This series of posts was stylized in a very specific way to explain the real process of swallowing the Pill. So often, I think people conflate RedPill knowledge with being truly RedPilled. This could not be further from the truth. Knowledge does not equal growth. Real growth, real change, is an internal process. Smokers know that cigarettes will kill them, it is not until they internally change and dedicate themselves to quitting that an externally perceptible change happens. In a way, this tale is cautionary. The journey of life is one that requires goal setting, working towards goals, and most importantly, having an accurate self reflection about your life and who you are.
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Part 1: The Denial Phase
My initial experience with Monica was a typical story of a BluePilled man encountering a true female Dark Triad. The shit is dangerous, and it can really fuck you up. Fortunately, experiencing something so powerful and strong really pushes one completely past the denial phase. I think the reason the majority of people on this sub are here is because they had some seriously damaging, life changing experience. It shook us to the core, and made us question everything. It really takes something like that to begin a RedPill journey. Over the course of the years, I have tried to help many a loser open his eyes to the truth. It almost never works. I think this is primarily because these men have never had that "ahha moment." Most men really do live lives in quite desperation, constantly unhappy but not really capable of identifying the problem. My answer: fuck them. The primary message of the RedPill is to hold frame. If people are in denial, who the fuck cares? It isn't your life, and nothing you do or say is going to change them until they want to change.
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Part 2: The Anger Phase
This is hands down, the most dangerous and deceptive phase of the RedPill journey. Anger is all consuming. Many of the posts I see on this forum are just word vomit expressed in an echo chamber to boost ego and continue the anger phase indefinitely. "Look at this Womyn and what she did." "The media is full of shit." "Why is everyone a feminist?" "Why Can't the World be like 1950 Again?" All of these kinds of things are anger. Who fucking cares? What anyone else thinks and does should never make you mad. It should only make you laugh. You can't change the world, you can only change yourself. The large, single great take away from my experience with Chad is that attitude is EVERYTHING. Chad understood women. Never, not one single time, did I hear him express any ill will towards a woman. He was NEVER angry with them. He stood his ground, he set boundaries, and if they weren't respected, the other person was kindly asked to no longer be a part of his life, and he laughed and smiled while he did it. Not showing anger is a true mastery of frame. Anger comes from a place of weakness. Anger is controlling. Anger is not reasonable, it is not rational, and it is not good. It leads to nothing but sadness, torment, and torture.
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I was so consumed with my anger about Monica, with my jealousy of Chad, with my anger at the women he was with, that I really forgot who I was. No amount of lifting or reading this sub can remedy that. In the end, it really is all about "being yourself." This is why women give this as their number one piece of relationship advice, because it is true! Women need you to be yourself in order for them to be comfortable being themselves. They are, at their core, beautiful, whimsical, emotional, insecure people. But fuck are they fun. The problem is, women speak differently from men, and men misunderstand what "be yourself" means. Weak men hear that as "continue to be needy and supplicate," when really what they are saying is "be comfortable and confident with you are as a person, and if you don't like something about yourself or your life, then change it." Anger is just a reflection of an unwillingness and an inability to change. If you are angry about AWALT or the true nature of women, then internally, all that means is that you are unwilling to learn, change, and grow, and instead want everything to just come easily. Anger, in terms of male female sexual dynamics, is a Beta behavior. Those in control and those in power are not angry.
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If you are angry about sexual dynamics, if you angry about society, if you are angry about the world, then you have not completed your RedPill journey. Once you truly accept the RedPill, these things wont anger you. They will make you laugh. You will enjoy the company of your plate, FWB, or LTR, for who she is as a woman. You wont want to change her, because you wont need to. If you are a heterosexual male, these traits are attractive, not anger inducing. Sexual dynamics are fun! Life would be boring as fuck if men and women where the same. Their difficulty and challenge makes things more interesting. And that should make you happy. A true alpha is not mad at the world, because he has the world figured out, he is comfortable with it, and most importantly, he has himself figured out and is comfortable with himself.
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The takeaway here: if anything on the RedPill pisses you off, if anything about women pisses you off, you haven't swallowed the pill and you don't get the point. Step away to take sometime to figure out who you are and what you want. Only then can no one control you.
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Part 3: The Bargaining Phase
I don't see a lot of examples of bargaining on this sub. Perhaps my journey is unique in that I landed in this phase for a LONG time. The PurplePill and the Under 21 Convention is a solid example of this thinking. Really, I don't think this stage is anywhere near as dangerous, deceptive, and consuming as the anger phase. The true problem here is that ultimately, that deep seeded anger has not been resolved. Bargaining is just anger's ugly cousin. You have moved past frustration, and rather than accept the truth and move on and grow, you have allowed your ego to get in the way. Bargaining is shifting anger from women and society, to just "some women." It isn't resolving that anger, it is moving it in a convenient direction. You can't deny the truth of the RedPill at this point. You have seen it, you have lived it, and it has pissed you off.
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Because you haven't really gotten the whole point yet, because you haven't really developed self comfort and confidence, because you haven't really changed, old patterns start to emerge. However, you just can't deny the truth of what you have seen, experienced, and felt. Instead, you develop the "not-AWALT" realm of thinking. "Maybe the RedPill is only partially true." "I am above the RedPill rules." You know the whole routine. However, you can't bargain with gravity. You are going to fall eventually, and you need to be prepared for that. You can't bargain with reality. In my case, bargaining my experience with Jan and relationship with Michelle just led to more emptiness. It was worse than before, because deep down, I knew I was lying to myself. Bargaining is like Cypher. You just, you can't go back to the Matrix once you know the truth. You may want to, but it will always leave you empty.
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Part 4: Depression
This phase was felt the most. This phase hurt the most. It was also the phase in which I finally felt growth. Once you have passed through your bargains and realize that you aren't special and she isn't special, you have nowhere else to go. Your anger moves internally. Depression is anger's more dangerous older brother. Depression was especially difficult for me because I am generally a very happy person. The important part about depression, and really about all of the stages of swallowing, is to understand them, embrace them, and learn them. Feel. Being an alpha does not mean you don't have feelings. It means you understand and are comfortable with your feelings. It means that you aren't afraid of them. You let them be a part of the conversation, but you don't allow them to run the show. Depression, if ignored, drank away, or allowed to control your life, will destroy you. I gained fifty pounds in a year because of my depression. And that was because at first, I didn't accept it. I was afraid of it. I was afraid of what it meant. Did it make me weak? Did it make me Beta? The answer is of course, resoundingly, no.
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The only way I got out of my depression was to understand why I was there, and what it meant. I was depressed because throughout my entire RedPill journey, I was never really okay with who I was. I felt pain from Monica because I thought I wasn't good enough. I was jealous of Chad because I wanted to be him. I bargained with Jan and Michelle because I thought that was the best I could do. And I got depressed because I understood this all at once. And I blamed myself. I blamed the world. I blamed the RedPill. I blamed the entertainment industry. I blamed my friends. I blamed my dick. I blamed me. I cant repeat this enough, I blamed me. And that is okay. It wasn't until I realized that all of this was okay that I began to recover. It is okay to fail. It is okay to want. It is okay to be sad. It is okay to be you.
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Part 5: Acceptance
In the end, it is all about being yourself and being comfortable in your own shoes. Anger came from frustration. I wasn't happy with who I was and I didn't have my life figured out yet. Women's reactions to me where just a reflection of how I felt about myself. I tried so hard, for years, to be like Chad, and the reality is, I just wasn't him. This is only one trait that defines a true Alpha, and that is being in control. You cant be in control if you aren't in control of yourself. And you can't be in control of yourself until you know who that is. Look, I am an intellectual. I was never an infantry grunt for a reason. That just isn't me. It never has been me. I don't have the personality to do that. I think entirely too much. At first in my RedPill journey, I thought the key was to stop being an intellectual and to start being macho. That couldn't be further from the truth. The key was to just accept who I was, and improve that person. Be in touch with your wants, needs, desires, and feelings. Don't feel the need to suppress them, and don't feel the need to spew them out in an attempt to be validated over how you feel. Again, Alphas fucking feel. They just aren't afraid to feel, and that is why they don't spew their emotions on to women: that is a sign of not understanding them, accepting them, and being in control of them.
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I finally stopped being angry all the time. This is a recurring theme of this post. Anger gets you nowhere. If you are angry about the world, about women, or about you, you haven't swallowed the Pill.
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Time for the take-away.
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The Five True Steps to Confidence and Frame Control
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1) Be Stoic, and Understand What That Means
Stoicism is 100% NOT shutting of your emotions and not feeling. It is understanding, accepting, and controlling your emotions. Women are not really capable of this. They are constantly insecure. They wear their emotions on their sleeve and believe this means they are "more emotionally developed." False. Unfortunately, it is human nature to contrast radicalism with more radicalism. The Anti-Beta (the term I use for someone who doesn't want to be Beta, but isn't an Alpha) believes that in order to be manly, you have to completely conceal and suppress your feelings. News flash: if you aren't a robot or a sociopath, no amount of suppression is going to make your feelings go away. They will always be there, lingering in the background, smelling of rot and slowly expanding. Feelings are hunger. They are needing to shit. They are breath. They are crucial to what makes you human, and if you deny them, you will starve to death, shit your pants, and suffocate. Learn them. Feel them. Feel them intensely. Do not be afraid to express them in a healthy way. You need to get laid more? Say it. You aren't happy with your job? Say it. You aren't happy with your weight? Say it. You love her? Say it. You can't stand her? Say it. However, learn to accept what is in your control and to let go of what isn't. If you can change something, then change it. If you can't, then accept it or move on. That is stoicism.
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2) Understand Who You Are, and Be Okay With It
The only unilateral trait of being a man, of being Chad, of being an alpha, is confidence. And confidence is expressed in a myriad of ways. You can be low energy. You can be high energy. You can be a jock. You can be smart. You can be working class. You can be a gentleman. All of those people are attractive people, as long as it is genuine. Have you ever experienced a conversation with a one-upper? Everything you say, they have a story that makes their life better than yours. That comes from a place of weakness and a place of doubt. It is insecurity. Other people will be okay with you being dumb, or wrong, or bad at something, as long as you are okay with it. If you are secure in who you are, you will be perfectly fine with letting someone else have the limelight an attention. Have you ever had a conversation with Chad? He lets other people have their stories. He doesn't lie. He doesn't inflate the truth to sound cool. He just is. If he has a related story, he may tell it, but it isn't in order to impress you. He doesn't need to impress you, because he doesn't give a fuck about your validation. He tells his story to connect with you and develop a friendship. That is confidence. That is TRUE outcome independence. You can't understand who you are without first understanding your feelings and accepting them as a part of you.
You can't change who you are. Let me say this again. You can't change who you are. It is in your genes. It is developed by your past. Embrace it. Love it. Grow from it. Understand your faults and fix them. Understand your strengths and express them. For the love of God, don't try to be someone you aren't. Women can smell a faker from a mile away, because they are all fakers, and birds of a feather flock together. Don't let your feelings control you. Control them. Listen to them. Treat them like advisers, not your boss. You can never get rid of them, but you can use them to your advantage.
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3) Set Goals, Boundaries, and Expectations
Only once you become stoic can you understand your feelings, desires, and needs. Only once you understand your feelings can you understand who you are. Only when you truly understand who you are can you set goals, boundaries, and expectations. Women aren't good at setting boundaries because they don't really think about their feelings or their lives, they just kind of, follow their whims. Shit changes constantly. Betas don't set boundaries and expectations because they are afraid that expressing their needs will cause problems, and they aren't okay with their feelings in the first place. Anti-Betas set boundaries and expectations, but they don't follow through with them, because they have not accepted the world for what it is, women for who they are, and themselves. Their inner beta is just waiting to seep out. Additionally, they never really achieve their goals because they never came from a genuine place. You cant have a goal of being an NBA all-star if you are a 4'9 white chick. You have to understand who you are and what you want well before you can maintain accurate and reasonable goals.
Only a self actualized, stoic, and confident man can set boundaries and enforce them. Chad knows who he is and what he needs. He doesn't respond to inappropriate behavior out of anger, but out of control. He set the rules, and if you break them, you are done. He may be sad about losing a plate, FWB, or LTR that he really likes, but he accepts that sadness, and doesn't let it control him. He sets goals that are realistic and come from a place of understanding his own capabilities and desires. His goals don't come from a place of validation seeking or trying to "look the part." He does what he wants.
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4) Be Outcome Independent
This is a very important rule, and one that I really internalized as a result of being a semi-pro poker player for a period of time. In poker, there is always a right decision and a wrong decision, statistically speaking. Truly successful players follow the right choice, and understand that they might lose their shirts. It is a game of skill and chance after all. They key is to not be afraid to lose, and make the right call just because it is the right call. Over time, you will be profitable. The same can be said in life. There is so much fucking shit you can't control. You can literally die in the next five minutes. The only thing you have control over is you. Fuck all the rest. There is no reason to seek validation, because you can't control how other people react to you. I don't care if you are the most alpha dude ever, plenty of women are gonna turn you down. There are plenty of women that wouldn't fuck Brad or Leo but would fuck **insert name here**. That is just how shit works. People are people. They have types, they click, and they work.
The reason the RedPill is SOOO much better than PUA is that it comes from a place of internal change and outcome independence. PUA is all about results. It is about changing your frame to accommodate other people. FUCK THAT. Understand the type of men and women you want in your life and screen for that. Don't get held up on one person. Once you are stoic, know who you are, and set boundaries, anyone that doesn't fit into your narrative is not worth the time. If you compromise yourself because you are set on one particular outcome that isn't in your control (that ONE job, that ONE girl, that ONE friend) you have ceased to become Chad. Let. Shit. Go. Anxiety comes from being incompetent, doubt, and outcome dependence. Don't talk to the girl because you want her to come home with you. Don't propose to the girl because you want her to say yes. Talk to the girl because you want to talk to her. Propose to the girl because you want to marry her. Nothing else matters, because nothing else is in your control.
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5) Let Go of Resentment, Anger, and Fear
Once you really achieve outcome independence, you can finally let go of your anger and all of the things that flow from that. I hear a lot of RedPill dudes talk shit about women. Chad doesn't talk shit about women. He fucking loves women. If he didn't, he would be gay. You talk shit about women because you hate yourself. Let that sink in. You aren't better than women, you are just different than they are. Angry about divorce rape? Naa, you just hate yourself for getting married or wanting to get married. Angry about the engaged girl hitting on that dude? Naa, you are just mad she isn't hitting on you. Afraid of getting rejected? Naa, you are just mad at yourself for who you are, or you don't know how to better yourself because you don't know yourself completely. Angry that you didn't get her number? Naa, you just hate yourself and need her validation to be happy. All of the stages of grief come from anger. Anger is the relative of fear, of resentment, of anxiety, of depression. It is all repressed anger coming out in a myriad of ways. Let that shit go.
How do you let it go? Follow the first four steps. Accept your emotions and accept who you are, set boundaries and goals, and be outcome independent. Focus on you completely. Become your best friend. Learn what you like and what you don't like. Learn what you need and want. Accept and love life for the random shit that it is. Make your own reality. Do what you fucking want simply because you want to fucking do it.
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One last, simple message before my story and lesson ends. Everyone goes through the stages of grief. Its natural. Don't beat yourself up. Accept your feelings, and don't try to be someone you aren't. But, recognize that you aren't Chad yet. Be fucking stoic, but most importantly, love your life. If you don't, no one will, so you might as well just fucking neck yourself.
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TL;DR: Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.
reversec 5y ago
damn give 100 pts to your housename
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TheChadSprinkle 5y ago
This is an underrated post that underlines the importance of self-compassion, something that I find very rare on this sub. It's understandable, self-compassion is easy to confuse with self-pity and vice-versa. I should know, as I struggle with BPD.
Thanks for this post, it's the kind this sub needs.
redpillschool Admin 5y ago
Man I wish your 80-page story could've come to a point way sooner.
This is a lot of words for an overplayed platitude.
You can legitimately criticize behaviors that are hypocritical or run counter to the lies society tells you about them without hating yourself. We're in this position because society, the media, your parents, and everybody around you went to great lengths to conceal female mating strategies to put you at a disadvantage.
Most women will lie about their motivations as they show their true desires through action. To believe they are above reproach because "you hate yourself" is the bluest of the blue pills you could ever dispense.
I know what you're trying to say here, but you've done it poorly. Your goal was to teach inner peace with the world around you that you cannot change. And you're not wrong about that.
But the rest of what you've said here are un-examined platitudes that belong on /r/feelgood or some equivalent.
I often get people who ask me why do I dwell on divorce rates or politics that affect male sexual strategies. Do I hate myself, or am I jealous that others are getting married / divorced / etc? Why don't I just focus on getting laid?
I find it to be a marker of intelligence when somebody is able to distinguish a discussion from personal feelings. Many can't. They literally can't fathom the concept of a devil's advocate, let alone the idea that one could criticize others' strategies objectively while formulating one's own strategy. All of this without hating oneself let alone the target of the criticism.
You want inner peace? Learn to discuss topics without getting ego invested or emotionally involved in them. So you don't have to rely on shitty ass platitudes like "you only talk about this because you hate yourself."
An informed man does not shy away from any topic. There is always insight to be gained from analyzing the behavior of others. No amount of shame from others should affect that. Not shame from a moral authority, and certainly not shame from somebody accusing us of violating an inner authority.
Anything else is just sticking your head in the sand and wishing it not to be true. Thus the red pill metaphor.
Imperator_Red 5y ago
You were able to read all that? You're a better man than me.
XxBeans373 5y ago
1) Yes, you can absolutely criticize hypocritical behaviors and the lies of society. However, the question I am raising is: what is the point of your criticism? Is it to ask questions, to understand why the lie has been spread to men, to educate others, to give advice? To learn? Is it out of desire to validate your belief that societies advice on love is wrong? Is it just screaming at the wind to hear your own voice? Ultimately, if society is full of lies and hates you, then there is no point in criticizing, because nothing will come of it. It’s just an expression of anger and preventing growth.
2) I never once said that women are above reproach. In fact, setting boundaries and expectations was listed as a key step in maintaining frame. My point was, that’s just the nature of women, and you are not ever going to change it. AWALT. Accept it, set boundaries, and next when they or broken, or go MGTOW. Bitching about it is just an expression of anger and is preventing growth.
3) I absolutely agree that it is a marker of intelligence when someone can separate discussion from personal motivations. However, you hit the nail on the head when you said “most people can’t do that.” Only like 10% of the world population is actually measurably “gifted.” So, again, what is the point in arguing with them? They aren’t going to change their minds. At best, it’s to hear yourself talk, and more than likely, it’s just to bitch and moan. It’s an expression of anger and is preventing growth.
4) There is no point in “discussing topics” with most people, because most people are not capable of real knowledge. Look at the political landscape in the US. It has nothing to do with actual policy and everything to do with being in a group. Both sides are hypocritical as fuck and no one cares because at least they have someone to deflect their anger and resentment towards. When the vast majority of people are completely incapable of a discussion of value and merit removed from emotions and ego, there is literally no point in debate. Just say IDGAF and move on. To debate with the modern culture is an expression of anger and is preventing growth.
5) I think you misunderstood my point. I never once said that you should shy away from topics because you may be shamed. You should shy away from the griping and debating because ultimately, it serves no purpose. Yes, it is important to read and analyze the behaviors of others. That’s what smart people do. However, I am not going to gain any value in debating with a feminist because, well, I already know their point of view and their argument. I am never going to change their mind. Debate with most people is entirely meaningless. It is either to validate your own opinions or to just bitch. It is an expression of anger and preventing growth.
6) I am in no way asserting that people should stick their head in the sand. I am saying that true RedPill growth is internal, not external. Who the fuck cares about what the culture says or what you believe? It only effects you in the ways you allow it to. Do you accept your own reality? Do you believe you know the truth? Than accept that most people are not willing or able to change, fuck them, read, learn, and grow. Accept the way the culture is and thrive in that environment knowing the keys to success that the VAST majority don’t. To argue ad nauseam and point out the flaws of society is serving no purpose and is an expression of anger and is preventing growth.
If World History has shown us anything, it is that debate is a completely ineffective means of enforcing policy. Set boundaries, set rules, set laws governed by your own beliefs gained through reading and watching others. When those laws, boundaries, and rules are broken, go home or wage war. What worked in WW2? Was it debate, or was it fucking murder.
Speak softly but carry a big stick.
ZeppKfw 5y ago
Holy fuck man holy shit how can people have time for this shit
XxBeans373 5y ago
It really didn’t take that long to write. Maybe an hour on my lunch break? And I enjoy writing. It’s good for my mental health and it’s a useful skill.
DiSysmic 5y ago
The reaction of one phase becomes the underlying problem of the next.
Out-fucking-standing post -- this should be sidebar material. You find may a shit ton of theory, but there is NO reference to the different phases one goes through during the pill-swallowing process, which is just as relevant as any other theory.
INNASKILLZ2K18 5y ago
That's the The Kübler-Ross model, of the five stages of grief. Just so you know where it originates. It's grief that a lot of new red pillers experience.
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Loze1 5y ago
I feel like I'm living in a body with 2 different "me's". The me that's writing this right now. That's the me inside of my own mind. This version knows what to do. Something like a little guy sitting on a chair in the back of my mind with all the switches and buttons to control my body. Then there's the other self, the one that just does whatever and listens to the other guy in the chair most of the time.
Where am I going with this? Sometimes I can't control my reactions. There are triggers I have no control over if they're pulled. For one, any time anyone aggresses me I can't help but getting a shot of adrenaline and feeling the blood boil in my head. I still have a little control but I can't control the initial outburst of emotion. I have the control to walk away after which I do all the time. Physical confrontation isn't worth it.
I'm a guy that has a stutter. Everyone roasts me for it whenever I try to say something. It feels like there's something blocking the communication line between the guy in the chair and the self on the outside. Anyone else experience something similar? I feel like there's an imbalance between my mind, body and spirit. It'll take me a while to figure it out on my own..
XxBeans373 5y ago
Have you tried meditation? And I know nothing about speech, but would a speech therapist be able to help you with the stutter?
Loze1 5y ago
I'm going to put more effort into meditation. Usually I mediate for around 10 minutes and observe my thoughts passing by. Man, I'm going to introspect and go out a little more to test myself. Enjoyed the post series btw. Seems like everyone is overlooking the transformation of your mindset.
ZeppKfw 5y ago
You have too much time on your hands to write this shit. Get out and hustle, don't write long paragraphs on the internet.
XxBeans373 5y ago
I do hustle. However, writing is a hobby of mine, and it’s a useful skill to have. One can still “Hussle” and have healthy means of using downtime.
Cagalhoto2002 5y ago
You talk as if you knew every single individual in the subreddit. The level of projection is high, the concepts mentioned are entertaining though.
Also I would suggest using less vulgar vocabulary.
XxBeans373 5y ago
Obviously I don’t know everyone in this sub, just pointing out an observation that, generally, posts that are just angry bitching get way more attention than theory posts.
I wrote like I talk. Fuck is the most powerful and colorful word in the English language.
alphagad 5y ago
What a magnificent write up. Thank you so much for this, I have already saved it and will surely revisit it often. Inner peace is the goal, fear and anger are the enemies.
smartstarfish 5y ago
This is the 4th dimension of game that you experience after you really swallow and internalize TRP.
It’s too dangerous to try and accept this message without getting the rest of TRP under your belt. If you rush this ideology you’ll just go back to being beta.
Women aren’t evil they’re just misunderstood. It’s your choice to try to understand them if you want.
XxBeans373 5y ago
You are absolutely right. That’s why I emphasized the importance, and natural progression, of going through the grief stages properly. You can’t get to this level without going through everything else first. It’s like Philosophy: you don’t teach Nietzsche to freshman. You gotta start with the basics. If you don’t, you will just get the surface information and not the content.
I just think most “RedPill Men” are in a perpetual anger phase and refuse to accept that.
Edit: An example of my point: this thread and many others like it by other contributors that sparks interesting theory and debate gets what, 10 upvotes, maybe 40. A post bitching about Cardi B or female astronauts gets over 300. Anger. Phase.
smartstarfish 5y ago
Just don’t get angry about it ????
XxBeans373 5y ago
Never. Just opening minds in a forum full of people that want their minds opened.
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