TL;DR post contains a concept of two kinds of "anger phases". Only one of them is the true anger phase. Second one is oneitis in disguise.
Body
After my marriage failed badly, I realised I had much anger towards ex-wife. Sometimes I have chosen to behave in a ways, that could be specifically hurtful for the ex wife or could precipitate an emotional reaction from her.
This was the "fake anger phase". This was an oneitis in disguise actually. I felt anger towards a specific person and/or a specific situations and I had chosen to act upon that anger many times. What I felt was a cumulative effect of years of covert contracts (hey reader, you lift, you approach, but have you read "No more Mr Nice Guy"?), years of suppression of masculine behaviour like leading, decision-making, owning my own shit, not giving a fuck.
I had a lot of anger in me, but it was not the "anger phase".
The real anger phase came many months later. It was a mix of intense feeling of sadness with a bit of anger. Actually, it came strong on some days, then left me in better shape, just to come back a few weeks later. I actually thought I may have depression. Those were the days when I wallowed in the sad state of reality, when I embraced the suck, when I went to the gym and wanted to cry (only before first exercise though). It had nothing to do with a specific person or a situation from my past. It was my reaction to the reality of the world; perhaps it was a first moment in my 30-something year old life that I was so close with the reality. And to be honest, not much anger came out of that. Perhaps you could call it "swallowing the pill", I don't really like this term because it's used way too often. It took me 3 years since finding TRP.
After all this passed, I actually feel more peaceful, more aligned with the world. I know what can I expect from a woman and I don't expect this to ever change. I know, that men love women, women love children, children love puppies and I don't expect to be loved by any of the people below me. I am no longer looking for mommy replacement and even if my current girlfriend stays for a while, I remember she will ditch me the first time she'll find a chink in my armor and I'm willing to bet $50 she will.
... and I actually can't wait until the next day of emotional "embracing the suck" comes. Because every single time I come back stronger from this experience. Every single time I understand more.
Takeaways
- being angry towards a specific girl is not anger phase, it is oneitis... and it is also being in her frame,
- real "anger phase" and "women" don't usually mix, only in a small part,
- once you're aligned with the way things are, the anger should not come back, only peace,
- if anger does come back, investigate to understand yourself better.
NeoreactionSafe 6y ago
You will never achieve the new mommy.
But women can be your new puppy... just realize you must train her not to Shit on the carpet or give you regular Shit Tests.
If the woman runs away just get a new puppy.
Phiend4Phoes 6y ago
It was a good post OP, I like the chill way you write.
Cannot sense any anger or bitterness from it, which is almost rare today.
One thing I just realized though..
Men love women, women love children, children love puppies..
Puppies love men, at least in my experience.
Sure, they love everyone, but are they the only ones that truly love us men?
NeoreactionSafe 6y ago
We need a phrase that more deeply explores the difference in "top down" love as a man gives his women, children and puppies and the "bottom up" love a woman, child, puppy gives it's master.
mummersfarce_is_done 6y ago
From bottom to top: To Adore
From top to bottom: To Appreciate, Enjoy, Be Fond of
NeoreactionSafe 6y ago
The one on bottom wants to be the one on top.
The bottom wants to share the power of the top by submission to it. (union with it)
The one on top doesn't want to be the one on bottom, but instead just wants obedience from them.
The bottom "gives" and the top "takes".
A masculine man "takes what he wants".
Women are said to "give it up". ("give" as well as "up")
"Oh, I give up."
...she submits or gives up. (to a higher power)
[deleted] 6y ago
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THEDICKDEALER 6y ago
You didn't comprehend what he's saying. He's stating he does not care if she leaves.
WhySoRuff 6y ago
I believe there are multiple red pills.... and therefore multiple anger phases...it all depends on how far down the rabbit hole you choose to go. REALization is painful. Ignorance is bliss.
SirKolbath 6y ago
Thank you. I'm not ready to discuss the end of my marriage here yet, but there are so many parallels here that it's breathtaking.
Your journey may have helped shorten mine. Thanks for blazing the trail.
scarhand23 6y ago
Hey man, i went through same things with you. And i made a huge mistake by fucking mu ex again. It fucked me in many different ways. So if you ever get a chance fuck her again just don't. Other than that i agree with everything you say.