This series of posts was stylized in a very specific way to explain the real process of swallowing the Pill. So often, I think people conflate RedPill knowledge with being truly RedPilled. This could not be further from the truth. Knowledge does not equal growth. Real growth, real change, is an internal process. Smokers know that cigarettes will kill them, it is not until they internally change and dedicate themselves to quitting that an externally perceptible change happens. In a way, this tale is cautionary. The journey of life is one that requires goal setting, working towards goals, and most importantly, having an accurate self reflection about your life and who you are.

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Part 1: The Denial Phase

My initial experience with Monica was a typical story of a BluePilled man encountering a true female Dark Triad. The shit is dangerous, and it can really fuck you up. Fortunately, experiencing something so powerful and strong really pushes one completely past the denial phase. I think the reason the majority of people on this sub are here is because they had some seriously damaging, life changing experience. It shook us to the core, and made us question everything. It really takes something like that to begin a RedPill journey. Over the course of the years, I have tried to help many a loser open his eyes to the truth. It almost never works. I think this is primarily because these men have never had that "ahha moment." Most men really do live lives in quite desperation, constantly unhappy but not really capable of identifying the problem. My answer: fuck them. The primary message of the RedPill is to hold frame. If people are in denial, who the fuck cares? It isn't your life, and nothing you do or say is going to change them until they want to change.

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Part 2: The Anger Phase

This is hands down, the most dangerous and deceptive phase of the RedPill journey. Anger is all consuming. Many of the posts I see on this forum are just word vomit expressed in an echo chamber to boost ego and continue the anger phase indefinitely. "Look at this Womyn and what she did." "The media is full of shit." "Why is everyone a feminist?" "Why Can't the World be like 1950 Again?" All of these kinds of things are anger. Who fucking cares? What anyone else thinks and does should never make you mad. It should only make you laugh. You can't change the world, you can only change yourself. The large, single great take away from my experience with Chad is that attitude is EVERYTHING. Chad understood women. Never, not one single time, did I hear him express any ill will towards a woman. He was NEVER angry with them. He stood his ground, he set boundaries, and if they weren't respected, the other person was kindly asked to no longer be a part of his life, and he laughed and smiled while he did it. Not showing anger is a true mastery of frame. Anger comes from a place of weakness. Anger is controlling. Anger is not reasonable, it is not rational, and it is not good. It leads to nothing but sadness, torment, and torture.

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I was so consumed with my anger about Monica, with my jealousy of Chad, with my anger at the women he was with, that I really forgot who I was. No amount of lifting or reading this sub can remedy that. In the end, it really is all about "being yourself." This is why women give this as their number one piece of relationship advice, because it is true! Women need you to be yourself in order for them to be comfortable being themselves. They are, at their core, beautiful, whimsical, emotional, insecure people. But fuck are they fun. The problem is, women speak differently from men, and men misunderstand what "be yourself" means. Weak men hear that as "continue to be needy and supplicate," when really what they are saying is "be comfortable and confident with you are as a person, and if you don't like something about yourself or your life, then change it." Anger is just a reflection of an unwillingness and an inability to change. If you are angry about AWALT or the true nature of women, then internally, all that means is that you are unwilling to learn, change, and grow, and instead want everything to just come easily. Anger, in terms of male female sexual dynamics, is a Beta behavior. Those in control and those in power are not angry.

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If you are angry about sexual dynamics, if you angry about society, if you are angry about the world, then you have not completed your RedPill journey. Once you truly accept the RedPill, these things wont anger you. They will make you laugh. You will enjoy the company of your plate, FWB, or LTR, for who she is as a woman. You wont want to change her, because you wont need to. If you are a heterosexual male, these traits are attractive, not anger inducing. Sexual dynamics are fun! Life would be boring as fuck if men and women where the same. Their difficulty and challenge makes things more interesting. And that should make you happy. A true alpha is not mad at the world, because he has the world figured out, he is comfortable with it, and most importantly, he has himself figured out and is comfortable with himself.

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The takeaway here: if anything on the RedPill pisses you off, if anything about women pisses you off, you haven't swallowed the pill and you don't get the point. Step away to take sometime to figure out who you are and what you want. Only then can no one control you.

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Part 3: The Bargaining Phase

I don't see a lot of examples of bargaining on this sub. Perhaps my journey is unique in that I landed in this phase for a LONG time. The PurplePill and the Under 21 Convention is a solid example of this thinking. Really, I don't think this stage is anywhere near as dangerous, deceptive, and consuming as the anger phase. The true problem here is that ultimately, that deep seeded anger has not been resolved. Bargaining is just anger's ugly cousin. You have moved past frustration, and rather than accept the truth and move on and grow, you have allowed your ego to get in the way. Bargaining is shifting anger from women and society, to just "some women." It isn't resolving that anger, it is moving it in a convenient direction. You can't deny the truth of the RedPill at this point. You have seen it, you have lived it, and it has pissed you off.

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Because you haven't really gotten the whole point yet, because you haven't really developed self comfort and confidence, because you haven't really changed, old patterns start to emerge. However, you just can't deny the truth of what you have seen, experienced, and felt. Instead, you develop the "not-AWALT" realm of thinking. "Maybe the RedPill is only partially true." "I am above the RedPill rules." You know the whole routine. However, you can't bargain with gravity. You are going to fall eventually, and you need to be prepared for that. You can't bargain with reality. In my case, bargaining my experience with Jan and relationship with Michelle just led to more emptiness. It was worse than before, because deep down, I knew I was lying to myself. Bargaining is like Cypher. You just, you can't go back to the Matrix once you know the truth. You may want to, but it will always leave you empty.

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Part 4: Depression

This phase was felt the most. This phase hurt the most. It was also the phase in which I finally felt growth. Once you have passed through your bargains and realize that you aren't special and she isn't special, you have nowhere else to go. Your anger moves internally. Depression is anger's more dangerous older brother. Depression was especially difficult for me because I am generally a very happy person. The important part about depression, and really about all of the stages of swallowing, is to understand them, embrace them, and learn them. Feel. Being an alpha does not mean you don't have feelings. It means you understand and are comfortable with your feelings. It means that you aren't afraid of them. You let them be a part of the conversation, but you don't allow them to run the show. Depression, if ignored, drank away, or allowed to control your life, will destroy you. I gained fifty pounds in a year because of my depression. And that was because at first, I didn't accept it. I was afraid of it. I was afraid of what it meant. Did it make me weak? Did it make me Beta? The answer is of course, resoundingly, no.

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The only way I got out of my depression was to understand why I was there, and what it meant. I was depressed because throughout my entire RedPill journey, I was never really okay with who I was. I felt pain from Monica because I thought I wasn't good enough. I was jealous of Chad because I wanted to be him. I bargained with Jan and Michelle because I thought that was the best I could do. And I got depressed because I understood this all at once. And I blamed myself. I blamed the world. I blamed the RedPill. I blamed the entertainment industry. I blamed my friends. I blamed my dick. I blamed me. I cant repeat this enough, I blamed me. And that is okay. It wasn't until I realized that all of this was okay that I began to recover. It is okay to fail. It is okay to want. It is okay to be sad. It is okay to be you.

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Part 5: Acceptance

In the end, it is all about being yourself and being comfortable in your own shoes. Anger came from frustration. I wasn't happy with who I was and I didn't have my life figured out yet. Women's reactions to me where just a reflection of how I felt about myself. I tried so hard, for years, to be like Chad, and the reality is, I just wasn't him. This is only one trait that defines a true Alpha, and that is being in control. You cant be in control if you aren't in control of yourself. And you can't be in control of yourself until you know who that is. Look, I am an intellectual. I was never an infantry grunt for a reason. That just isn't me. It never has been me. I don't have the personality to do that. I think entirely too much. At first in my RedPill journey, I thought the key was to stop being an intellectual and to start being macho. That couldn't be further from the truth. The key was to just accept who I was, and improve that person. Be in touch with your wants, needs, desires, and feelings. Don't feel the need to suppress them, and don't feel the need to spew them out in an attempt to be validated over how you feel. Again, Alphas fucking feel. They just aren't afraid to feel, and that is why they don't spew their emotions on to women: that is a sign of not understanding them, accepting them, and being in control of them.

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I finally stopped being angry all the time. This is a recurring theme of this post. Anger gets you nowhere. If you are angry about the world, about women, or about you, you haven't swallowed the Pill.

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Time for the take-away.

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The Five True Steps to Confidence and Frame Control

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1) Be Stoic, and Understand What That Means

Stoicism is 100% NOT shutting of your emotions and not feeling. It is understanding, accepting, and controlling your emotions. Women are not really capable of this. They are constantly insecure. They wear their emotions on their sleeve and believe this means they are "more emotionally developed." False. Unfortunately, it is human nature to contrast radicalism with more radicalism. The Anti-Beta (the term I use for someone who doesn't want to be Beta, but isn't an Alpha) believes that in order to be manly, you have to completely conceal and suppress your feelings. News flash: if you aren't a robot or a sociopath, no amount of suppression is going to make your feelings go away. They will always be there, lingering in the background, smelling of rot and slowly expanding. Feelings are hunger. They are needing to shit. They are breath. They are crucial to what makes you human, and if you deny them, you will starve to death, shit your pants, and suffocate. Learn them. Feel them. Feel them intensely. Do not be afraid to express them in a healthy way. You need to get laid more? Say it. You aren't happy with your job? Say it. You aren't happy with your weight? Say it. You love her? Say it. You can't stand her? Say it. However, learn to accept what is in your control and to let go of what isn't. If you can change something, then change it. If you can't, then accept it or move on. That is stoicism.

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2) Understand Who You Are, and Be Okay With It

The only unilateral trait of being a man, of being Chad, of being an alpha, is confidence. And confidence is expressed in a myriad of ways. You can be low energy. You can be high energy. You can be a jock. You can be smart. You can be working class. You can be a gentleman. All of those people are attractive people, as long as it is genuine. Have you ever experienced a conversation with a one-upper? Everything you say, they have a story that makes their life better than yours. That comes from a place of weakness and a place of doubt. It is insecurity. Other people will be okay with you being dumb, or wrong, or bad at something, as long as you are okay with it. If you are secure in who you are, you will be perfectly fine with letting someone else have the limelight an attention. Have you ever had a conversation with Chad? He lets other people have their stories. He doesn't lie. He doesn't inflate the truth to sound cool. He just is. If he has a related story, he may tell it, but it isn't in order to impress you. He doesn't need to impress you, because he doesn't give a fuck about your validation. He tells his story to connect with you and develop a friendship. That is confidence. That is TRUE outcome independence. You can't understand who you are without first understanding your feelings and accepting them as a part of you.

You can't change who you are. Let me say this again. You can't change who you are. It is in your genes. It is developed by your past. Embrace it. Love it. Grow from it. Understand your faults and fix them. Understand your strengths and express them. For the love of God, don't try to be someone you aren't. Women can smell a faker from a mile away, because they are all fakers, and birds of a feather flock together. Don't let your feelings control you. Control them. Listen to them. Treat them like advisers, not your boss. You can never get rid of them, but you can use them to your advantage.

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3) Set Goals, Boundaries, and Expectations

Only once you become stoic can you understand your feelings, desires, and needs. Only once you understand your feelings can you understand who you are. Only when you truly understand who you are can you set goals, boundaries, and expectations. Women aren't good at setting boundaries because they don't really think about their feelings or their lives, they just kind of, follow their whims. Shit changes constantly. Betas don't set boundaries and expectations because they are afraid that expressing their needs will cause problems, and they aren't okay with their feelings in the first place. Anti-Betas set boundaries and expectations, but they don't follow through with them, because they have not accepted the world for what it is, women for who they are, and themselves. Their inner beta is just waiting to seep out. Additionally, they never really achieve their goals because they never came from a genuine place. You cant have a goal of being an NBA all-star if you are a 4'9 white chick. You have to understand who you are and what you want well before you can maintain accurate and reasonable goals.

Only a self actualized, stoic, and confident man can set boundaries and enforce them. Chad knows who he is and what he needs. He doesn't respond to inappropriate behavior out of anger, but out of control. He set the rules, and if you break them, you are done. He may be sad about losing a plate, FWB, or LTR that he really likes, but he accepts that sadness, and doesn't let it control him. He sets goals that are realistic and come from a place of understanding his own capabilities and desires. His goals don't come from a place of validation seeking or trying to "look the part." He does what he wants.

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4) Be Outcome Independent

This is a very important rule, and one that I really internalized as a result of being a semi-pro poker player for a period of time. In poker, there is always a right decision and a wrong decision, statistically speaking. Truly successful players follow the right choice, and understand that they might lose their shirts. It is a game of skill and chance after all. They key is to not be afraid to lose, and make the right call just because it is the right call. Over time, you will be profitable. The same can be said in life. There is so much fucking shit you can't control. You can literally die in the next five minutes. The only thing you have control over is you. Fuck all the rest. There is no reason to seek validation, because you can't control how other people react to you. I don't care if you are the most alpha dude ever, plenty of women are gonna turn you down. There are plenty of women that wouldn't fuck Brad or Leo but would fuck **insert name here**. That is just how shit works. People are people. They have types, they click, and they work.

The reason the RedPill is SOOO much better than PUA is that it comes from a place of internal change and outcome independence. PUA is all about results. It is about changing your frame to accommodate other people. FUCK THAT. Understand the type of men and women you want in your life and screen for that. Don't get held up on one person. Once you are stoic, know who you are, and set boundaries, anyone that doesn't fit into your narrative is not worth the time. If you compromise yourself because you are set on one particular outcome that isn't in your control (that ONE job, that ONE girl, that ONE friend) you have ceased to become Chad. Let. Shit. Go. Anxiety comes from being incompetent, doubt, and outcome dependence. Don't talk to the girl because you want her to come home with you. Don't propose to the girl because you want her to say yes. Talk to the girl because you want to talk to her. Propose to the girl because you want to marry her. Nothing else matters, because nothing else is in your control.

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5) Let Go of Resentment, Anger, and Fear

Once you really achieve outcome independence, you can finally let go of your anger and all of the things that flow from that. I hear a lot of RedPill dudes talk shit about women. Chad doesn't talk shit about women. He fucking loves women. If he didn't, he would be gay. You talk shit about women because you hate yourself. Let that sink in. You aren't better than women, you are just different than they are. Angry about divorce rape? Naa, you just hate yourself for getting married or wanting to get married. Angry about the engaged girl hitting on that dude? Naa, you are just mad she isn't hitting on you. Afraid of getting rejected? Naa, you are just mad at yourself for who you are, or you don't know how to better yourself because you don't know yourself completely. Angry that you didn't get her number? Naa, you just hate yourself and need her validation to be happy. All of the stages of grief come from anger. Anger is the relative of fear, of resentment, of anxiety, of depression. It is all repressed anger coming out in a myriad of ways. Let that shit go.

How do you let it go? Follow the first four steps. Accept your emotions and accept who you are, set boundaries and goals, and be outcome independent. Focus on you completely. Become your best friend. Learn what you like and what you don't like. Learn what you need and want. Accept and love life for the random shit that it is. Make your own reality. Do what you fucking want simply because you want to fucking do it.

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One last, simple message before my story and lesson ends. Everyone goes through the stages of grief. Its natural. Don't beat yourself up. Accept your feelings, and don't try to be someone you aren't. But, recognize that you aren't Chad yet. Be fucking stoic, but most importantly, love your life. If you don't, no one will, so you might as well just fucking neck yourself.

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TL;DR: Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.