loser. That's it. You have been raised to think you're hot shit, you didn't pass through life needing to adapt that world view and not you find your identity incompatible with what the world thinks of you.
There's a segment of women that only go for black - but sure - keep telling yourself it's white priviledge that every whore out there dreams of twerking on drake.
KeyInterest 1y ago
You're delusional if you think that fat chicks aren't having sex. This is not black pill, it's just common sense.
Sure there is a segment of women that only go for black, but they also have a minimum looks threshold ( which is slightly higher than what you must meet if you're a white guy by the way ).
I've already met guys like you who think it's all about game and that anyone can get laid ( "just be confident bro" ). Usually guys like you have some sort of privilege in the sexual market that is invisible to them. They are reluctant to admit the existence of these privileges because that would mean that they are not as seductive as they had thought.
The truth is that most guys out there need to do massive work on their SMV before any girl can notice them ( myself included ). That's just the way it is.
r3z01v 1y ago
Fat chicks are, whales aren't, unless they find a really poor sap that needs a mommy regardless of how disgusting she is.
The line between delusional narrative and common sense is in inductive reasoning and generalizing.
As someone that goes for black chicks with a thing for white guys - because you are niche the threshold is much lower, not higher. JUST BE FUCKABLE!!!
I did not say it's all about game - see that generalizing note. Your black pill indoctrination REQUIRES generalizations based on single case studies because if you accept nuances you are not cursed, you aren't powerless. I actually argue don't be confident at all if you don't feel like it, which at first you rarely will. I argue BE FUCKABLE!!! Lift, be social, be kind and... well keep being black.
Absolutely, you do need to do the work, now we're talking. I agree. Life is massive work dude, the only reason you aren't kicked in the streets or stabbed for being a limp dicked loser is because you live in a very accepting society. I don't. You can still get your teeth knocked out because you walk with a hottie durring night over here in easter europe. Embrace YOUR priviledge. And don't lean back on it. Don't just expect ever more from society. Own up to your life, and do that fucking work. Your life will only be increasingly worthless if you don't, it's only a matter of time before your hate will ourgrow your supra ego or your ego and you start taking action against the world or yourself.
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