When I go to college, I always see people in groups of 5-6. I am in 3rd year now (a 4-year degree).
I don't have the charisma to make people follow me. I try to lead and stuff but people just don't care, maybe I am not cool enough or charismatic enough, I don't know. I am very awkward at making new friends.
Specifically speaking, How can I be a guy who is at the centre of attention in a group and make people want to hang out with me?
I am going to read "How to win friends influence people" but many people say it's outdated but the core principles remain. So, any other book which is like the modern version of "How to win friends influence people"? I plan on reading "How to win friends influence people" either way.
Another book I was thinking to read was "The art of small talk" by Debra fine...but...It was written by a woman so I am a bit skeptical regarding reading it.
Any guidance will be appreciated.
coolsocks00 1 2y ago
I dont have a reading list for you but a general take on this topic. There is almost too much content now, both in books and video. In my opinion you definitely want to consume a bit of both. But the important thing, that 98% of people watching/reading about this topic miss, is that you actually gotta do the leg work. To internalize the concepts you watch and read about you need to actively work on it, piece by piece. In practice you should be taking notes and making action plans almost every time you watch a video or read a chapter in a book. Or else it's literally just a massive waste of time, that your brain rationalizes as "productive time well spent" even though you will forget almost everything.
So taking what you read/watch and putting it into action is the most crucial part of this process of social development. Pause your reading to consider how you can use the concepts, and take notes to use in practice. Skip chapters that dont feel relevant as it will probably not stick anyway (i skipped like half of "how to win friends..").
Personally i like watching videos for this purpose and since i started treating this learning process more like studies/work it has helped me get good at this even though i really wasnt in the past. I will do 1 of 2 things; either watch/read only a little bit of good content, take notes and then preferrably put it to use soon, or i will watch something for the sake of getting primed for a certain situation, like a social event, with the only aim of changing my mood.
whytehorse2021 2y ago
I explain it all very in-depth in my book. Even if you don't have autism it covers everything you'd find in those books but with scientific reference. https://www.amazon.com/Social-Autist-Autists-Allocentric-Universe/dp/B09HFXWF78/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=
johnnysmallseed 2y ago
I'll tell the biggest secret that most guys don't know. Don't ever take women seriously, no matter what. Never answer any question literally. Practice at turning everything into a joke and you will be a God.