Background: I’m 25M and have been dating a woman 27F now fairly seriously for 6 months. I’ve been through quite a few GFs in the past and have been waiting to get with the right one settle down with for an LTR / marriage and she’s showing all the right signs as being the one — submissive, traditional values, conservative in nature, very loyal, a personality that suits mine and typically things happen on my terms.
Up until the past week, this girl has been infatuated with me to the point she would get butterflies every time she’d get my call, she would wake up to respond to my calls / msgs in the middle of the night, comes to visit me wherever I am in the world, respond to msgs instantly, etc.
She recently told me that she’s over the “infatuation phase” and feels a more “comfortable” love with me now and claims this is better and healthier for her and our relationship. She says it’s a more “mature” love. The butterflies aren’t there for her anymore and I’ve noticed her responses are slower and she feels less excited to talk — nonetheless, I still feel she has greater feelings for me than I do for her, but she doesn’t obsess over me the way she used to. Is this a cause for concern? Is there any way to get her back to her old self and bring excitement to the relationship?
Two things happened in the past week that could have potentially changed her infatuation — 1) she met my parents, and 2) we got high together. With #1, she knows I’ve never introduced anymore to my parents before and it was a really big step for me. With that, she may have reached a new level of comfort and security that zapped away the infatuation for her. With #2, when we got high together, she got VERY high, emotional and paranoid and may have seen something in me that made her more comfortable or shifted her view of me from being this mysterious and attractive guy she has excitement with, to a comfortable “husband material” type that can be tamed. I would much rather prefer the former.
TLDR: Did I become too vulnerable with her that zapped away her infatuation or is a maturation of the love the natural next step? Is there any way to bring excitement and infatuation back to an LTR?
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oiligarch 1y ago
She looks younger than me to be fair (+ beautiful) and I usually feel like the older one in the relationship. I click with her more than any other girl I’ve been with and I value her maturity tbh. She’s been with only one other man in a LTR and otherwise hasn’t been around (religious girl).
Durek_The_Bald 1y ago
It's code word for "I'm ready to have bad sex now". Soon, she'll have a list for you of things she isn't comfortable doing (with you) anymore. It's the infamous man-trap as old as monogamy itself. Don't fall for it. The kind of relationship where you get something out of it is over by this point, and the "mature love" of which she speaks is going to be all about her and her needs. You have officially been warned.
oiligarch 1y ago
Eye opening. Gonna monitor this for the next couple of weeks and I’ll have to run if this is what it is. Might have lucked out hearing this now instead of after marriage.
SeasonedRP 1y ago
He's right. Her attraction has dropped. She'll become more critical and sex will drop off. Normally this happens after the wedding. At least she's let you know now before the state is involved.
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Durek_The_Bald 1y ago
It usually takes two to tango. He's definitely made loads of mistakes to speed up the betaization process, some of which he's already mentioned in his OP. But it's also in the nature of the deal (LTR/marriage). I hesitate to speak in absolutes, to say it's inevitable, but at least it's fairly close to that.
Of the married men I have close, honest friendships with, I don't know a single one who feels sexually fulfilled in their marriage. There are guys I'm not that close with, and guys online, who will profess they're perfectly happy in their marriage, but you can't really trust married guys to be honest with themselves.
As a married man myself (in the process of pulling the plug), I know the self-delusions married men will revert to in order to reduce stress levels, and to remain somewhat sane. I've done plenty of that myself, both here and elsewhere.
At the end of the day, you have to take everything people say here and elsewhere with a grain of salt - including what I say, and what I'm telling you now. Build your own experiences, and assess for yourself what computes with your own lived experience, and what doesn't. And while you build that experience, do your best to always have a way out that isn't going to fuck you over too bad.
maseboogie 1y ago
"She recently told me that she’s over the “infatuation phase” and feels a more “comfortable” love with me now and claims this is better and healthier for her and our relationship. She says it’s a more “mature” love."
IMO homie, this is game from a Chameleon. She gassed you up with the "infatuation" and once she sensed that you were showing signs of seeing her as "The One" in under a year, this is when she started deploying her emotional manipulation tactics. To be direct, that infatuation ain't coming back unless she sees someone else eyeing you and wants to keep you close. But even then, that will fade once she knows she's "won" and will go back to being "comfortable" with you. Her buggin' out when you two got high tells the tale.
oiligarch 1y ago
Appreciate the take. How can you ever keep the spark in a marriage if a woman feels like she’s won as soon as you’re married? There seems no way around this… I usually have no problems getting with women & it’s never been an issue keeping a girl obsessed with me. But now the first time I show any sign of security to a woman she’s already switching up…
pfeilmacher 1y ago
Lol. Have you read nothing??
Dating an older woman after she's been railed by Chad and Tyrone?
She's growing a bit cold on you because her N-count is probably around 50. She is damaged goods, brother.
DROP HER, because she is already looking for her next branch to swing onto.
coolsocks00 1 1y ago
This relationship has an expiration date. But the answer to your question is to apply dread. It's LTR game, you can read about it on the MRP reddit.
redhawkes 2 1y ago
It's called the betaization process. Once started, even dread can't help some times.
https://archive.ph/EZM1s
mattyanon Admin 1y ago
Marriage is a female retirement plan for lazy women to get your income without doing anything, and which persists after you divorce her. Don't fucking do it.
In other words: she's secure that you'll stick around, and now attraction is going to decrease day by day.
Less attracted, more secure. Sex will decrease, talk of marriage will increase.
only if you like sex and respect
No. You can spark it up a bit, but it's on a downhill trajectory now.
Yeah, that's the one.
COMMITMENT KILLS ATTRACTION.
yes
commitment killed it
No. Don't believe the hype. There is no such thing as female love for men..... as evidenced by how terribly they treat men who commit to them.
Yes..... see other women.
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mattyanon Admin 1y ago
yes
If you get a girlfriend you get 2-3 years of it being great, another 2-3 years where it's kind of ok but never as good as it was. During the second phase (less sex, worse behaviour) she increases her commitment demands while decreasing sexual interest. Sometimes they dangle the promise of going back to phase one if you commit to giving her what she wants...... "we'd have more sex if we lived together" and "I'd feel more relaxed being sexual with you if we were married". This is how the noose tightens.
oiligarch 1y ago
Crazy that’s exactly what she was saying “I would be so much more comfortable with you if you were my husband”
whytehorse2021 1y ago
Well I've only been married for 18 years so take this with a grain of salt: you passed her comfort tests. Now you need to get her out of her comfort zone with two words: anal sex. Talk about excitement!
Adeptintact1 1y ago
You're calling and contacting her way to much, putting her on a pedestal. Pull the fuck back and barely contact her. Let her start chasing you.