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- Hide Preview | 34 Comments | submitted 8 months ago by Skiffbug [Post Locked]

So I’ve been having a tough week, working 12+ hours a day, but keeping the gym routine going. It all came to a head yesterday night when the contract was finally agreed and signed. Tonight comes around, and I’m actually early at home to help with the kids, horse around a bit, do some A&A when they start misbehaving. By 8:30, kids are in bed, kitchen is clean, and we’re both sitting on the couch when the torrent comes.

I sit still and silent, not reacting to all the distortions, outright lies, and thinly veiled threats of leaving. She’s emotional, I get it. But all the sentences start with “you”, accusations left right and centre.

After about 15 min, she’s run out and f things to say, and I ask if she’s finished.

I start by saying that if she’s going to speak to me the way she was speaking to me then, and on monday, she won’t be getting anything from me.

Absolute blow-out after that. The amount of shit was indescribable. I held my relaxed pose, looking her in the eye, not reacting. Angrier she gets. At one point, when I can’t get a word in, I say I’m not really interested in being the silent partner in a monologue. She’s really not happy!

At one point she is ordering me to sit down, grab a pen and paper and write what I think is important in a relationship, like some misbehaved child. I tell her “yes ma’m” like some slave boy would tell her master, but with a shit-eating grin on my face.

Wife exit left, I’m alone. I do what any self-respecting man would do: put on my workout clothes and went to the gym.

By the time I came back have a shit and a shower, she has cooled down and wants to listen.

I take about 3 min: if she wanted to have another morning, all she needs to do is to speak to me like an adult who is on her side, and we will find a solution. But if the conversation starts with demands and what she thinks the solution is, she won’t find me cooperative.

The on goes a shitshow of how hard her life is, and how she wears the entire burden ( I almost lost my composure and started laughing). I keep silent or do just joke with the stuff she spews. She’s on about how it’s her right to have 3 mornings, and I’m like a Muslim husband dictating what she should be allowed to do, so I said we should all go get some yellow jackets (gilet jaune) and go to the street to start the revolution.

I might have gone a bit Rambo at times, but I was actually somewhat enjoying the sparring.

Where it ended up was her calling me a chauvinist and misgenist. She doesn’t seem to be able to get out of the mindset of me vs you, my right vs yours, no matter that I was just a broken record in repeating the mantra of “speak to me like an adult, and we’ll find a solution. Speak to me like a child, or an adversary, and you won’t get anything useful”.

She stomped out of the room and went to sleep in the kids bed. I actually feel quite relaxed and ready for bed.

I sometimes miss the blue pill concept that if I really engage and listen, and treat her with respect no matter how many distortions, lies and accusations, we will kiss and hug, and maybe have some pity sex. But in the end, that sort of behaviour is what made her think she would ever get anything out of me by telling me I’m going to have stop doing something I like. It’s a pity that such a simple concept can’t get through, but emotions have a strong grip in the deep root of the brain.

Thus is unvarnished reality of a red pill world. Either you keep your frame, or you’re a doormat.

There is a remote chance (by my calculations) that this may lead to a main event, so I’ll have to do some research tomorrow.

[-] Foobyx 31 Points 8 months ago

What's the purpose of this post? You didn't do anything, your relationship is in the same shit as before and you consider it as an exemple to follow?

[-] imtheoneimmortal 15 Points 8 months ago

I didn’t get the point or lesson It’s just s story

[-] ToplessTopmodel 7 Points 8 months ago

He just sat there and did nothing then he went groceries shopping. Then he watered the plants and went to bed. But the next morning he had a cup of coffe and then went to work. His wife is bitchin btw but the actual content he didn't even mention.

[-] OutsideTheCage3 2 Points 8 months ago

His relationship appears to be over. Perhaps that's the takeaway?

[-] SeasonedRP 24 Points 8 months ago

Those who think they can make a marriage or cohabitation relationship work if they are just alpha enough should pay close attention to this post, because it accurately describes what really happens. Having a high SMV attracts women. Knowing that other women are attracted to you increases your partner's attraction to you, but also bothers her in that she know you have options. If you don't live with her, her primary concern is locking you down, and you can effectively use dread to deal with bad behavior.

Once you live with a woman, though, no matter how high your SMV, you can't apply dread as effectively, especially if you are married. Moving and getting divorced are costly and a pain to do. Women know this and their behavior becomes far worse than it ever gets if you don't live with them. If you have a high-powered career and are very fit, for example, she might well start picking fights over these things, saying you're neglecting her and the kids by putting too much emphasis on the career and gym. That's right--she'll try to tear down your SMV. It won't work in your favor like it did when you weren't living with her. She's got you locked down now, and she wants to decrease your options so some other woman doesn't snare you away.

Dread can be effective when you live with a woman, but you can only apply it so many times before she knows you aren't leaving, and then you either have to leave or resign yourself to being miserable. It sounds like the OP here is doing everything right. Does dealing with a woman like this all the time sound appealing to anyone? Well, that's what it will be like if you live with a woman, even if you have a high SMV. Men who've been married for 15 years, have several young children, have great sex 4 times a week, and a submissive wife exist only on the internet.

Many people get on here and think they can alpha their way to a successful marriage or live in arrangement, but it won't happen. Therefore, take to heart the sidebar article about cohabiting. Don't do it under any circumstances.

[-] caneyfan 3 Points 8 months ago

Top comment in this thread. Seconded.

[-] OfficerWade 1 Point 8 months ago

Some people want family’s. The sacrifice you make in the gym is no different then the relationships at home. All you need as proof of that is the mantra- Alpha fucks, beta bucks. There is two sides to the game!

[-] heronmarkedblade1984 19 Points 8 months ago

EDIT: Ihad a major reading comprehension fail, thought by contract signed he meant a housing loan contract. My apologies to Skiff bug. Ignore all that follows.

Brother, if shes having these kinds of issues, why on earth would you buy a house together? The earnest money you lost from dropping the buy wont be a drop in the bucket to having your name on a house that's up for grabs in a divorce.

[-] Skiffbug 3 Points 8 months ago

Wherever did you get the idea that we bought a house together?

[-] heronmarkedblade1984 3 Points 8 months ago

"When the contract was signed " I dont know why but my mind jumped to a housing contract for a bank loan. If I was mistaken you have my apologies.

[-] Skiffbug 8 Points 8 months ago

That was a contract I spent 2 weeks negotiating for work, which was causing my 12h daya

[-] heronmarkedblade1984 2 Points 8 months ago

I see, I'll correct my post.

[-] KeffirLime 13 Points 8 months ago

You could easily resolve this by bending and apologizing, but then you set the standard, she'll think every time she throws a tantrum you'll cave in.

Your amused mastery was okay to begin with, but when it escalated to outright disrespect it was time to soft next her.

Leave the house, go do something else, and continue as if she doesn't exist, until she comes around to reasonably discuss her desires. If she starts her shit, re-initiate soft next, while upping dread.

Infact you need to start upping the dread a little more regularly, let her know her position in your life isn't as secure as she thinks.

The Red Pill isn't about negotiating every scenario with ease, it's about building a life that works for you. It's not for everybody, sometimes it entails losing relationships, but more often than not those relationships were predicated on you being a doormat.

[-] Skiffbug 2 Points 8 months ago

Your amused mastery was okay to begin with, but when it escalated to outright disrespect it was time to soft next her.

Yeah, that thought crossed my mind when she started ordering me to grab a pen and paper. I could have up and left after the monologue comment.

[-] SKRedPill 1 Point 8 months ago

The pen and paper actually happened in my marriage. Really it did. Guess what, it only increased her contempt. I had to comply or else she'd fight all night like a wildcat. The cause was I didn't buy her chocolates on Valentine's day - because she had food allergies.

Didn't know what BPD was then. But all I can say is that pain wants to create more pain the whole time.

[-] redpillschool 6 Points 8 months ago

Your first post really started as asktrp material, but I'll leave this because it's interesting to me.

I think there's a good chance she's smelled the beta on you for too long and she's testing her boundaries pretty hard right now.

Without more info I really am not sure what other guys here might recommend, but to me it seems like time for some harder dread.

She doesn't respect you and that's clear. You might not get that respect back at this point. But you can do your own thing and keep doing it. Withdraw, don't give her affirmation. Make her know you mean business and make sure she understands what that withdrawing really means -- you can't waffle and sneak her comfort to ease the process.

[-] itiswr1tten 3 Points 8 months ago

This belongs in MRP without question

[-] Skiffbug 2 Points 8 months ago

I think there's a good chance she's smelled the beta on you for too long and she's testing her boundaries pretty hard right now.

You are probably right about the boundaries. She has always had a way of talking that is very confrontational and disrespectful. Her mother speaks like that as (which makes her blood boil, the lack of self-awareness is hilarious). To the point she speaks that way to her father.

I have let her speak like that for the past 15 years, but I’ve had enough. Old habits die hard, and hence the risk of the main event.

Through experiences at work and while sailing, I’ve become more adept at maintaining frame, and so more confident in tackling this.

[-] kiwifx 1 Point 8 months ago

There's a fair bit of history here.. what's changed is your RP awareness. Seems like the ONLY thing you can do is stick to your guns, hold frame, let the shit shake out and fall where it may. If that means you regain her respect, that's great. If not, you need to be working on an exit strategy.. playing all the cards you need so that the divorce/child custody hearings don't completely go against you.

If it comes to that, the best advice I was given (and followed) was to write as much down as possible. Link it with txts, e-mails, etc. Depending on where you are the child custody hearings may be a full blowing investigation or this shit might mean nothing, but write it all down anyhow.

[-] [deleted] 8 months ago
[-] Nascus 4 Points 8 months ago

Women often behave like small children, what a surprise...

[-] xdrunkagainx 3 Points 8 months ago

It will come to a head. I went full redpill in my marriage and it was better at first but eventually she cracked. One of her things was to invent problems that I would have to apologize for, and use it as leverage. I would use all the tricks in the book AA, amused mastery, just ignore her, leave and they worked for a while. But she just kept trying to break me down to the beta I used to be. For 2 years I only let her win if I was truly in the wrong, and she finally realized that I was a changed man so she divorced me. Good luck trying to keep it going it's like playing life on hard mode with a handicap.

[-] curiouschipmunk1010 3 Points 8 months ago

Stop fucking explicating to her to speak to you as an "adult". Demonstrate by walking the fuck out. Sitting there and taking her verbal spillage is supplicating. When she finally gets it, then re-engage. Until then, when she throws her tamper tantrum, kiss her forehead and treat her like a god damn child.

[-] ZachMeadows 2 Points 8 months ago

Are you French ? I don't see why you would bring up the gilets jaunes in a sub that (I believe) do not know what the f it is.

Anyway, she's gonna be more and more emotionnal, and you cannot reason with her at that point. So you once she is able to let you talk, you tell her that she should sort that morning problem herself, tell her that you are not to accept these meltdowns.

Basically treat her like a child without overtly saying you do.

Either it goes well, or it blows out of proportions and in a near future you will be able to enjooy single's life every other week.

And I say that with all the best intentions.

[-] MentORPHEUS 3 Points 8 months ago

I don't see why you would bring up the gilets jaunes in a sub that (I believe) do not know what the f it is.

It was a brilliant response. I LOL'd in American. One more advantage to keeping up on current events.

OP: This is probably a comfort test, not a shit test.

[-] omen_tenebris 2 Points 8 months ago

“speak to me like an adult, and we’ll find a solution. Speak to me like a child, or an adversary, and you won’t get anything useful”.

women behave like children and should be treated as such.

[-] bright-morningstar 2 Points 8 months ago

My friend, you seem to doing ok, just to ease the burden on your shoulders, I offer that you try to reframe yourself against these kinds of act of women, seeing them as not having enough agency, will, volition to fight with daily issues like men do helps, gives you a better point of view and gives you the understanding of these shitty actions and ables you to not take it personal, because they are all like that, they are unable to stop it and they do that complaining and shit talk to almost every husband, that is in their nature, but accepting it and seeing it as womenly, girly, somehow stupid but cute might help you to get well with it. I is sort of seeing like really weaker than you in handling shit, but that is how it is, you see it in your own eyes, seeing them unable to cope with normal life issues and being bitch about everything unlike most of the men, because they are really unable to handle most stuff by themselves.

[-] SKRedPill 1 Point 8 months ago

I sometimes miss the blue pill concept that if I really engage and listen, and treat her with respect no matter how many distortions, lies and accusations, we will kiss and hug, and maybe have some pity sex. But in the end, that sort of behaviour is what made her think she would ever get anything out of me by telling me I’m going to have stop doing something I like. It’s a pity that such a simple concept can’t get through, but emotions have a strong grip in the deep root of the brain.

An emotional ego in high pain mode unfortunately doesn't behave like that. All that matters is the EMOOOOTIOOOON!

[-] Hyper_Sonik 1 Point 8 months ago

I'd get your shit in order. Drain the accounts, take and protect what's your's without her knowing. Also, try and work in a little dread game and let her know if she's not happy she's free to leave. Sounds like she's testing your new boundaries. Women are children.

[-] Skiffbug 1 Point 8 months ago

My accounts are fully in order. We have a joint account to pay for house and kid things, a spillover savings account where I put in the monthly savings and any money she earns, and separate savings and investment accounts.

Every once in a while whether spillover account gets above 2 months wages, I calculate dividend distributions in proportion to what each made since the last distribution. This is all on a spreadsheet which I share with her before any distributions to ensure she is on board.

Then it gets a bit more complicated. My country, where we got married, has set marriage regimes in how assets acquired before and after the wedding are handled in case of a divorce, a sort of state sanctioned pre-nup. We agreed on total separation of assets.

In the country I live in, the law is a bit different as I understand it. It sanctions a 50:50 split in assets. This would actually be good for me as she has a mountain of saving from gifts and work, which almost doubled when her father decided to give his kids a gift after selling a building. I could get awarded a handsome part of that money, even if I have no interest in being awarded money I didn’t earn.

I don’t know if the law here would recognise the state sanctioned pre-nup or enforce the local law.

But I will do research.

[-] [deleted] 8 months ago
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[-] Leylinn 0 Points 8 months ago

wow you are really masturbating. i can smell the cuckness from you to even get in that situation

[-] [deleted] 8 months ago