From r/purplepilldebate, a comment here. From a man-brained woman (that's not necessarily a compliment), it's one of the best expositions I've ever read of how women actually think about selecting men for marriage:
it is NOT that women start looking for men to whom they are NOT sexually attracted to marry. it is that the ADDITION of HUSBAND (comfort) traits to the suite of traits women start looking for MUST diminish raw sexual attraction. in reality (as opposed to mentally ill mgtow fever dreams) women TRY to choose the MOST sexually attractive man who ALSO has the suite of comfort traits marriage needs, and when they fail in the sexual attraction department for whatever reason they go for "At least he will be a great husband and father". because to women marriage is not a sex party, its a family making machine
young single western women are looking for sex partners and BOYFRIENDS. a BOYFRIEND is not a husband or father to your kids. he is still a "lover", like a mistress to men. when women get serious about marriage they dont start disregarding sexual attraction, they TRY to ADD husband traits TO sexually attractive traits. this inevitably leads to LESS sexy partners. add too many comfort traits to the chaddiest looking chad and he will be less sexy. but that is a caricature, in reality the men who are suitable as husbands and fathers will inevitably have at least a slight overbalance of comfort traits. this is a POSITIVE for marriage for women, marriage for women wants a man who will stay with you when you are pregnant, sick or old, who wont press you for sex when your episiotomy is bleeding or youre genuinely ill etc. marriage for women is best with a man who is domesticated enough to tolerate living with a woman etc etc etc
the real switch has been from men trying to marry for a family to trying to marry for lifelong porn sex, which no generation of men in human history has ever expected marriage to be for. women have actually NOT change din their choices of marriage, theyve simply become disinhibited when unmarried
She is right about most things. Note that this does not talk about men's interests AT ALL. It talks solely and only about women's best interests, separate and apart from men's interests.
Note:
--women absolutely want Alpha Fucks in their youth. (And women getting AF'd in their youth is societally and culturally condoned, even encouraged, now.)
--women don't want to marry men they're sexually unattracted to, but they have to add "husband and father traits" to "attraction traits" to get men who are actually willing to (1) get married, (2) be fathers, (3) marry THEM, and (4) father children with THEM.
--adding beta comfort to alpha attraction diminishes attractiveness.
--but overloading on beta comfort is good for marriage and for women because it selects for men who stay with women even when it is very, very difficult and even when men aren't getting anything out of it.
--women absolutely will marry a man they're not attracted to if they have few to no other options and "well, at least he'll be a great husband and father".
--men shouldn't expect "lifelong pornsex" from wives because that's not what marriage is for. Men are being unreasonable in expecting "lifelong pornsex" from wives.
What this doesn't talk about is men's interests. She didn't talk about those. She's also wrong about a couple of things.
1) Women most definitely HAVE changed what they expect from husbands. Women want men to be utter perfection in every way. They want Chad to get a job paying $300K a year (but work only 10 hours a week), and stop dating around. They expect to convert hot sexy sex partners into hot sexy boyfriends, and then hot sexy boyfriends into hot sexy husbands.
This is entirely new. 50 or 60 years ago, women were OK with marrying Billy Beta. Maybe they weren't really happy with Billy, but they didn't expect him to be anything other than what he was - a workaday, everyday, ordinary working stiff who ran his own life OK, was mostly nice to her, didn't gamble or drink his paycheck, and didn't kick the shit out of her and the kids. She probably had known him since they were in their teens or maybe they met at college.
Now, they expect Billy to have the four 6's and a double digit N before marriage. Now, they expect Billy to look and act like Chad. They expect all this ON TOP OF the necessary "comfort traits" like conscientiousness, loyalty, predictability, etc. And Billy just can't do that. He isn't that, and he's never going to be that.
And then they get all pissed and disillusioned and disappointed when - gasp - Billy turns out not to be sexy boyfriend with a 9 inch cock who can fuck her 5 times every night. (And if Billy were Mr. Pornstar Hugecock, he sure as fuck wouldn't be married, much less married TO HER.) They expect the Toyota Corollas they can actually afford and get to perform like the Lambos and Ferraris and Porsches they used to borrow. It's completely unreasonable.
The usual "husband material" guy who has his own job, apartment, car, and bank account - the guy most men were expected to be 60 years ago, the guy most women actually end up marrying - is "boring" and "vanilla" and "not sexy enough". Or, she hamsterizes herself into saying she's "attracted" when what she's really doing is rationalizing and justifying her "meh" attitude and utter lack of any attraction at all.
The real switch has NOT been men marrying for pornsex. The real switch has been women trying to convert bad boys into boyfriends. The real switch has been women expecting Frank Fratboy to be a faithful husband and dutiful father. The real switch has been women expecting to domesticate fuckboys into husbands. And, the real switch is that every woman deems herself entitled to absolute perfection in their husbands.
Here's reality: Frank Fratboy marries Stacy and cheats on her with Becky and Jane. Alpha McGorgeous marries Becky but is an alcoholic and yells at her and threatens her physically. Harley McBadboy marries a Becky, but Harley has a shady past and disappears for days at a time. Jane marries Billy Beta, cheats on him with Frank, resents the shit out of him for not being Frank, and then divorce rapes him.
2) Women are crushingly unforgiving of ANY flaws in their husbands. Women used to accept Billy. Now, Billy's gaining 10 pounds is a divorceable flaw. Now, Billy not coming home at 5:30 pm every day is a divorceable flaw. If he won't play with the kids he's a horrible human being. He looks at porn even one time? He's "cheated on" her and has "committed adultery". He either works too hard, or he doesn't work hard enough. He doesn't make enough money. He watches too much TV. He's not nice to her mom and dad because he doesn't want to spend the weekend at their house once a month.
It was OK because women couldn't easily divorce Billy. Now, women can easily divorce him and use a court to compel him to give them an income stream into perpetuity. SO they feel fine with bitching and complaining at Billy all the time now, because if she gets unhappy enough, she'll just divorce him and take his shit.
Men: you need to stand against this. Either don't marry at all, or make it clear you'll do what you want and need and will not tolerate complaining about every little thing.
3) If to women, marriage isn't a sex party, it's a family making machine, then women need to start being OK with either (a) not getting legally married; or (b) husbands getting their sex parties on outside the marriage.
Women decided that they didn't want their men cheating on them. Women decided that they DO NOT like their men fucking other women. If women are going to take that position, then they need to be the sex partners their husbands need. They need to start fucking their husbands right and fucking their husbands whenever they reasonably want and giving their husbands the sex acts they want. Or, do not bitch and complain when those husbands go outside the marriage to get that sex.
Men: Either don't get married, or tell the wife, directly and bluntly:
"If you are my only sex outlet, if you want to be the only one I fuck, then you need to be available to me for that purpose, pretty much when I want and need it. If you are not going to do that, we are not getting married, or you need to be OK with a one-way open marriage."
As a practical matter, it used to be that most wives, past child bearing age, mostly looked the other way at their husbands' dalliances. As long as Wife retained the Wife title, he didn't shame her publicly, he didn't divert too much money away, and he didn't give her an STD, she tolerated Husband's philandering or frequenting hookers.
Not so anymore. Women have demanded that men never ever have sex outside marriage, even when wives refuse to give them any sex whatsoever. Women and society pressed hard to outlaw prostitution. Women and society have made it cost prohibitive for men to divorce and cost advantageous for women to divorce. Women and society have set it up so that men have no rights at all in marriage, to anything, or for anything. It's now set up so that men get no benefits from marriage, but men must shoulder all the risks, costs, burdens, and obligations of marriage.
Women, once again, have demanded, and society gave them, the right to have it both ways: "I'm the only one you can fuck, but I will not fuck you." That situation is absolutely untenable and cannot stand.
Men: Your wife either fucks, or (a) she is not your wife anymore and/or (b) you fuck other women.
Before the haters show up claiming I'm advocating for sex slavery: You're wrong. Men need sex. Wives promise to give that to them. Wives do not get to demand that they be their husbands' only sex outlet and then refuse to have sex with them. No. That's not acceptable. A woman who wants to be a wife needs to act like a wife, and that includes sexual congress with her husband. A husband needs to insist on that.
Also in before: "BUT BUT BUT you're just demanding that she fuck him when she's sick or pregnant or projectile vomiting or busy!! YoU ArE dEmAnDiNg A LoVe sLaVe aNd A rObOt!! YoU SeXiSt!!" No. That's not what I'm saying at all, and you people know it. I'm saying she needs to be available to him within reason. If a woman has a man demanding a Stepford Wife/slave/robot, then she selected poorly, and that's on her. If a woman's husband is demanding sex when she's exhausted or her episiotomy is bleeding, she selected poorly, and that's on her. That is NOT a flaw of "men" or marriage, nor does it mean a husband wanting sex is being unreasonable.
If a wife does not want to have sex with her husband, and refuses him, she needs to look the other way while he gets it elsewhere. She forfeits any right to complain when his time and attention are diverted from the marriage. Or, she needs to give him an immediate divorce and a fair divorce settlement, lest he make his reasons for divorcing her very, very public.
4) If marriage is to continue as a viable institution at all, there has to be something in it for men. There's nothing in it for men now. All the benefits accrue to women; all the burdens and obligations accrue to men.
5)
"when they fail in the sexual attraction department for whatever reason they go for "At least he will be a great husband and father". because to women marriage is not a sex party, its a family making machine"
This DOES NOT relieve the wife who selects a husband in this fashion from being a proper wife to the man she picked and who has agreed to marry her. If she is compromising so far down the attraction ladder to "WeLl, At LeAsT hE WiLL MaKe a GrEaT hUsBanD aNd FaThEr" and she's not sexually attracted to him, that's her choice, but she is not then excused from being a wife to her husband. She's obligated to sex him up properly, frequently, correctly, and in the manner he wants. This is particularly so because she insists on him not fucking other women and she insists on 100% full access to all of his time, money, labor, attention, and resources.
Men: Insist on your marital rights and do not accept less. If she's your wife, and she expects you to not fuck other women (guarantee you that's what she expects), do not accept sexlessness from her. Women who want to be wives must act like wives, and husbands need to make those expectations clear from the jump.
6) If she tells you what she likes best about you is that she thinks you'll be a great husband and father, dump her immediately. You're being settled for. She perceives you're just "the best she can do". She has few to no other options. You're about to be used and exploited, see your resources decimated, and left for dead. Have nothing to do with such women.
Typo-MAGAshiv Mod 4y ago
This is the sort of thing I wish I'd read before I got married. At least mine was genuinely attracted at first, and I just beta-ized myself. That, and her medical issues.
RedPill_Dragon 4y ago
Dude.... you are on fire.... like, you wrote da bomb here.
You need to put this on YouTube. Don't stop, men need to hear your words.
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[deleted] 4y ago
All very true. But virtually no one, men or women, society or culture, any longer ascribes any relevance or authority to a collection of books written by a bunch of long-dead middle eastern men. Because patriarchy and oppression and sexism and unfairness.
The prime problem here is women's expectations for who they can marry and what their husbands, and marriage, actually will be, have shot into the stratosphere. Women's expectations are hilariously and completely beyond any realm of reason or reality.
The copied woman's blind spot is how women's expectations have changed. There has been an absolute sea change in what women expect of a husband.
CertainCrow1 4y ago
The sad thing is ever woman and man in Bible study will nod their heads at this (including my ex wife) but then don't live it...
Also we live to talk about how bad porn is in the church.. it's probably the only sin left we actually ever talk about.. but nobody will ever call out women withholding sex either corporately in a sermon or privately within a friend circle. Somehow it just gets a pass.. and nobody ever thinks it's connected that women cut off sex and men struggle with porn in the church? Even in that passage it warns against Satan coming in.
Wouldn't believe how frustrating it is to only have one outlet and it's closed. Adds salt to the wound when there was a team she easily gave it sway.. even to strangers to pay for college and she won't touch me because I wasn't sympathetic enough or didnt stand up for her one time.. etc. Actually the scripture about it being better to marry than burn in just taunted me for a while. I felt just the opposite. I had more self control and was less sexually frustrated when I was single
_Introverted_Spirit 4y ago
I think from the first post and all the comments with different perspectives show that to some level both men and women have now gained problematic expectations. (Through societal advances, culture ect.)
It can tell men to be VERY careful of seeking a partner or don't get married at all. It can tell women to settle down with someone they don't like/aren't attracted to, just for the sake of having stability/family (And with divorce as a viable option)
These expectations can be hard to change, but it really needs to be done to hold up the core values of a successful marriage. The question is, where do we start trying to get society to think back to the achievements of past ideals in marriage so the expectations aren't as unclear between the genders?
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_Introverted_Spirit 4y ago
Very true, I hope that with the growth in realisation of where modern dating is going helps people think about this kind of thing instead of being caught up in instant self-gratification. That being said, I can still get caught up in it from time to time, but we all have the ability to grow as people and find purpose in this kind of personal mission.
ramaga 4y ago
There's a standup comedian and podcaster named Greg Fitzsimmons whose podcasts I listen to. In them, he often mentions that he'll put a move on his wife, especially after he gets back home from touring, and she shoots him down more often than not. Greg says the two of them are happily married. He produces 100 percent of the income and his wife is a stay-at-home mother.
The fact the wife is fully supported by Greg and yet she rejects his advances constantly blows my mind. Unfortunately that's considered normal in modern marriages, even "happy" ones. I, however, consider it a failure of the wife to uphold her end of the marital bargain. It's one of the many reasons why I'm thankful I never married despite every girlfriend I've ever had wanting to.
Bullets dodged.
RedPill_Dragon 4y ago
I forgot who it was, maybe it was Tomassi, but one of the big MGTOW commentators stated that no matter what you do, the first thing the wife will do is remove sex from the marriage while you must financially produce for her or she will take 50% of your crap. I sat down... thought about it.... and I had to agree. That is when any possibility for a purple pill died in my mind because I had to face reality.
Guys, you have nothing to gain from marriage if you are successful. Honestly, zero. It's kind of worse than being friend zoned because you actually banged your dream girl yet now, you can't touch her and she is your dream girl and she has legal power over you. Like.... where do you win? By never marrying in the first place. You get your money, then you have your own success and you can talk to women as acquaintances.... Kind of like this:
"Oh, you having stress over raising your child as a single mother? I'll pray for you" (Then do nothing and play Call of Duty)
"Oh, you can't find a good man? Well, you know that God made a man for every woman." (Then drink a cold beer while looking at your investments.)
"Oh, you cold at night? Well, You are strong and independent so I'm sure you can turn up the heat." (Then be thankful no one is sticking their cold feet under you)
"Oh, you got no money for retirement? God has a plan for that." (Then notice that you can indeed retire and be thankful you didn't get divorced raped in your 30s)
That is how it's done.
minitntman1 4y ago
Then is she really your dream girl? Or is it reality girl now.
RedPill_Dragon 4y ago
Have you been married before? Because if you have been, you would understand these words most easily.
minitntman1 4y ago
No. But I do understand.
nigga_phil 4y ago
"Red Pill" content creators like Rollo Tomassi are not MGTOW.
RedPill_Dragon 4y ago
Oh please. https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/mgtow
Typo-MAGAshiv Mod 4y ago
His writing may have influenced MGTOW, as Red Pill and MGTOW share a lot of influences, but Tomassi is most definitely not MGTOW. He's Red Pill and married.
nigga_phil 4y ago
All you retards think that Richard Cooper and Rollo Tomassi are MGTOW. It's always the same shit
RedPill_Dragon 4y ago
You have something better?
thenotoriousdougie 4y ago
She forgot some very important points....
1) Women fuck who they want and marry who they can. Men fuck who they can and marry who they want. Which means women are the “gatekeepers” from the onset of puberty up until about the age of 25-27, men are the “gatekeepers” from then on. In other words when it comes to what’s REALLY important, men call the shots. Women aren’t the ones “selecting” for marriage at all, men are.
2) Men age like wine, women age like milk. Which means men are only hitting their stride about the time women run out of steam. So the 30-ish woman who has fucked all the alpha males she wants and now is ready to “settle” will find all the males within +10 years of her age aren’t interested. They can have the younger women. Why go for old, tired meat when there’s fresher stuff available.
3) In spite of what “society” “appears” to condone or even “encourage”, their track record of fucking large numbers of men, acquiring STDs, shooting out one bastard child after another severely reduces their relationship and marriage value. They retain fuckability for some time after that and this gives the delusion that because they can still get dick they have market value. But in fact a single mom has a negative value. You’re better off alone or with a fleshlight than with one of them. There’s fresher fish in the market, leave the carp with the litter of crotch goblins on the bank to rot.
But they don’t want to hear any of this. They’re still under the impression they can have it all when in fact the clock is ticking on them from day 1.
Zerof0rce 4y ago
Well-written prose, and I wish this was handed out to young men as they come of age. Nicely done, thank you for this.
RedPill_Dragon 4y ago
I keep on saying this again and again, and I'm always inspired by posts like this one: Men, go out and get your own success, then ignore women and enjoy your success. There is absolutely nothing a woman can give to you in life once you have your own success. When I read posts like this, I know the best solution is to simply avoid such women 100%. In fact, avoid them all. This type of woman requires a beta to listen to her regarding her problems in life.... don't be that beta, don't be any kind of option to her. Just don't exist in her life and you the man, you will be so much better off for it.
FalsePositiveRethink 4y ago
So it's men's fault.
Jesus.
_Introverted_Spirit 4y ago
I don't think she's saying that. Rather, I think she's stressing that the rise of sexual ideals in online culture can contribute to men's expectations of partnership and sex in marriage, and women feel that they have to be sexpots to get any man's attention.
Women can also have unrealistic expectations for men, so she has her input in to explain what unrealistic expectations men can have for women as well.
DownVotesWrongsOnly 3y ago
It's really not that unreasonable: especially for fit men who are on top, right? I mean, if they are the one's doing the work, there's no mechanical reason for a slow down... just excuses over logistics.
FalsePositiveRethink 4y ago
Don't marry. It's so simple.
I'm beginning to think that sex robots will solve 90 per cent of the world's problems. They will certainly end the tyranny of the feminists.
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moorekom Mod 4y ago
What you've said here is wonderfully blue pill. Although I would like to address everything, I'm going to draw your attention to the following text specifically:
No. Just because you both like the same shit does not mean that the both of you are ideal couples. If that's the case, your ideal partner is you and you can only ever marry yourself. Although women are starting to do this the world over, this is not only ridiculous, but it is completely immature. In fact, this is a measure of their unbridled narcissism.
Any relationship needs a healthy amount of give and take from both sides. There needs to be compromise, selflessness, care, kindness and maturity on both ends for the benefit of the other party. Point out to me where this woman displays any of that. She is uncompromising, selfish, immature, arrogant and is destined to misery. Even her definition of marriage is an extension of these qualities. As u/aldabruzzo has mentioned in his OP, there is no consideration of men or their interests. There is not even a bother about fairness. Selfish women like this are the reason men are becoming selfish themselves and marriage is a failing institution. Ironically, she would blame selfish men for being selfish herself: men who perpetuated "patriarchy" and top 5% men who she chases after and who will never commit to a wallflower like her as they're spoilt for choice. Sure, everyone wants the unattainable. Men want the stunning looking super model who is submissive, kind, attentive, affectionate, loyal, supportive, craves sex and worships the ground he walks on. But men understand that this might not be possible and are ready to compromise more often than not. Men are told, repeatedly, that compromise and realistic expectations are essential to long term happiness. Do you see that same attitude in this woman? Men and women do not find it hard to phrase what they want. They phrase exactly what they desire. But, unlike women, men do not stay uncompromising of these desires. Every woman desires a top 5% guy who is an Alpha bucks with the perfect mixture of arousal and attraction traits to keep her comfortable and, at the same time, excited. Every woman thinks she deserves a Leonardo DiCaprio and whenever they have to face reality and compromise, they do not become mature and accept this reality. They turn bitter.
Sure, we are not just defined by our surface level desire. We are defined by the motivation behind that desire. But, if that is the case, why are even the top 5% men getting divorced these days? Because these women, and most women in general, are not chasing after these men out of any conviction or motivation. They simply chase after these men for the status of it. When these women get married to such men, they get bored really fast because their chase was not unique to them and there was no actual drive behind that chase except to show off to fellow women of their ability to catch such a man. The next challenge then becomes to get an even better man than the last one.
One might argue that this is women's nature and this is how women are built naturally. The problem is, civilization cannot be sustained in an environment where one party is unrestrained and the other is burdened with the additional responsibility. Shitty people do not jump out of a vacuum. They are shitty because they have never faced much consequence for their previous behavior and are emboldened by the way they get away with their shit behavior. Your argument is that such shitty women are a narrow subset of women. Most men in our subs argue that most women are like this or at the very least, enough women are like this to warrant cautionary behavior while dealing with women in general.
harnorld 4y ago
This is an example of "static surface-level descriptors" that I mentioned earlier. So yep I definitely do not think that shared interests imply ideal relationship. Otherwise, a man who loves soccer will be ideal with every woman who also loves soccer, and vice versa.
Very true. However, the list "compromise, selflessness, etc" compromises of what i mean by "static surface level descriptors". Those are the kinds of traits that a decent person should possess and demonstrate for any other decent person they interact with. A healthy, romantic relationship must have certain qualities that distinguishes it from any other non-romantic relationship. But those unique properties-- I honestly do not know how to describe them. If anyone knew how to, love would be much easier to describe and understand. We just use the word "compatibility".
Thus, I will emphasize that although it is easy to phrase surface-level wants, it is quite difficult to accurately describe more nuanced, complex desires. In fact, sometimes we only want something because we think it'll fix a big problem we have, but it actually doesn't. For example, thinking that being a billionaire will sufficient for happiness, or that if I become a doctor then my dad will finally be proud of me. People only want when there is a problem that arises (I don't feel happy, so I want something that will make me happy). So sometimes we even mis-attribute wants because we don't know what will solve our problems.
My guess is that for the female's quoted comment, she chose to only talk about expectations of a male SO, because that was the topic: what women find attractive in men. The comment did not address what women are to bring to a relationship, hence it was not mentioned.
I'm assuming right here, you mean "the significant amount of women who desire ... warrants the need for us men to be very wary of such women", and that is definitely true. But it is important to note that people have types.
I wouldn't say most women. Many women are like that, but I find that plenty of men are like that too. I'm not quite sure how you concluded most women chase men for the thrill/right to show off to fellow women, but my guess is social media (like facebook, instagram, tinder). If that is the case, I would like to point out the sampling bias-- women who don't chase "high-status" men are not going to be found constantly updating their social media or on dating apps. They're going to be living in the real world instead, not cultivating an online image for other people to see. I would say the exact same thing to women asking "where are all the good men?" The men who would make desirable partners are not actively looking for relationships. You won't run into them at bars or on Tinder or whatever.
Divorces happen not just because some women chase excitement. That's too specific. In general, its related to lack of compromise, but that isn't everything. It matters what exactly is compromised. In my previous relationship, my ex often claimed that I never changed. Funny, cuz that was what I was thinking of her. And I changed a LOT for her, because I was trying to compromise for her sake, but it felt like nothing worked. Then one day, some things sank in-- she WAS slowly but constantly changing. There were things that she did before that she didn't do anymore-- she was compromising. But even though she was changing for me, her actions fix the issue. And I realized it was the same for me-- none of my changes addressed her concerns. What we had issues with related to core aspects of ourselves that we refused to change. We weren't compatible. And no I didn't have an issue with her fidelity-- in fact, a big problem was that she was filling her days with me (like legit almost every day, it was just class and hanging out with me).
But yes, watch out for trash. Watch out for shallow, selfish, cunning women. But also watch out for shallow, selfish, cunning men. I know I didn't address all of your points, but a dialogue is more effective than a solo rant.
[deleted] 4y ago
I think I know what you're saying here, but it's not exactly correct. Women do find it hard to verbalize what they want. They know what they want. They just won't admit out loud what they want.
Men know what men want.
Women know what women want.
Women know what men want, because men are crystal clear about it, in word and deed.
Some men don't know what women want.
Women openly lie to men about what they want. Women are deliberately unclear about what they want. They won't say what they want because saying what they want makes them look like shallow bitches. And they can't look like shallow bitches to those beta guys, because they might need those beta guys later for provisioning and commitment and they don't want anyone judging them adversely.
True, but we all know women lie about this. The solution is, of course, for men to watch what women do and not listen to what they say.
harnorld 4y ago
Yeah plenty of shallow women try to avoid looking shallow to maintain a nice image. However, I would point out that this is not an exclusively female thing. After all, shallow men also exist, and they might have incentive to pretend to not be shallow too.
Also, I would generalize this to be more accommodating of different tastes, because both my gf and I agree that DiCaprio's face is weirdly shaped. Also, I know a few girls who think that they're not good enough to be loved (they're average, not ugly, and quite nice people), let alone date/marry Leonardo DiCaprio. Plenty of women have self-esteem issues too. So I would say "want super attractive man", rather than "deserves Leo DiCaprio".
Again, I would say that it is because of sampling bias that you run mostly into shallow women. Non-shallow women/people are not going to put in effort to stand out enough for you to notice, but most shallow women/people will.