EDIT: Rollo mentioned his article on choreplay below. As always, he says it more eloquently than any of us can.

Summary: Many men who love their women and want to ease their load of chores at home discover that the more they help with the chores, the less their women want to fuck them.

The shaming campaign and evidence against it

The most recent shaming campaign (as discussed on TRP) for men comes from Sheryl Sandberg (COO of Facebook, author, and creator of The Sandbergian Plan for Hypergamy) and her hashtag #ShareTheLoad.

As she pointed out in a 2015 New York Times article, "Research shows that when men do their share of chores, their partners are happier and less depressed, conflicts are fewer, and divorce rates are lower."

Even Bill and Melinda Gates are jumping on the bandwagon pointing out the amount of "unpaid work" that women do around the world (as if men never do unpaid work...and forgetting that most men's paid work is to earn money for their family). Quote from Melinda Gates:

“Unless things change, girls today will spend hundreds of thousands more hours than boys doing unpaid work simply because society assumes it’s their responsibility,”

It's unclear which research studies are supporting Sandberg's facts but there is definitely research out there that shows the opposite: couples where men help their women with their chores have less frequent sex and are ultimately unhappier than couples where the women handles the traditionally female chores:

The 5 bullshit love languages

A short aside: many people will argue for choreplay using a website called "The 5 Love Languages". Let me tell you why this is a complete scam. The 5 love languages, according to this site, are:

  • Words of affirmation
  • Acts of service
  • Receiving gifts
  • Quality time
  • Physical touch (including sex)

So let's say we have a marriage where the sex has disappeared and they take the 5 love languages quiz to see what their love languages are to help restore the love in the marriage. They get the shocking result the woman's love languages are acts of service (i.e. help with the chores) and receiving gifts (maybe with some quality time and words of affirmation), and the man's love language is physical touch. The woman then says that the man has to do chores and spend money on her to show that she is loved, and then maybe he'll get the physical touch that he needs to feel loved.

Bullshit. Do you really think the guy is going to get more sex if he starts giving her massages, doing more chores and spending more money on gifts? The Brad Pitt rule applies again here - would she refuse to jump his bones if he were not giving her enough acts of service or gifts?

Note: if you're woman is actively negotiating with sex for chores done, then run!

The real dynamic of doing chores

The real dynamic at play: women like masculine men and men like feminine women. This seems stupidly obvious, and maybe it already is to you, but modern society has lost the plot to the point where we need to do research to back this up.

Men who do traditionally feminine chores are not going to be seen as sexy, period. Sure the woman will appreciate his efforts but not to the point of having sex with him. He's simply not going to look manly when he's dusting the furniture or putting away the crystal. It's a lose-lose situation: the woman loses attraction and the man loses free time doing all these chores.

The analogy for a man would be a woman who dresses like a tomboy w/short hair, wears loose overalls all the time, is an ace mechanic and keeps the Mustang in tip-top running condition, is great with tools and appliance installation, is always covered in grease, and loves having a beer while watching football and belching at the referees. Is she going to be sexier than the woman with long and soft flowing hair who doesn't know the difference between an current and voltage but smells like flowers and enjoys dusting the furniture while bent over in her pink frilly bra and panties? The tomboy is certainly more skilled and able to help out with the manly chores but not at all sexy to most men.

If a woman complains about having too many chores to do and the man gives in and helps her, that can lead to an even worse situation, especially if she says she's "too tired for sex" because of it. If the man gives in and starts doing her chores, he's in appeasement mode, and she's learned that she can use sex to negotiate herself out of doing any work. He's going to lose her respect for appeasing her AND he's going to look more feminine doing her chores.

In my limited experience in life, I've found that women are genuinely happy serving a man in traditionally feminine ways, whether it be a massage, cooking, tidying up, or a blowjob. This fits in with Patrice O'Neal's theory that women don't want to win, they want a winner. They don't want to be in charge, they want to associate with a masculine partner who is in charge, and their instinct is to pamper and serve him to show their love. This is why even an entitled rich princess like Paris Hilton will blow her man.

The irony is that in many cases, the more you lighten her load, the less happy she will be...because she's no longer able to express her love in terms of pampering her man. How many times have you heard of the woman who was so happy when she and her husband were young and poor, but now that he is successful and rich and she doesn't have to lift a finger to do any work, she is now miserable?

NOTE: Don't be a dumbass and assume that I'm saying that you can just sit on your ass and contribute nothing while she does everything and things will be great (although if you can manage that, more power to you). Just do the traditionally masculine chores such as moving furniture, plumbing, wiring, home repairs, appliance installation and maintenance, fixing the car, finances, decision-making, managing contractors, security, mowing the lawn, cleaning the gutters, moving heavy shit around in the garage, and anything else that involves power tools.

Lessons Learned:

  • "Choreplay" rarely works when the man helps with traditionally feminine chores.
  • Stick to the manly chores that involve management, power tools, or electronics/computers.
  • From the vast TRP wisdom of Rollo: "You can't negotiate desire." The corollary: appeasement is a poor negotiation tool and rarely results in more sex.
  • The Brad Pitt rule always applies.
  • Women are truly happy when they are serving their man.
  • Finally: women honestly want help with their chores, they just don't want to fuck the person doing the helping.