The main reason women can't find "good men" is because, deep down, they don't really want "good men". You know, "good men" as society defines it. Kind, nice men. Affable, friendly men. Dependable, reliable, trustworthy, loyal men.
Oh, men can be all these things. But they must also be good at being men. And too many men are not good at being men.
A man who is good at being a man:
--is courageous
--has low tolerance for bullshit, especially from women
--walks away from situations and people who don't benefit him or add value to his life
--puts down clear boundaries, enforces them, defends them, and removes people from his life who cross them
--makes, builds, creates, does, performs
--has a mission (being a husband and father is NOT a mission. Don't confuse "function" with "mission").
--works at his mission every day
--is competent and proficient
--practices self control, mastery of his body and mind
--is dominant within his sphere of influence, i.e. shapes his immediate surroundings to his liking
--brings a woman into his life; he does NOT enter into a woman's life
Too many men are not good at being men because they put up with way too much bullshit from women and care way too much about what the women in their lives think. For example, no one even tries to hide AFBB anymore. It's just accepted now, because men have put up with it and tolerated it. Come on now - we have, and you all know it.
What's happened over the past 50 or so years with feminism and the sex rev and societal changes has essentially been
"How much shit are you men willing to take from us? How far are you going to let us push you? When are you going to push back? And as long as you're willing to take this shit, we're going to dish it out. As long as you're willing to let us treat you like this, we will do it, and we will keep doing it, and we will do it more and harder and worse and more frequently.
Until you say "stop". Until you say "no more".
So far, men have been accepting all this shit, mostly because other more powerful men have been passing laws requiring men to accept it. Up to now, we have been quietly accepting all this, all for the promise of some pussy. Maybe.
Until a few years ago you could put up with this and still have an expectation you were going to get sex from your GF/wife. Not anymore. Even a husband has no rights within his marriage. Even a husband has no right to expect ANYTHING from a wife.
What will it take before we all collectively start saying "no"? For the vast majority of society, I don't think we are at that breaking point yet because most men are still getting married and most men are still going willingly to that slaughter. There is a breaking point, though, and I think, candidly, it's going to involve poverty, collapse, and war. Some sort of hard "reset".
I believe most men are willing to continue taking this. Most men are willing to continue letting women push them while accepting some illusory "benefits". Most men are willing to accept the meager IV drip sex. Most men are willing to put up with the bullshit whilst expecting little in return.
I don't believe most of us are willing to start telling women "no". I don't believe most of us are willing to walk away from relationships that don't work. I don't believe most of us are willing to demand things we want from our relationships. So this is going to continue for the foreseeable future.
The answer is simple. Just tell women "no". If she isn't offering what you want/need, walk away. If you're not getting what you want and/or need from her, kick her to the curb. Are you going to have to do without sex for a while? Probably, particularly if you need some improvement. But at least you won't have to put up with a woman continually pushing you to see how much shit you will allow her to toss at you.
Women want men who are Good at Being Men. And too many of us are not good at being men. We put up with way too much bullshit from women. So stop. Just stop. Just start telling her "no" - "No" to her outrageous demands. "No" to her childish temper tantrums. "No" to her foot stomping tirades. "No" to her pettiness and short sightedness.
Start getting Good at Being a Man. Start telling her "no".
I-am-the-lul 6y ago
If it wasn't for that annoying aspect, third wave feminism would have lost the war years ago.
[deleted] 6y ago
This is very well written, and coming from the perspective of a woman, absolutely true. You honestly did an awesome job describing why I am still crazy-in-live attracted to my husband despite being with him since age 17 (I'm nearly 41.)
secant128 6y ago
I like to use this as example:
https://streamable.com/ngfnn
Women bitch, nag, blame, and shame to get what they want. But as soon as the men step up and don't take her shit, they apologize and turn silent. This is what Mgtow often refer as "The Pimp Hand" but what it boils down to is men saying NO.
The problem here however, is that a lot of times in the household, the laws have made it so it's illegal for a man to say no.
For example, a man comes home from work tired as hell, the woman demands the man to buy ice-cream for her but the man said NO because he's tired. She can call the cops on him and claim abuse, even when she's just shit testing him and she's not serious and doesn't want her husband to get arrested, the cops will still arrest him because it's their job. So basically when a man say NO, it's domestic abuse and the woman can call the daddy government to arrest the man. http://wjla.com/news/offbeat/nashville-woman-calls-cops-after-husband-refuses-to-get-her-ice-cream
Another example, when the father wants to discipline his children, the mother has the power to overrule his decision and claim the children have the freedom to do whatever they want, because in the end, she can divorce him or falsely accuse him for DV and destroy him. And so he's emasculated in front of his children. And the daughter knows whose actually the one in charge and calling the shots.
Rick_OShay1 6y ago
As always, the article conveniently has no comments section.
TheYekke 6y ago
And marriage rates are heading down, age of first marriage goes up and up, birth rates down. This problem fixes itself albeit very painfully.
[deleted] 6y ago
I have more to add, but I will have to do so at a time in which I have gathered my thoughts. An eloquent post like this deserves nothing less in response.
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Xtinamina 6y ago
Good times create weak men. Weak men create bad times. Bad times create strong men. Strong men create good times.
BewareTheOldMan 6y ago
Excellent writeup and analysis.
"Even a husband has no right to expect ANYTHING from a wife."
This really gets in my craw.
Because I'm not an unfathomable jerk my ex-wife gets credit for when she behaved and at least was a good wife and mother for the first decade or so of marriage - that is...until she wasn't.
By virtue of demonstrating lowered expectations and diminished effort she found herself coming up short on my numerous standards, terms, conditions, and requirements. She refused to self-correct and was summarily dismissed via divorce because...homie don't accept substandard behavior from women - hence substandard women are replaceable.
As per Mr. Cross' recommendation - and this was Pre-TRP, I simply said "no" and walked away.
LawyerInTheMaking 6y ago
Know that saying “a woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle”? Well, I’ve taken that to heart. I don’t need a woman for anything either nor do I expect anything from them. Now my blanket policy is basically to do everything for myself and if there is something I can’t do or don’t want to do that I’ll just pay someone to do it. Even if she told she was traditional and all about the gender roles I’d just shrug it off and do things for myself because I have already learned not to expect anything. And know what the best part is? She can’t really complain about it to anyone because it sounds stupid to say it. What’s she gonna tell here idiot best friend? “Wow LITM is a fucking asshole, he takes care of his housework by himself and doesn’t have me do anything. What a misogynistic pig!” She basically has to accept the fact that she is not a partner in your life but entertainment because what else do you really need if you’re taking care of you’re self. If she stops being fun then she gotta go lol
Blogginginvicecity 6y ago
Yup! By us not being dependant on another person, a S.O. just becomes a pet of sorts, and this is one pet that can cost us a bunch after it has moved out too!
And hey, pets can be cool, fun to pet, yadda yadda, but if I can't afford the biodome home that is her cage, if she is raised without an emphasis on loyalty, and she doesn't respect me out of our sheer physical size disparity, I don't think I am ready to bring a pet into my life.
IntrovertedMagma 6y ago
I agree with you.. a hard "reset" is going to happen.. I give it another 30-40 years max.
Why 30 years? because the new generation of WAHMYN who are currently 10-17 year olds are going to be the most degenerate and the most promiscuous/hypergamous generation of WAHMYN ever. I guaranfuckingtee you 90% of men will literally get no pussy no matter how hard they try.. They are going to be fucked slave whose only purpose is to pay tax to the gynocuntric government.
[deleted] 6y ago
Nope, not 30-40 years. You and I won't live to see the "reset", nor will my kids. My grandchildren might.
No, this can go on for a very, very, VERY long time. And it probably will. The SMP/MMP and social mores are going to get much much worse. Much worse. You and I can't fathom how bad it's going to get.
Example: The US has been bankrupt for more than 40 years, since the Ford Administration. I mean really bankrupt. I mean we don't have the money. We are so far in debt we can never, ever repay it. Ever. The federal government hasn't balanced a budget since BJ Clinton. But other countries continue propping us up because a total collapse of the US economy will domino effect around the world. Other countries have kept this going and have kept the barbarians outside the gates (mostly) because it's in their interest to do so. It can go on indefinitely, friend. Same with unleashed hypergamy and female sexuality - this can, and will, go on for another several decades.
loneliness-inc Mod 6y ago
Dance monkey dance. Keep on dancing and coming up with new tricks. Old tricks aren't good anymore, they're boring.
Dance monkey dance. Dance longer, dance faster, dance harder. Dance for less bananas, dance for no bananas.
Dance just because I like to see you dance. Dance without even thinking about bananas.
Dance monkey dance. What are bananas anyway?
Dance monkey dance. Bananas are just your creepy inner desires. Bananas are pathological. No one owes you bananas.
Dance monkey dance. My bananas, my choice.
Dance monkey dance. Real monkeys don't need bananas. Real monkeys do all the tricks without even thinking about bananas.
Dance monkey dance.... Wait, where are all the dancing monkeys?
loneliness-inc Mod 6y ago
But if you do that and go MGTOW, you'll be named and shamed. Called a loser and/or gay etc.
I don't think this is true. The reason why more and more men are waking up to TRP is because women are redpilling them! Men don't (usually) RP men, women RP men.
OTOH, there are many reasons why men would fly low, whether they're married or not. These reasons often carry heavy consequences and can't just be dismissed as not having the will to say no.
It's often sticky and complicated, but nevertheless, more and more men are saying no in one way or another. I think a societal shift is to follow, the only question is how fast and how much damage...
Otherwise, very good writeup.
Rick_OShay1 6y ago
I sure wish it would get here already instead of remaining a prophecy.
BewareTheOldMan 6y ago
I agree with that sentiment: "women are Red-Pilling [men]."
When I have discussion on male-female relationships with women and they parrot the requisite shaming language of: "you must have been hurt by women," "most women are not like that," "only a few women are having sex with No-Good Men," or similar lines are presented I generally counter with "MOST of my knowledge on male-female interpersonal relationships comes directly from observing women's behavior and confirmed via personal interaction."
More importantly - many women unknowingly confirm RP Theory and Principles by virtue of conversation. Oftentimes they don't even realize their slips and overt errors in conversation.
Women: "Men are afraid to commit and don't want to get married!"
Me: "Why do you think that's the case in today's dating, mating, and marriage climate?"
Women: "All men want is SEX!"
Me: "Why is that? What are some of the conditions that prompts men to behave this way?"
Ask a few leading and open-ended questions and the conversation generally steers them to an RP Conclusion, or TRP Theory/Principle that essentially answers their initial question. I find it best when the "subject" deduces their own conclusion(s) versus explaining Alpha Sex-Beta Provider Paradigm/Dual Mating Strategy, Sexual Market Place, SMV/RMV, etc. - all without using RP buzzwords in conversation.
Women usually have a light bulb/epiphany moment when they realize their own words confirm mine and most other men's personal observations and experience.
Books such as Tomassi's The Rational Male, No More Mr. Nice Guy, or Dr. Helen Smith's Men on Strike, et.al., simply confirm my personal observations.
Books such as the Five Love Languages, 100 Questions to Ask Before Getting Married, etc. are great books, but do not cover issues of hypergamy, female nature, sexual pair-bonding issues associated with promiscuity, etc., AF-BB Issues and the like. These books assume women are behaving in a traditional manner and consistent with chaste, feminine behavior that makes it much easier to find a Good Man. The assumption is that women reading these books have good intentions and demonstrate great wife and mother potential versus a woman who just came off the man-hopping carousel and feels it's time to "settle down" with a Good Man....which is why despite reviewing numerous self-help relationship books, most women are no better off than if they never read these books in the first place.
loneliness-inc Mod 6y ago
I'm curious to know what are some of the answers women give you when you ask them these questions.
Yes, those last books you mentioned, do assume everyone is operating in good faith and within marriage. Back when I read the Mars and Venus book, he stated so explicitly.
BewareTheOldMan 6y ago
Not all inclusive, but some responses and general misconceptions are as follows:
Women: "All men want is SEX!"
Me: "Why is that? What are some of the conditions that prompts men to behave this way?"
Female response(s): "Well... so many women are having sex that it's an upfront expectation and virtually a requirement before most men will consider exclusivity or commitment leading to marriage."
I call this the "casual sex-circle jerk" in that women are pigeon-holed into sexual activity very early despite the fact they wish to delay sex either based on issues of initial non-attraction (later thinking they can work themselves to attraction) or trying to increase value by demonstrating sexual restraint.
Going further...a few will often and openly state most women are after the same type of man which increases competition among women, offers the man/men no incentive to dedicate commitment to just ONE woman and results in open frustration and anger at their own self-created conundrum. The Pareto Principle/80-20 Rule - TRP Confirmed...yet again.
Women: "Men are afraid to commit and don't want to get married!"
Me: "Why do you think that's the case in today's dating, mating, and marriage climate?"
Female response(s): "Well... so many women are already doing so much for free (e.g. sexual activity and/or agreeing to side-chick status/Plate Status) and without any requirement for commitment" often followed with "he won't buy the cow if he can get the milk for free" quote. Despite this, many women (and especially young women) are fine with Plate/side-chick status for a High Value Man or what passes for one...which is usually the local Pretty Boy/Bad Boy. This confirms the Tomassi paraphrase - "Women would rather share a HV Man than be saddled with exclusivity and commitment from a low-value, supplicating, and faithful, generic Beta-Male Loser."
Also to the question relating today's dating, mating, and marriage climate - women often state issues associated with men’s fear of divorce. Most women are unaware they are the gender who initiates the most divorces, with most being surprised at learning this fact.
Also interesting is the lack of understanding regarding their own hypergamy. In an open forum or in general conversation many will state the desire for an equal/relatively equal relationship, yet simultaneously balk at the idea of men who make $30-40K less than their annual salary without the understanding the higher they rise in income and social status they automatically eliminate men from relationship consideration.
In discussion on losing assets and access to children many women state they would be less inclined to ruin a spouse in divorce…and once informed of the actual numbers and some horror stories associated with divorce I am mostly met with incredulous belief. Notably - many women are familiar with the issues when the ex-husband is a basic bastard, but most casually dismiss how men suffer in divorce as well.
With young women there is a common belief that finding a Good Man is easier as they age versus searching for a husband well before their early 30s. Many don’t understand the reality of the dating market as they age and the difficulty of finding a desirable mate consistent with their many requirements. Another point of information that gets past many women is that while career is a positive, most men are in fact looking for a woman with outstanding wife and exceptional mother capabilities.
One of the biggest misconceptions is that N-Count is a non-issue and that a prospective, future husband should overlook past sexual promiscuity. Completely discounted is the fact that an overwhelming majority of men are much less sexually experienced than a late 20s/early 30s women who’s been having sex since her teenage years. There is little consideration that men in general consider these women as damaged goods - a point that women dispute on a regular basis.
Unfortunately for many women the collection of preferences and desires that most men are looking for in a solid mate or potential wife is regularly ignored and transferred to shaming language to get men to overlook numerous faults of today’s modern women. The message is mostly "men must change to suit woman’s preferences and desires" without much consideration to what women can do in making adjustments to generate male interest and attract a Good Man.
Rick_OShay1 6y ago
They never counter-argue on that point; they always resort to ridicule and personal insults.
loneliness-inc Mod 6y ago
Wow! Thanks for sharing all these gems! I'll pick out one.
Note how the ex husband is a bastard and it's therefore moral and ethical to destroy his whole life...
Whether he really is a bastard or not and whether the actions taken against him fit his supposed bastardly "crimes" seems to be irrelevant in all these conversations.
It's very telling IMO.
NoButtholeNoGood 6y ago
"AFBB" ?
BewareTheOldMan 6y ago
Acronym for Alpha F#@ks/Beta Bucks.
Bad Boys/Pretty Boys get free, cheap, and easy offers of enthusiastic sex with very little to zero commitment or effort...and they are getting these women in their younger, best, most fertile, and hottest-body years. In short - women wasting their "prime years" on douchebags losers and deadbeats.
Beta Bucks is essentially shorthand for the time frame when a woman who wasted her prime years with losers is now ready "to settle" as a wife to a Good Man, Beta Chump Provider (Male) - a man who she would NEVER consider for sex or relationship when she was in her prime.
As per u/LewisCross - DON'T BE the Beta Chump who tolerates nonsense from a used-up, stalled-out "Reformed Slut."
[deleted] 6y ago
Except a lot of those men aren't losers. They're attractive men with options. She had sex with those attractive men and could not extract commitment from any of them. And those women know it, and they know they weren't good enough or hot enough or attractive enough to get those men to commit to them, and boy does that piss them off. Man do they resent it. And whoever is dumb enough to wife her up will pay for those men's refusals. Oh my God, will they pay.
And, yes, a lot of otherwise attractive enough women with underlying problems (daddy issues, Cluster B personality disorder, depression, low self esteem) date and fuck losers as well as attractive men.
BewareTheOldMan 6y ago
"...a lot of those men aren't losers. They're attractive men with options."
Good point...and yeah - women are livid these "hot men" refuse to consider them for anything other than a basic smash and pass/pump and dump.
loneliness-inc Mod 6y ago
Smash and pass is a new one for me