There is a recent phenomenon I have noticed in when it comes to the approach many women take in dating and marriage. Specifically, the lack of prioritizing of marriage as a goal in favor of taking a detour before making an effort towards that goal. It is something I refer to as a “back burner plan.” This is differs from “backup plan” in the manner that they have in their minds that they will be married someday to a particular type of guy, but there is a willful avoidance to making that goal a reality more promptly. Meanwhile, the backup plan is does not have that particular type of guy in mind as the ultimate goal, but is done when all other avenues fail to be fruitful. There certainly is a similarity in the lack of prioritizing marriage with the man in mind, where she is able to claim that the man she married is the one she “loves the most” even while she avoided that result until the last possible moment, but the back burner plan is far more deliberate in nature while the backup plan is more accidental.
The back burner plan has a distinct characteristic where the woman has it in her mind that she will be married to an upstanding man in a timeline that is convenient for her. The type of man will most often be the reliable, Beta Bucks man that she would see as a great husband and father, but not the exciting boyfriend. She truly believes that she can plan this sort of thing out perfectly, as if everything will fall into place at her appointed time. Meanwhile, she is free to have her exciting boyfriends that she knows that she will not marry, friends with benefits, flings and one night stands, or any combination of these things in all the years before the time frame she wants to find a different man to with whom she will settle down. She will justify this decision with many different rationales, including:
--“I need to find myself/I don’t know who I am” (As if she discover that through shacking up with some other man/many other men)
--“I want to be free before I am tied down” (Definitely not an insult to her prospective future husband)
--“I don’t have time due to my education/career.” (You will make time for things if you find them important. Is finding a good man to marry less important than anything else? And are you holding off on any men otherwise?)
--“I am just not ready to get married yet.” (I am sure whatever waiting period you deem acceptable will not be used to prepare yourself for marriage, but rather to live in a short term mindset.)
These excuses do nothing to tell anyone she sees as husband material that he is truly important to her. It is a major slap in the face to be told that you would be a hindrance to her having fun and excitement before her chosen time of marriage, since it is an admission that she would rather spend time without you when she has the options to do otherwise. Being put on the back burner for a later date shows that her priorities are not in a married life with you, but rather in living selfishly. If she truly loves you, she would think you are good enough to marry now, not just later down the line. She would not want to spend a moment not committed to you instead of attempting to avoid it until the last minute.
Men do not want to be your back burner plan. Married minded men are the ones looking for women who are marriage minded from the start, not women that think they can adopt this mindset at their convenience. Many men are opting out of accepting this bad deal, so many women will find that shoving men to the back burner will end up with them having their meal plans burned.
LotBuilder 5y ago
I was thrust back into the dating world at 40 post divorce. As I am a financially successful and tall (but overweight) 6 that prefers to date 8’s I get matched with girls in their early/mid thirties desperately wanting to get married or girls in their mid/late 20’s that are not quite ready to settle down but they want to date a “mature and established guy” that can be fairly reliable and pay for shit. They don’t want anything too serious or committed because they are not quite ready to give up the carousel. Bottom line is that they will sleep with me (in any which way I want, younger girls have way fewer limits) whenever I want as long as there are consistent nice dinners, occasional weekends away and I throw my cape on for the occasional emergency like a flat tire, locked keys in their car, there is a concert they really want to go to. The window is closing for them but they don’t see it. Men have been drooling over them since they were 14 and they can’t even grasp what life would be like without getting the hot girl treatment.
Not_My_Real_Acct_ 5y ago
In my experience, 99% of the women out there want a commitment. But most are savvy enough to know that if they SAY that they want a commitment, men will run. For instance, I dated a woman for five years, never offered any type of commitment. I only found out the truth by reading her emails one day (she left her computer open.) In her emails, she was absolutely devastated that I wasn't committed to her, and she complained about it every week to her friends, but she never said a single word to me. She was basically miserable and medicated and hoping that one day I would just "come around" somehow.
LotBuilder 5y ago
I would agree that 99% that are in a relationship want a commitment... but a huge percentage of single girls have no interest at all. They don’t want a BF or a husband. They want freedom. Of course some girl in a 5 year relationship wants commitment... that is relationships 101 from a girls perspective.
Not_My_Real_Acct_ 5y ago
Some of this is probably due to my methods. I was always baiting girls with my job and my situation. Basically hammering away at the fact that I make good money and have a nice life.
If I was young and athletic, by dating experience might be different.
LotBuilder 5y ago
Definitely, if you dangle the beta bucks carrot you will get girls seeking a long term provider. Nothing wrong with either angle. I do the same but since I am divorced, have kids and I am 15-20 years older they know it’s a temporary situation.
Not_My_Real_Acct_ 5y ago
I have an acquaintance that got divorced for a really dumb reason:
Basically she was married, and she started fucking one of her employees. And because she's a chick, she assumed that he loved her just because they were hooking up.
So she kicked her husband to the curb. Naturally, her employee bailed on her the second that Shit Got Real.
So after all the dust settled, she found herself with two kids, half of her husband's assets, and single.
The interesting thing to ME, was that her ex-husband wound up dating someone that was half her age, and they're still together to this day, about ten years now.
Long story short : if you DO want to date someone who's 25, there's nothing stopping it from being a long term thing, IMHO. (If that's what you're into.) If not, never mind lol!
LotBuilder 5y ago
My divorce is pretty fresh and I have my own kids. Nothing will devastate your kids more than starting another family and popping our kids with wife #2. Most younger girls want that so I keep it casual or date younger single moms with kids (knowing it’s short term). I got snipped to avoid any potential to be trapped.
[deleted] 5y ago
That's unfortunately just how it is. From ages 15-30 women have all the choices to them while the small percentage of men who are born with perfect genes (Chads) get all the women. Most men during those ages have to work hard and struggle to improve themselves and past 30 when we're independent, have good careers, and took care of ourselves, women start wanting us. It's almost always how it is. If you're a 40 year old man and meet a 30 year old woman willing to settle for you there's a good chance she's partied, done all kinds of drugs, and fucked many men but the point is, you as a man, have a choice of whether to commit or not.
Here's an article everyone here should read or hell, just post it separately:
https://20somethinghuh.files.wordpress.com/2013/03/the-marriage-zone-analysis-and-findings-pdf.pdf
MarcusAurileus70 5y ago
Dude... up vote for the nice link
wathon2 5y ago
In other words, Alpha Fux, Beta Bux.
Alphas get prime-grade pussy, kinky wild sex, no string attached.
Betas have to wine and dine, buy her a house, put a ring on it, and maybe get blowjob once every six months, and star fish sex with a used up STD ridden pussy.
Not_My_Real_Acct_ 5y ago
There's a couple of big factors here:
1) I think a lot of women are perfectly OK with seeing a man about 1-4 days a month and that's IT. The male and female libido or totally asymmetrical; when I was 40 I'd be happy to have sex five times a week, my GF wanted it about five times a month.
2) Fifty years ago, women traded sex for security. For instance, a housewife might want to have sex once a week, but she'd do it 3X a week because she understood that was the tradeoff of marriage, that her husband paid the bills and she accommodated his advances. In 2019, all that's changed. Women make nearly as much as men, and they frequently prefer to see men on their own terms.
I think a big part of the reason that middle aged women say that "they're looking for a good man" is because they're supposed to say that. But many of them are happy with the state of things, which is that they're often seeing a man once a week, who is also dating other women. Basically she has one boyfriend, he has multiple girlfriends. It solves the "asymmetry" problem, that he wants sex more than one woman is interested in providing.
Undead_Chronic 5y ago
Mind if i share this on my youtube channel brudda?
SirKolbath 5y ago
Nuh uh! If you’re gonna share stuff from here, we at least need a link to the channel so we can enjoy it!
Undead_Chronic 5y ago
Www.youtube.com/undeadchronic Enjoy my redpill youtube channel brudda!
[deleted] 5y ago
Whooooooa wasn't expecting to see you here. Love your content man keep it up!
Undead_Chronic 5y ago
I love trolling on reddit. Check out the sub! r/UndeadChronicYT
houseoftolstoy Mod 5y ago
I don't mind. Go ahead.
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empatheticapathetic 5y ago
The age of the redpill is upon us. It was not necessarily brought on as a reaction to the decades of bluepill indoctrination, but to the speed of which that entire system was destroyed the moment tinder and swipe dating came around. Never was it so simple to have a high SMV temptation right in your purse and never was it so glaring something isn't right.
Now that the knowledge has been collected, refined, discussed, distributed and reaching the people who seek it, gender relations have never been more tense. Women don't really have anywhere left to turn.
People will always take advantage of whatever situation they have, man or woman. It's simply pragmatic. Morality is for the privileged (i.e. blue pill chads who never had to understand dread game or SMV). It's only relevant if you don't lose anything by following it.
The question is, what happens now?
Men are opting out of the deal, and i'm not totally sure women are that bothered. Sure we see /r/datingafterthirtythousandcocks but none of these women care enough to follow any real advice in order to get what they want, or rather, deserve. They would rather stick with their ego and forever hold out for the elusive Chad, risking becoming the 'cool' wine aunt then settle for satisfactory beta.
Men can easily go /r/MGTOW and find other shit to do. So where are we headed from this point?
Are we just playing a game of chicken? Mouse Utopia taught us that this game ultimately ends in the end of the species. Is this the beginning of the end?
[deleted] 4y ago
It is the end of this type of society. This happened to Rome.
jewishsupremacist88 5y ago
there will be a massive uptick in female sucides in the next 5 years as the "middle aged" millenials hit 30 and and the older ones move into middle adult hood
The_Real_Throwaway58 5y ago
I'd argue we're already seeing it.
https://www.apa.org/monitor/2019/01/numbers
jewishsupremacist88 5y ago
yea its coming from the younger girls and the social media sickness it seems.
[deleted] 5y ago
Lol they absolutely care. You never see a more depressed girl than one whose friends are all married and she isn't. It will be a generation response though, just like it took generations to erode marriage into the shit show it is now.
Blogginginvicecity 5y ago
Precision accuracy with this comment. Very concise and informative. Thank you for this articulation, it's a satisfying read and re-re-read, and drops strong hits of truth left and right!
empatheticapathetic 5y ago
Ni
loneliness-inc Mod 5y ago
Correct! Men don't redpill men, women redpill men!
muricanwerewolf1 5y ago
I would argue datingafterthirty women are actually in pain, just that to actually look at the position they've put themselves in is so painful that they'd rather not look at reality on it's own terms. So it's better to think "oh, it just never came around for me" than "I fucked up my life".
empatheticapathetic 5y ago
They didn’t fuck anything up. They can get a husband so easily, arguably the same type of husband they would have got when they were 20. If they’re truly that broken they were never getting married in their 20s to some semi alpha beta, they were busy chasing whatever flavour of hypergamy tickled their fanny.
I hate it when people try to make excuses for their behaviour when it was never necessary. Let them speak for themselves.
moorekom Mod 5y ago
Unless I'm understanding this wrong, this is not anything new. This is the primary purpose of orbiters. To have social proof and to lock down someone from that group if there is a need.
Hypergamy works in two parts these days. To get the best chad possible in her party years and then get the best beta she can to make sure she isn't affected for her choice to go after chad in her prime years. Sure, girls would rather prefer to go for Alpha bucks but that is a mythical being these days. So, she goes ahead and becomes a slut to pursue that alpha fucks. Then she turns right back around, becomes a born again virgin and settles down with a beta.
houseoftolstoy Mod 5y ago
You are right, this is not a new phenomenon. I am just describing the distinction of this form of hypergamy versus the back up plan.
While they look similar, the intentions are different. Both plans allow women to indulge in base desires with bad boys and men who will otherwise be noncommittal, but the back burner woman will try and rationalize that she has the "husband material" man as her top priority in her life because she has it planned out for him to be the one she marries ("She married you, so you won in the end").
One thing I should also address is that unlike the backup plan, women who employ the back burner plan fully know that any of the bad boys they would be involved with are not going to be the ones they marry (a la Sheryl Sandberg). The backup plan women believe they can get the illusive bad boy to settle down, but the back burner plan women know that it will not last, but she still would like to "have her fun" before she has to settle down with Mr. Reliable.
Same trajectory in the two phases, but different outlooks and planning.
moorekom Mod 5y ago
I understand. You're talking about the difference between a rush to find the bb compared to a slow burner effect. There is another category I run into in tinder and other online dating sites. The girl is already married or in a relationship and "they" are looking for a threesome/gangbang etc. I've seen some profiles that mention that the guy (bf) need not join in because he likes to watch. Then of course there are the "open relationships" where the girl is chasing chads fearlessly. These might better illustrate your case.
loneliness-inc Mod 5y ago
Key words being "and then".
And then is not even thought about until then has arrived and by then it's already too late.
Every girl who waited had at least a handful of people advising her not to wait until then, but back then she dismissed them by saying - after I sew my wild oats, I'll think about it then.
moorekom Mod 5y ago
Then is not even thought about because then is taken for granted, thanks to feminist brainwashing. This is why there is cry for where the good men are.
[deleted] 5y ago
This plan is no different to people working hard all their lives to have all the adventures and fun when they retire. My plan is to not live healthy or work out until I'm too old and then complain that the weights at the gym are too heavy. My couch potatoe life style should not have any negative effects on my physical health.
EffinWhiteMale 5y ago
AKA The Cat Lady Plan/Cool Wine Aunt Plan