Hey guys, been following red pill for about a year, first time poster. Feeling after a real night of talking with a really solid good friend about a specific scenario I've personally been having a problem with.
Communication with your ex girlfriend.
A horse, been breaten beyond death, I'm sure.
Here I am, moving along with my life, going to the gym, lifting 4 days a week, eating good, taking supplements, talking with other girls, working on me, following what I feel I should be doing, no fap, cold showers, doing what the good ol sidebar says to do.
Trying to live my life without the ex. Still having our old pictures on the FB. Still talking to her "as friends", periodically fucking her... No solid commit. Different cities. Different vacation etc.
Delete all that shit. End it all. Cut it all off. You cannot turn that shit into a plate. Just eliminate. That is the only Way you can move on...
I've been in denial. I thought I could live having her as a friend, but all I was doing was feeding her comfort of always having me as a crutch.
NEVER BE HER CRUTCH
By continuing to talk with her, and being her crutch you are just that suck she has in between guys she's fucking. Don't be that guy. I was that guy trying to justify to my friend that "I have full control of my emotional decisions" just last night before I clued in.
I was that suck.
Fuck me. Im not a sad, depressed, unlaid dude. I do all right for myself, I'm mostly happy, I'm all right with girls, I'm social and pretty well liked, not bad looking.
I was holding back. Deep down inside I wasn't moving on. I had to completely let the past go. That sparkle of hope was always there to get back together with my ex. I admit that now. I'm sure we've all felt it... But you have to eliminate that feeling., those memories, that life you useto have together. Keep the lessons you've learned, but utterly destroy the future communication if you can.
Like a phoenix... Burn the old and start anew. It is the only way.
Edit: Thanks for all the reply's guys. I really appreciate your honest opinions on the whole situation. I'm working on my "Do's" and "Don't" of TRP mentality. We all have our strengths and weakness when it comes to it. Progress is truly a slow process and becoming the best version of myself does infact take time, effort, discomfort and fuck ton of will power. Getting out of those shitty BP mindsets can be a bitch. I hope this post and its comments brings things to light for some of you guys.
Edit #2: To clear up any confusion of the innitial situation... I inniciated the breakup. She wanted to continue an LTR after she graduated university. Basically she did not want to commit to moving to the city I have my career and a house in, and start her career here. She wanted the big city life (also where her fam lived) she even suggested an "Open relationship". I was done, the lack of commitment floored me. I dropped her with no bad feelings toward each other.
Summery: Dated girl for 5 years, broke up with her because of lack of her commitment to the relationship, tried to plate her but still had feelings for her, continued contact, found it hard to move on, decided to burn the bridge and ghost, havnt talked to her since, moving on.
lacaguana 6y ago
"Burn the old and start anew. It is the only way." i literally burn everything i have of them as soon as i end up a relationship, haven't regretted it so far.
Razkolol 6y ago
Pretty accurate to not go thought the garbage, but let this sink it: All the girls that at one point were into you ARE STILL INTO YOU. Even years later, even if you went full beta on them back then if you chat them up 5 years later (assuming they're not married or in long term relationships) they'll respond positively. Most of them are intrigued and will go out with you just out of pure curiosity, once they're out and see that your smv went thought the roof it's easy mode. (it does help if you're jacked and put on 20kg of muscle during those years xD) Still there's no need to "end it all", just move on, you could plate them down the road when you're emotionally stable again. I think it might be worse to "end it all" then to just chill and move on, you're just suppressing baggage, and ignoring the facts, if one day you see them again with some dude all the bad feelings will jump back up. If you move on chill w/o going all "cut/burn/destroy" on them there won't be any baggage there anymore, and there's gonna be potential for plate ;)
Rakosnik 6y ago
pretty sure my ex is not into me anymore. the bitch still hates me eventhough she dumped me out of the blue after 5 years and 6 months of planing to move together.
i'd never touch her again anyway. she does not attract me anymore. so happy I have a clear mind now without all of her bullshit/blaming games. fuck that shit.
Razkolol 6y ago
Ofc not, but if in time you get your shit together and improve the shit out of your smv how do you think she'll react. Let's take an extreme example, in the next 5 years you open a business and sell it for 100+ mil, you lift and get jacked and then you contact her again, do you think she'll be into you then? The thing with actively working on improving is that at that point you don't want anything to do with your exes. I'm just saying that if you improve the shit out of your smv you can still bang them quite easily, you prob won't want to but if you're in their city for a week and too tired to game might as well pick some low hanging fruits.
Rakosnik 6y ago
i agree with you here. it can work. though why would a jacked up me wanna bang my ex while there are many beautiful women out there?
SuaveUchiha 6y ago
Just experienced this exactly this past weekend. Met up with a chick from high school that I haven’t seen in years who wouldn’t give me the time of day when we were younger. She saw that I got facial hair, toned up, and got tats and I was nutting in her a couple hours later (she’s on the pill). Definitely always keep that door open with females because they’re like bosses in video games, you can always try again later after you level up some more.
[deleted] 6y ago
[deleted]
[deleted]
[deleted] 6y ago
Sounds like you might've improved your exterior, but the interior is still all fucked up.
[deleted]
[deleted]
jollycompanion 6y ago
Good old saying goes. 'You don't shit where you eat.' Good on you OP.
SKRedPill 6y ago
Mate, here's what. Once your ex breaks up with you and her feelings have turned against you, more often than not she's going to despise you way more than you can to her. Women can toss men aside and move on with shocking ease. Hard next is their default.
One of the reasons for holding on to ONEITIS is guilt - a feeling you messed up a relationship - that's not it at all. If you looked into her brain, all she's thinking is that she hates you and there are much better guys around. You're trash essentially. Your morality might make you hesitate to think of someone like that, but you'll see that others will do it quite easily without any second thoughts -- women hate to take any blame, so they'll kill you off in their minds - it's much easier than entertaining guilt. Women even do stuff like ignoring you to piss you off, or acting like she never knew you in the first place.
Recently I came across some messages my ex sent some of my friends and relatives before the divorce saying goodbye, and basically she just put herself totally in the right and hoped I'd suffer for it all. Good thing everyone knew the truth though. Women can hate you more unconditionally than your dog will love you.
So get over this BS.
gobman 6y ago
Wow! You cannot be more right!! My ex even went to the extent of falsely accusing me just to make herself look good and feel victimized to get sympathy from her current boyfriend.
zyqkvx 6y ago
You can learn a lot from a women. They walk down the center of a crosswalk with no regard for others, not to the side or off the crosswalk around other people. Also a good idea. They spend time on their appearance and walk around as if they were millionaires. Another good idea. Just the other day I was sitting by one in a movie and when I moved my arm off the armrest she snuck hers there. Another good idea. Live for yourselves; bitches aint shit.
reddishworm 6y ago
And when the veil of ONEitis is lifted, more often than not, you will realize that you gave so much more than you received.
Attention, validation, emotional sustenance, basically your whole self, for what? Pussy?
All the while she kept nagging at how you didn't do enough for her... Kept reminding you of that one time she was there for you (and everything she has done for you, which is what exactly?) to induce that deep feeling of guilt.
Damn, you read the sidebar and suddenly you think you're Alpha™ but the fucking rabbit hole goes so unfathomably deep...
Had to vent.
[deleted]
TopNotch_Fuckery 6y ago
Kylo Ren that shit. "Let the past die... Kill it if you have to."
[deleted] 6y ago
[deleted]
TopNotch_Fuckery 6y ago
This is the realest shit. By the end of TLJ he's just gotten out from under a manipulative, lazy boss to run his business himself, ditched his oneitis, and stopped whining about his family troubles to actually get shit done.
EPArt 6y ago
lmfao that made me laugh so hard, shit it all makes so much sense now.
[deleted]
kaane 6y ago
If someone is angry about something, anything, this tell me that he still has some expectations, and those expectations are unfulfilled.
Of course you can fuck your ex once in a while. If you don't expect her to deliver anything other than passionate sex, than what's the problem ? If you are sure that you won't cave in and turn into the "old" beta self, why worry ?
Sex is sex. She knows your body, you know how to turn her on. You guys had fun. So enjoy it if you still can.
Fuck the hamster, fuck the rulls, fuck the pill, and man, just fuck. That's all
reddishworm 6y ago
Bullshit.
feelingsBP-residue.Yeah he did that, and has moved on.
kaane 6y ago
If you have issues with BP feelings, and looking to get external validation than you will have bigger problems. Your ex or a new woman doesn't matter.
So you should ask this question to yourself, why is it important for you that she accepts, approves the "new" you. If someone is waiting for that approval, he is still clearly as blue as the sky
reddishworm 6y ago
Have you plated an ex you've been in an LTR with? How did it work out?
I did, didn't work out. For reasons mentioned above. She said she didn't recognize me anymore. Probably an LSNFTE. Who cares. Farewell babe!
zyzzguido55 5y ago
Yes. Still going good. All about maturity and having options. I had 6 new girls over last week. That's what I call options
kaane 6y ago
I tried it a few times. One was successful, it turned to a NSA situation and kept going for more than a few months.
And just like you say, if it doesnt work out, well you move on
[deleted]
strikethrough123 6y ago
Plating your ex is only fun if she wants you more than you want her. I've done it before and it turned out fine. If you truly don't give a fuck if she leaves, you can plate your ex.
Peter_B_Long 6y ago
How would you start that spark though? Do you break the silence and ask how she's doing or something?
Just for context, I was in an LTR for 5 years and we broke up 10 months ago. I dumped her because I wanted to spin plates.
She was begging for another chance, crying and smearing her make-up, and was telling me that she would wait for me if I ever wanted to get back with her.
I saw her at a party a few months ago and just said hi and gave her a friendly hug. I wanted to give the impression that I had no negative feelings towards her and be stoic. That's the only contact we've had since the breakup.
I've spun plates, I've dated, I just made out with 3 different chicks this weekend. I honestly believe that I don't have any feelings for my ex or anything like that, but the sex was pretty great. I moved to a different state so I'm 4 hours away from her so there is NO chance that I would want anything more than a plate.
What do you think would be the steps to take if I wanted to plate her? I really have no idea. My best guess is that I would wait for her to be the one to hit me up and go from there, but I gave this chick the impression when we broke up that I didn't give a fuck about her so I don't think she'd be the one to break the silence.
Realworld 6y ago
I choose GFs who are basically decent people, and we'd break up amicably due to different aims in life. (They often wanted marriage & kids and that wasn't happening with me.)
Usually didn't take long for them to realize they weren't going to find someone better and so contact me again. They would agree to plate only, no relationship.
Since many of my ex-GFs were scattered around the state, I'd use them as bed & broad when I was passing thru. It'd go on for few weeks/years before one of us wandered off.
FiftyShadesOfSwole 6y ago
The more you truly dislike her, the better the sex.
ProMathlete 6y ago
The last time I fucked my ex wife she screamed "take me" as I came in her ass. Good way to end it, no animosity and slept in the same bed until the day we moved out.
[deleted]
BIG_DADDY85 6y ago
Yeah I tried plating my ex, who I also have a kid with, and it ended up being such a pain in the ass in the long run. Long story short... don't give that bitch the satisfaction.
nochilifordinner 6y ago
Being friends with an ex is possible, but only after both are completely over the old relationship and understand there is no point in going back. This takes time and maturity from both parties. Time usually means you've already had another LTR.
idontevenlift37 6y ago
Agreed, usually requires maturity and that the relationship ended mutually. Sucks that this is most often not the case.
Shaney96 6y ago
Hah, I can relate to this.
"Yeah, I'll just have her as a plate then go out and fuck other girls" was my naive intention, not taking into consideration that she was - and still is - the only girl I've fucked.
Don't be naive enough to believe that you can just click your fingers and the emotion you have toward her will dissipate. You're human. To cut/diminish that connection you need to cut her from your life.
I did the same and fucked her now-and-again, and it wasn't until she uncovered her true, female nature that I cut her from my life, and am more the more thankful now that I made that decision.
RamblingBanana 6y ago
Holy shit this resonates with me. I was in the exact same situation, broke up with the girl I lost my virginity to and kept her around as a fuck buddy. Started to regret it a week after we broke up when she came over with two hickeys on her neck from two different men. I told myself it only made me uncomfortable because I hadnt internalized the true nature of women, and keeping her around would help me “unplug”. It worked, shoved the red pill right down my throat, but damn it was relieving to go no contact.
mallardcove Endorsed Contributor 6y ago
Yet half of AskTRP is "Should I plate my ex?" or even worse, "Should I return to my ex?" questions
idontevenlift37 6y ago
This was definitely me two exes ago. Most toxic relationships I’ve been in, caused severe emotional trauma. Couldn’t let go after we had broken up, so we tried doing exactly what the OP did. Made everything so much worse to the point that we were arguing all the time. Had no choice but to cut it off completely but only after enduring so much unnecessary pain and torture.
Fast forward to my most recent ex, who caused the breakup by being a horrible gf and refusing to communicate, I cut her off completely the moment it was over, no contact. No number, no social media following, no pictures left on phone. Nothing. Haven’t regretted cutting her off for one second since then.
This doesn’t mean you won’t still feel he pain, it just means that you won’t need to endure anymore unnecessary pain and torment by trying to keep a negative person in your life.
Cut her off, she isn’t worth it. Not even just for a booty call, unless you’re capable of seeing it as only that and nothing else.
miller211 6y ago
Lol you're making it waay to complicated , if she wants to fuck, you fuck... if stuff happens you're not comfortable with, you tell her that and leave if it doesn't change
[deleted]
simpleafk 6y ago
Cut all contact is the correct course. I could never understand why anyone would want to get back with an ex. She probably fucked another dude and moved on within the day you split up. Set your own personal boundaries and cut toxic people out of your life for good. You'll want to show her up and prove her wrong but its not worth it in the end. I had a toxic ex and I was so hung on the idea of her I lost sight of who I was. It wasn't until my brothers sat me down and forced me to realize that she will only end up as a professional grocery bagger in our small town.
jclaytonc 6y ago
I am faced with this exact situations. I have been naive thinking that I could take her to plate status. She knew me as a beta ATM for too long.
It does make sense, though, that an ex that you had strong frame with could be a plate.
milkfloraoj 6y ago
Hmmm, youve really got my consideration.
[deleted] 6y ago
I think i read something here about how you can go back to girls you've dated in rp days but not BP.
Generally tis all about your frame of mind/frame, what you plan to achieve from it and how generally you will handle it
[deleted]
ex_addict_bro 6y ago
If you followed red pill you wouldn’t talk with your past oneitis
The truth is you followed shit.