TL;DR post contains a concept of two kinds of "anger phases". Only one of them is the true anger phase. Second one is oneitis in disguise.

Body

After my marriage failed badly, I realised I had much anger towards ex-wife. Sometimes I have chosen to behave in a ways, that could be specifically hurtful for the ex wife or could precipitate an emotional reaction from her.

This was the "fake anger phase". This was an oneitis in disguise actually. I felt anger towards a specific person and/or a specific situations and I had chosen to act upon that anger many times. What I felt was a cumulative effect of years of covert contracts (hey reader, you lift, you approach, but have you read "No more Mr Nice Guy"?), years of suppression of masculine behaviour like leading, decision-making, owning my own shit, not giving a fuck.

I had a lot of anger in me, but it was not the "anger phase".

The real anger phase came many months later. It was a mix of intense feeling of sadness with a bit of anger. Actually, it came strong on some days, then left me in better shape, just to come back a few weeks later. I actually thought I may have depression. Those were the days when I wallowed in the sad state of reality, when I embraced the suck, when I went to the gym and wanted to cry (only before first exercise though). It had nothing to do with a specific person or a situation from my past. It was my reaction to the reality of the world; perhaps it was a first moment in my 30-something year old life that I was so close with the reality. And to be honest, not much anger came out of that. Perhaps you could call it "swallowing the pill", I don't really like this term because it's used way too often. It took me 3 years since finding TRP.

After all this passed, I actually feel more peaceful, more aligned with the world. I know what can I expect from a woman and I don't expect this to ever change. I know, that men love women, women love children, children love puppies and I don't expect to be loved by any of the people below me. I am no longer looking for mommy replacement and even if my current girlfriend stays for a while, I remember she will ditch me the first time she'll find a chink in my armor and I'm willing to bet $50 she will.

... and I actually can't wait until the next day of emotional "embracing the suck" comes. Because every single time I come back stronger from this experience. Every single time I understand more.

Takeaways

  • being angry towards a specific girl is not anger phase, it is oneitis... and it is also being in her frame,
  • real "anger phase" and "women" don't usually mix, only in a small part,
  • once you're aligned with the way things are, the anger should not come back, only peace,
  • if anger does come back, investigate to understand yourself better.