alright Chaps ex LTR ended things 7 months ago. has been hitting me up for validation over the last few months that ive been ignoring, until she said she missed me and wanted to talk about us. Foolishly i went along and we met had a nice night - ended with her crying down the phone to me saying shes terrified that trying again will just waste her time and that im just being this way to dump her back - ok. calling me all the nicknames and begging me to come over and hug her to sleep (i live an hour away and was in bed by then)
Recently reached out again as I'm leaving the country for a new job and she's pissed - we had again a nice night, lots of IOI from her but shut down when i dropped her home as she wasn't sure and it could be risking a lot. Basically said she thought i cheated on her and was just lying. I have not and am not - I leave and just say that yes i love her (she laughs - ouch), say that i wish things were different and to call me if she wanted to talk
She messages me again asking if im in the office - i say no and she just ghosts. had plenty of time to message me back all of yesterday but didnt bother.
What is the issue here (is it hot and cold or just cold and cold?) shall i just ghost her back or send a message asking wtf?
NeoSpartan 2y ago
Why would you LTR a girl who lives so far away?
She sounds crazy to me. Extremely jealous, and the living so far from each other is just gonna make it impossible for this to work. I think you should move on dude.
NotGoodWithUsernames 2y ago
Why are you guys LTRing psychos like this? Some mid pussy is not worth all this drama, block her from everywhere and go on with your life, wtf is this shit?
Vermillion-Rx Admin 2y ago
Jesus dude, this girl sounds like a girl with borderline personality disorder. I dated one (casually) over the summer for a bit and she did all this hot and cold bullshit.
Save yourself from the mental anguish and forget about her. It's probably not even anything to do with you. She sounds BPD. You can't fix that, even if you're Chad Pitt
JamesSkepp Moderator 2y ago
The issue is you continue to provide attention (crypillow kind, which is unattractive) to a girl that isn't even open to fucking you. She only wants you to pay attention to her, hence all the drama and crying. Cut her off COMPLETELY, forever and move to greener pastures. No "closure meetings/talk", no texting, no phonecalls, nothing. At this point ANY attention you give her is fuel for her drama.
Another issue is you care b/c you feel invested. Not in the girl so much but in the drama that gives you the impression that there is "something" between you two. There isn't, not from her side anyway. Stop investing by stopping listening and participating in her useless drama-baits. HARD next her immediately.
NeoSpartan says she's jealous - she's not jealous AT ALL. This is "classic attention seeking ex-gf drama 101", the only cure for this is cutting contact as there is nothing to salvage here, maybe one more bang but that's just asking for more drama which makes this a pointless drama loop. She's not into you anymore, she's into your attention and you provide plenty. In a few weeks you're going to get a call about how "this asshole" "raped" her, which means she banged random dude in a bathroom stall and he never called.
Ask yourself this: would she behave like she behaves with you with an alpha dude she finds sexually attractive and want's to fuck RIGHT NOW?
hazard140 2y ago
Thank you im struggling to see how people around me can have good lasting relationships with people for over 10 years and im stuck being the one who would stick around.
we were together for 2 years so im struggling to wrap my mind around how that bond just doesnt exist or how to reignite it.
and all of this is despite having more plates than i know what to do with. (well 2 that come over whenever) i just wish to actually havea decent relationship with this girl that seemed to give a shit.
JamesSkepp Moderator 2y ago
Growing 2y ago
One of the type of replies I was waiting to see.
mattyanon Admin 2y ago
She's stringing you along with bullshit. She wants the hugs and support and your time and energy and attention.... but sex is "risking too much". Accusing you of cheating/lying/whatever is just more of this "you have to do stuff for me and I don't have to have sex with you" stuff.
Alpha fucks, beta bucks. Bucks = hugs, attention, commitment, hugs, driving over to see her, talking to her, etc.
The issue is that it's all a trick and a trap to get your support and security and attention without actually wanting hot sex with you.
hazard140 2y ago
Ok, the monkey sex was there right up until she ended things in May. really not sure what she is thinking or wanting.
I guess to me its just odd behaviour that i dont get, no way you date for 2 years and not have feelings. surely!?