My LTR of over a year has messaged me asking to talk and we did and she stated that she always messages me and tries to have a conversation but I seem to always give her bland responses, and she feels like I dont wanna ever text with her and kept asking "when was the last time you messaged me, its always me messaging you first"
She then started talking about how her girlfriends boyfriends always call them and ask how they are doing but I never do it and said it upsets her?
Then she started talking about how I never open up to her about my problems and how she feels left out but whenever i do open up its a little and i always say im working on it but she always wants more.
I dont know what to do now. I like how things are with her but am I being too cold? I dont understand the right balance ... I feel like she is starting to feel unloved or something.
Please give me some advice. If you need anymore answers ill gladly open up
unplugged69 3y ago
How often do you text between seeing her? She's an LTR so you must maintain some communication via text or calls, not just logistics like you would a plate.
However NEVER text or call or give her any attention that's more than 2/3rds of what she's giving you, you must always be the prize she chases after and she must always invest more than you.
The other thing you need to consider is that your woman complaining you're not beta enough is actually a good thing because if what you were doing was so bad then she wouldn't complain, she wouldn't talk to you, she would withdraw her attention.
Her complaining you are not available means your passive dread is working well so keep it going, just make sure to give her about 10% beta along with your 90% alpha.
If she continues complaining or even starts arguments you need to use the Always DARE never DEER techniques. You should have read that post by now, if not Google it.
Amazonforest 3y ago
She does 100% of the pursuing really, I never text her first unless its for logistics. Its my birthday this Saturday and we have plans for the whole weekend so I never really texted her since we have plans and i feel like everything is good. Whenever we text is always do keep it to minimal as i try to keep the fun stuff in person.
I think i should do a little more texting and be more open since i give off a very closed off personal vibe and never really share my life with anyone if you know what I mean?
I have not read that post about dare and deering, nope
unplugged69 3y ago
Yes you should text a bit more, not just for logistics. Initiating texts once in a while is good, text her that you're excited to spend your birthday with her. Those kind of texts are powerful if used once in a while, it will give her butterflies.
And from now on reply to some of her texts but not all, and open up a bit more. Just be careful not to overcorrect, women don't know what they want and they'll ask you to do things that turn them off and if you agree they'll ghost you.
Anyway it sounds like you're at 100% alpha which doesn't work in LTRs, dial it back to 90% alpha and 10% beta and the rest is good.
Here's the post I was talking about, it works in any situation or dynamic with a woman https://www.forums.red/p/TheRedPill/4349/talking_with_women_always_dare_never_deer
Amazonforest 3y ago
My last relationship ended with the women leaving me because I didnt show her any affection. Trying to do this differently this time
unplugged69 3y ago
Yeah I agree a bit of beta behaviour is required but be careful not to overdo it
whytehorse2021 3y ago
Those are comfort tests. You're being too alpha. Throw in a little beta stuff like protection, provisioning, and/or parental investment. In my marriage I cuddle with my wife once a month right before her period(just sleep together naked and it happens). I'll compliment her cooking when it's really good.
You can also say that text is awkward and you'd prefer to talk in person. Maybe a video chat to talk about LTR stuff if in-person isn't possible.
Amazonforest 3y ago
She told me we don't have those issues in person but when we're separate she feels like I don't care about her etc ..
I did tell her texting isn't my thing and I'd rather be with her in person and I always love spending time with her which is true but it seems like she wants more and sometimes idk how to give more without giving too much especially when we're not in person . (We live an hour away )
whytehorse2021 3y ago
You could try to find a mutual interest. I taught my wife how to fish and now she loves it. So we spend time together doing that.
Hanscheezburger 3y ago
if they're complaining about that then it's good news. Bad news is when they go cold and not say anything. You only complain when you're emotionally invested.
Keep doing what you're doing. Just give her some comfort here and there and you should be good.