This probably doesn't belong here, but r/theredpillwomen is set to private and this is a throwaway account. Also, there is no opinion I respect more than this one, even if it is to tell me to fuck off.
Set up: You name a job in the sex industry, I probably did it. No real friends to speak of save for the ones I made off the internet. I have no nest egg because I gave away all the money I made to my controlling ex boyfriend who pushed me into the industry. I was dumb and desperate to be loved. You could lead me with any opinion if you said it threateningly/strong enough and cuddled me afterward. I'd like to think I'm different now but... probably not.
I have a LTR now and have been monogamous for over a year. We're fighting to the point that breaking up is entirely possible, but the problem is that if he/I left, I'd have less financial stability, which makes me feel like I need to make amends quickly and for my own sake.
That fear in itself makes me want to part ways. Who needs that kind of attitude in a partner that's supposed to love them? Fucking no one.
So on top of not making amends while being largely at fault, I probably fucking shouldn't bother because I don't know how I can overcome such a self centered mindset.. I think I can circumvent it if I was secure in my ability to make a sizable living for myself but I refuse to do that by selling myself... for a number of reasons I won't bother listing. I've been out of the industry for a year but I feel like I'm still staring at a brick wall. I'm in a sales job now solely to build people skills but jesus christ, people are hell.
I've been reading /theredpill. Exercise, work out, eat right, take care of yourself. I've been doing all those things and making them into more of a habit these days. I definitely need to read more though.
But I think I'm completely fucked as a woman (no pun intended) to think emotionally and to be self centered and shitty forever.
I don't think it's worth it for me to become a submissive housewife type. Granted, I do all the cooking and cleaning and I love being fucked like a submissive woman, but I feel so inadequate that I'm not more alpha outside of the bedroom, making money, being rational, not being shitty. Also, by sheer numbers of the people I fucked, I doubt anyone else will ever take my LTR potential seriously unless I lied, but I'm not willing to do that either.
Or is it worse that I'd want to give up on my relationship?
Edit: I appreciate nearly all the comments and private messages; they were very helpful. For clarity: my guy is a great leader/provider. He's actually the reason why I left and will never return to the sex industry. Hell, he's why I'm nowhere near as broken as I was over a year ago. So you're right, I need to trust in him more and stop with the self sabotage. I've talked about everything I posted here over with him and things are already improving.
Heading to r/redpillwomen. Thanks again
GrandCzarOfRedPill 11y ago
I agree. You're lost. Find a therapist. Good luck.
rpkarma 11y ago
/r/Redpillwomen is the one you want, it's not private. Hard situation.
[deleted] 11y ago
Few things here.
Go to /r/RedPillWomen
No man wants you to be an Alpha.
Go to the correct subreddit and good luck.
CrimsonCapsule 11y ago
Sounds like you're not in an LTR with a reliable leader/provider. If you were, you wouldn't feel like you had to do all these things to support yourself — you could just trust him to provide.
You have some choices to make.
niczar 11y ago
The advice given to men in TRP is it's better not to settle with a woman with a high partner count. Nowhere does it say that women with a high partner count cannot settle nor shouldn't.
I'd say if you have the capacity for self-reflection and are able to acknowledge your bad choices instead of rationalizing them ("hamstering"), you're at least better than most women in at least one respect.
Other than that you sound depressed, you probably see someone about that.
byronshadow 11y ago
You acknowledge that your fights with your new boyfriend may be a form of self-sabotage. Just keep this in mind the next time you're losing your cool. If you trust this guy to lead you, just go with the flow and don't argue over trivial matters. Your ex pimped you out - you can forgive the new guy for leaving the toilet seat the wrong way or going out with his friends.
I'd recommend burying your past. Maybe not outright lying, but not bringing it up and glossing over details if asked. You could say something like "my ex-boyfriend pressured me into doing things with other men".
Hopefully you've actually taken steps to make sure the ex stays out of the picture. Leaving the abusive ex a backdoor is something I've seen a lot of damaged women do. Hopefully you've moved a fair distance and changed your e-mail, phone, and general appearance to minimize the chances of your old life coming back to bite you in the ass.