This happened yesterday in the evening.
She confessed yesterday that she had been meeting up with some guy she had met online (a friend of someone she knew), when she was supposedly at her sister's house babysitting and they kissed and he grabbed her ass and they supposedly didn't fuck.
Told her I wanted to break up and leave, got in my car but she ran out and hopped in and wouldnt let me leave.
I went back in the house went to bed and waited for her to go to work today to leave to my folks house. Before she left for work she asked me if I was going to be here when she got back saying this while crying.
She said she regrets meeting the guy and cried a lot. I'm in a pretty low place right now in my life even before this so I know I was being neglectful in the relationship and wasn't invested. I know getting oneitis is part of the problem.
I have doubts about her sincerity to put it mildly. She says she doesn't want me to leave but what does she expect me to do after this confession? Did she want me to break up with her? Did she want to start drama to produce feels?
I dont seen option where going back to her is the right thing to do, and I'm hurting bad enough to want to.
Appreciate any insight.
MonkMode 3y ago
Do not take her back. Leave. Hard next.
By taking her back, you reward bad behavior and demonstrate yourself as lower value. She will cheat again as a result.
By leaving, you punish her and demonstrate yourself as higher value. She may not cheat on the next man as the result.
Gryyn_Dogg 3y ago
I had a similar situation a few years ago. You can definitely reconcile and all that but believe me, it will eat your soul. Happened to me for 2 years. The relationship was alright but believe me, I had severe trust issues. Back then I would do everything to keep the relationship with this girl and when I look back I only see how pathetic I was. I am disgusted at the things I did. Like everyone else said, you will have trust issues and that will not be fun. Don't make the mistakes I made and suffer for a girl who broke your trust. Look forward to living your life to the fullest and become the best man you can. Good luck, brother.
EpictetusRiver 3y ago
I know this is a difficult time in your life. You know the right decision is to break up with the girl, but also know that you could be misunderstanding her, or reading into drama too much, and perhaps there's nothing wrong at all..........
.....wrong. You're rationalizing, debating two options when the choice didn't even exist. Leaving now isn't just good because you're ending things with a girl that's untrustworthy. It means you're starting a new life based on choosing reality over delusion, founded on truth even if that truth is harsh. It is a painful road but in the long term, always, always the better one.
Joining a forum and saying Red Pill doesn't make you Red Pill. Your choices do.
arakouzo 3y ago
Your first instinct was the right one. Cut your losses.
And cut them cleanly. The relationship is already done, and she is already just another girl who doesn't matter. Do not have a conversation with her. Do not talk to her about it. Do not listen to her stories and excuses. Do not ask her how or why or how could she. Being interested in any of that is a waste of time and energy. You have already moved on. Deny her the closure of a big dramatic break up conversation. Just leave. Clean break.
unshack 3y ago
then why are you considering staying?
MonkMode 3y ago
Access to pussy and the effort required for replacement. Just a guess.
Typo-MAGAshiv 1 3y ago
Iron Rule of Tomassi #7 It is always time and effort better spent developing new, fresh, prospective women than it will ever be in attempting to reconstruct a failed relationship. Never root through the trash once the garbage has been dragged to the curb.
TakeWhatYouCan 3y ago
To preface this response: Ultimately, you are the one who has to live with the decision of what you choose to do, and I think that you already know what you need to do, you're hoping to justify your decision. You can choose to take her back, but the plate is already broken. You can't trust her anymore, and this incident (whether isolated or indicative of repeated behaviour) will remain at the forefront of your mind moving forward.
You need to ask yourself some questions in order to move forward from this, the first question is will you be able to respect yourself if you walk away or if you choose to take her back. This is a very important question, because if you make the wrong decision, your frame will bend, and you need to be a rock. Another question you need to ask yourself is: what is your plan for the next 6 months, the next year, the next 5 years, and beyond. Does this woman add enough value to your life where you see her being a part of your plan, a partner that you can share this plan with, and sadly based on the information you have given us, she has already discredited herself in this respect. I can't highlight other aspects of your relationship in terms of interests, hobbies, emotional support, and encouragement, but these all factor into the value that you each give one another.
5 years is a long time, and you may be operating under the sunk cost fallacy. "Individuals commit the sunk cost fallacy when they continue a behavior or endeavor as a result of previously invested resources (time, money or effort) (Arkes & Blumer, 1985). This fallacy, which is related to loss aversion and status quo bias, can also be viewed as bias resulting from an ongoing commitment." You have invested effort, time, and yourself into this relationship, and you won't get them back. I just hope that you are a better person as a result of this relationship than you were before you entered into it. This should be the case, you should always be looking to grow. Physically, mentally, and spiritually. However, don't be fooled by this, and don't choose a decision based on this principle, no matter how tempting it may seem.
In order to move forward in any endeavor, we must step out of our comfort zone. Right now, your comfort zone is this relationship, you are familiar with it, it is safe for you, you know (or knew) what to expect; and now, to grow you need to step out of it, into the unknown, the unknown which harbors new and unexpected challenges, some "good" others "bad".
In conclusion, you need to train your bitch better.