These days, the only thing more popular than tinder itself is complaining about tinder. Women complain that they can't find good guys on there, only fuckbois and deadbeats, and men sign up, get one match in 6 months and wonder "where are all da ho's at?!" It seems neither sex is happy with online dating.
And yet, the Match Group (Tinder's parent), is on track to exceed $2 Billion in revenue this year. Clearly, they're doing something right. And men and women, despite all their bellyaching, are ponying up big cash to use the app. What gives?
They key is to understand *why* OLD sucks: they suck at doing what they say they're going to do for you, and excel at doing what you really want them to do. Hence, you complain in public, while still swiping like an addicted monkey in private.
Here is what OLD *says* they're going to do: they're going to help you meet The One: your soulmate, your spouse, your partner-in-crime, ride-or-die, yadda yadda yadda. Here's what they really do: they preserve and feed your fantasy of who that soulmate actually is, tantalize you with the possibility that that soulmate is just barely, almost, oh-so-close to being yours, and hide any sort of hard truths about relationships and people that gets in the way of your delusions. And then, you pay them for helping keep your delusions alive, while publicly complaining that they're not helping you make those delusions become reality.
BTW, this is not a secret that only Tinder knows. It's called marketing 101. A beer commercial is ostensibly about selling you a nice tasting beverage that you enjoy drinking. Yet the commercials have bikini clad women surrounding the beer drinkers while they lounge around on a beach. A pickup truck is ostensibly a practical vehicle used by people who need to haul stuff around all day. Yet their commercials are all about exploring the great outdoors and tearing up trails in forests and mountains. And most of them are bought by people who'll never haul more than a "Just Married" sign and will never drive on anything more off-road than a highway with a few potholes on it.
So how does this marketing delusion work in online dating? To explore that, we have to first analyze how people found relationships before online dating. At that time, you relied pretty exclusively on your social network, e.g. friends, family, co-workers, church, and other social networks you were in. Unlike Tinder, these social networks really *do* want to see you happy and in a stable relationship (generally speaking; and yes, they may be bad at it, but most of the time, their heart is in the right place). This is for several reasons:
- They care about you and genuinely want to see you happy
- Since you're a member of their social network, it actually helps everyone else if you're stable and happy, and not miserable and always needing support from the social network rather than contributing back
- Conversely, if someone sets you up with a horrible person (or even a very mismatched person), they will face repercussions from you and everyone else when the relationship inevitably blows up. You can't sue Tinder for a date gone wrong. But you can certainly disown your friends if they set you up with a serial killer. IOW, the social network can bite back if you willfully mess things up.
Additionally, your social networks know a lot about you and (usually) a lot about the people they're matching you with. Which means they can often see through your own BS (in the way that good friends and close family usually can), and find good matches for you that you would never have considered yourself.
This system has worked for thousands if not millions of years. And most notably, OLD has none of the advantages listed above. Yet OLD has been incredibly successful and pretty much completely replaced the IRL social networks of the past. We even pay them to do what our social networks used to do for free. Why is that?
Because the mortal weakness of your IRL social networks is this: since they're not in the marketing business, they tell you hard truths you don't want to hear. I'll give you an example. When I was in my early thirties (pre-tinder), one of of my co-workers, also in her early thirties, was telling me about a date her friends had set her up with. Apparently it was a mid-forties man, balding, divorced, with a kid. She was in shock the next day. Not so much about the guy, who was nice enough. But that her friends thought that was her appropriate match. In her mind, she was still the mid-twenties hot young thing who would get cat-called in the bars. More than the guy himself, just the idea that now she was only fit for older, frumpy, divorced dads, and that furthermore *that was what her friends thought*, was too much for her to bear. But her social networks were doing the right thing. They didn't want to see her end up single and alone in 10 years. And regardless of whether that guy was the absolute best she could do, they saw her relationship value far more clearly than she did. They were a lot closer in their estimates of her value than she was.
In contrast, Tinder will happily whisper lies in your ear all day as long as you pay it to do so. In fact, for them, it's a *failure* if you find your perfect partner and ride off into the sunset, because that means you'll soon delete their app. Let me repeat that: Tinder does not want you to get married. It doesn't even want you to find someone for a year. If all of their customers found a mate within a month of being on the app, and then not check the app again for a lifetime or even a year, they'd run out of customers and go out of business. And their profits are far more important to them than your happiness.
So what are these lies?
1.
(If you're a woman), your perfect match is a billionaire convict outlaw church-going surgeon who cries during weddings. Also has 6-pack abs and a footlong. (If you're a man), your perfect match is a Victoria's Secret Angel madonna in public, whore in bed, who does yoga 6 hours a day and gets wet just thinking about your mastery of obscure Star Wars trivia. Also has no problem blowing you in public.
Yeah, neither of these people exist. Your friends will tell you that. But Tinder never will. Not only will it never tell you that, it actively encourages everyone to lie and puff themselves up into those fantasy matches. A guy who insists on talking about his "amazing trip to Machu Pichu" 5 years after he went is considered a blowhard in real life. On Tinder, that's the picture he uses to make his life seem more exciting than it really is. Every person on Tinder is trying to convince you that they are that billionaire convict, or that yoga-addicted underwear model. Your IRL social network would weed out the phonies real quick. Tinder prefers to bump them up in your queue.
2.
That man / woman of your dreams is just a swipe away. Who knows? They could even be the very next swipe! So just... flick your finger... one more time... Even if the people above actually exist, very, very few people can even meet them in real life. That billionaire dude doesn't hang out at Applebee's. Just getting into the restaurants / hotels / vacation resorts he stays at in order to run into him requires knowledge, money, and enough time spent studying the subtle class markers of the ultra-rich that you can pass yourself off as one of them. Similarly, just meeting a Victoria's Secret model requires running in their social circles, which typically means you're either a rich person, in the fashion and entertainment industry, or at least live in NY / LA and are willing to blow huge amounts of money on bribing the bouncers and hosts to let you into the closed clubs they hang out in. If you're really, really lucky, you might score a date because you're neighbors with their grandmother back in Kansas and she somehow convinces her granddaughter to give the nice neighborhood boy a chance when she's back home for Christmas and bored out of her skull. And even that's not as easy as a quick swipe, is it?
Everyone knows that to make a million dollars, you need to study hard, get into a good career, work your ass off, have a little luck, etc. Just like how your friends will tell you that to get a good girl, you need to work hard, lift, be sociable, and overall become a desirable guy. Tinder is the equivalent of the casino slot machine, which tempts you that that million dollar prize is just a dollar and a quick pull away. Similarly, Tinder tells you that dream guy/girl is just a quick swipe away. At least casinos are legally required to list the actual probability you have of winning that prize. Tinder doesn't even do that.
3.
Even if your perfect match exists, and you end up meeting them, you will often find out, much to your disappointment, that they're not a great match for you. There's a great saying: "behind every beautiful woman, there's a guy tired of fucking her." That glossy exterior image is often radically different than the inside. Every guy who has dated at least a few incredibly hot women will tell you that many of them (though not all!) are not worth the hassle. It may not even be that the other person is a "bad" person. Even a good person from a radically different environment can be a bad match. For example, if you can't name at least 5 different forks and which foods to use them with, and you think being a foodie means using A1 steak sauce instead of ketchup, then you probably won't even enjoy that 3-star meal your billionaire boyfriend buys you in Paris, while he will look on in disgust at your local hometown's "world famous" hamburger you buy him.
Birds of a feather flock together. Your social network is comprised of people who are similar to you in many aspects of your life, which makes it very difficult to find people radically different in life experience / values / outlooks than yourself. Which is actually a *good* thing because people from radically different walks of life tend not to be compatible enough to build a life together. Again, say somehow through Tinder you score a date with your movie actress celebrity crush. What would you actually talk about? Do you know anything about the movie business? Could you relate to her insecurities and what she deals with going on auditions every day where random strangers tell her she's too fat / too blonde / not blonde enough / too flat-chested / too busty to ever make it in this town? Heck, forget all that: do you even know what's a fun date thing to do in LA outside of the tourist traps that locals can't stand? Conversely, what's the chance she knows anything about your life? Is there any shared experience between you two that could form the basis for a real relationship?
Again, IRL social networks know this, because they generally know both people well, and have a good sense of who's a good match for whom. There have been plenty of times when I asked my friends about a hot girl I saw at a party, and they warn me off, telling me "dude, stay away from her. She's smoking hot, but batshit crazy." Or conversely, seat me next to someone I might never have noticed, who ends up being a great person that I want to spend more time with. Tinder doesn't ever do this. If you swipe right on someone their algorithm tells them will only lead you to misery, does it ever flash a big warning sign "Caution: Do you really want to date this loser?". Of course not. It only wants to feed whatever notion of a "perfect match" you already have. And if you think a recently paroled ex-felon is your perfect match, then that's perfectly fine with them. Don't think for a second that Tinder doesn't know that 90% of a match is based on looking at the first few photographs. It doesn't care. There's a reason Tinder is more popular than eHarmony. People don't want to be told who their best match really is (often because who your match is usually reflects who *you* are...). People dream of their soul mate since they're kids. The last thing they want is someone who pours cold water all over that dream. And if your soul mate is someone from your neighborhood that went to your high school or plays softball with your friends, then you don't need Tinder to meet them. So unless Tinder can feed your fantasy that your best life partner is someone totally outside of all your social networks (a ludicrous proposition when you consider it on its merits), someone only Tinder can hook you up with, it won't be able to convince you to trust Tinder over your IRL social networks.
4.
There's an old saying: if at first you don't succeed, redefine success. Tinder has redefined success in the relationship world to "getting a match from someone." In the real world, it never mattered how many "matches" you got. There wasn't even a concept of that. It only mattered if you eventually found someone to spend your life with. When your friends set you up and you two decide after a couple of dates that it's not going to work out, your friends usually consider that a failure, because their goal is to help you get into a relationship, not just to go on a single date. Tinder's standards for success are much lower.
Of course, Tinder has been helped in this regard by the slut-pride movement that states the marker of a woman's success and worth is the number of dicks she's had inside her, rather than the quality of the man she actually ends up with. But Tinder's measure of success is even shallower. They consider it a success if you "match" even if that never even leads to a meeting in real life. More importantly, they've convinced *us* that the app was successful if it "matched" you with someone, regardless of whether that match went anywhere. It's instructive to see women write in their Tinder bios that they're "sick of fuckbois, not looking for hookups," etc. Yes, they're stupid because they're on a hookup app saying these things, but the amazing thing is, they don't blame the app itself, they blame the people on it. Because Tinder has redefined success in OLD as getting a match. Everything else is the responsibility of the person they matched you with, even if Tinder is the one that made the match on shoddy criteria that were destined to fail. In the early days of OLD, dating sites used to advertise the number of marriages that occurred from their site. You'll notice no one does that now. Because they realized marriages are bad for business, but to avoid the dearth of marriages being viewed as a product failure, they had to redefine success and make you accept the new definition as merely being "matched". Which we have.
5.
Let's say you make it through all of this. Your dream mate actually exists. He / She actually happens to be on Tinder and both of you somehow decide to swipe on each other. Then you navigate the minefield of messages / texting / phone calls until you finally manage to get coffee together. And despite your dream match being a ski instructor from Switzerland who only speaks French, while you've never made it past your high school Spanish classes and haven't traveled outside of your state, you realize he shares your passion for watching Kim Kardashian on E!. The final question: why do you think he'd be interested in you? We laugh at the women featured on WAATGM who are all looking for some incredibly desirable guy while offering nothing of value themselves. But we all fall into that delusion, and Tinder feeds that. Once they've redefined success as getting a match, something that can even happen on accident (oops! I meant to swipe left! Crap!), then you feel like someone actually likes you if they match you. Again, we laugh at instagram ho's who define their life's worth by the number of likes their ass shots get. We wonder if they ever consider that 90% of those likes are from thirsty dudes in India and Saudi Arabia that they would never even touch with a 10-foot pole. And yet, if you get a "match" from some hot girl, even if she unmatches you right away, or after a couple of text messages, we take that as a sign that, "if a girl that hot matched with me, then surely one of them will actually go on a date with me soon!" And you keep swiping. We criticize women who think that just because some dude had a one night stand with her, that she's close to getting a relationship with him. And yet Tinder has convinced us that just because we occasionally get a match with a random hot guy/girl that if we keep swiping, eventually one of those matches will turn into a real date which will turn into a steady relationship, which will turn into...all your dreams coming true! But just like a fuckboi is only into fucking you, Tinder is only into getting you "matches". It has no interest in things proceeding further, and its algorithms are not designed to help their matches do so. Indeed, just like a fuckboi hopes you don't actually find a real relationship since then you might cut him off, Tinder hopes that match doesn't lead to anything beyond a one night stand, because otherwise, you might delete their app.
Needless to say, IRL social networks are very aware of this. Which is why sometimes they tell you a hard truth like, "dude, don't bother. That girl is way out of your league. She only dates football players." Because the last thing they want to see is you getting shot down unnecessarily.
-----------
So back to my co-worker, the 30 year old who got setup with a 45 year old divorced dad by her friends. Her friends knew she was finally looking for a serious relationship (she probably told them she was "tired of fuckbois" or whatever they were called back then :-), so they eliminated all the players and even the potentially good guys who weren't ready to settle down yet. Then they waded through whatever BS checklists she had and tried to figure out what was truly important and what wasn't, then eliminated guys who didn't at least have the important stuff. Then they eliminated people that had nothing in common with her, or who wouldn't be a good match for her personality. Lastly, there were probably a few amazing guys that checked all her boxes, but who her friends knew were way out of her league and were probably dating younger, hotter girls. And they eliminated them so that my co-worker wouldn't get her heart broken when (after sleeping with her) they decide she's not up to their standards for an LTR. Finally, after all that weeding out, they figured maybe this 45 year old divorced dad, who may not have all his hair or 6-pack abs but was still a good guy who was genuinely interested in settling down, and was still young enough to be willing to have kids with a new wife, and who was at the peak of his career and could provide a good life for her and any future family, is not such a bad match for her. But all she could see was that accepting him would mean she was no longer that hot girl at the club that all the guys would buy drinks for and she wasn't ready to do that yet.
At that point, if Tinder existed, she probably would have gone on the app, started swiping left and right, get quick reassurance that indeed, she was still that hot girl thanks to all the matches she got from hot guys in random towns 50 miles away, none of whom she'd actually ever meet, reject her friends' advice and trust Tinder instead. Later that night, when she was lonely and wondering if she'd every find a guy to love her, she'd still reject calling that 45 year old guy, who would have taken her out to dinner and maybe even found a lot of common ground and shared experience despite their age difference. Instead, she'd swipe right on a random guy who Tinder selected for her mainly based on the fact that he was within her listed age range and was only 1 mile away (even if he was only a tourist visiting from Australia for 3 days), since that's the only real piece of data Tinder actually has on anyone. And she'd fuck him that night. He'd leave before she wakes up, to get to the airport and fly home halfway around the world. And in the morning, waking up to an empty bed, she'd blame a) the guy for skipping out, even though she knew he's from Australia; b) the 45 year old dude for not being younger / hotter / fashionable enough to give her the tingles; c) her friends for thinking he was in her league; d) the entire world for being cruel and leaving her single and unhappy despite being such a great catch. IOW, she'd blame every thing out there, except the one thing that actually was preventing her from doing the work and making the sorts of compromises and decisions necessary to find and keep a long-term, happy relationship. Nope. Far from blaming Tinder, she opens her phone, starts up the app again, and goes through the swiping drill again, hoping that this time, finally, she hits that jackpot the app keeps telling her is right around the corner...
All of a sudden, Tinder making $2 billion doesn't seem so far fetched, does it?
[deleted] 4y ago
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ogrilla99 Mod 4y ago
*sigh*. You'll have to come up with another insult besides incel if you want me to take your criticism seriously. WTF does "incel tendencies" mean anyway? Regardless, nowhere in this post did I make mention of my own sex life so my best guess is you're using the term as a generic insult when you read something you don't like.
Leave it to someone with thousand-cock-stare tendencies (two can play at this game) to misread my entire example. If you want to stay single go for it. I could care less what you want to do with your life. Tinder is great for getting dick on demand. If that's what you want, feel free to sign up. But in the story I related, the girl *wanted* to find someone for a serious relationship. Anyway, no point arguing further with someone who can't figure out a better generic insult than incel -- sorry, incel tendencies. Yass queen, slay!
> Men like you make staying single the best option.
Madam, the feeling is mutual.
Thetrvler 4y ago
I’ll tell you why online dating sucks- women hate leading anything and giving them the option to pick (lead) will take them down the 80/20 path every time unless they have a huge self-esteem problem.
This is literally what happened throughout Europe for centuries and why they learned to spread money out among the people. Incest rates were off the charts because women WILL withhold their vagina for the top men- even if it’s their own family members.
[deleted] 4y ago
Social circle was never perfect, either. It'll always have an undercurrent of incestuousness and lack. Daygame in cosmopolitan locales used to be the perfect way to meet chicks, as Casanova himself would attest, if he could. But, nowadays they may prosecute you for doing that. So, social circle it is, which is now dominated by social media and all the toxicity that comes with it.
askmrcia 4y ago
This is probably the best post I ever read on this sub and that's saying a lot because this is one of my fav subs on the entire site. From the intro, to the marketing comparisons to just everything else. You're absolutely right and I've been preaching why OLD is flawed for a while now and why social circles are much better.
I stopped OLD two years ago when I was noticing that the best looking and best girls I was dating all came from IRL. I met them though my adult sports rec leagues leagues or my peers from that league knew someone that I would talk too.
Example: Lesbian chick on my co ed flag football league set me up with her sister. Dated for three months and she better then any of the trash I dated from OLD that didn't even last longer then 2 weeks. Too bad she sucked into a MLM scam though lol.
The thing is you may not get as many dates/hookups as OLD, but you sure as well will get more quality dates and less of a headache dealing with all the BS from old.
[deleted] 4y ago
Anytime I use Tinder, I get a streak of matches and likes for about three-four days, then it stops completely. They rig the algorithm to encourage you to pay for their shit. Never have and never will.
sketchpad4u 4y ago
This should be required reading for everyone turning 18.
Cursedpurpose 4y ago
Excellent read!
[deleted] 4y ago
Excellent analysis. Preach!!
[deleted] 4y ago
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_Aveyonn_ 4y ago
It's not about dating, it's about making you feel special, one night stands with shallow bimbos, and fucking fatherless trannys in a hotel room. Probably killing them afterwards.
There is no fucking love on this website, it's all a lie! That's why all these failing millenial coulpes are there. That's probably where they met in the first place! Nothing's free on this Earth, that's why you pay these bastard CEOs billions.
If you are a nice and honest human being log off, take a beachwalk and have conversations for once.
You will find someone by where your heart takes you. Never give up, show some pride and being a fuckin weirdo! I know it's hard for us all.
kp98409 4y ago
Once you realize companies are motivated by profit, its easier to navigate through them. Most ubderstand building trust is what gets long term success, but they dont run on the same business model aan OLD.
TacoSupremeVictory 4y ago
Great read! One thing that's important to mention is how Match Group was sued by the FTC for using bots to con free users into paying for premium services so they could finally talk to their "match"...which ended up being nothing but a fake profile which sent out scripted auto-reply messages.
Thanks for taking the time to post this!
[deleted] 4y ago
Good point. I've seen other dating sites do this too as a matter of routine. And this is in addition to the random chumps who set up bot accounts to scam others who aren't affiliated with the dating site company. It's actually part of their business model to make the fake accounts as bait for premium account setups. In fact I'd venture to say the majority of "users" on some dating sites are fake. So then you're left with a small percentage of users who are real, then you've gotta run the numbers game on them. Never allow yourself to get overly excited/hopeful when on any dating site, even if you receive messages from ostensibly "real chicks". I've seen them set up to be very real looking.
moorekom Mod 4y ago
OLD is not about helping you find your partner. Where is the profit in that? It's all about feeding your choice addiction.
Very good article. As an endorsed member, you can cross post this article to the main sub for more visibility. I think you should, if you already haven't.
rorrr 4y ago
> Women complain that they can't find good guys on there, only fuckbois and deadbeats, and men sign up, get one match in 6 months and wonder "where are all da ho's at?!"
That's a very one-sided presentation of it. The purpose of Tinder is fast sex. And even average looking women can get all the dick in the world on Tinder. They have zero problems getting laid.
They are complaining there are "no good men" there, which isn't even a feature of Tinder. And with "good men" they mean the top 1% - good looking, tall, wealthy, single, etc. Of course these men are exceedingly rare.
LMM-GT02 4y ago
I view tinder as a way to outsource the women in your life. It doesn’t have to be your main source of women, it can just be additional.
Domebeers 4y ago
+1
FewActinomycetaceae0 4y ago
$2 billion in revenue is nothing, i don't think you understand the scale of this delusion, once the recession depression hits and stocks got to 35% of their current value, i am going to invest in this company, think about it white people are the smarter bunch when you look at global IQ, if you can manipulate them then you can manipulate the entire planet, tinder hasn't even touched its full potential its still a first world product, and barely has market penetration even in that space, once globohomo is done fully dismantling slut shaming in every culture you will have easily 3.5 billion users on there with 50% market penetration, it will be bigger than facebook which has tons of fake bots. I mean, our owners have to lower the population somehow to 500million, we should thank them for their benevolence, they are using slow kill methods instead of the harsh quick violent ways, atleast for now.
Ask_Djhinn 4y ago
Should be read to all teens by their parent. Good write up OP, thank you.
ulgulanoth 4y ago
You can't make money on a happily married couple if you're a dating site. That's why it is in their interest to never match you with someone you would really connect with. Funny enough all the women I actually bonded with I found somewhere else, every single woman I met on an online dating site I couldn't stand at all.
jstrockmeyer 4y ago
Clap clap
Awesome read. You've gotten even deeper than I usually think.
Saving this piece. Thanks!
666sdk666 4y ago
“Clap clap”
Another “feature” of Tinder. Syphilis cases are up 250% and gonorrhea cases have doubled since Tinder was released. Herpes and chlamadia are on the rise. Looking for STDs, you hit the jackpot with Tinder.
Captain_of_Skene 4y ago
This is a long read for sure by Reddit standards but nowhere is it TL;DR
I think you've nailed it perfectly - the way in which Tinder dupes men and women alike for profit
Question is, are other dating apps any different? Or are they all much the same?
The Australian tourist/ageing bald guy distinction is a pretty much perfect example of the difference between alpha/beta males
The former gets to fuck and the latter is more of a provider/husband type
sleepyweaselisawake Mod 4y ago
All OLD swipe apps are the same. Your success depends on the audience. On Tinder, I do ok. In my area it's mostly bots, women looking for followers, or prostitutes. Bumble, on the other hand, it's like shooting fish in a barrel with a grenade launcher. It tends to be an older (early-30s-40s) crowd, lots of single moms and "open relationship" types. But, matches flown freely, conversations turn to sex quickly (always let them lead in), and more often then not sex is on the table fairly quickly. YMMV.
Captain_of_Skene 4y ago
Really?
I need to get on Bumble soon with good pictures
sleepyweaselisawake Mod 4y ago
Seriously. I do better on Bumble than anywhere else. I don't know what the secret is, I just know I have a steady stream of women on the hook from 6 to 8s.
Captain_of_Skene 4y ago
That's great but how attractive are you and how good are your pictures? What about your profile?
I'm sitting at 86 matches on Tinder, how well do you think I'd do on Bumble?
sleepyweaselisawake Mod 4y ago
Apparently, I'm attractive enough to match, meet, and fuck. My pics are all recent, I'm in good shape and my profile highlights what I'm looking for and my hobbies with pics of me doing them.
Captain_of_Skene 4y ago
I'm trying to get in good shape with some success so far
But low body fat is really what I'm looking for
That sounds like a good profile to me
I think I would struggle to create a profile as good as yours to be honest but I'm trying my best
What do you say you are looking for?
Simply because a lot of women are on dating apps to find a husband and children
How do you filter out the ones looking for long term commitment?
sleepyweaselisawake Mod 4y ago
If you want to lose body fat do lots of cardio, reduce/cut out sugary drinks, drink lots of water and check out the keto diet.
My profile says something like: Single and looking for whatever comes my way. So, let's meet and see where it goes. I'm a cycling enthusiast, on road and off, (pic from mountain biking) and going to concerts are my main hobbies (pic meeting band). And, I'm restoring a classic Camaro to its former glory. (Pic of me and car). So, I give the reader three things without saying it.. I'm open minded and non-judgmental, I stay in shape, and I have expensive hobbies so my income can support them.
What my profile DOESN'T say.. and this is important is whether or not I'm interested in eschewing any of those interests in a relationship. Spoiler alert: I'm not. So, my amateur psychological evaluation is women swipe right hoping to benefit from my income stream by adding pics from cycling trips, concerts, and riding in my car to their social media. I'm ok with that.
Captain_of_Skene 4y ago
I already am on the keto diet
I go to the gym to do weights but should probably get back to doing cardio again
I also like going to music concerts, and driving in my car, and going to the gym regularly
I should also add that my job is quite average and would not be attractive to most women although it's well above minimum wage
What sort of music are you into?
sleepyweaselisawake Mod 4y ago
Your job doesn't matter. My job isn't sexy, but I live well below my means so I have disposable income after investing, bills, etc. It's not what you do, it's how you manage it.
Mostly rock, alternative, and metal. You'd be surprised how many chicks I've taken home from concerts from enjoying the show and not acting like a douche.
ogrilla99 Mod 4y ago
Here's something I'm sure will shock you: I've never used OLD (so far :-). So I can't say with certainty. But I don't think they're all that different. Each claims some unique angle to one or more of those lies, but I think they're all premised on the same principles. For example, Bumble claims their "woman approach first" strategy lets women filter out the undesirables better. Maybe so, but they never mention why Bumble doesn't prevent those guys from matching with you in the first place. IOW, their matching algorithm is no more accurate than Tinder's.
Similarly, some groups claim to vet their members before letting them in. e.g. there are ones where you have to be an Ivy league graduate to get in. Or the infamous Raya, where supposedly only rich people, celebrities, and "creative" types are allowed in. Yet all these networks are doing is advertising the same thing: that they're making it easier to find someone like that, while claiming to weed out the undesireables that those sought-after people don't want to date. But it's those undesireables who are willing to pay for access, which means they can't weed out too many of them.
It's sort of like trendy bars and clubs. They're not selling alcohol. You can drink the finest liquors at home for much less. They're selling access to the rest of their crowd. People whom you otherwise wouldn't meet during the rest of your week. And the possibilities you think that creates for you.
For a club, that's usually hot girls. Yet those girls don't pay for anything. It's guys wishing to chat with them that pay the cover charge, buy the overpriced drinks, spring for table service, etc. A club that is 100% hot women never exists because no one would buy anything. And of course, a club that's 100% guys usually fails because guys quit going there. Finding the right balance is a fine art, but don't for a second believe that balance is driven by what's best for their members. It's driven by what maximizes their revenue. At the end of the day, no club cares how many people found their soulmates on its dance floor. They don't even track that number. The only thing they track is how much cash is in the register at the end of the night. OLD sites are no different.
Captain_of_Skene 4y ago
Never heard of Raya
But I take your point completely
It's about filtering out the average and below average men, more than it is about anything else
The "80/20 rule"
houseoftolstoy Mod 4y ago
Even though you have not used online dating, you were still spot on with what you said. I can touch on another from personal experience, eharmony. Now that one had a lot of shenanigans. First the 38 or whatever many number of "dimensions of compatibility" amounted to a list of checkboxes. They would only give you a small number matches weekly, selling users the idea that the site was being selective with who they were matching you with. This did not prevent obviously fake or empty matches from being sent your way. And not only that, but when my subscription period was about to end, I suddenly got a greater amount of matches coming my way (talk about luck!).
It really is not that different from other dating sites, just more expensive.
beenthere789 4y ago
I also have to commend and compliment you on an outstanding, thoughtful essay that encompasses psychology, economics, marketing and thr human condition.
PS I have recently signed up for OLD for free. It says I have 27 messages, some from some real hotties even though i have no picture and only the basic info on my profile filled out. All i have to do is give them my credit card number and my life is complete.
My SMV must be way higher than i have ever thought.
Sake99 4y ago
which OLD app?
beenthere789 4y ago
Its zoosk or coffee meets bagel.
Don't waste your time bro... Its all bullshit and the only ones who profit are the dating apps and the women you will end up wasting money on.... Get a hooker, they are at least honest and you get what you pay for..
Sake99 4y ago
I love hookers but its STDs I don't like.
[deleted] 4y ago
I think this is excellent. I think there is also one additional point that should be added: all of this is actually destructive to society in a deep way. Tinder feeds delusion and addiction to the idea of endless choice and non-stop change.
TEMystic 4y ago
Surprisingly non-gender specific for this sub. OLD damages both sexes with the same con, thinking they can score above their league.
thenotoriousdougie 4y ago
Another avenue for seeking potential mates they outsmarted themselves out of was the workplace. Countless people met their partners at work. Women often went into the workplace specifically for that purpose, think nurses going into their field to fuck and hopefully marry a doctor. #metoo slammed that door in their faces and welded it shut. They’re radioactive from that standpoint, never mind the damage that’s been done to their chances of legit advancing up the corporate ladder past mundane, middle management level positions, which is incalculable. Senior level managers are in the CYA mode and doing their damndest to avoid any sort of interactions with females outside a formal workplace setting. Mentoring, right. Romantic interactions, forget it.
Seriously, I don’t think there’s a single thing they can’t or won’t fuck up given the opportunity.
askmrcia 4y ago
No lie, when I was interviewing for jobs when I graduated college at large organizations, the interviewer would mentioned that their place was a good place to work at because they met their spouse at that organization.
Happened quite frequently.
[deleted] 4y ago
Tinder is just a videogame loot box but with people.
Zerof0rce 4y ago
This analogy is awesome. Well-said!
polakfury 4y ago
ITS LIKE GAMBLING LOL OR FARMVILLE BUT HUNTING FOR HUNKS
panchaladitya1996 4y ago
May as well write a sociology doctoral dissertation.
goodmansaysfuckyou Mod 4y ago
Excellent explanation.
houseoftolstoy Mod 4y ago
In short, online dating sites and apps have a target audience whose goal is to no longer have a need for the product.
You made some very good points regarding all the issues of online dating, and I would also include the fact that it expands the list of dating options that an individual can see (or at least the perception of options). Before there was a means to communicate via the internet and later smartphones, there was not the same abundance mindset for finding someone. You had to be content with the smaller amount of options you did have, or end up alone. However, this was better for forming relationships since having less options paradoxically makes you much happier than having more options. You did touch on the idea that dating apps sell the idea that "your special someone is out there," which is only possible to sell if people think they have so many options and therefore just need to find the correct one.
I did manage to meet my wife through online dating. But I know the problems you mention are certainly there, and I am a part of the exceptions rather than the rule. I do not miss it one bit, and like all my advice, I make sure that my experience does not operate under the premise that others will be able to replicate what I have.
RedpilledChris 4y ago
Sorry to say this is just too long for a Reddit post, but I like the meaning of your message: Tinder gives you false hopes that you will meet the people you don’t match with. Try real life social circles if you can.
666sdk666 4y ago
An executive summary would be nice.