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- Hide Preview | 19 Comments | submitted about a year ago by naMlliPdeR [Post Locked]

There's a big issue that many men (and women) face today. It's what I'd simply describe as not following your instinct.

When we are children, when we are young and not indoctrinated, and while our brains are not fully developed yet, we follow our instincts. It isn't always good, and we learn from our mistakes. But we innately trust what our instinct tells us. We want to do something, we do it. The vast majority of adults deviate away from this behavior, mostly because societal norms deviate away from what some of our basic instincts tell us to do, and in the process, we learn to not trust our instincts, and instead filter them through a process of rationalizing.

This is all fine and good, and even necessary for society to prosper. But it corrupts us in other ways. Let me explain via hypothetical:

You wake up every morning at 6am to brush your teeth. It becomes habit. You wake up, you know it's time to brush your teeth, you do it. Your brain sends signal "brush teeth" and you follow. One day, you wake up, you feel lazy, your brain sends "brush teeth signal" and you rationalize that you don't need to brush your teeth because skipping it for one morning will not affect you in the long run. You may not necessarily build a habit of not brushing your teeth, but you have taught yourself that the signal your brain sends you is not always to be trusted, and that you can deviate away from it. Doing this occasionally causes little to no harm, but when you continuously do so in every activity you do, it builds a negative feedback loop of trust.

Just as "brush your teeth" in the morning is a signal we follow (and most of us don't try to rationalize away), not waking up to an alarm you set is exactly the same. You tell your brain that a decision you made yesterday is not to be trusted. Thoughts of "talk to the cute girl" and "go to the gym" apply also, you tell yourself that while the thought did occur to you, after some rationalizing, you disagree with it.

To come to the core of the issue, all this rationalizing away from signals of things we "should do" or "want to do" makes us not trust ourselves. When you are free to listen to every signal your brain gives you and don't doubt it, you not only free your working memory of constant anxiety that you may be making the wrong decision, you also build a foundation of self esteem and trust in yourself. This is the foundation of what PUA lingo refers to as "Inner Game".

There is a reason that men who appear "unsure" and "not confident" and "insecure" are very, very unattractive. The only way to be secure and confident in yourself is to truly trust yourself and have a healthy mental image of yourself. While this has many components in it, doubting yourself and allowing yourself to deviate from activities due to procrastination is one way that you chip away at your core self image.

Think of your ideal image of an "alpha male" or "successful male", or just who you want to be (the best version of yourself). Do you think they constantly doubt their own thoughts? Why/why not?

Bad practice is bad, period. Rationalizing away signals and previous decisions leads to internalizing self doubt.

Final takeaway/TL;DR: Stop allowing yourself to doubt your brain signals or your decisions. If you decided to set your alarm to 4am, don't hit snooze, you're undermining the importance of your own decision making. If you see a cute girl and think "I should approach", don't let yourself rationalize any further, trust yourself and just do it. It'll liberate you from anxiety and make you more confident.

[-] Darthmorelock 25 Points about a year ago

Bad practice is bad, period. Rationalizing away signals and previous decisions leads to internalizing self doubt.

I've been thinking about this a lot lately. Read a book called "The Shallows" by Nicholas Carr. In there, he talked about how constant internet/phone use is morphing our brains to be more adapted to the internet. He draws comparisons to how maps changed the way we think by freeing up mental space previously used to remember locations.

I think about it like this: Every single action you take reinforces the neural pathways used to create it. Every single time you practice piano, you get another layer of myelin along your neurons, making you physically better at playing piano. This is exasperated by sleep, where our brain plays on repeat what we did in the day 30-60 times, at high speeds. This is what makes humans capable of amazing feats of learning. This applies to every little thing you do from driving your car to biting your nails.

Now, apply this concept further. Every time you sit in front of T.V. instead of working on your goals, you reinforce the action of sitting in front of the T.V. and, as OP pointed out, you reinforce the action of ignoring your goals.

Therefore, every single day you waste not approaching girls, not working out, not working on your long term goals, you are digging the hole deeper. You are further entrenching in your ideology. The good part, however, is that once you are on the right path, while it may be hard at first, the further you go the easier and easier it gets to make the right decisions.

[-] SmilingWatermelon 1 Point about a year ago

I really like this theory. I mean it's already been reinforced but your wording is nice and concise.

Habits are hard to start but easy to continue once you're on a roll

[-] inbredostrptw 12 Points about a year ago

Good post. I have problems with this and have been trying to get in touch with my instincts more. It’s useful to have words to attach to that process. The key, as you stated, is that there is a need for some socialization. If your instincts are telling you to do something that is clearly retarded then you are going to want to ignore that. Ultimately though, you should be following your instincts with out hesitation or consideration of how others will perceive you (within reason).

[-] ex_addict_bro 12 Points about a year ago

This is a crucial post.

My life’s flourishing. I grow every day. What changed? I listen to myself.

[-] naMlliPdeR 1 Point about a year ago

You'll notice many times you suddenly "know you should something" then don't do it, because lazy, because tired, because "insert random excuse". It's the not doing that's teaching your not to trust your internal queues, and in turn makes you lose respect for yourself subconsciously because you undermine your own authority.

[-] [deleted] about a year ago
[-] chazthundergut 3 Points about a year ago

I've long since realized that TRP is mostly about getting rid of negative social programming.

Reconnect with your animal side. Your lizard brain knows exactly what it wants to do, what it wants to say, and who it wants to fuck. Step out of the cultural matrix and embrace your inner caveman. That is like 80% of TRP. The rest is just fine tuning.

[-] hardly_incognito 3 Points about a year ago

Recommended reading for this sub should be The Slight Edge by Jeff Olson.

Keying in on the portion of your post relating to "practice", the slight edge relates to how a seemingly small thing can have tremendous effect over the course of one's life.

I've applied the slight edge to game, lifting, eating, business, etc. Over time systems will begin to self organize, but you have to begin by making those small incremental "steps" towards the goals you desire.

Trust me on this, ingrain a small but positive habit into your life. Take your time (but not too much!), and it will eventually lead to a cascading effect. First the gym, then setting aside a small amount of time to learn a skill, and you'll begin to see slight progress. Before you know it lifting, studying, etc becomes innately ingrained into your being.

It's not magic, it's just called being fucking consistent. Compound interest baby. The book is good, but after awhile you get the concept. Application is when it will really make sense.

I'd also tack onto all of this to learn to be real with yourself. Don't beat yourself up for shit too hard, but on the flip-side don't butter things up. Like OP said, if you set your alarm for 4am, hit snooze, then missed an appointment then your fault. If something completely out of your control though fucks that up, then no need to lose your shit. We all sleep in, we all miss gym days - just don't make that your norm.

I personally wake up at 5am on the reg for work, which helps since I'm held accountable. Consistency and reliability are two traits for success I'd toss up there. If you lack both of those, nobody will ever truly find value in you as a person.

[-] _do_not_read_this_ 3 Points about a year ago

Summary: trust your gut. That's what it's there for.

[-] DreamExpedite 2 Points about a year ago

The only way to be secure and confident in yourself is to truly trust yourself and have a healthy mental image of yourself.

Damn. This hit home too hard and it's crazy how when I think about stuff, something related to it pops up on trp, that's a bias/fallacy for sure but I'll tell you my story of today -

Today I woke up and felt like I hadn't in 4 months. I won't say that the sun shone brighter because I was up before it. I was grateful for waking up, I was grateful that my father had survived a stage 4 and I was grateful that I still had about a year of school still left. I made my bed, drank a big glass of water and then I wrote my 5 min journal. There wasn't anything too special that was about to happen today, yet I felt like the most blessed human to have walked this planet. I went off to school, enjoyed the lessons truly and in the breaks I had pretty good laughs with my mates. I didn't feel insecure when I saw that hot, 6'2 guy pass by me and in fact, I complimented his shoes. I wasn't insecure when I talked to my ex after school, while heading to the bus, like we did when we were together and I read her eyes like I did before. I wasn't attached to her and yet I loved talking to her, I didn't want to woo her or to get her to kiss me and so I just enjoyed that moment. After school, I went to this youth parliament type conference and it is being hosted by me previous school so I expected to see a lot of old friends there. I didn't expect having that much fun and actually, I thought that I'd again get insecure and uneasy when I'd stand up to speak in front of a room full of people, or when I'd see that some of my friends have gotten taller than me. But I didn't. I just had one agenda on my mind. Nothing else. No fucking cares/commitments/responsibilities/shits to give other than one. And that changed me today. And that was the reason why I broke down and hugged the mirror hanging on my wall yesterday.

It's quite simple and too common of an advice now tbh - Love yourself. Or rather, rediscover that love. It's like when couples 'forget' the attraction after some years of marriage and then something TICKS and bam - BUN IN THE OVEN. When I was writing my journal last night, with my eyes still moist, I wrote something that I think is the best line to have ever come out of my mouth only seconded by - 'Pee is stored in the ballz' : "Love yourself enough to enjoy discomfort." And I will. Because there's only one true motivation for me, the one I'd ignored for the past 16 years and that is myself. I kept hitting around the bush of how I should accept myself, and that how the only thing that matters is MY experience in life yada yada but the only thing that hits it straight to the point that it becomes the root from which everything else grows is that I love myself so fucking much that I am ready to do anything for myself. It's weird when said out loud, but imagine this, the only thing I have right now is time, and rather than scrolling on my phone, if I invest it - in creating memories, learning stuff, getting to know myself it'll give me increasing returns forever. If I keep investing, that interest will only increase and it will increase exponentially . How tf that works out you ask? Because it's my world and in there we're all third graders. Oh and in that world pee is stored in the ballz.

Thanks for reading. Thanks making TRP what it is, I have really really gained from this hard love that we share. I'd kiss you and tuck you in but I've gotta research for the conference. Bi bi

[-] CentristLiberalist 1 Point about a year ago

Very nice. I relate. I am in the process of rediscovering my love for myself. Have a good day.

[-] Flying_Wingback 1 Point about a year ago

My English teacher in high school used to always say stick to the original guess in a multiple choice test if you're unsure of the answer. You're more likely to select a wrong answer if you change it.

[-] Andrew54321 1 Point about a year ago

Basically, indecision is a female trait.

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[-] Kobano 1 Point about a year ago

Practice, train and rehearse trusting yourself.


Great post, thanks for sharing.

[-] TheStoicCrane 1 Point about a year ago

The habit of brushing teeth and lifting are a forms of psychological conditioning. They have nothing to do with instinct.

[-] [deleted] about a year ago
[-] inbredostrptw 10 Points about a year ago

You have shitty instincts and Darwinism will account for that

[-] PERONS_01 1 Point about a year ago

buddy it was a joke calm down