I don't usually post on here, I prefer to lurk, but I've seen a few postings where people share stories about recent encounters so I thought I'd do the same. I got a kick out of it, maybe you guys will too.

I'm not going to go into the story about my son's mother, how we met, separated, or anything else. It's all in my comments if anyone really feels like going for a dive. I'd like to share current events.

Over the past couple weeks she has gone into one of her "modes" where she pokes and prods about trying to move back in with me, how we're perfect for each other, etc. This isn't uncommon, usually at least once every six months or so, and to be honest I get a bit of satisfaction knowing she has seen the error of her ways but in spite of her efforts she just can't get back in.

This time has seemed a bit different, though. Usually the routine lasts about a week, she gets the picture, and gives up. It's beyond desperate now... hitting me up every single day asking if I'm working from home, asking if she can come over when I say that I am, asking to stay over for the weekend rather than taking my son back to her [boyfriend's] place. She has been pushing HARD. And I think I figured out why.

I took the day off on Monday, and I knew full well that this week we had to go through the parenting schedule for my son due to the rapidly approaching summer break. So when she called and asked if I was working, then subsequently whether or not she could come over I picked her up, brought her back to my place, and we spent a couple hours working over the parenting agreement. I won't go into the details of how irritating it is to try and keep someone like this on-task, but the notable thing was that between the time I picked her up and the time that we finished setting up the parenting schedule so I could ship it off to my lawyer she puked four times. If you don't know what that means, I'll point out that when she was pregnant with my son she had horrible morning sickness in the first trimester. Puked all-the-fucking-time. Of course, in spite of the fact that I was fully aware of how much she'd been puking she still tried to sleep with me and I, politely, declined.

But now I wanted to experiment. The daily requests to spend time kept coming in, but now more provocative. She'd escalated to talking about how she wants to hook up, not even trying to play the innocent "let's just have lunch." So yesterday when asked, like I have been every day since this rotation started, I told her I was working from home. I wasn't, but I was working off of a theory. In slightly more provocative terms, she asked if I'd pick her up so we could bang. "Sure, I'm in the mood. Do you have any condoms? I'm out." Of course, the answer was "No."

"No prob, I'll pick some up on the way." It started a whole shit-storm about how we never had sex with condoms before, she's my son's mother (like that somehow entitles her to my unprotected dick), etc. The end result was basically that if I wanted to use a condom then we weren't going to fuck. I imagine I'll be informed within the next month or two that she's pregnant.

Ha. Nice try.